


Between Spotlights

by shinealightrose



Series: Spotlights [1]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dance, Did I mention romance?, Friendship and Brotps Galore, Long Fic with Tons of Feels, M/M, Romance, realistic romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-02
Updated: 2015-09-25
Packaged: 2018-04-18 14:42:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 132,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4709741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinealightrose/pseuds/shinealightrose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Baekhyun is a novice in a professional dance company; Kai is its legendary soloist. Or at least he was, before he suddenly disappeared. But now he's back and Kai and Baekhyun can't help but cross each other in the pathways between practice rooms and darkened stages.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Kaibaek-centric but with occasional bonus chaps (only 2) for other characters  
> Mature discussions and minimal content written and delivered with wit and grace (I try)  
> Realism, as in, not everything ends in the way characters initially would like (not angst, nor sad, but a little like real life)

1 THE LEGEND COMES HOMES

 

It's 4:06 pm. Baekhyun stares at the clock hanging over the media station in the corner of the room. He's trained not to visibly notice when class is running late. They all are. But they all dare a glance at the clock longingly, side-eyeing their teacher-director as the woman pushes all the dancers in her charge. 

"Again!" she yells. "Just because it's late doesn't mean you can let your guard down! I want it full out. Now. What if this was a performance?! You're going to give it your less than best because it's late in the day and  _you're. tired?!_  One more time with the music. Or 10 more times until you all get it right! If you're lucky!" Dr. Jung* is harsh, but she has an otherwise sweet voice. The rage is only an illusion to bring out their best, and the company dancers know that. It's why they allow the petite 29 year old woman to abuse them day after day. 

The stereo skips to the beginning, and a dozen dancers swell with the music, a blur of arms and legs in a mass Baekhyun fondly calls ordered chaos. He's well trained in ballet (what professional dancer isn't at some point in his life) but that systematic albeit beautiful form of dance has never been his love. It's in a room like this, heavy beats and thundering, sweeping almost non-rhythms that Baekhyun feels alive. Modern dance in all its raw glory. Only in moments like this can Baekhyun let go of his stress, and feeling the music, let his emotions pour out. 

Sweat clings to his body. The warmth of the room produced by hours of hard working dancers leaves a cloying odor. Someone else might find it distasteful, but to Baekhyun it's the scent of home. The dance room has always been his home.

 "Kill me now." His friend and fellow dancer Tao flops onto the floor where Baekhyun lays already in a heap. It's 4:23 pm. Earlier than yesterday at least. "No wait don’t do that yet. I need food first."

"You always need food. Where does it even go?" Tao is tall and thin as a toothpick, and still manages to pack more muscle than Baekhyun will ever have. He's muscular too, of course, but it's of a leaner, softer variety. Baekhyun likes to think he looks delicate.  It's a cloak masking a deeper kind of strength, and all be wary if they try to mess with him. His old friend Chanyeol knows that better than most. Wiry frames dare not mess with the compact strength of the professional dancer.

“Casting parts go up in two hours. If you’re that desperate for food we should go now so we can be back in time.”

“Like it will even matter,” Tao grumbles.  He rolls dramatically onto his side, one leg kicked out and his arms spewed on either side of his body. “We’ll still be in the Core,” he says to the ceiling. “That bastard Suho will probably get one solo to lord it over us. And the current principals will still be the starring leads.”  

Life of a junior apprentice - lowest of the low in a professional company.

Baekhyun wouldn’t trade it for the world though. He’d quit college only two years in when he got his acceptance letter to the West River Contemporary dance troop. Once upon a time he was that small college town’s best dancer. Now he’s sweating it out at the bottom of the barrel, back in the big city,  _but the dream is that much closer_.

 “So what? I have an invested interest in which principal gets which part.” The two peel themselves off the floor and head down the hallway while Baekhyun grins to himself. It isn’t exactly true, but Baekhyun loves seeing the two principals squabble back and forth over roles and stage time, throwing insults and the occasional punch, only to have one pass out drunk at the end of the day, while the other carries him home.

“You’re sick, Baek.”

The whole company knows of the apparent bromance between its two male principals. Luhan and Minseok had been at it for years with their deadly serious career rivalry. Yet they remain best friends.  

“The only reason Luhan doesn’t throw Minseok off a cliff and take his spotlight is because Minnie’s the only one dumb enough to carry Luhan’s drunk ass home. I tell you they’re fu—“

“I’m just saying I admire their… friendship,” says Baekhyun, his singsong tone hurriedly covering up Tao’s [possibly true] assumptions.  It is admirable though, he thinks, no matter what their relationship. But it’s something to give him pause about his own life. Will he and Tao be that way one day? Right now they are peons in the wings, but when it starts getting harder down the road, will they still be able to smile and carry on, friends forever? Audition season in the company is hell on earth. Will Baekhyun be promoted someday without Tao? Will Tao without Baekhyun?

“I need carbs. I need meat.” Tao has only one important train of thought right now. “And none of that disgusting street vender crap,” he waves his arms in the direction of the nearest street-facing window. “This part of town sucks with the street food.”

“Quit your whining. I’m  _oh so sorry_  we’re not near your precious Chinatown.”

Tao snivels in complaint and Baekhyun copies it back twice as dramatically. With one arm slung around the taller’s shoulders, Baekhyun drags Tao down the hall.  It’s cooler on this side of the building.  More offices and fewer practice rooms.  More trees shading the eaves on east side of the facility.  Baekhyun halts to get a look at the still empty bulletin board atop of the staircase heading down. He knows it’s likely they’ll still only get Core, but you never know… Miracles could happen, right? Hell, he didn’t even need a real miracle. Just a little bit of grace. It wasn’t just his imagination that Professor Jung had praised him two days in a row, was it? She’d also praised Suho, but that was almost certainly because the jerk had a way of sweet talking the ladies. Baekhyun can sweet talk them too. He just, decides not to. Something about professional ethics, see? Nodding to himself, his imagination rioting with dreams of a solo stage (even 30 seconds would be enough!) he almost misses the shadowy figure slinking up in the dim lighting of the stairwell.

Tao and Baekhyun exchange knowing looks, and as if on cue they freeze on the steps and look back, just as the young man disappears down the hallway above them.

Tao’s mouth drops open, then closes. “Was that—?”

“Kai?”

“God, I haven’t seen him in…”

“Two years?”

“Something like that, yeah.”

“He’s like a ghost come back.”

“I thought he never comes here anymore.”

“That’s what I hear. That’s what I see anyways!”

“That’s what we don’t see anyways.”

“That’s  _who_  we don’t see anyways.”

“Whatever.”

“Yeah, whatever.”

“Shut up. I’m still freakin’ hungry.”

“Then shut up and let’s go eat already.”

 The chill, fall weather wind slaps at the boys as soon as they hit the door. Tao shivers in his short sleeves but still strides powerfully out into the wind. Baekhyun however freezes, literally. His clothes are still damp from the day’s sweat and it’s only going to get worse he knows.

“Hold up a sec. I forgot my hoodie.”

“You’re a wuss, Baek. And I’m not waiting for you.”

“Then let’s meet at the deli. Order me something fir—“

“I don’t want to eat at the deli. I want Thai food.”

“I thought you wanted meat and carbs?! Whatever. Just get me something to eat and I’ll be right there.” He anticipates Tao’s next complaint, “Just order me anything, Tao! Something hot at least!”

“Spicy hot or  _hot_  hot?”

Baekhyun doesn’t bother answering. He’s already running back up the stairs, hopping an extra step at the top and sprinting back into the practice room.  In the cubby holes by the old upright and dusty piano is his gray hoodie. Relief soaks into his body instantly. He’s still kind of freezing underneath but at least his arms and neck are now covered. He’s ready to deal with the weather again. And Tao.

His trek back down the hallway is less rushed this time. The building’s mostly cleared out now except for… Kai. Baekhyun gawks as the boy sneaks into one of the usually unoccupied practice rooms. It’s a smaller room with bad lighting, but there’s still a window opening on the upper part of the door and Baekhyun can’t resist it. He waits 20 seconds, 30 seconds, and when he’s sure no one else is going to come down the hallway, he steals a peak through the window.

Kai is a legend. A master of dance, and no dancer in the whole state region (and some nationally) could grow up not knowing his name. He’d won basically every competition there was to win between the ages of 7 and 16. His juniors were in awe of him, his peers were jealous; his seniors lived in fear of their being overtaken by the boy, and soon.

Baekhyun had seen him dance only once, when he was 15 and Kai 14. They were competing for once in the same division. He wanted to dislike the boy before he’d even seen him, just because of the buzz surrounding the legendary son of an already legendary dancer mother.  ‘You won’t win against him,’ his teachers said, ‘but try your best anyway.’ Baekhyun and his friends snuck into the balcony for the boy’s group performance, just to get a feel for his competition.  He remembers thinking the group was good, but can’t remember a single other person. Kai  _was_  good. Better than good. He was mesmerizing. He was the very definition of charisma plus artistry that every dancer strived to be.  Baekhyun felt sick, thinking about competing against  _that_  in a solo category. He blames that feeling for his less than stellar performance hours later. Kai won of course. Baekhyun came in third.

Of course this is all ancient history now. Their circles never collided again in the years that followed, though Kai’s reputation did not cease to shine through. Even now, pictures of the boy or article clips denoting his wins and performances lay encased in glass notice boards across the facility. His trophies line some of the office walls. Half of the plaques in the entryway belong to him and him alone.

Kai’s presence is all over the building, all throughout the company.

When Baekhyun was seventeen and seriously deciding whether or not to go for dance as a career, he applied to dozens of dance schools, companies and colleges all over the east coast. Maybe it was Kai’s reputation that influenced him just a teensy little bit to apply at West River Contemporary. The company’s pre-professional program was already phenomenal, and their professional company just beginning to make waves in the community.

He made it onto the waiting list, and for two years attended college in hopes of finally getting in, returning to audition every season. It wasn’t like he wanted to see Kai again, to dance with him, or to compete with him. He just wanted to dance with the best, and West River had the best.

Except when he got here, there was no Kai.

Rumors abounded. ‘He’s gone pro.’ ‘He was invited to study in Europe.’ ‘He gave up dance.’ ‘He’s studying engineering in California.’ ‘He and his mom got into a fight.’ ‘He changed his name and went to Russia.’ ‘I think he said he wanted to be an astronaut.’

Baekhyun shrugged off all rumors and put the boy out of his mind, mostly. Kai was nowhere to be seen, but Baekhyun now danced for the boy’s mom’s company. Part 1 of dream stage complete, and a guy’s just got to focus on his career.

Not now though. Not this exact moment. Not when the mysterious Kai has returned and  _right this_  moment he’s inside  _this dance practice room_  which Baekhyun  _just has to see!_

He looks in.

There’s no music playing, only one overhead light, and Kai is standing in the middle of the room staring at his reflection. He’s not dancing at all. Just standing there. Baekhyun’s forehead crinkles in confusion. His body sways accidentally and his knee knocks against the door. Kai’s head looks up and through the mirror his eyes make contact with Baekhyun’s. The offender ducks and sprints down the stairs. He’s suddenly hungry for Thai food. He needs it right now.

 

* * *

 

 

2 THE NAMES IN BOLD

 

 

 

A crowd already gathers around the bulletin board when Baekhyun and Tao get back from dinner. It's 7:26 pm, growing dark outside, and the hopes and dreams of the next season's performers rest on a little slip of paper yet to appear. Baekhyun doesn't try to push past the mass of his fellow dancers. He'll let Tao do that. The taller man's head can easily see over half the people standing around. He leans back against the opposing wall instead, arms entwined around his backpack which rests, backwards, on his flat stomach. 

_Just one little solo_ , he pleads internally.  _That's all I want_.

The parts they earn today are the result of 2 months hard work and a slow evaluation process. No win or lose one-time audition cuts it anymore, not when you're already in the company. This will be Baekhyun's second season, but first winter season, performing with the crew and he already knew the choreographers had a killer stage in preparation. He may have chatted up some of the people who work one on one with the directors. Actually he makes it his business to know everything he can. There's no use dancing blindly if you don't know what they'll be looking for in the future. 

"Hiya, Baek," comes a misleadingly chipper voice.

Baekhyun groans. The last person he wants to see right now is here.  _Great._

"Suho."

He deigns to incline his head in greeting. Baekhyun will not allow himself to be outwardly impolite, but he's always made it clear from his tone that befriending the 21 year old dancer was never in his intentions. He doesn't care if Suho's older. That kid is smarmy, egotistical, a loud mouth, and for some reason decided Baekhyun was his rival when Baekhyun first arrived. He supposes that should be a compliment to his talent. Suho was a whole year older and joined the company a year in advance. It doesn't make him feel any better though. Sure Baekhyun knows more than just a streak of ambition, but fighting over roles with Suho seems unnecessary, especially in this stage of their careers. It's too exhausting anyways. He needs to be putting his energy into becoming a better and stronger dancer, not bothering to listen to Suho's jibes.

"Fun evening. Hey do you think you're name will be up there more than once? I mean, like, in bold maybe?"

Bold means a solo. Last season, other than the principals, only 4 members of the Core were granted special stages within the main body of the production. The other 30 or so members are left to blend in with the rest. They disappear off the stage first, and return only for the first round of bows and applause.

A bold-lined soloist can mean other things too: a part in an ensemble with the principals, a slightly larger picture in the bulletin, name recognition. 

"Why are you asking me? Here comes the list now."

Krystal, office secretary and pre-professional division teacher, glides down the hallway, a precious folder encased in her arms. 

"I bet you can't wait to see the list. Oh wait, there's probably no point," Suho smirks. His hand comes down in a heavy slap against Baekhyun's right shoulder and he laughs. "I'm just kidding, Baek. I'm positive you'll get a nice role.  _In the wings_." 

Baekhyun wonders how such a nice looking, fresh-faced boy, can have a heart as rancid as his. 

He makes no attempt to move nearer to the board, where Krystal is pinning the sheet in place. He closes his eyes, and the scene dissipates. He remembers the first time he ever stood on stage. Was he 6 or 7 years old? There was a black sea of faces but no stage fright; an annoying, childish song. Back then, all the little ones were made to tap dance for their first recital; a brilliant idea, putting fifteen first-graders in metal bottomed shoes.

Baekhyun thinks he kicked a little girl once in that class. She laughed at him; told him dancing was for girls. Baekhyun maybe agreed with her but he wasn’t going to admit it out loud. It’s not really kicking if he  _accidentally_  failed at a cartwheel in tap shoes, is it? His teacher made him sit in the corner for the rest of class and he wasn’t allowed to wear his shoes for another week. He should thank that teacher. It was then that Baekhyun learned how the dance floor feels when barefoot. The direct touch of skin to floor, there is nothing like it. It’s personal, sensual. His six-year old self didn’t know the word then. He’d come to learn it later, to recognize the passion he had for floor and the stage.

He hated that first recital. His feet yearned to touch that black-matted stage, to mold his toes to the floor, and how dare these strangely fitted, box-like shoes keep him from it. Being in the spotlight was nice of course. He got the loudest applause for being the cutest little boy out there, the only little boy out there. When the music ended and his class started to exit to stage left, he held up the line, ripped off his shoes and gingerly started to walk. There, there was the feel he was waiting for. The audience roared in the kind of laughter that sounds like applause, and he felt like he’d done something great.

“Baekhyun! Baek!” Tao calls him out of his revelry. “Baek, you did it! Your name’s in bold!”

“What?!”

“You heard me! Your name’s in bold. You’re one of two male soloists! Baek you’re awesome! I mean, Suho got the other part, but you’re going to be better of course. Wow man, that’s so cool!”

Baekhyun lazily shoves Tao aside and marches up to the board. A few of the other dancers congratulate him; some even seem sincere. His eyes scour the board and there, below the list of principals and above the list of Core dancers, is his name (and Suho’s) and two other girls. It’s really there. Those 30 seconds of time under the spotlight are really going to be his.

Tao bear hugs him from behind, and gently taps his fist under Baekhyun’s jaw, which is hanging open. He needs a moment of silence. He needs some time to process. He needs to text his mom and call his sister. He needs to go out and party. Maybe he can locate Minseok and Luhan on his way out and they can all hook up later this evening. Speaking of the principals, he double checks their various assignments. Minseok got the slightly better role. That means Luhan will be inconsolable, at least for today. Tao giggles, and Baekhyun knows he’s thinking the same thing.

The rest of the list isn’t anything too unique. The roles are assigned based on which choreographer they’ll be working with, and their allotted hours for the group rehearsals. A few of the dancers behind him sniff sadly, and he knows it’s because their names aren’t even on the Core. Every time there are a few cuts. Those members have the option of leaving, or staying around to shadow the rest of season’s rehearsals.

It’s not a problem Baekhyun has to worry about anymore. The results finally sink it. He’s a soloist. That means he’ll work twice as hard and love every minute of it. A smile forms slowly, then blossoms.  Tao begins to pull at his arm, and Baekhyun looks back one last time in the greatest state of happiness he’s been in all year long.

_Interesting_ , he thinks. He doesn’t know why but he almost assumed Kai’s name would be on that list there somewhere.

It isn’t. 

 

 

 

“Congratulations, Baekhyun. I know you’ll be good for these parts and I expect to see much improvement over this year. Now head on out of here. I assume there will be some celebrations planned. Don’t get too wasted. Practice starts tomorrow at 7:00 am.”

“Tomorrow? At 7:00?” Baekhyun echoes Mrs. Kim’s pronouncement. “I thought—I thought we all begin Monday morning?”

“That’s when official rehearsals start. But it’s customary for soloists to get started the day before and work with the choreographers one on one.” She smiles.  "Welcome to the bold line.” Baekhyun knows the woman isn’t evil, but right this moment he’s not so sure.

“Yes, ma’am.”

He’s standing in her office now, a third story room with inward facing windows and the lovely view of another building across the way. Down below is a tiny little courtyard, framed only by the extra space between the block-set buildings.

Kim Tae Hee is an imposing, gorgeous woman.  Her legacy in the dance world is decades long and streams across continents, from the country of her birth, South Korea, through Europe where she achieved her fame, and finally to New York where she settled down and took over this company.  She was a ballerina of the highest caliber, but thanks to the influence of her son, she grew a fondness for managing the more modern of dance arts. West River Contemporary (renamed only 8 years ago) is a product of this.

_They don’t look like each other,_  Baekhyun thinks.  _Not the eyes, not the nose. The lips though. I can see the resemblance in the lips._

“Baekhyun, have you met my son Kai?”

_What?_

“Huh?”

She’s looking behind him now.  Kai stands in the doorway. He didn’t hear the door, didn’t hear Kai come in. 

"Kai," she repeats. "I'm sure you know the name."

Baekhyun hesitates to agree, even though he knows that legendary name. Of course he knows that name, that face, that body. Why though, is the boy staring him down like he was chopped liver and the most distasteful thing imaginable?

"Yes... Uhm. Hi."  _Really, Baekhyun, that's the best you can do?_

"Hello." He really doesn't look like he wants to be here right now. The call of mother, though. She beckons and he obeys.

"Kai's just home from Texas." Mrs. Kim seems more than used to her son's apparently customary distemper. She ignores his every scowl, and Baekhyun's confusion as well. "The south must agree with you, baby. You look so handsomely tanned." The boy glares like his mother just pulled out the baby pictures. "Aren't you two around the same age? Kai you must look in on some of Baekhyun's practices. I think your styles are complementary. It'll do you both good."

It's Kai's turn to stammer. "What?! Mom--"

"Shush, Kai. Figure out some times with Baekhyun here. I need to go and find the girls now. Bye, sweetie." She pecks him on the cheek embarrassingly and slides gracefully out the door. Baekhyun's not sure what happens next. Did she just suggest (nay, demand) they practice together? Kai and Baekhyun? He thinks back to the casting list that so obviously does not include Kai's name on it, anywhere. It hasn't been there for two years. Was Kai dancing with another company all this time, perhaps in Texas? If so, why is he back here and why isn't he dancing now? 

There's a moment of silence as the two dancers stand awkwardly surveying the other. Kai is the first to break it, somehow stealing back some confidence into his person. 

"Baekhyun... Byun Baekhyun, am I right?"

"Uh, yeah. You know who I am?"

"Sure." Kai's responses are casual, impartial. "I've seen you dance a couple times. Yesterday I did for a little while. You've gotten better since the last time I saw you."

"You've seen me before?" 

"Been a few years. Four years, five years maybe?" He sits down slouching a little in his mom's vacated rolling chair, a little grin appearing on his face. "That competition upstate. Yeah, I was warned I might have some competition then from you. But then, you... croaked. Pressure get to you, or something?"

Baekhyun doesn't know how to respond. His mouth falls open a little, and his stomach churns. When was the last time he ate? Oh yeah, about an hour ago and that Thai food isn't settling properly. Something isn't settling properly. Here he is, meeting one of his biggest role models (this is the first time he even admits such a thing), and the guy actually knows who he is,  _remembers_ who he is. Except,  _what is this?_  He decides to call bullshit.

"Right. Like anyone ever told you you could be beaten." 

To Kai it's like a stab in the heart. His breath hitches and his eyes search out Baekhyun's, accusingly. Something in Baekhyun crumples.  _Okay, maybe that was too harsh?_  He didn't expect a reaction like that. Maybe it's not just him who lets the pressure get to himself.

Kai's breath falls back to normal, and the passive face returns, plastering on that fake little grin which Baekhyun now recognizes as a brash expression of condescension.

"Look, mom wanted me to watch you dance. 7:00 am work with you? I hear that's when the soloists get started." He postively spits out the last sentence, his voice teasing out the sylables of the word  _soloist_. 

"Sure, if you can get up that early." Baekhyun can be nasty back. He doesn't know why Kai brings out this side of him.  _I didn't croak back then!_ Maybe he did though? The [possible] reason is sitting in front of him now, however much he wants to deny it. How is Baekhyun supposed to remain calm in a situation like this? 

Kai looks to be contemplating whether or not to continue their little row. Decency takes over. "7:00 am?" He sighs. "Guess I'll need an extra coffee... See you in the practice room, then." He stands up and kindly motions for Baekhyun to exit the room first.

"O-okay. See you." 

Baekhyun hesitates no longer and steps into the hallway, hoisting his backpack over one shoulder. He notices that Kai doesn't follow him yet. Turning around, his curiosity gets the better of him. "What have you been doing in--?"

But the look on Kai's face drains away the last words he means to ask. -- _i_ _n Texas? Were you dancing all this time? Why hasn't anyone seen you? Heard from you? Why are you here but still not dancing? Why are you waking up so early in the morning to come and watch me dance? How come... you know me?_

"Goodnight," is all he says instead.

"Night." Kai closes the door behind him as Baekhyun walks off, his head shaking a bit wondering still about whatever just happened. He forgets though when he sees the party waiting at the bottom of the stairs. Tao and Minseok and Luhan and a gang of others beckon for their celebratory dinner and fun night out. Baekhyun hasn't even texted his mom or sister yet. Oh well. He's a soloist now, and from the looks of it the boys managed to exclude Suho from the planned events.

_Most excellent!_

Except he hasn't exactly forgotten the boy shut away in the office upstairs. Not quite.

 

* * *

 

 

3 PHONE CALLS AND STARVING CHILDREN

 

 

Kai leaves the building long after everyone’s gone. The sky’s gone black and after turning the first corner at the end of the block, only a few street lamps light up the road and the sidewalk home. His tiny hole of an apartment is only 5 blocks away from the studio. It’s an easy walk, even in the dark. Kai likes the darkness more these days. It’s better than the bright lights he grew up under, those blinding spotlights he no longer misses.

_Who is he kidding?_  Of course he misses the spotlights.

Kai thrived on the stage, the heat from the mega wat lamps, the roar from the rafters above. They fueled his smile and put fire in his bones. He feels butterfly rush of his stomach muscles just remembering how it feels to stand in front of an audience of hundreds. Someday he would make that an audience of thousands. So he once thought.

Kai fiddles with his keys at the doorway to his mercifully first floor room. No menacing stairs to climb. Unfortunately though the windows face the street and with the curtains open there is no privacy if any passers-by care to look in. The keys slip out of his fingers and clatter onto the ground. The light’s on inside, but he can’t see his roommate anywhere. Unless the boy’s in the bathroom or playing hide-and-seek under the window sill, it doesn’t look like he’s home. That means he's in luck.

He shoves the door open with a twist of the right key and a hard kick of the foot. Timing is important here. The door bangs open with a sound more audible than if you’d just slammed it closed. Kai misses the spacious single-person apartment he had back in Texas. This lousy excuse for a room rents out at twice the price, and that’s not including the other half of Kyungsoo’s contribution.

A small pile of mail lies on a table beside the door. Most of the junk mail distributors haven’t caught up on his address change yet. That’ll change soon, he knows. With a groan he lunges onto his bed in the corner, the sheets unmade from the night before, and lets his shoe-clad feet hang over the edge. Half a minute later the shoes go flying, and he inches the socks off one at a time with his toes.

_Now he can relax._

There’s a blessed silence, strangely unmarred by street noises or the thumping of his upstairs neighbors’ feet. But it doesn’t last for long. Kai’s cell may have been silenced, but the buzzing noise of an incoming call echoes twice as loudly in the stillness of the room.

“Hey.”

Kai doesn’t feel like talking right now, but he kind of owes Sehun for not personally telling his former best friend about his return to the city.

“I heard you were back.”

“Yeah.”

“How long now?”

Kai hums, as if in deep thought. He lays back on his head pillow, phone hand up to his ear with his right elbow splayed out flat on the pillow. “Two weeks?”

There’s a brief silence, followed by a single curse word on the other end of the line. “Well then, welcome home. Thanks for telling me.”

“No problem, buddy.”

Sehun curses again, then with a frustrated sigh continues as if nothing is changed. “You and me, some of the old gang… how about drinks next Friday?”

“That’s a week away.”

“Okay, then let’s meet up Monday for lunch. But still drinks next Friday.”

“I shouldn’t right now.”

“Huh? Ohh. Oh, right. Well, we’ll figure out something then.”

“Yeah…”

Kai raises his legs up until his toes block the light from the harsh overhead lamp. With his toes spread wide, the plain old ceiling fixture transforms into rays of light. _Like the sun,_  he thinks,  _but not as bright. Not as powerful as a spotlight either._

“Hey, Kai?”

“Hmm.”

“How’re you doing?”

“I’m fine, Sehun.” He drops his legs down with a bounce. 

“Sure you are. How’s your mom? I haven’t been over there in a couple weeks.”

“She says hi, what do you think? You probably know more about what she’s been up to than I do. Why bother asking me?”

“Because you’re such a model for mother-son relationships,” Sehun scoffs. “She’s been lonely, you know.”

“Like I can fix that now. Anyways, she had you. You’ve always been like a second son.”

“And you’ve always been a stuck-up pain in the ass.”

“And proud of it.”

“You’re so full of crap.”

The two share a small chuckle. Kai knows that Sehun’s been missing him, and the truth is Kai missed Sehun too. They were best friends since middle school, dance pals and partners in mayhem. There isn’t a single thing Sehun doesn’t know about Kai, but it bothers Kai now that there seems to be more and more things that Kai doesn’t know back. Not because Sehun never told him, but because Kai never asked.  He’s cut himself off from too many things these last few years. His best friend is one of them.

“You know you can fix that now,” Sehun continues quietly. It’s almost as if they aren’t still speaking on the phone. Kai swears Sehun is sitting in the room with him now, just like old times.

“Fix what?”

“You and your mom. Us. Your life back here?”

Kai’s tongue won’t form a response. The world seems to be choking him, and all the stress and pain he’s allowed to bury deep inside himself threatens to come loose, like vomit making its escape.

His eyes burn a little. “Yeah, I’ll try.”

“Good.”

Another pause. “Hey do you know a Byun Baekhyun?” Kai asks.

“Yeah. He just got promoted to soloist, right?”

“You  _do_  hear news fast.”

“Boa may or may not have mentioned it when she may or may not have called to tell me she saw you slinking around the studio earlier.”

“Geez, I’m can’t even cough around here and the whole world’s reporting it.”

“As I told you, welcome home. What about this Baekhyun though?”

“I’m supposed to observe him practicing tomorrow. Mom’s orders.” The last words come out bitterly.

“He’s good.”

“And?”

“Not as good as you were.”

“Not as good as I  _was_ , Sehun?” Kai’s tone glitters, but it’s still evident he’s a little taken aback by that remark.

“Not as good as you could be right now if you tried, Kai. Why is she making you shadow Baekhyun though?”

“She says our styles are ‘complementary’.”

“I guess that could be true. He’s got a load of potential. Makes me a little bit jealous, personally. Just be careful though. I think he’s got a foot fetish.”

Kai snorts loudly into the receiver.

“I’ll count myself warned. Hey I should hang up. If I don’t fall asleep soon I’ll probably get woken up when Kyungsoo gets in. Kid’s so irritating, honestly.”

“You’re rooming with Kyungsoo?”

“Yeah. Why? Does he have a foot fetish too?”

Sehun laughs. “I’m just saying…”

“You’re not saying jack, Sehun. Yeah I know he’s weird, but at least he’s not a complete stranger. He’s tidy too.”

“Like you actually care about tidiness.”

“Hey, I do! Especially when it’s other peoples’ crap.”

“ _Only_  when it’s other peoples’ crap. You don’t do a single thing to keep your own stuff organized. Whatever. Goodnight. Food on Monday. Text me a place.”

“Gotcha. ‘Night.”

It's barely 10:00 pm and Kai swears it's 4 in the morning by the way his body refuses to budge from the bed. He should put on some different clothes, brush his teeth, or drink some water to temper his aching muscles. He knew he lost some of that muscle tone from being out of practice, but he didn't consider how inflexible he'd become. He's going to pay for this tomorrow morning when he wakes up. His body's going to cringe and groan like an old man's and there's nothing he can do to prevent it for now. Except sleep. He pulls himself out of the bed just far enough to hit the light switch, then lays down pulling the comforter completely over his head.

 

 

 

It’s 10 o’clock in another part of town, and the night is still young.  Baekhyun doesn’t know how it’s possible but they’ve managed to squeeze at least a dozen people into a tiny little  _noraebang_  and the theme of the night is Kpop. It’s hardly Baekhyun’s favorite kind of music. ‘Just because half of us are of Korean origin doesn’t mean we all like Kpop!’ he ranted to Tao when they first got there. Luhan’s not Korean though, and he loves the stuff. And since Luhan’s the most depressed, they let him pick the evening's entertainment. Actually, even when he’s not depressed he ends up picking the place. The last time it was a sports club and they got thrown out when Luhan insisted on picking a soccer-inspired fight with a man who only liked American football.  Luhan was so drunk Baekhyun’s pretty sure he never realized he was comparing apples to oranges.

Speaking of the drunk, Luhan’s not doing so well tonight either.

“Hey, Baek!! Baek! Come over here for a sec!”

Baekhyun’s already sitting right next to his caller, their knees touching in the small space of the leather couch. He groans, but truly he’s enjoying the night,  _the group’s choice in music aside_.

“What!” he yells extra loud, just to see Luhan’s reaction.

“Yeeeesh, not so loud Baek!” Luhan covers his ears protectively. “Hey, come here.” He motions like he wants to whisper something, for Baekhyun’s ears only. “See that boy over there.” Baekhyun looks. Minseok’s sitting on the other side of the room, clapping his hands and cheering for the trio of dancers currently singing in the most embarrassing of ways. His hair looks matted on one side, standing up in tufts on the other, a testament to the two rivals’ earlier scuffle. “I want you to trip him up tomorrow. Then they’ll give me his role, and the balance of the world will be set right, and there’ll be no more starving people in China. Because I, Luhan, will feed them all. With my salary increase.”

“I’ll try my best! For, you know, the starving children.”

“I knew I could count on you, Baekkie!”

“Anytime.”

Baekhyun takes a swig from the nearest soju bottle and grimaces. He’ll never like the taste. He’s also a bit of a lightweight, but so far no one in the group besides Tao has figured that out. Baekhyun does a good job disguising this fact by alternating water and soju, and thank God they both have the same clear color. He doesn’t want to think about the last time he ended up totally wasted. There most definitely won’t be a repeat of that incident, because Tao doesn’t need any more pictures for blackmail material.

The music changes and a chorus of cheers erupt from the other side of the room, and from Luhan. It’s Girls’ Generation “Hoot” and Baekhyun knows what’ll happen next. He settles in for the show as his seatmate hops into action, demanding a mic. Several of the dancers shuffle around as one of their female principals also springs to life. Min sways on her feet, the effects of alcohol having already taken a toll on her sense of gravity, but there’s no holding her back.

Baekhyun relaxes back, his hands clasped behind his head and waits as the intro passes and the performers proceed to embarrass themselves, to the rest of the crowd’s immense enjoyment. There’s nothing in the world quite like drunk singer Luhan with his backup dancer Min. The two are boisterous on a normal day, but put them together for karaoke and the effects of their merriment could probably energize a small town for weeks.

“Hey Luhan, why are you a dancer again?” somebody yells out.

“Should’ve been a singer! I heard SM was holding trial auditions for their upcoming girl group!”

Luhan scoffs but doesn’t miss a beat.

Minseok's laughing outrageously from his seat, but mostly because of the ‘arrow shots’ Min’s shooting him with her aggressive dance cover.

“ _Non yokshi trouble trouble trouble…”_ sings Luhan, blissfully unaware.

Baekhyun and Tao are just waiting for him to notice, wide grins set on their faces, and Tao pulls out his phone, recording setting ready. Min does this every time to upset the overly touchy Chinese dancer.

“- _ttaereul noryosseo noneun shoo shoo shoo naneun hoo hoo_ —YA! MIN WHAT ARE YOU--? QUIT THAT!”

The music plays on without its singer, and Min collapses to floor in a riot of tears and laughter while Luhan fake pummels her on the head.

"What do you think you are now, 2-Min??" Luhan screeches. 

Minseok protests, one hand shaking before Luhan, the other holding his own chest as loud sobs wrack through his body. 

"What a night," Baekhyun sighs. It's not even half past 10 but he wonders if he can slip out now, before it gets that much later. Call him an overachiever or something, but he's looking forward to tomorrow's early morning practice. Or dreading it, he can't decide which. The only thing he's certain about is how he wants to be at his best. Because, he's a soloist now. There's surely no other reason...

"Tao, I'm out of here. Tell the guys I'll see 'em around later."

"Sure. You're rehearsing tomorrow?, right?"

"That's the plan. Oh, and try not to wake me up when you get home this time."

Tao chuckles. "Right! I'll do my best." 

"Why do I not believe you?"

"Can I apologize in advance?"

"Long as you don't expect me to accept it."

Tao makes a cute face but it doesn't work on Baekhyun. He scowls and turns around to sneak out the door. Okay so maybe it does work, but Tao doesn't need to know that. He'll forgive him later, depending on his mood, though he seriously hopes for a good, solid night's rest. Tomorrow feels like it will a long day.

 

 

* * *

 

 

4 DANCE TUTOR

 

 

The practice rooms are cold and bare at 6:50 in the morning. This is Baekhyun's favorite time to dance, when the building hangs in shadow, and the floors are freshly swept, and a thin layer of dust lays over the floor but it's as yet uncontaminated by the sweat and grime of other dancers' feet. His are the first to touch this floor today. It's like a reset point in his day by day existence. The world is a blank, and he'll start to shape it now. 

Having texted one of the choreographers last night, Baekhyun knows he has two hours before the actual practice begins, but the dancers are all expected to be warmed and ready to go by then. This is his warm up hour. Somehow Baekhyun doubts Kai will really show up so early. He chooses a medium sized room in the corner of the second floor farthest from the stairs and plops down to stretch. His muscles pull at the strain from only a single night's rest as he works them into shape. 

Tao did indeed wake him up, in the early hours of the morning. After a couple feeble yells though, he managed to roll over and pass out. Luckily for Tao it didn’t mess up Baekhyun’s sleeping pattern too much. 

The sounds of others trampling down the hall don't disturb Baekhyun, as he works the stiffness now from his back and shoulders. None of the other dancers make it so far down the hall, their paths directed to other rooms where he knows they'll warm up either individually or in two's and three's. He could join some of them, if he wanted to. As one of the youngest soloists, Baekhyun hasn't established a routine with the other dancers in this particular crowd. Most would probably be welcome for the extra company, but Baekhyun decides to test his social skills another day. Still music-less, he  stands at the barre by the window and works out his feet and calves, his arms braced on the barre while he arches and curves his back. The view isn't too great from this room either, but since it's on the edge of the building at least it has a window.  That's why he picked it in the first place, to get a feel of the morning sun pouring life into his body.

It's half past 7 when Baekhyun checks the clock, and still there’s no Kai.

_Figures,_ he thinks, without bitterness.

A few more minutes pass and he's just about to vacate the room and find some of the other members when the door squeaks open slowly. Kai steps in unhurriedly, wearing comfortable workout clothes, a small bag over his shoulder and juggling two coffees.  "Morning." 

"Uh, yeah. Morning."

"How long have you been here? I brought you coffee."

"Since 7. Why did you bring me coffee?"

"I told you I would bring an extra coffee."

_Oh?_

"I thought you were the one needing an extra coffee."

Kai shrugs and passes one over into Baekhun's confused hands. "What kind is it?"

"There's a particular kind? It's just coffee. Black. Maybe it has some cream or sugar in it, I don't know."

Baekhyun refrains from asking how Kai doesn't even know what he bought. 

"Uhh, thank you." He takes a little sip, checking for temperature and learns that it's right at a good drinkable state, no longer scalding but not yet lukewarm. He doesn't really drink coffee, doesn't crave it, and truthfully if it was anyone else he'd probably refuse it. But this is Kai, and while it's not exactly a heart-thumping gift, this coffee feels like a truce offering for whatever  _not-quite-a-spat_  they had yesterday in Mrs. Kim's office. 

They drink their coffee in silence for a few moments until Kai guzzles the rest of his, visibly unsettled by some thought of which Baekhyun’s too afraid to inquire. Before he can get a better reading, Kai wipes the expression clean from his face and looks at Baekhyun.

“Shall we get started? Are you warm?”

“Yeah, but you aren’t… are you?”

“I uh- did some stuff earlier this morning. Woke up really early.”

“I see. So, what are we working on?”

“How about some of the stuff from the summer repertoire? Whatever piece the group was working on yesterday.  You’ve got the music for it, right?”

“By the CD player.”

Kai paces over to the corner desk, chucks his empty coffee cup into the trash bin underneath and begins filtering through the stack of CD’s on top.

“Do you know the choreography?” Baekhyun is starting to wonder about the exact nature and purpose of this ‘practice’ session.

“Nope. Thought I’d start by just watching you dance.”

“Why?” Baekhyun doesn’t mean to sound so startled. The word just comes out that way, harsh and unbridled.

“Why what?” Kai finds the correct CD and waits for the machine to load it.

“Why am I the only one  _practicing?”_

“Because you’re the one who just became a soloist," he says without turning around. "You can think of this as a sort of  _tutoring_  session.” Kai’s having fun now. The music begins to play, a slow hum of sounds, faint but promising.

Baekhyun doesn’t budge in the center of the room. “I don’t need a tutor,” he says a little louder.

“No dancer doesn’t need a tutor.” Kai turns around and leans backwards on the desk, his arms folded together. 

“Then what about you?”

“This isn’t about me. I was asked to watch you practice this morning. I want to see you dance.”

Baekhyun doesn’t miss the lack of connecting words: ‘ _asked_ to watch you’, ‘ _want_  to see you.’ Some part of Kai  _wants_  to be here. He misses the cue to start dancing though, and Kai wordlessly stops the music and sets it to play from the beginning. This time Baekhyun shuts out his growing anxiety and faces the mirror. 

_You’re a pro now, Baekhyun. Show him that you can do this._

 

Kai witnesses a transformation before his eyes, as the petite dancer begins to move with the music, shrugging off the bristling attitude he had before. Kai fetches a single wooden stool from beside the desk and plops himself down so that his back reclines against the wall, hands in his lap, and his legs splay out widely, his feet drawn to action as they roll with the music. If this was a symphony he could close his eyes and fall passionately and entirely into the chords of a fifty piece orchestra, but this is Baekhyun dancing, so he shuts off every other sense but his eyes and ears and feasts upon the scene.

“ _He’s good,”_ Sehun had said.

Kai knew Baekhyun was good too, but remembering those words from last night he thinks Sehun purposefully understated the talent of the company’s newest protégé. It’s almost like a hook, meant to draw him in, with his mother and Sehun as the fishermen, a sea-tossed Kai, and the boy now dancing as the lure.

Baekhyun reminds Kai of himself. How he moves, how he feels, how his body never stills even in a resting pose. Baekhyun has all of Kai’s flexibility and prowess, his presence and at least half of his power.

_Oh the things this boy could do—_

The music ends, and Baekhyun stops too, an inquiring expression blooming across his features and Kai realizes that several moments passed and he hasn’t yet made a sound. The song tries to replay, and Kai quickly sits up and snaps the power off.

“Well?  _Teacher?”_ Baekhyun asks.

The attitude is back, but Kai finds that he doesn’t care.  Kai is all business now. “I can see why you were chosen for this role.”

Baekhyun waits for it. “But..?”

“No buts, though you really need to work on your timing, or rather the fluidity of your movements with the time. Your rythmn was a little too rigid during the bridge when you should be going for a more sweeping effect.”

“I thought you said there were no buts?” Baekhyun doesn’t really mind. He’s already trying that part, working up to the sweeping effect.

“I didn’t say it was bad- drop your shoulder there… there!”

Baekhyun demonstrates it again.

“Right. Watch this step here. You’re hopping into it too much. Uh huh-like that.”

 

Kai talks while Baekhyun dances, teacher and pupil, and Baekhyun forgets that he’s the older one and Kai his junior. Truthfully, Baekhyun never thought of Kai as a little boy, or anyone remotely younger than himself. The legend was too strong, and while there are dancers out there with a firm dislike of their juniors stealing the spotlight (Suho comes to mind), to Baekhyun Kai was mature beyond years, and artistic beyond measure.

Standing side by side with his now mentor, Baekhyun is pretty sure nothing has changed to make him think differently of the dancer.  Kai coaches him from the side, never coming too near him. He knows just what to say and what advice to give, and Baekhyun feels his dance changing and molding at the slightest adjustment. It’s 8:37 when another dancer pokes her head in to see what they’re up to, and Baekhyun realizes he’s learned more in the last hour than he has in six months.  

He drops to the floor, his body spent, and casually angles his head in Kai's direction to see what the man is up to. The girl at the door giggles and Kai greets her, there being some recognition of each other on both ends. Small talk, as Kai verifies that yes, he is indeed back and it's good to see her again. Baekhyun thinks he sounds tired. It can't be because Kai's physically exhausted though, because it was Baekhyun doing the all of the hard work this morning. 

_He's probably tired of explaining his presence here,_  Baekhyun muses. If the people here are anything like Baekhyun, they're likely just as confused by Kai's return as he is. There never was a consensus on where Kai went two years ago, or why. Even the most well informed teachers and his former friends and acquaintances were tight-lipped about it all this time, if they knew anything in the first place.

Kai bids the girl a polite 'later', shuts the door, and stalks back to the middle of the floor, hovering a few feet from where Baekhyun still lays. He pulls himself up so that his hands support his lower back, waiting expectantly for Kai to say something.

“Good practice,” Kai says.

“Yep. Thanks— even if I don't know why you're bothering.”

“Like I said, my mom—“

“Yeah I heard what you said.”

Kai doesn’t respond.

“I just don’t get why. Not to sound like a prick or anything, because I’m semi new here, but it seems highly unusual that someone like you would be sent to ‘monitor’ my dancing abilities. I mean, for one, you’re not a teacher, a director or a choreographer; though I guess if you’re Mrs. Kim’s son you’re granted some sort of opinion of me to share. But still, why me? Unless-unless you  _are_  a new teacher/choreographer! Are you?”

Kai’s lacks of acknowledgement suggests he isn’t, so Baekhyun continues his monologue.

“Well then. Two, we’re not exactly friends. We barely know each other. I’ve seen you dance in person only once, and you’ve seen me what…  _before today_ … two times?

“Maybe,” he finally replies.

“Maybe what?”

“Maybe three times?”

“You’ve seen me dance three times? When? Where?”

“I don’t know. Competitions or some place.”

“I could’ve sworn we only did the same competition once. Where else did you see me dance? Was it at some other convention? You must’ve taken a lot of master classes to get to where you are now. I mean, you’re a good teacher.” He snaps his fingers like some kind of logic puzzle just made sense. “Ahh, your mom probably knows this. Is this why she sent you here today?”

“It’s possible.”

“Is she grooming you to teach?”

Kai scowls. “I don’t kn-- Does it matter? Why are you so chatty all of a sudden?”

“I just want to know.”

“Well I  _don’t_  know.” Kai’s voice grows a little louder, and Baekhyun gulps at the sound of his frustration. “Look I just moved back two weeks ago. I’ve still got half my crap in boxes, and some of it hasn’t even arrived yet. I was told to come watch you practice, and I did that. Now everyone in this friggin’ company wants to know what I’m doing here and after helping you perfect your technique for an hour I get a full on interrogation from you!”

Baekhyun feels bad. Really bad. “Uhh-gh” he stutters.

“What now!”

The very near-livid look on Kai’s face has Baekhyun wishing the floor would swallow him whole. He wishes he’d kept his big mouth shut. He can’t even tear his eyes away, and the range of emotions on Kai’s face seem to be mirroring his own sense of desperation over an encounter gone wrong.

“Th-thank you.”

Something in Kai softens. “Huh?”

“Thank you for the coffee, too,” says Baekhyun rapidly, but sincerely.

Kai’s shoulders relax. He didn’t even realize how tense he’d become over the last few minutes.  “You already thanked me, earlier.”

“I-I did?”

“Yeah.” The fight’s gone out of both of them. “You should probably get a move on. Your rehearsal starts soon, doesn’t it?”

“Oh yeah. Are—are you going to come to it?”

“Probably not. I-I’ve been out of practice for a while.”

“Oh. Well… why don’t you get yourself a tutor then?”

Kai smirks. “I’m willing if you are.”

“Seriously?”

“No.”

Baekhyun laughs, and they grin at each other, one crisis passed.

“I’ll see you around then?” Baekhyun asks, with what he knows is his most friendly and precious smile.

Kai sighs. “Count on it.”

It feels just the same as it did yesterday, with Baekhyun grabbing his things and exiting the room, Kai staying put. It’s only as Baekhyun joins the other dancers in one of the larger practice rooms that he realizes something. He was more than warmed up with all the exercise and motions Kai had put him through. He danced harder in that hour than in any group practice, motivated by the drive of Kai’s voice edging him on. But in all that time, he didn’t actually see Kai dance. Not even a single step.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

5 EARLY MORNING BREAKFAST

 

 

The week inches by and Baekhyun’s too tired and busy to do more than briefly notice Kai’s absence around the studio. Rehearsals start on Monday from early morning until late afternoon, and thanks to his self-inflicted work ethic, Baekhyun usually reappears after his evening meal to clock in more hours of individual practice. Sometimes Tao stays behind to keep him company, but mostly it's to convince the more motivated dancer to take breaks every half hour, to remind Baekhyun to drink more water, and to encourage him to leave at some point before the crack of dawn. Tao exaggerates of course, but his failed success rate speaks volumes for the growing number of nights when he drags an exhausted Baekhyun out of the studio at 9:58 pm, 10:14 pm, and once until almost 11:00 pm.

Friday mornings the dancers have off and most are typically forbidden from even entering the building until after lunchtime. It's for this reason that Baekhyun finds himself up at 9 being dragged by a bustlingly energetic Tao to meet several of the members for breakfast. The diner is just a few blocks from the studio, a haunt more so of the local college students than of the dancers, but once a month a group of them gather to eat, if just to see each other in a less competitive and exhausting environment.

"Do you know who's coming?" Baekhyun asks, zipping up his hoodie and tying the drawstring tight around his neck. The morning is chilly, and given the chance on this rare morning off, he'd rather be sleeping in.

"Well you never know. Luhan and Minseok definitely, some of the girls... Hopefully not Suho, but you know he'll probably hear about it from someone and show up."

Baekhyun tries not to make a face.

"Oh, and I told Kris, so, he might meet us there too."

"You told Kris? That stalker? Why?"

"I don't know. He was texting me yesterday about how he didn't have anything to do this week, and I kind of felt bad. So I told him some friends were meeting for breakfast and... that he could come."

"I thought you were trying to get rid of that creeper."

"He's not a creep-- he's not a creeper,  _or_  a stalker, Baek." 

"Then why does he follow you around all the time and text you non-stop?"

Baekhyun may be blowing the situation a little out of proportion, but in his mind Tao does have a little problem dealing with the [mostly] unwanted attention of the neighborhood loner. It was Baekhyun's fault that Kris Wu met Tao in the first place. The neighborhood is a small place when you and another person happen to share to same midnight grocery patterns, and after a few random meet-ups in the bread aisle and one ill-advised invitation for the gangly grad student to hang out with him and his friend, Kris latched onto Tao the moment they shook hands. He's been bugging them ever since.

"I don't know," Tao shrugs. He really doesn't. Kris is awkward as heck, can't keep a conversation going without jumping off topic at least a dozen times and Tao's not sure if Kris  _likes_  likes him or if he's just so lonely and Tao's smile so dazzling friendly he can't help but follow the light. "He's not a bad guy though. You should give him a chance."

Baekhyun grunts. "Are  _you_  going to give him a chance, then?" 

"What're you inferring??" Tao looks scandalized, and then sulky. "It's not like I like the guy. He's just like a puppy dog. Cute, you know. But after a while you kind of wish they belonged to someone else... Hey, he bought me that hat I wanted once. So see he's not all bad." 

"You have a dozen hats, Tao. What's one less going to do to change your life?"

"It was designer, and I didn't want to spend the money on it. I mean, I would have but Kris was already there so..."

"Right." Baekhyun can only imagine it. Tao acts tough but he's a whiner when there's something he wants. Baekhyun thinks maybe he's gotten to the bottom of why Tao hasn't told Kris to take a hike yet.  "You're a hat whore, Tao."

"Oh shut it."

They're the first from their party to arrive at the diner and they quickly snag the largest booth in the back corner, unsure of how many might show up. The place is half full already with other early breakfasters, not college students since that crowd tends to snooze in late, but a few of the older locals and some solo diners who probably work at the surrounding schools judging by their attire. Baekhyun feels out of place, and when one of the assumed-professors passes a gaze over at the two he feels a twinge of guilt for dropping out of college like he did. His mind churns in fabricated anxiety.  _Maybe that professor knows??_ He'd been a sociology major at his local junior college even though he didn't particularly like the field. It's why he gave it up in the span of a heartbeat. The lifespan and career of a dancer was short, of that he was well aware, and it definitely influenced his ultimate decision to leave, parents' concerns be damned. College would always be there, but his health and physique may well not be. If only that knowledge could assuage all of his doubts, all of the time. He rifles through the menu, head buried behind it to avoid anyone else's possibly probing eyes. Tao misses Baekhyun's entire inner monologue, so concerned is he with picking out his long-awaited super massive breakfast.

Minseok is the first to arrive, yawning sleepily as he piles in next to Baekhyun, and a few moments later a few of the younger girls on the company, Tanya and Elizabeth, join the group and sneak in next to Tao. Their giggles and early morning greetings are cut short, however, by the arrival of a super thin giant with shaggy black hair*, and at his souring look of confusion, Tao quickly pleads with the girls to scoot over so Kris can sit in between. 

"Hi," he says gruffly to the girls, skipping over any apologies he might owe for their having to move. Tao lazily facilitates the introductions, and Baekhyun rolls his eyes behind his menu. He turns his attention instead to his drowsy companion on the right.

"Hey, Minnie."

Minseok pulls up one of his half-closed eyelids to glare, but refuses to wake up enough to refute the nickname.

"Hey, yourself." He stifles another yawn, covering his mouth with one hand and the menu slips out of his other hand.  "Great..." A few bumps of the knees and head later, Minseok reemerges from under the table, triumphantly raising his menu high. "Today's going to be absolutely wonderful!" His face though betrays his thoroughly grumpy mood.

Baekhyun grins. "Aren't you usually a little more coordinated in the mornings? What's gotten you in this state? Stay up too late?"

"Yeah. Video games. That sort of thing."

"I see... Skyrim?" He laughs.

"Very funny. Nope. I just got Titanfall a few weeks ago, and I suck at it. So I stayed up all night. Guess what? I still suck at it."

Baekhyun gives what he hopes is a comforting pat to Minseok's wrist. "So where's Luhan this morning?"

Minseok shrugs. 

"Don't you guys room together?"

"No," he says, like there's nothing amiss.

It's a little too early to be blowing holes in Baekhyun's  ~~ship~~  worldview, but he lets it go as the waitress comes to take their orders. She's just written down the last request for hash browns and orange juice and walked off when a few more of their company meander in, closely followed by Suho, fashionably late with a beanie over his head and smug look like he owns the world.

"Morning. Good morning. Well guys, I'm here now, so let's eat." 

Minseok doesn't even hesitate. "Welcome. Good for you. You can track down the waitress 'cause she's already taken our orders."

"What? Wow. Thanks for waiting," he scoffs in reply, arm in the air as he shouts across the diner. 

"Suho, what's-- that?" Tao points across the booth to a strand of light hair escaping from the side of Suho's beanie. 

"Oh this?" Suho grins widely and removes the hat. A shock of platinum blonde hair emerges. The rest of the table deadpans as Suho tosses his mussed but obviously styled, and definitely bleach-dyed, head. "Just decided it was time for an image change," he says proudly. 

_It will also stand out brighter than anyone else's on stage too_ , Baekhyun thinks to himself.  _Show off_.

The rest seem to be thinking the same thing.  Tao curls his upper lip in disgust while the others continue to stare, mouths open and silent. Even the girls seem to have taken a shock.  Kris looks on blankly, a little confused and opinion-less at this odd introduction to the now blonde dancer. 

"Maybe I should dye mine pink?" Minseok suggests cutely.

The silence comes to an end as the table erupts in a chorus of "nooos", laughter, and a few excited shouts of assent (Baekhyun's among them). It's with a heavy sigh of disgruntlement that Suho shoves his beanie back on, fishes a pair of sunglasses out of a pocket on the outside of his bag and cooly reclines in the booth, his eyes well protected from the single ray of sunlight filtering through the window way up at the front of the diner. 

The conversation of the group turns to other points of gossip in the company, Kris as clueless as ever and visibly attached to Tao's side until their food comes and the table rescinds into silence. Through muffled grunts and a few half-hearted attempts at conversation, minutes go by until Baekhyun suddenly receives an elbow to his increasingly full gut. Tao, mouth full and chewing furiously, jerks his head at a pair of boys taking a seat across from each other at a small table by the door. Baekhyun recognizes Kai and almost chokes on his food. It's been nearly a week since they last met and if Baekhyun's being honest with himself, he kind of assumed he'd hear from Kai before today, instead of running into each other on opposite ends of a breakfast diner.  How, he's not sure. They hadn't exactly exchanged phone numbers, but Kai's absence around the studio was beginning to wear on Baekhyun's mind. 

“Oh it's Kai." Minseok and a few of the others notice him too. 

"I don't think he's seen us," Tao says to the table.

"Do you think we should invite him over? Who's the guy he's with?" asks Minseok.

No one knows, and Suho finally removes his sunglasses to peer at the couple near the doorway. "I don't know his name but I've seen him around before. With Kai."

"You have?" 

"You've seen Kai recently?"

"Not at the studio. Just, around." He shrugs carelessly. 

Baekhyun takes in the boy sitting across from Kai. Much shorter with big round eyes, he's smartly dressed this morning and perky compared to Kai's more casual look and fatigue-set expression. Both are immersed in their menus and haven't noticed their line of interested gawkers. 

"Maybe it's a boyfriend?" Suho suggests, a smirk forming on his lips.

"Kai's gay?" whispers one of the girls.

"Maybe. Did you ever see him with a girlfriend before?"

"I never saw him with a boyfriend either," says Minseok, frowning.

Baekhyun forgets sometimes that while over half of the company members joined the professional division only recently, a small handful of the dancers have been with the studio for ages, Minseok and Suho, he thinks even Luhan, among them. Neither Tao nor Baekhyun knew much of the gossip from beforehand, except for what little bit got passed around. Kai's talents on a dance floor were one thing; his private life was lesser known. Baekhyun already wonders where the boy disappeared to for two years. Anything before that, and he doesn't know if he even wants to pry.

He returns his attention to his almost clean breakfast plate and hears Tao say, "Oh, he's seen us now."  Baekhyun feels Minseok shift beside him as the boy waves across the diner, but nobody comes over and the table slowly loses interest as they eat up the rest of their meals. Baekhyun only looks over once more between bites and finds Kai's eyes on his. He smiles shyly and dips his head once in acknowledgement, Kai returns the greeting similarly, and they both look away.

"That's all you're going to give him?" Tao hisses quietly in his ear.  

Baekhyun gulps.  "I'll say hello on our way out." Tao nods silently in approval and Baekhyun wishes he hadn't gushed so much about last weekend's 'tutoring session', as Tao seems to be getting  _certain ideas_. 

True to his word, when the group is finished, their meals paid for, Baekhyun purposefully lingers behind. Minseok shouts a hello and goodbye to Kai on his way out the door and as the rest follow, Baekhyun gives Tao consent to go on without him. His breathing feels tight as he makes his way over to Kai and the unknown boy's table. 

_I'll just say a quick hello, ask him how he's been and... politelybutnonchallantlyaskifhewantstodoanymoredancingwithme... or not._

He feels even more awkward, standing by their table, a full head taller than the two seated males. Fortunately it's Kai who speaks first. "Baekhyun. I hear it's strange to see you outside of the studio. Are you going anywhere now? Take a seat."

"Ohh, sure." He looks around for the nearest empty chair and places it down in the aisle facing their table. He doesn't know what to say or do next. "I-- haven't seen you around."

"Yeah, I've been a little busy. Hey this is Kyungsoo." The beady eyed boy shakes his hand and stares curiously between Kai and Baekhyun.

"Nice to meet you. Are, you a dancer too?"

"Vocal major," the smaller man supplies. "I can't really dance." He seems proud of that feat. 

"I see. I dance for his mom," Baekhyun says, indicating Kai. 

Kyungsoo laughs. "I figured as much. You guys are friends?"

Kai answers. "Not really. He's mom's new protege though so I've been doing some 'tutoring'" His eyes take on a mischievous glint, and Baekhyun feels an urge to kick at him. Not that he can though, because they're not apparently 'friends'.  _What the hell kind of development is this_ , he wonders. Baekhyun really wants to leave already, but before he can figure out which farewell phrase will reward him with the quickest exit, Kai turns to him directly. 

"Hey I'm going out with some friends later tonight. Probably just to see a movie. You want to come, or will you be practicing late again?" Baekhyun knows he'll probably be practicing late, but there's a slight indicator on Kai's face that says he really wants him to come. It's faint but there. "You can bring Tao if you want. You might know some of the other guys too. Kyungsoo will come, won't you? Also, do you know Sehun?" 

Baekhyun nods. "Not well, but I think I've seen him around. He teaches at the other facility, doesn't he?" 

"Yeah, when he's not in school." 

"Hmm. Yeah I guess I can come. I don't know about Tao."

"Great! We'll probably meet up at the theater over at 125th. Uhm, I don't know the time yet. Give me your number and I'll text you later with it?"

"Okay," Baekhyun agrees and slowly relays his phone number to Kai, a little more confident than he was just a minute ago. He checks his own phone for the time and realizes he should probably be heading out. With one more nod in Kyungsoo's direction, he excuses himself and reaches for the door.

Behind him he hears Kyungsoo giggle softly. "Smooth, Kai. Very smooth."

"Oh shut it."  

 

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

6 ALL FOR A SWEATER

 

Kai’s half of the room looks marginally better than it did a week ago. There’s a least an open chair for Sehun to sit down on while Kai digs around in his closet for a previously stashed suitcase. He’s being uncharacteristically fussy tonight and it’s amusing the hell out of Sehun.

“All this for a sweater?” he taunts.

Kai doesn’t answer. Instead he yelps and Sehun just smirks at the sound of something falling off a shelf, crashing apparently onto Kai’s head.

“I’m getting bored, Kai… Tell me again why I came all the way up to this cursed side of town just to watch you get all prettied up?”

“It was your choice to come this early,” comes the muffled reply. He emerges from the closet a moment later, shirtless but clutching a navy blue ribbed sweater. It looks hopelessly wrinkled and Kai grimaces as he tries his best to shake it out.

“I just wanted to see what kind of place you got here. How come you moved in with Kyungsoo anyways? It’s not like you guys are best of friends.”

Kai pauses, reflecting for a moment on how this all came about. It was true he and Kyungsoo weren’t all that close, though the three of them and their families had known each other since the boys were in middle school.

“I heard Kyungsoo was starting college and looking for a roommate.”

Sehun sighs and pretends to look hurt. “Well it’s good to know that Kyungsoo knew you were coming back before I did. By the way, just how many people  _did_  know you were coming back before you bothered to tell me? Oh wait. You didn’t tell me. I heard about it from somebody else.”

Kai recognizes the glazed over expression on Sehun’s face and chooses not to poke at his friend’s hidden nerves. “My mom set it up. It just worked out this way,” he says quietly.

Sehun nods to himself but seems to accept this.  “You could’ve moved into my place," he says a little livelier.

“You live too far away. The commute would’ve killed me.” He laughs and Sehun chuckles back.

“Ever the impatient one. Some things don’t change, huh?”

_And sometimes it’s better to live with people you aren’t as close with,_ Kai thinks _._   Kyungsoo wasn’t a dear friend, despite the fact that they’d known each other for years before Kai moved away, but he makes a good roommate. He might have a dozen obnoxious quirks, but he is silent when Kai wants silence, respectful when Kai needs a sanctuary. Most importantly, he doesn’t ask any hard questions when Kai isn’t ready to answer them.

He thinks for a moment about Baekhyun in the practice room last week.  It should really bug him that Baekhyun was so nosy. But here he is picking out his favorite sweater to wear out tonight and…

 “F--- it’s covered in dog hair too.”

 Sehun has no pity. “It looks like it’s been buried in that suitcase for two years.”

 “Thanks, Sehun, for that brilliant observation.”

“You need an ironing board.”

“This place is too small for an ironing board.”

“You don’t have a washer/dryer?”

“Down the street and three blocks to the left.”

“Then sit on it.”

“What?”

“Sit on it and the warmth from your butt will iron it out.”

Kai freezes to stare at his best friend, his lips drawn up into a horrified scowl. Sehun inclines his eyebrows.

“What?” Kai repeats, incredulous.

“Hey I’m a poor college student too. I’ve had to learn a few tricks.” Sehun lays his words out real sad.

 “I don’t believe you. I think you live in a mansion with a dozen personal maids, a butler and an elevator boy.”

“I look forward to confirming your career as prophet. What happened to your dog anyways?”

Kai’s breath draws in unexpectedly, the unbelief of the moment catching him off guard. Slowly, so as to control his voice, he says, “As you can see, there’s no room for a dog here. I left him in Houston with my half brother, why?” He runs a hand heavily through his hair, ruffling it into an unbecoming style.

Sehun doesn’t answer and a thick silence hangs over the boys as they gaze off in different directions. “It was cute. I’m sorry.”

“Yeah. Well. David fell in love with Monggu too. It’ll be good for him. Th-they can grow up together now.”

“I see…”

Kai huffs, determined to change the subject but he can’t think of anything else to talk about, and Sehun isn’t helping. He tosses the crumpled sweater onto his bed, reaches underneath it in for a cream colored belt and proceeds to wrap the belt around his wrist in irritation rather than putting it on. The alarm clock on his dresser reads 8:14 pm. It’s way too early to do anything or go anywhere, and they can’t leave until Kyungsoo gets back anyways. That leaves at least another half hour to kill with just Sehun for company. He feels exhausted suddenly.

Of all the things that had gone wrong in Kai’s life, of all the even heavier topics Sehun might have mentioned, he just has to pry open this one.

“It’s alright. Someday I can get another dog, and in the meantime, Monggu’s not dead. I get facebook picture updates at least once a week.” He smiles painfully.

“What are you doing?” Sehun asks when Kai throws himself backwards down onto his bed.

“Ironing, dummy.”

Sehun snorts. “Maybe you should put the sweater flat before you lay on it then.”

“Uhm… oh, right.”

It’s too comfortable, lying down. Kai wants to nap, wishing more than anything that today was like old days where he wouldn’t need to entertain Sehun. But there’s no TV in this tiny room, no video game systems, and his ratty laptop isn’t going to do any good when they don’t even have the wifi set up yet.

“Hey, Kai.”

_Here it comes._ He doesn’t blame Sehun for being impatient, curious, interfering, prying, or anything at all really. It’s been two years since they truly hung out. Today is only the second time they’ve met since Kai’s return, and the first time earlier in the week hadn’t been a very lengthy reunion.

“Hmm?”

“Are you going to tell me about Baekhyun?”

Kai exhales a breath he didn’t know he was holding, a twinge of relief washing over him. At least this is a subject easier than the one he was expecting.

“What about him? I thought I already mentioned him.”

“You just said he was a good dancer and would do well in your mom’s company. You never mentioned you’d be making me ditch all my other friends to ride shotgun on your date tonight.”

“It’s not a date.”  _It's not, right?_

Kai warily remembers a conversation he had with Sehun three years – or was it four years – ago, and Sehun’s pleasantly shocked expression, neither fearsome nor condoning. 

 

 

_‘I think, I l-like… I mean I can’t be sure because it’s not like I’ve tested this out on anyone- or anything yet, but… you know how I-I’ve never really talked about girls. Well, I think it’s because I l-like… because I don’t, like girls…’_

Sehun had scoffed, weaseling the actual confession out of Kai ( _I like guys)_ but he’d given his friend a comforting pat on the shoulders all the same.

_‘How cliché… Well, just to clarify things. You don’t want to “confirm” or “test” anything with me right?”’_

_‘Absolutely not, man.’_

_‘Good. I mean, cool. Hey, thanks for telling me though.’_

_‘Yeah. Thanks for… well, you know. You’re not weirded out?’_

_‘Only a little, but I’ll get over it. Hey you’re not in love with Kyungsoo, are you? Because honestly that would be weird.’_

_‘No! Ugh you’re right. That would be weird. Who’d even think that anyways…?’_

_‘I know, right. It’s weird.’_

_‘Totally.’_

_‘So who or what person has made you think this way?’_

 

 

“You’ve never actually dated anyone, have you?” Sehun’s remark nails it exactly. He sighs as Kai shakes his head, admitting the truth. “Going out with friends to the movies is like me saying to a group of my friends and their acquaintances, ‘Hey, ‘sup. Movies tonight. Hell yeah okay.’ Dating is you asking a guy you’ve only met once and don’t really know if he wants to meet up later. Okay, so that’s not actually getting to the dating stage yet, but it’s just a step away. You get it? You essentially asked him out.”

“I said he could bring his friend…”

“That’s a pathetic excuse for a cover.”

“Kyungsoo was with us…”

“He’s never met Kyungsoo before this morning.”

“I said you were coming too?” Kai pleads with a boyish smile. Even he’s aware how lame it sounds.

“I’m not his friend and –” Sehun gives up with a groan of frustration, biting his lower lip to keep the grin from coming out. His hopeless friend flops on the bed again, arms up over his head with his elbows drawn together covering his face. “Your hair’s not gonna get any better like that.”

“I asked him out, didn’t I?” Kai cringes. 

“Maybe yes, maybe no. Maybe you should find out if he likes you first?”

“I’ll be sure to ask him the moment we meet.”

The sound of a key fiddling with the lock turns their attention to the entryway, and with a crash Kyungsoo kicks in the jammed door with his knee and nearly overbalances. He halts his fall by grabbing onto the open doorframe, right leg wrapped around the inside, his left still in the hall.

“Safe!” He shouts. “Oh, hi, Sehun.”

“Hi, yourself. You okay?”

“Perfect. Thank you.” Kyungsoo rights himself and steps into the room. He lugs his full backpack to his bed in the opposite corner, and gingerly removes a few of the items onto his bedside table. The backpack disappears in a cubby hole under the table, his shoes beside it.

“Still neat as ever, isn’t he?” Sehun says to Kai, who nods noncommittally.

“What time is the movie?” Kyungsoo asks. He grabs a clean shirt from his closet and disappears into the tiny bathroom as Kai shouts back the time. Emerging less than a minute later with fresh clothes, water-rinsed face, and his hair quickly combed he looks ready to go. “We should leave here soon then…” Kyungsoo hates even the thought of being a little bit late to things.

“Agreed,” Sehun adds, nodding to Kai. They both stare at the boy on the bed.

“What?”

“You’re going to put on a shirt, right?” asks Kyungsoo.

Kai takes that as his cue to fish the sweater out from underneath his body. He lifts one hip up only to discover the blue cloth tucked away under the other cheek, and Kyungsoo rolls his whole head in the shame of it all.

It takes him ten minutes in the bathroom to complete his attire and artfully craft his hair into something resembling a natural, messy look. When he’s done he finds Sehun and Kyungsoo whispering something that leads to a squawk from Kyungsoo and a stoic grin from Sehun when they catch him watching.

“What’re y’all talking about?”

“Nothing interesting.”

“Yup.”

“Fine. Well I’m ready.”

Sehun stands up, verifies that nothing’s fallen out of his backpack as he hoists it around his shoulders. “You sure? How come Kyungsoo gets changed in 2.5 seconds flat and it takes you half an hour?”

“Whatever. Let’s go.”

 

 

Baekhyun was really starting to regret not persuading Tao to come with him tonight. He’d been trying all day, expressly mentioning how Kai had invited him too. But Tao would not bite, not even when Baekhyun said there would be a gang of Kai’s friends there as well. ‘If you go with me, you’ll only stand next to me,’ he said. ‘But if you go by yourself you’ll have no choice but to hang out with Kai and make friends him and with his friends.’

That was problem number one. Why exactly should he force himself to socialize solo. If Kai invited him, Kai should talk to him whether or not Tao or anyone else was around. Baekhyun’s already nervous though. The thought of being at the mercy of a pack of strangers is somehow more intimidating than the thought of Kai alone. If he even makes it that far into the night.

Problem number two is this part of town. He’s barely been up this far and not on a subway line, and even in the daylight he remembers things could get sketchy. It’s dark now and the throngs of people on the streets aren’t doing anything to calm him down. He’s not necessarily scared of crowds, but at night the shadows loom longer, the street lights are alternately too bright and then too dark, and he imagines every other loitering pedestrian giving him the once over.  _Look like you know where you’re going. Act confident. Don’t meet anyone in the eyes. Don’t act like you’re lost. You’re not lost. It’s just two block west and you’re there._

They’re long blocks now though. Baekhyun resists the urge to jog a little, keeping his footsteps evenly spaced and his breathing likewise. Maybe it’s a mistake, accepting this silly invitation to the movies. He doesn’t go to the theater often and he’s pretty sure there isn’t a single movie he’s remotely interested in.  _Mistake, mistake_ , he repeats to the rythmn of his muffled steps.  

Halfway to his destination he stops to wait for a crosswalk. Bodies crowd around behind him. It's nothing unusual but for some reason Baekhyun's got a bad feeling about this. Maybe it's his nerves but he notices a tall stranger with a dark purple hoodie standing way too close behind his left shoulder, and it's making him paranoid. He knows he doesn't have any open pockets containing important documents or money, but that guy won't know that. What if he's about to get mugged for $20 in the middle of the street? He's heard stories of people beat up or robbed in broad daylight while dozens of pedestrians walked on by without a care in the world. And that wasn't even in a shady area of town, but on a broad street full of tourists and office workers. 

The light changes and before the crosswalk sign even turns white he steps into the street, a little too hurriedly. His right foot falters a bit but he refuses to go down. He gets his balance back on track and determinedly marches across the street. He meets the wave of oncoming people from the other side and weaves through with the skill and precision of a dancer on shaky ground.  _Made it_ , he chants as his feet step up over the curve. Just another long block and he should see the theater. On a whim he looks back over his shoulder and freaks out when he sees the purple hoodie man reaching a long arm for him. He's about to get grabbed and dragged off, and there's no way he's going to let that happen! He twirls to avoid the oncoming hand and topples to the ground backwards with a loud shriek. Several people nearby look over at him but sure enough, none stop to help. Except for the attacker himself.

"Hey, mister. Hey I'm sorry!" 

"What do you want?!" Baekhyun shouts, his mind officially losing it as the man crouches down next to him. He barely registers the foreign accent, a lilting sound, as the man takes Baekhyun's arm to pull him back up.

"I d-didn't mean to make you fall over. I just wanted to ask you- I think I'm lost. I mean I've checked the map but I don't even know which way is west or east or north or if I'm just walking in circles now." 

"Oh." Baekhyun forces himself to calm down. "Uhm, I don't really know this area well either. Where are you heading?"

"The movie theater? It's supposed to be on 124th or 125th and I think I'm still on 125th. Oh yes. There's a street sign." 

Baekhyun laughs a little nervously when he realizes the man's going the same direction as he is. But now that he looks at the stranger up close he seems vaguely harmless. "Actually, I'm going that way. It's... close. I'm meeting some guys outside the theater too!" He makes sure the man knows he won't be entirely alone, just in case.

"Oh awesome. Can I walk with you then? I'm meeting some people there too. I hope they picked a good movie. I don't want to see anything scary." Baekhyun and his new charge head off again, side by side, while Baekhyun eyeballs the man's movements, just to make sure he doesn't try anything funny. "What's your name?" the man finally asks, pleasantly.

"B-Baekhyun... ehh, and you?"

He smiles. "Yixing."

 

* * *

 

 

7  SIXTEEN SEVENTY FIVE

 

 

Sehun can't wipe the smirk off his face as he watches Kai fidget, and it's driving Kai crazy. He swipes the thumbnail of his left hand mere millimeters from his twitching, shivering jaw, and blocks out his annoying friend. He’s been nervous ever since they left the apartment, and Sehun's been more than vocal about which was funnier: Kai freaking out internally or Kyungsoo’s bored exasperation. The latter has been mostly disinterested in his roommate’s plight, except that Kai kept bumping into the smaller boy in the subway, so distracted had he become with his surroundings. Once they are safely inside the theater, Sehun promptly sits Kai down on a bench to wait while he and Kyungsoo get their tickets. 

“You’re hopeless,” he says, to no answer, and Kai shoos him away. 

Their tickets in hand, Kyungsoo positions himself as the lookout. There are still ten more minutes before they need to go find their seats. "He better hurry up. You're sure he's coming?" he asks Kai.

"Yes, I'm sure... It's not even time yet." 

Kai's about 90% sure he's coming. He'd gotten a couple of short text replies earlier, one thanking him for telling him the time and promising he'd show up, another saying Tao couldn't make it. Now that he thinks about it, he worries that without Tao Baekhyun might not come alone. Make that 75% sure. 

“Asian kid at 10 o’clock,” says Kyungsoo just a minute later. “Short. Black hair. Okay maybe he’s not that short. He’s just my height. Oh, there are two of them. Never mind.”

Sehun joins him, studying the crowd outside. “Wait, no, that sounds like him.” He spots Baekhyun, who’s looking very harassed, and a moment later he recognizes why. “Yixing. He made it.”

“Who’s Yixing?” Kyungsoo asks. Kai stands up too but Sehun’s already running outside. “Who’s Yixing?” he repeats but Kai doesn’t have an answer either.

 

 

The first friendly sight Baekhyun sees is the figure of the tall brown haired dancer bounding towards him. Why bounding though, he doesn’t know.  They’d only met a few times and couldn’t be considered anything other than polite acquaintances. They rarely even see each other since Sehun doesn't dance in the company. He’d been in the studio growing up, but elected not to dance professionally. Instead he now teaches in the pre-collegiate division in his spare time, and that’s all Baekhyun really knows, so he’s puzzled at how Sehun looks so excited to see him. He learns why just a moment later when the Chinese stranger hurries past Baekhyun’s side and envelops Sehun in a large, sloppy, brotherly hug.

He watches the spectacle that is Sehun floundering to get out of Yixing’s arms, and barely notices Kai approaching until the two are standing side by side on the pavement.

“Friend of yours?” Baekhyun says by way of greeting.

Kai shakes his head. “No. Must be a friend of Sehun’s. He invited him, I guess. How did you happen to come together though?”

“Actually, I thought he was a mugger!” Baekhyun looks too happy for this remark and Kai can’t help but grimace and do a doubletake. Baekhyun chuckles to himself. “Sorry. I’m just really glad he’s a friend of somebody here, because I really hadn’t ruled out the possibility he was luring me into a trap and I might end up dead before the night was over.”

“He’s that scary, huh?”

Baekhyun blushes. “I… might have freaked myself out a little coming here. I’ve never been up in this area before, and it was dark and… well, look at him! In poor lighting he looked kind of scary, and he knocked me down. Well, I fell down accidentally but…” His voice trails off as the others conclude their hug and all Kai can see is a goofy haired, dimpled and extremely happy looking man standing beside Sehun. Baekhyun blows out a loud breath at the outrageous turn of events, pouting cutely.

“Very scary,” says Kai a little mockingly. 

Sehun starts with a quick round of introductions. "Yixing. This is Kai, my best pal. He just moved back. And this is Baekhyun. I see you've met. By the way, nice to see you again, Baekhyun." Baekhyun nods obligingly. "And Kyungsoo's around here somewhere... We've kind of known him a long time. Where is--" 

“Hey!” Kyungsoo stands in the open doorway shouting. “Cut the introductions and let’s go in. My vocal teacher will kill me if I go in tomorrow with a sore neck from looking up at the screen from the first row.”

“Tomorrow’s Saturday,” Sehun reminds the little singer.

“I still have to practice and rehearse. Now, come on!” 

"Don't mind him. He's a stickler about time," Sehun says to Yixing.

Kai feels very awkward as the party makes their way inside. Unsure of whether he should stick to Baekhyun as close as he comfortably can without making it seem too odd, his plan is immediately cut off when Yixing returns to chatterbox state. The man monopolizes Baekhyun as he's apparently been doing since the two met. Maybe Baekhyun felt like he was going to die on the way here, but to Kai it seems Yixing just likes to talk to whatever willing participant he can get ahold of. It's a turn of events that would make Kai inwardly gleeful, except that Baekhyun's so focused on Yixing’s  _scintillating_  conversation he doesn't have time to pay attention to Kai. 

"So when I couldn't find the stairs down to the red line..." Yixing resumes an earlier topic of discussion, "I just wandered and wandered, and I'm really glad I left so early, because I think I circled the block two times before I saw a sign and..." 

"Yixing! I didn't know if you would make it, so I didn't buy you a ticket. Come on, I'll stand with you in line."

Kai wants to kiss Sehun right now for dragging the man away. Kyungsoo, however, groans, and informs the guys he’ll be inside saving seats. For the first time this night it’s just Kai and Baekhyun alone. They stand side by side, Kai with his hands in his jeans pockets, and Baekhyun with his swinging loose. He sways a bit on his feet before bringing his hands up to clasp in front of his chest.

“Does that mean you already got me a ticket?” he asks. He raises his eyebrows hopefully.

Kai’s tongue gets stuck in the back of his throat for a moment before he frees it, saying, “Yeah… Kyungsoo thought it would save us all time.”

“Ahh. So how much do I owe you?”

“You… don’t. My treat since I invited you out.”

“So, this is a date?”

Kai decides to play it cool. “Sure.” He flashes a close-lipped smile with what he hopes is a casual if decidedly flirty look. “In any case, it wasn’t much.”

Baekhyun looks like he doesn’t know how to react, frozen with a half open crooked smile, and Kai believes he just bombed it all.  Whatever happened to asking if Baekhyun likes him? Whatever happened to asking himself if  _he_ liked  _Baekhyun?_

His ‘date’ however, recovers quickly. “By the way, what are we seeing?”

Kai laughs hesitantly, glad the awkward moment is passed, though it’s with a slight pain under his ribs how he notices Baekhyun didn’t respond to his date/non-date-confession. “ _Not_  Rio 2. Took a while to persuade Kyungsoo not to go to a different movie theater altogether to watch it by himself. No, it’s Captain America.”

“Oh,” Baekhyun replies, his lips holding the delicate ‘o’ shape.

“Is that alright?”

“Yeah, yeah that’s fine,” he lies. There’s no point claiming otherwise, Baekhyun thinks. Truthfully none of the movies out there interested him at the moment, so it really doesn’t matter what movie he sees with Kai. And Kai’s friends. 

Before Kai can press him on the matter, they see the other two returning from the ticket counter. Yixing is clearly pouting and Sehun thunks him on the back a few times as they walk. Kai recognizes Sehun’s signature ‘comforting’ trademark and winces. The boy may look fragile but how he manages to pack a punch with his bony hands is anyone’s guess, and his back pats frankly hurt. Kai’s learned that from experience. He whispers into Baekhyun’s ear before the two get any closer. “Did Yixing say who he is or what he does?”

“I think he’s some sort of dancer, but he kept changing the subject. Aren’t you friends with Sehun? He didn’t tell you?” Baekhyun is a bit doubtful.

“No. I’ve only kind of met back up with Sehun recently.”

“I thought you were bffs?”

“We are! I just- I was doing other stuff for a long time. I kind of, didn’t talk to my old friends enough.”

“Well they look close.”

“Yeah, they do.”

“You look a bit jealous, actually.”

“What? I’m not!”

Baekhyun cackles, while Kai contains his look of mortification to the best of his ability. “Kidding! Just kidding.”

Kai fumes but he doesn’t have time to respond when Sehun and Yixing are upon them, the Chinese dancer still pouting.

“I wanted to see Frozen…” he sniffs.

“I said, it’s out of theaters already, I’m sorry!” Sehun is inches from losing his cool.

“But everyone’s been talking about it.”

“Everyone’s been talking about it for months and months. That’s why.”

Yixing moans. “$16.75 for Captain America. This better not be too scary.”

“It’s an action movie. Super heroes. What can be too scary about it?”

Yixing continues to be miffed; meanwhile Baekhyun’s eyebrows skyrocket. Behind their backs he mouths dramatically to Kai, ‘ _Sixteen. Seventy-five_?’ Kai feels like he’s been caught eating up the cookies left for Santa. 

The foursome line up to show their tickets to the checker, trudging along as the crowd pans out in front of them. Baekhyun comes up beside Kai and hisses, “That much for a movie ticket? Okay I am  _definitely_  taking you out for dinner or something later to make up for that.”

“Is that a date then?”

“Only if you want it to be!” Baekhyun chirps. 

They join Kyungsoo and sit five in a row, a little lower down than Kyungsoo likes, but not bad enough for him to complain, much. He sits on the end, next to Yixing and Sehun, Kai and Baekhyun. Halfway through previews a couple of girls squeeze past and Baekhyun finds a stranger’s elbow jabbing at him with every other move as one of girls removes her jacket, rearranges her purse, and balances her drink and snacks. He inches a tiny bit closer to Kai as a result, hoping this won’t end up being too awkward a night, from either end.

The theater is a too warm, and though he’s the last person to admit this out loud, Baekhyun thinks he overworked himself today. His body aches, and with his nerves already in a bundle from the trek here and with meeting Kai, he’s suddenly exhausted. He sinks back into the chair and head rest, realizes it rocks just a little bit – always pleasant – and tries to focus on the feature film. His eyes glaze over, however, and within just fifteen minutes, he can’t focus.

He thinks about Kai instead. Other than a few humorous exchanges, there’s really nothing about this evening that screams ‘date’ and he’s not sure yet if that bothers him. He wants to make some more friends, that’s for sure. Other than Tao and the people he sees daily in company, he doesn’t know too many people, and of them only Tao is a close friend. He knows he should probably make an effort to meet up with his friend Chanyeol who’s in college down on the lower part of the island, but their schedules so far haven’t matched up. Baekhyun spends too much time practicing or in rehearsal, and though Chanyeol should be only a junior this year, he’s pushing close to senior status with the amount of extra courses and summer school he’s been taking. His friend’s a bit of a genius.

Not for the last time, Baekhyun wonders about his own career as a dancer, how long he can sustain it. If he weren’t surrounded by so many other like-minded dancers, all striving hard and long, and driving each other forward, he doesn’t know how he would manage on his own. The dance world just has that quality about itself. It’s insulated, isolated, and he doesn’t have time for anything else. It’s what makes this night such a rare occurrence in Baekhyun’s social calendar: going out with other people he’s not accustomed to seeing. Even if half of them are dancers (or were dancers), it’s nice to do something else, see someone else. 

He doesn’t notice when he nods off, snoozing lightly, but Kai does. Baekhyun looks so peaceful it would be a shame to wake him up, so he lets him doze. Truthfully, he’s finding it hard to concentrate on the movie. Baekhyun’s sitting too close. Even with the armrest down between them, he can feel his warmth, if not directly, and without a single part of them touching. Baekhyun’s head begins to droop, mouth open a crack. He looks over and sees the girl on the other side of him staring rudely at the sleeping boy, but when she sees Kai glaring back, she quickly averts her gaze.

_Much better,_  he thinks.

Why couldn’t Baekhyun’s head have fallen on his shoulder like sleeping people always do in the movies? It would be too awkward now to try and adjust his body, plus it might wake him up and that’s the last thing Kai wants right now. He doesn’t go to the studio, but he still has his contacts, and he knows how Baekhyun is. The dancer works too much, too hard. He’s scolded for coming to class with baggy eyelids and dark circles, looking hungover without the alcohol, but he doesn’t change anything about his schedule. Maybe he should talk his mother into making a rule stating that no one can remain in the building before or after certain hours. It wouldn’t work though, and besides, the boy's too stubborn. 

Kai tries to relax in his chair, since he can't actively worry about Baekhyun, at least for now. He looks comfortable enough for the moment, so he lets him nap, only nudging his shoulder gently when the movie ends. 

“Baekhyun…” he whispers. “Baek… wake up.”

The sleeper opens his eyes just a fraction, then panics when he hears people shifting around in the theater.

“Wha? Ooh – the movie's over already??”

Kai chuckles. “Yeah. I would’ve let you sleep more, but, you know, I think there’s another showing afterwards. Would be a shame to waste another $16.75 on you, just for a nap.”

Baekhyun groans. He stands up, stretching out his legs and looking mortified.

“Then again, I might have gotten two dinners out of you that way, so maybe it’s my mistake waking you up.”

Baekhyun glares at the tease standing next to him, opens up his mouth in retort, but yawns instead. Kai laughs softly and places one hand behind Baekhyun, on the small of his back, to gently lead the yawning boy out of the theater.

“As long as dinner doesn’t mean tonight,” he says when he's recovered his facial expressions. “I’d probably fall asleep in whatever I ordered.”

“Why’d you come out if you were so tired?”

“What, and make you sad?”

Kai swallows, lacking the words the respond, but he’s saved by the other three in the party who have been waiting just outside the door. Yixing looks a little happier than he did before the movie, jabbering to Sehun, who's regained some of his earlier lost composure. He listens attentively to Yixing's movie commentary, but cuts him off with a motion of his hand as Kai and Baekhyun reach their little group. Kyungsoo looks quite exhausted but he stands good naturedly next to the weird mixture of friends and not-yet-friends. 

“Well?” Sehun asks. “What do we do now?”

“We could… go out for coffee or something?” Yixing suggests.

“At this hour of the night?” Kyungsoo looks baffled.

“What other place are we going to find open this late that not’s a bar, club, or restaurant?” says Sehun.

The group is shuffled down the hallway following the crowd of exiting moviegoers. They pause outside again on the sidewalk and as the chill night air settles on his skin, Baekhyun pulls his jacket just a little tighter around his torso.

“Why don’t we at least get back to our side of town before making any plans,” Kai says quickly.

Yixing nods happily, but upon glancing at the boy he becomes suddenly puzzled.

“You said your name was Kai, right?” He snaps his fingers as if just realizing something in his head. “Sehun’s friend. Oh, now I think I remember. Your mom is Tae Hee-ssi and she runs the dance company Sehun works for.”

Baekhyun watches as Kai’s face pales before their eyes.

Sehun attempts to interrupt Yixing, but, “That means you’re Kai the dancer friend of Sehun’s. Ah man, you were good. I’ve seen you before. On videos with Sehun–“

“—Yixing, stop.“ Sehun says low and rapidly.

“Wait, but I haven’t seen you before and I’ve known Sehun a couple years—“

“—Yixing…”

“Where are you dancing now? You still dance, right?”

“—Stop.”

“I mean you couldn’t quit with that talent. That would be such a waste—“

“—Yixing, I said quit it!”

“Wh-what did I say?” Yixing looks genuinely confused, but Baekhyun can’t tear his eyes away from Kai. His jaw is frozen open, wretchedness in his eyes, terror as he watches Sehun and Yixing wrestle with their words. Baekhyun dares to lay a soft hand on Kai’s shoulder, questioning this uprising of a situation, but Kai doesn’t budge or even look his way.

“I just want to know. What’s wrong with that?”

Sehun looks torn as he peeks between both friends’ expressions, and with an apologetic glance towards Kai he says softly and decidedly, “Kai doesn’t dance anymore. Just leave it.”

Kai chokes.

“Huh? I don’t understand?”

Sehun sighs heavily, but before Kai can interrupt him, he says with even more determination, “He can’t dance anymore. He won’t. Sorry, Kai. I just needed to clear the air here.” 

Silence would fall, except it's nighttime in a busy intersection. The five boys stare around at each other, shocked. 

Kai wants to evaporate right now in this very moment, because he's not sure what he can say now or what he even wants to say. With everyone staring at him, and Sehun acting miserable in a bratty way, it's unbearable. The sinking feeling becomes even worse when he realizes the little pressure on his shoulder that is Baekhyun's hand is still there.

“I… have to go. Goodnight,” he says to no one in particular, and takes off down the street.

Baekhyun has no idea what’s going on, but he wants to lay the blame on Sehun. He stares at the culprit accusingly for one good moment before deciding to take a leap of faith. He follows Kai into the night.

 

* * *

 

 

8  GAMES, OR NOT

 

 

If you asked Baekhyun this morning what he’d end up doing tonight, he would never in a million years have thought he’d be stalking Kai through a maze of endless unfamiliar streets. And yet here he is. He knows Kai knows he’s following him, but so far they haven’t spoken. He walks slightly behind and to the right of the visibly distraught former dancer, and without touching or communicating in any way, they walk and walk, board a subway car, sit together, exit and continue walking.

Maybe that’s all Kai needs right now, to walk and let off some steam, but since he hasn’t indicated that Baekhyun is bothering him in any way, he must be somewhat okay with this arrangement.  Baekhyun thinks he needs a body to follow him. Sehun wasn’t going to do it, stuck as he was with the confused Yixing. Kyungsoo looked a bit too stunned, and from what he could tell, the roommates didn’t appear all that close anyways. Baekhyun was the odd man out, but he was also the only person there specifically for Kai. He understood that much at least from the way Kai gravitated only towards Baekhyun, all night side by side, until he walked away.

The neighborhood becomes more recognizable, but he doesn’t know where Kai is taking them. Would they go back to Kai’s apartment, wherever that is? Somehow he thinks the boy doesn’t want to go home. It turns out he’s right when Kai hesitates for a moment outside an all-night café and bakery. Baekhyun follows him inside and watches the boy angle for a corner booth, sit, and mope silently. Instead of joining him, he walks to the counter where the solo night staffer waits sleepily.

“Coffee, please. Uhm, two actually, with cream and sugar.”

The cashier lazily rings up his purchase and Baekhyun pulls out a few bills whilst checking behind him for any signs of change in Kai. There aren’t any as he sits down across from him, and for the first time since they started walking, Kai looks him in the eye, his own face devoid of expression.

“You didn’t have to follow me, you know.”

“I know.”

Kai swallows heavily. His head tips back on the booth so that his chin juts out, eyes on the ceiling. “I seem sad and pathetic right now, don’t I?”

“No.” Baekhyun allows a small silence to follow that up. “I just had a feeling you didn’t want to be wandering alone right now.”

Kai huffs, eyes closed. He crosses his arms on his chest and levels his head to meet Baekhyun’s again.  “I look pathetic to you. You know what’s funny? I don’t even have a sad, pathetic story to tell you.  Maybe I should make up some crap. I have cancer, okay? I have six months left to live, and that’s why I can’t dance anymore.” He laughs starkly, not even amused with his own story.

Baekhyun doesn’t think it’s funny either.

“Two coffees ready,” the night staffer calls out. Baekhyun moves to stand up but Kai gets there first. He worries that maybe he’ll run out of the building, but Kai only retrieves their order and returns to the table.

“Thanks,” he mutters softly, no longer meeting Baekhyun’s eyes.

They take turns slurping the hot liquid. Just when Baekhyun thinks he can’t take the awkwardness anymore, Kai breaks the silence.

“Why’d you become a dancer?”

It's not the question Baekhyun expects. Actually it's not even a conversation he expects.  Nevertheless, he feels a sort of relief come across him at this mundane inquiry.  “Hmm. No particular reason at first. I started young because my mom used to dance. She thought it would be cute to put both her kids into dance class at the same time.”

“Both?”

“Yeah, me and my little sister. I was five and Minzy was three when we started.”

“What’s your sister do now?”

“She still dances back home. She’s eighteen now. Wants to be a pro dancer like her big brother.” Baekhyun smiles proudly, a twinge of humor hanging about his lips.

“That’s cool.” Kai still looks miserable. “How come you kept it up then?”

Baekhyun thinks that’s a simultaneously hard and easy question to answer. “Because I love it?”  He dares to ask him in turn. “What about you?”

Kai glares back at him, his eyebrows arching as if to say,  _Really?_

Baekhyun bites his lip apologetically. “I guess that’s too-- I’m sorry.” Was it too stupid a question? Or too sore a topic? He knows he shouldn't have asked. 

Kai takes another sip of his coffee. His phone buzzes violently inside his back pocket and he pulls it out, lethargically reading the name of the incoming caller. Baekhyun can’t see who it is, but Kai lets it ring an impossibly long time before he finally accepts the call.

“ _Hello.”_

A few long moments pass before a garbled voice answers. Baekhyun can’t make out the words, but the person talks for a long time before Kai speaks again. 

“ _I know. It’s alright… No, I’m not mad… No… I’m with Baekhyun…”_

Kai responds like he’s bored out of his mind.

“ _Yeah, we’re fine… I said, I’m okay… Yeah I agree, you’re an ass… Uh huh…”_

Baekhyun downs the last of his coffee.

_“ Tell Yixing or whatever his name is that it’s all cool... Did Kyungsoo get home okay? … Thanks, man… Alright, bye.”_

Kai places his phone back in his pocket. “Sorry about that.” He sighs dramatically, one elbow resting on the table, and buries his face in his palm. Through widespread fingers he peers at Baekhyun with one eyeball open. “Wow, this night did not go as planned.”

Baekhyun takes this as a sign that things are all good again, real explanations be damned.

“So you actually had plans for tonight?” he teases.

“Well, I was going to beat up Sehun for making me miserable, thrash Kyungsoo for being obnoxious, point Yixing in the direction of the Bronx, and seduce you, but what can I say that hasn’t already been said about ‘the best laid plans’ going awry?”

The grin he ends with is positively evil. Baekhyun chokes on his own spit.

“Actually, not all of that is true. Kyungsoo’s no fun to torment and I could point Yixing in any direction and he’d still probably end up somewhere funny.”

“And the rest of that?” Baekhyun finds his voice, small and strained as it is.

“Oh I still plan to beat up Sehun someday.” He refuses to make this  _that_  easy.

Baekhyun curses under his breath and forces his mind to clear up fast, thankful for the caffeine he’s just pumped into his body for giving him a head start. He sits up a little taller and raps his fingers against the table to signal his comeback.

“Well, I guess it’s fortunate that you’ve still got one opportunity left.” He might be playing with fire here, but he holds open his arms wide and rotates left and right in the booth, as if to put his body on display. “Like what you see?”

Kai likes this game. His eyes narrow in focus, intently scrutinizing Baekhyun’s neck, collarbones, chest and stomach, as if he can see through the layers of fabric covering him up, as if he hadn’t already memorized all this and more last weekend when he watched him dance.

Baekhyun squirms a little. “Hey. Hey. What’s taking so long? It’s a good body, yeah?”

Kai finishes his perusal, and slowly brings their eyes to level. “Yeah.”

_Well, shit._  Baekhyun drops his arms with crash as one wrist smacks the table edge on its way down. He scowls and immediately clutches the injured area with his other hand, almost glad of the pain that’s distracting him from Kai’s bold stare. 

This seems less like a game all of a sudden, and both of them know it.

Kai averts his eyes, momentary shyness engulfing him. Is this even the way to approach him, he wonders, with games and tricks and word play? He didn’t realize how serious he’s been in wanting to pursue Baekhyun, until he worries he’s gone too far. But it really was true, how this night hasn’t gone like he intended. He intended to see a movie with Baekhyun, get to know the older boy, pick up some of his habits, his interests, and befriend him in the hopes of something more. He wanted to test him out with his friends, to see how they meshed, in particular to get Sehun’s opinion of him. His best friend always had good taste and an eye for people, not that he's ever ‘brought anyone home’ to him before. Kai wanted to sit beside Baekhyun, implement a dating-style ambiance, and walk him home at the end of the night, tell him to sleep in and not work too hard tomorrow. He wanted to be around him so they could both realize how comfortable it felt, having someone nearby.

Instead he’s out past midnight, acting alternatively grumpy and heartless, and he knows Baekhyun must be exhausted and possibly hungry, but he still made the boy feel obligated to stalk him down the streets and follow him into this stupid café. 

As if it knows what Kai’s thinking, Baekhyun’s stomach growls and he yawns heavily, releasing his bruising wrist.

“You didn’t have to follow me,” he repeats softly.

“But I wanted to.”

“Aren’t you tired?”

Baekhyun waves his empty coffee cup on display. “I’ve got a little more energy now.”

“You don’t usually drink coffee, do you?”

“No,” he laughs. “How could you tell?”

“You make weird faces every time you drink. Most coffee lovers are the opposite.”

“Yeah well you got me there. I almost never drink the stuff unless I have to.”

“You didn’t say anything when I brought you coffee last week.”

“Because I was tired and exhausted that morning. Also,” he pauses, “because you brought it. I wasn’t going to turn it down.”

“Why not?”

“Because it was… nice of you.”

“Nice…”

“Yeah.”

“You think I’m nice?” It’s not exactly the word Kai’s after.

“Aren’t you? You’ve always seemed that way to me at least, even when I try to piss you off. Well, I haven’t really tried too hard… You know they say I can be a bit of a diva when I want to be.” Baekhyun grins widely.

“Huh. I believe it. So when do I get to see this diva alter ego?”

“Oh, the closer I get to a performance usually. You think you can handle it? I can get pretty wild.”

“I think I can handle you.”

Baekhyun’s breath hitches a bit in the back of his throat. “Hmm,” he grumbles teasingly, “you say that now.”

“Guess I’ll find out. So when am I getting that dinner you promised?”

“Trust you to remember. I’ll have to make it a non-expensive dinner since I did just buy you late-night coffee.”

“Cheapskate. How about you get us a late-night breakfast then?”

Baekhyun ponders that for a moment before nodding. “Done. Let’s see what they’ve got.”

The café turns out to have a small selection of this morning’s baked goods on sale. They pick out a few muffins and croissants each and because Kai doesn’t feel like sitting anymore, they decide to walk.

It’s different this time. They walk side by side munching on their snacks and every now then their hips brush or their arms accidentally knock against the other. Baekhyun doesn’t say much other than to comment about the lackluster street life at this hour of the night, or to whisper dumb observations about the people they pass (‘Bet that lady ran out of coffee for the morning-look at her scurrying into the corner store/That guy’s too drunk he probably forgot where he lives-sucks to be _you_ ’); meanwhile Kai chews on his food and tries to match the elder's sudden energy spike. Every now and then Baekhyun jumps around in place to stave off the cold and Kai feels a little guilty for keeping him out in the open.

They stroll unhurriedly for nearly twenty minutes when Kai suddenly grabs Baekhyun by the arm and pulls him across the street at a jogging pace.

“Hey, where are we—“

“Playground! I’ve always wanted to go in, but there’re always so many kids here in the day.”

“We’re going to a playground in the middle of the night? How old are you again, Kai?”

“Nineteen, but you’re never too old to play!”

At Kai’s goofy smiling face, Baekhyun can’t resist and he follows him in. The slide is made for people barely 3 feet tall, the swings for children still in booster chairs. The jungle gym would hardly look impressive except that the sight of Kai running up the slide backwards and pummeling over some of the rails has Baekhyun grinning too. Kai looks like a kid having fun, except that he doesn’t move like a kid. He moves like a man used to bigger things, bigger playgrounds, or larger stages.

At this point in the night, Baekhyun doesn’t think he’s going to get an explanation for that revelation Sehun dropped on them all, or why exactly it made Kai so upset. He can only be grateful that Kai didn’t close up on him completely, and that he evidently made the right decision in staying with him.

Baekhyun pulls himself through a few of the kiddy bars and onto the short platform of the jungle gym, still shivering from the cold as another round of exhaustion hits him.

“Cold?” Kai says from behind him somewhere.

“Yeah. A bit.” He bounces in place a couple times, hands braced on the cold metal before him. Without warning two hands clench around the upper part of his arms, and Kai swipes vigorously up and down to warm him up. Baekhyun gasps in surprise but the friction of Kai’s hands feels so good, as does his body as it blocks part of the wind.

“Any better?” Kai asks, his voice too close to Baekhyun’s left ear.

“Y-yeah,” he croaks. The hands come to stillness on Baekhyun’s arms but they don’t leave. After a moment Kai leans in a little closer, his arms reaching up and around Baekhyun’s shoulders and his hands clasp together in front of his chest. He leans into him gently and Baekhyun feels warmed throughout.

“Better yet?” 

“Yeah.” 

 

* * *

 

 

9  BEST FRIENDS AND ROOMMATES

 

 

Baekhyun wakes up two mornings later to the memory of arms around his neck, and a peaceful countenance. He's allowed himself to sleep in for a change since there aren't any official rehearsals on Sundays. He and some of the other soloists will meet up later for practice, but until then he can laze around in his pajamas, cook breakfast at his leisure, and play with the kitten Tao brought home several weeks ago. The black and white purrball is currently wrapped around his neck, which might account for at least some of the fuzzy feels he had upon waking up. Baekhyun gently pries the creature off, paying extra attention to the baby claws drawing into his skin as the kitten squawks angrily at its removal. 

“Tao...” he yawns sleepily, stepping out of his room. Tao's already awake in their shared living space, though that might be a matter of opinion. He's sprawled on the couch, legs open wide with his head tilted back, TV remote balancing on one thigh. His barely opened eyes are trained on the dim screen in the corner, but he's awake enough to register his roommate's presence, and more so the cat. “Lost something?” he asks, as Tao reaches forward to fetch the kitten from Baekhyun's arms. 

“Velvie!” Tao coos, petting it daintily. “My baby left me in the night! Baekhyun's such a temptress, isn't he?” 

The  _temptress_  scoffs and plops down one cushion away from the reunited lovebirds. “What are you doing today?” he asks, masking another yawn under the back of his hand.

“I... invited Kris over. Is that alright with you?”

Baekhyun frowns. “He's your friend. Do what you want. Uhh, just what time did you plan for?” 

“Noon?” 

“Mmkay.” That leaves Baekhyun with slightly less leisure time, but he thinks he can squeeze in breakfast and get at least an extra half hour to lounge around before vacating the apartment. 

“You don't have to leave, you know. Stay and hang out with us?” Tao's speech is friendly, and Baekhyun knows it's a sincere offer. Whether or not Tao and Kris have something going on - and based on what Baekhyun observes they still don't - he'd rather be somewhere else anyways. Kris isn't exactly the most stimulating conversationalist in the world. It offends Baekhyun's sensibilities, to have to speak to someone who can't appreciate his sense of humor,  _and_  is boring to boot. Kris is very different from Kai...

“I've got some things to do before rehearsing this afternoon.” It's not really a lie. Anyone could sit down and come up with a list of errands to attend to. 

“Would any of those things have to do with a certain dancer named Kai?” Tao teases.

Baekhyun frowns again. He didn't tell Tao the whole story about Kai, namely because even  _he_  doesn't know the whole story and he doesn't want some partial rumor circulating around the company. He can tell without having to ask that it would bother Kai immensely, and with their current status of who-knows-what, it's not a story worth telling if it risks Kai's trust. He already has some promises to keep.

 

_“We should go back soon.”_

_“Hmmm.”_ Baekhyun didn't want to move. Moving out from under Kai's arms meant being cold again. It meant a signal to the end of their night. They had to go eventually though. He allowed Kai to walk him only halfway to his apartment building, since their places were in different directions. Baekhyun could barely hold himself upright he was so exhausted by then. 

_“Promise me you'll get some extra rest this weekend?”_ Kai looked worried. 

_“I don't need-”_

_“Yes you do. It's my fault you're out so late tonight. So promise me.”_

_“If it's your fault why are you making me promise?”_

_“Don't argue, just promise.”_

_“So bossy!”_ He yawned at that moment though, a yawn so deep his whole body quivered. Kai crossed him arms, inclining his head like he knew he won this battle _. “Okay, okay. I promise.”_

_“Goodnight then. Text me when you get home.”_

_“I should demand the same from you.”_

_“Fine then. I'll text you, too.”_

Baekhyun was too tired to deal with the younger's implied obstinacy. He walked a few steps away before he turned around.  _”Hey, Kai?”_

_“Yeah?”_ Kai looked hopeful.

_“We should do this again some night.”_

The boy smiled. _”Movie and a nap and some coffee?”_

_“Right on. And lots of walking!” But could we maybe change the location of the nap?_ he didn't add. 

 

Baekhyun stacks the last of this morning's dirty dishes into the sink, reminds Tao it's his turn to wash them, and steps out the door. Their apartment is a few flights up from ground level and he trudges down the stairs lazily, phone in hand. He dials an old, familiar number and by the time he's reached the last step, it picks up from the other end.

“Baekhyun! My Baekhyunie! How are you doing?  _What_  are you doing?”

“Same old me. And, I'm currently chatting with an idiot. I'm also on my way to see this idiot, and it's a freakin' Sunday morning so don't tell me you're busy or that you have homework or research to do because every college student needs at least one morning off to see his best friend. And if you deny me this right now I swear I'll find you and grope you in front of all the pretty girls you've got your eye on, until your reputation is screwed and you'll have nowhere else to turn! So where are you? Tell me now.”

There's no response from the other line, because all Baekhyun can hear is his friend's deep, wheezing laughter. Chanyeol coughs a few times to get himself under control. “Ok, ok, ok. I haven't left my dorm yet and I don't plan on leaving anytime soon. You know where you can find me. Oh, you can meet my new roommate. He's-”

“Great. See you soon!” Baekhyun hangs up.

It takes him half an hour to commute and a few more hasty texts to Chanyeol before he remembers the right block and dorm number, and he's knocking at his door. His best friend of too many years to count opens it before Baekhyun's knuckles can knock twice. 

“Ah crap. You found me after all.” He chuckles as he ushers a growling Baekhyun inside. The place is a pig sty, as any male college dorm must be, but it's only a little more unsanitary than when Tao's kitten overturns her litter box, so Baekhyun thinks he'll live. He climbs over some piles of miscellaneous junk and finds a lone dining chair with only one stack of papers to remove. He sits backwards on it, chin resting on the chair back. 

“You're pouting,” Chanyeol says. “Why are you pouting?”

“Because I missed you.”

“I missed you too, but  _I'm_  not pouting.  _I'm_  happy. And you can't miss me that much. We live in the same town!”

“We might as well not though... Okay I'm not pouting because I missed you.”

“I knew it. So what's up?”

Baekhyun sighs longingly. “Life is hard. Dance is hard. Boys are hard-”

“Boys are  _what?!_ ”

“-Oh damn, that sounds wrong.”

“Jeez, Baekhyun. I thought your life was all great right now?” Chanyeol shoves aside another mess of what are probably clean clothes and reveals an open bag of chips hidden behind them. He pops the chips into his mouth without a concern in the world, lying diagonally across his bed. 

Baekhyun gulps down his distaste for the scene before him. He clarifies, “Alright so life isn't that hard. I'm just tired.”

“So you mean you're only pouting because you're tired and you know how to fix that but you won't?”

“Hey, I can tell you that last night I slept for seven straight hours!”

“Ooh, a whopping seven hours. You know, that's what most people are supposed to sleep on average, Baek.”

“Yeah, well how many hours did you get last night?”

“Five...”

“Just five?”

“Uhh, yep. But you don't see me being all grouchy this morning. I had a date!”

“No way. The great Chanyeol did not go on a date.”

Chanyeol puffs out his lips and tosses the now empty chip bag away, onto the pile of clean clothes. “You're right. It wasn't a date. Not a normal date anyways. It was a research date!”

“Please tell me you don't consider working on a school project with a girl a date?”

“She's my TA. I think she likes me.”

“If you say so.”

Chanyeol grunts happily. “You don't know anything. She's really beau-”

“Ah-ahhh!” Baekhyun screams and jumps when a figure he hadn't noticed, on a bed in the corner he hadn't noticed, sits up unexpectedly.

“Oh hey, Jongdae! Uhm, morning! Baek, this is my favorite roommate ever, Jongdae! And this is Baekhyun. We went to high school together.”

Said roommate looks like he just woke up, and by the scowl on his face, Chanyeol and Baekhyun are the reason why. Jongdae blinks his eyes a few times and ignores the introductions. With a grunt his shoves off sheet and blankets and slides to the floor wearing only his boxers and a T-shirt. He runs a hand through his messy hair and hops a few steps over the junk littered floor before disappearing into their miniscule bathroom.

“He’s actually really nice when he’s awake,” Chanyeol apologizes softly.

“I'm sure he is.”

Half a minute later the bathroom opens up and Jongdae, still zoned out, returns to his bed. He sits in it this time instead of lying down, blankets bunched over his lap, and eyeballs the intruder with some skepticism. “Hi.”

“Hi…” Baekhyun responds.

Jongdae turns his head sharply to his roommate. “Chanyeol, is your friend gay?”

“What?”

“I just want to know. I heard something about boys earlier and I just want to know if I should put on some pants or not, or if I’m safe in any way.

The messed up face Baekhyun’s making right now would typically have Chanyeol laughing, except he’s more concerned about his roommate’s sudden attitude shift. In any case, he’s not entirely sure of the answer.

“Uhm… I don’t know. Baekhyun, which way are you swinging this week?”

“What the—, Yeol. Seriously?”

“Well how am I supposed to know? You never talk about your love life!”

“I haven’t had a love life  _in years_ , that’s why!” Baekhyun answers sharply. To Jongdae he says, “Yes I’m gay. But I’m interested in someone right now, so you’re safe.”

“Really??” Chanyeol gets excited. “Who? Who’s the guy? Do I know him? Though, I’m guessing I probably don’t. How long now? Are you dating yet? Man you never tell me anything! I feel left out.”

“ _I_  feel left out,” Jongdae mocks from the corner.

Chanyeol turns on him. “Hey, I just tried to explain that you’re actually a nice guy when you’re awake, and you treat him like this.”

He shrugs. “I was just asking a simple question.”

“It’s okay. I don’t really mind. At least he’s direct about asking. Some people drive me crazy with all their sly questioning. It took Tao a whole month to ask if I was gay and he still won’t even answer my questions back.  _Like he’s got anything left to hide_.” Baekhyun smirks.

“Tao’s your roommate, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Hey you didn’t say who—  Is Tao the guy?”

“No! Another guy. Look I don’t really know where we stand yet, so can we not talk about this right now. I promise I’ll fill you in soon.”

Chanyeol concedes and they pick other, safer topics of conversation, like what each of them have been up to in school, or in Baekhyun’s case, the company. It’s hard to describe his dancer lifestyle since the other two are so unfamiliar with that world, but he tries and they for the most part seem interested. It's fortunate, because with Baekhyun’s schedule, and him not wanting to talk about Kai yet, he doesn’t really have anything else to share.

As the clock wears on, Baekhyun feels the comforting string of familiarity, thanks mostly to being around his best friend again. He has to give Jongdae some credit too though. The more awake he becomes, the more input he gives to their conversations, and Baekhyun decides he’s not that bad a guy, even if he does find the nearest opportunity to pull on some real clothes.

“Has anyone eaten yet?” Jongdae eventually asks. “Chanyeol, you just ate all those chips, didn't you? Damn.”

“Uhmm, I'm sorry?”

“Let's go out. Baekhyun, have you eaten?”

“I ate a late breakfast, but I could probably eat again.” He calculates how much time he has before he needs to get back, and it's just about the right amount of time to grab another meal. “You know someplace close?” 

“Taco place around the corner. It's not that good, but come on.”

The three of them make a funny picture walking down the street with Chanyeol towering a full head taller than the two shorter boys. Jongdae walks with the reflexes of someone well used to making a beeline for the hole-in-the-wall taco shop, hands stuffed in his pockets and head facing straight ahead. Chanyeol hangs back a step to walk beside Baekhyun while he attempts to pique his interest with college gossip of people Baekhyun's never heard of before and doesn't care about. He desperately misses the times when their friends were all mutual, and they could hold big raging parties ( _definition_ : lots of video games, pizza and soda cans), and the most they had to worry about was passing their classes and enjoying life. Times sure change, he thinks a little bitterly. He wonders if he can find an opportunity to invite Chanyeol up to see him, and introduce him properly to Tao and some of his dancer buddies. If he can get Kai to come too, and Kai's friends, because they seemed like nice guys, all things considered... Heck, he can even picture Jongdae hanging out with them. And Kris, since he seems to be glued to Tao's side. Baekhyun likes large parties made up of friends. It makes him feel alive, especially when he's at the center of it all.

“Okay Baek, now you look devious. What are you thinking about? What evil plans are you crafting now?”

“Me? Nothing!”

“Ohh, you're the picture of innocence.”

“I'm serious! I was just thinking... if I could get everyone-- nah, never mind.” 

“Spit it out. If you could get everyone... who's everyone?” 

“No, it wouldn’t work. I was thinking about having a party sometime but it's too much trouble. Maybe just something small. Want to come up next weekend and hang out? You too, Jongdae, if you want.”

“This weekend?”

“Yeah. Oh wait! I can't! We have some sort of school performance thing on Saturday. Like a practice for some of the stuff we're working on in one of the university auditoriums.”

“Oh, that's too bad. It's a real performance though? People can come and watch?” Chanyeol asks.

“Yes. It's free too, I think.”

“Well that's cool. I'll come watch then.”

Baekhyun's stunned and a little happy. “Really?”

“Yeah why not? I haven't been to one of your dance recitals in ages. And besides, you're a soloist now. Professional soloist! I should support. Jongdae, want to come and see the  _magnificent flying Baekhyun_  dance? He's the best of the best and I'm not exaggerating just because he's my best friend!”

Jongdae laughs, a little frightened, but to Baekhyun's surprise he nods too and says he can come. 

With the new prospect of having at least one real friend in the audience, Baekhyun's mood lightens considerably by the time they order their food. Halfway through eating a taco claiming to contain a Mexican sausage recipe known as chorizo, his phone chirps loudly. Baekhyun's heart starts pounding when he sees the texter's name light up, and the partial message displayed on the lock screen. 

_Kai: I'm gonna be at the studio tonight. Will you be around?_

A second message quickly follows: 

_Kai: Stupid question. Of course you'll be there._  

And the third: 

_Kai: But will you have time to see me?_

Baekhyun quickly types his reply while he chews, failing to contain his grin and he chokes on the bite he's swallowing instead. Chanyeol smacks him on the back and peeks over to see the message. 

_Baekhyun: Yep. I'll always have time for my tutor._

 

* * *

 

 

10  AT THE WATER FOUNTAIN

 

 

Kai’s mother’s office is pretty homey, considering it’s really a workplace from which his mom manages the business side of the company, and every now and then frightens a few of the newbie dancers. Currently it's being used for networking on the phone with a representative of the university they’re to perform at in a few days.

“Yes, Mr. Hopper, we’re looking forward to setting up this weekend. I think your people will be in for a good show… Yes we’re bringing all of our company to showcase the new choreography and stage pieces… it’s about half of our repertoire for the winter season… Mhmm… Yes I’ll be sending someone down there tomorrow to work on staging details…”

From his seat in the stuffy armchair, Kai has a good view of the massive built-in bookshelf above his mom’s desk. There are fewer books on it than there are program bills of years gone by, and more pictures probably than were in their home growing up. Lining the shelves are all the best shots of the beautiful Kim Tae Hee in her dancer years, stunning frames of her on the stage mid-leap or spin, and countless photographs of her backstage or in gala events with famous international artists. But there are even more pictures of her son: dozens of photographs from every stage of his life, from birth to present. From baby pictures, to his first dance costumes, to magazine spreads of the genius teenage dancer, a few stick out like a sore thumb: Kai a year ago eating food with his dad, one or two shots of him hanging out on a Texas beach, and a single photograph of him with his precious Monggu, left behind.

Kai can’t decide whether he’d like to throw away the most recent pictures and leave his legacy intact, or keep only those and hide the rest. Which would hurt the most, the least?

“… I’m so glad this is going to be happening too… Yes, well then we’ll see each other soon… and thank you! Goodbye now.”

She sighs and relaxes back into her desk chair. “Well that’s over with. Formalities complete. Sorry for keeping you waiting.”

Her son shrugs. He’s just killing time by sitting in her office, nothing lost or gained.

She stares at him expectantly. “Well? So aren’t you going to tell me how you are? How was the transition? Everything happen smoothly? You’re getting along just fine?”

“Yeah, mom. Everything’s good.”

“How about your apartment? Is Kyungsoo a good roommate?”

“Why wouldn’t he be?”

“I’m just asking, silly.” She smiles and leans over to mess with his head. He scowls and pushes her hand away, in vain trying to repair the damage done to his hair.

“I wish you’d—” but her sentence is cut off by a couple taps at her door. “Come in!”

The door opens slowly, a face preceding the body, and in steps Yixing. Kai gapes at the stranger he hasn’t seen since Friday night, though Yixing doesn’t seem as surprised to see Kai back. He nods to the boy first before formally greeting his mother with a bow, a two-handed handshake and a little peck on the cheek.

“Yixing. I’m so glad you could make it by today.” At Kai’s look of consternation, she quickly says, “Have you two met? Oh of course you must have since he’s a great friend of Sehun’s. I’ve been trying to persuade Yixing to come and dance for us for a season. He’s been on loan from China for another company here but that contract is about to expire soon. Yixing, I hope you have good news for me?”

He smiles jovially. “I think I will, yes. I came to discuss some of the details with you. But of course if you’re busy right now I can come back later. I don’t want to intrude on your family time if I’m a bother…”

Kai quickly jumps up. “It’s no bother. I was just hanging out. Please, take my seat.” Yixing looks at him with concern. Whether it's for kicking him out of his chair or for the memory of his blunt error a few nights ago, Kai’s not sure. He feels the urge to try and appease the man, however. “Uhm, I’ll be around the studio most of today. Come find me when you’re done, if… you want.”

Yixing appears instantly relieved. “Thank you. I will.”

Kai closes the door behind them and exhales slowly. The third floor corridor is empty and silent. Too silent. Without any distraction his thoughts come to him too easily, unbidden and unwanted. Yixing is probably seated by now in the room behind him, discussing his career and future in the company Kai’s mother put together for him –  _him_ , not Yixing – but it’s too late to do anything about that now.

The second floor is livelier. Music from several of the dance rooms floats up the staircase before he’s even halfway down. He’s been avoiding this floor for an hour now because honestly, with the way his mood’s been today, he’s up until now lacked the courage to seek out Baekhyun. Baekhyun knows too much about him, or at least he knows more than most people do. But he also hasn’t backed away yet, and while he knows the lithe little dancer is a genuine person, how much of those friendly feelings stem from pity? Even if it’s just a hint of pity, it makes Kai want to vomit.

One of the practice doors opens and Kai jumps, expecting to see the object of his thoughts. It’s not him, however. Luhan and Minseok practically fall out of the doorway in an exhausted state, each shoving the other carelessly as they stomp over to the water fountain.

“Me first!”

“Get out of the way!”

“Get  _yourself_  out of the way!”

“Luhan, move!”

Luhan hogs the fountain, menacingly blocking the smaller dancer’s efforts at hydration, as Minseok alternately pounds on the other’s back and pulls on his waist, each to no avail. Luhan practically wraps himself over the fountain, taking in the stream of water, more of which ends up in his hair and nostrils than in his mouth. Kai decides to intervene. He sneaks up behind the two, reaches one hand past Minseok, and shoves Luhan’s face downwards.

The soaked dancer shrieks coming up, his mouth poised to scream at Minseok when he sees the laughing Kai instead.

“Minseo—! Kai! Kai, you jerk!”

Luhan rages, his head and arms now flinging droplets of water, and lunges for his assailant’s head. His hands connect on either side of Kai’s face from neck to ears as he shakes and rocks the boy’s body, manhandling him into the opposing wall. Kai wheezes from laughter while Minseok, fresh from his own drink of water, cheers him on.

“How dare you! How dare you! You should’ve called us up! You should’ve called me the moment you got back! I had to hear about you from Minseok, and stupid Minseok wouldn’t give me any details, and… and… stop moving, you bastard!” He releases Kai’s head and encircles his arms around his neck, effectively choking Kai instead.

“Luhan. Luhan, I can’t breathe!” Minseok tries to pry Luhan away, but he won’t let go, nor will he drop the huge smile that’s been on his face since the moment he saw his young friend returned. 

“Tough! You’re mine, now!”

Kai gives in and with as much air as he can sigh with hesitantly places his arms in a loose hug around Luhan’s back.

“Aww, what a cute scene.” Suho genuinely laughs from where he stands middle of the hallway. “Reunited at last. Sorry, Minnie.” He pats the latter on the shoulder and takes his turn at the water fountain.  Baekhyun occupies the place Suho just left, and Kai extricates himself from Luhan’s embrace in record time. The action isn’t missed by anyone within standing distance.

Kai takes a few steps away looking vaguely harassed and a little wet while Baekhyun crosses his arms and smiles.

“Did you just get here?”

“Uhh, no?”

Luhan tsks in disapproval. “So you’ve been hiding out somewhere? You should’ve come in to see us! Come on. Into the room you go!”

He tugs at the back of Kai’s shirt and drags him backwards through the door. A few of the dancers inside look up in surprise. It’s break time and most lay around the dance floor in various states of exhaustion, some chugging water bottles, others massaging their legs or aching muscles. Kai accepts a hug from Ms. Jung who greets him like an older sister and Luhan pulls him down to sit cross-legged next to him and Minseok. Suho walks in, spots himself in the mirror and pulls off a few low pirouettes.

“Hey, Suho! Give it a rest won’t you? You’re making us tired,” Minseok whines. Suho refuses to sit down and takes himself to the other side of the room to practice by himself. “Ahhh, that guy won’t ever quit if he thinks there are people watching,” he mutters to his friends. He reaches over to his bag by the wall and pulls out a grey hoodie. His body is apparently to tired to cooperate though because halfway through he gets stuck with only two arms in and his head buried inside. Luhan snorts and starts pulling at the fabric, slowly uncovering Minseok’s head.

Kai thinks those two look the same as ever. He stretches out his legs and glances around for Baekhyun, but notices that the boy didn't follow them into the room. Given the last thing he must have seen in the hall, that worries him, but Baekhyun enters just a moment later, wiping his chin of water. He walks over to the threesome and awkwardly hovers above the seated figures.  Kai leans back on one hand, and using the mirror to guide him, lifts his free hand up to tug at Baekhyun’s wrist, urging him down.

Baekhyun needs no other encouragement. He sinks to the ground ungracefully between Kai and Minseok, and Luhan catches his eye. He’s frightened when he sees a slight smirk flit across Luhan’s thin pressed lips.

“So when did you too meet? I didn’t know you knew each other so well?”

Kai and Baekhyun both evade the question.

“Uhh.”

“Uhm.”

“I heard you were here last weekend, Kai,” says Minseok. “Allie said she saw you in another room with Baekhyun. How come you were practicing by yourselves?”

“I was… we were…” Kai falters.

“Is it a private composition? Are you working on something special together?”

“No, not really.”

“Oh, then what is it?”

Baekhyun decides to end this. “He’s my dance tutor!”

“Dance tutor?” Luhan exclaims. He adds in a softer voice, “So that’s what they’re calling it these days.”

“Yeah, I was just helping him out a bit since he’s new. My mom—“

“Oh, so you don’t know each other?” Luhan begs to hear otherwise.

“Not… really, before last week.” Baekhyun offers up.

“But you knew who Kai was, yes?” Minseok asks, “I mean like, before then you did?”

“I… saw him at a competition once.” He hoped to clear up some of the confusion but it’s only getting messier now. Baekhyun frantically glances at Kai, his eyes pleading for some kind of help since he doesn’t know how much the principal dancers actually know about Kai, or how much he wants them to know. Does their knowledge include Kai’s inability to dance anymore, or do they not know that? Should Baekhyun drop the fact that yes, Kai not only watched him dance last weekend as his tutor, but that only two nights ago they went out, and  _did_   _things_  together, like walking? That they’ve texted each other more than a few times since then? 

Minseok keeps pushing. “Oh which competition was that? I remember we all went to at least a couple together, right, and we saw you, because I recognized your name when you finally came here.”

Luhan is quick to add, “Yeah yeah we did! Kai, wasn’t it at the—“

“Guys, guys! That was ages ago!” Kai laughs, but he looks a bit panicked. “Baekhyun and I went out with some friends the other night. That’s how we know each other now, okay?” 

“Oh. Okay.”

Luhan looks pleased, and Minseok hums a bit in appreciation of this news. Kai looks more and more awkward but at that moment Ms. Jung reenters the room and insists the dancers get off their lazy butts and get back to work. She entreats Kai to stay and watch but he declines. Baekhyun watches him steadily as he politely bids her goodnight and turns to leave. Three steps from the door, however, and he about faces. Kai ignores the looks from everyone as he quickly marches up to Baekhyun and whispers in his ear, “I’ll find you when you’re done so don’t run away.” With a wink Baekhyun thinks only he caught, or maybe he only imagined it, Kai is gone. 

The rest of the rehearsal goes smoothly except for the butterflies raging in Baekhyun’s stomach, and the fact that Luhan and Minseok both stare at him more than they had before. If he didn’t know any better he would think their little brains were working double-time, putting two and two together of all of Kai’s reactions this night.

His suspicions are unfortunately proved correct when Minseok corners him on the floor during a short break.  *Minseok plays with his phone distractedly, hunched over his crossed legs, but he looks over once at Baekhyun and pointedly asks, “Are you and Kai… you know…” He bobs his head as if trying to nudge the words out without saying anything impertinent.

Baekhyun gets the question though and squirms. “I don’t know…” he says truthfully, hoping this won’t turn into an interrogation. Maybe a counterattack would be best. While Minseok taps again at his phone he asks, “Why? Does it seem like he likes me?”

He doesn’t look up or respond and Baekhyun gets impatient.

“Hey, you can’t just ask a question like that without giving up something in return. Miinseeeookk hyuuunngg…” For emphasis he nudges him with his elbow. When that doesn’t work he assures himself that Luhan's not watching and sets his chin on Minseok’s shoulder, pouting.

Minseok ignores him still, but after a few moments he completes whatever message he’d been typing and dislodges Baekhyun’s chin with a slight shoulder dip. “Sorry about that. Just needed to finish one thing before it was too late.” He sneaks one arm around Baekhyun to pat him on the back comfortingly. “Oh, and to answer your question: yes, I think so. I know so.”

Baekhyun’s jaw drops, the candid answer quite unexpected. “What do you mean you  _know_  so?”

“Oh? I just mean, Kai’s always liked you. Be nice to him, okay? I think he needs a lot of support right now.” He stands up and abandons him to this stunning revelation. Baekhyun can’t even peel himself off the ground to follow Minseok with more than his eyes as the principal dancer stalks off to find Luhan. The two confer together over the message on Minseok’s phone, and nothing else Baekhyun does for the rest of the rehearsal will make Minseok say anything more. 

It's with slight trepidation that Baekhyun sees Kai again after the rehearsal ends. He's leaning against the door as the dancers vacate the room, and he looks nervous too in Baekhyun's eyes. He packs his things into his bag, fumbling with a shoe that refuses to go in properly and glares as he watches Suho giving Kai a hard time. He can't hear what Suho says, except that Kai looks annoyed and that's enough to annoy Baekhyun as well. Pretty soon it's just him, Luhan and Minseok left in the room and those two seem ready to go. Luhan jumps up rather sprightly for having practiced such a long evening in the studio. As he approaches their sentry at the door, he gives Kai one more good welcome.

“I'm so glad you're back.” His smile is large and beautiful, and proud. “You will come around more, won't you?”

“Yes, I promise.” 

“Good. Well in that case we can go. Come on Minseok!”

Baekhyun turns out the light and follows everyone down the hall. “Where are you two off to that you're excited?”

Minseok blushes red, but Luhan beams. “We have a date!”

Kai chokes and Baekhyun's eyes light up. “No kidding!” 

“Yep! Minseok knows a girl who has a twin sister, so we're doubling tonight. Isn't that awesome? Twin sisters! How hot is that?”

It's Baekhyun's turn to choke. “You're... what? You're going out with twin sisters?”

Luhan's still grinning by the time they reach the bottom of the stairs, but Baekhyun notices how Minseok looks rather calm about the whole thing, calmer than a man should be at the prospect of such an entertaining and  _hot_  night. Kai places a palm on his shoulder and squeezes gently. “Have fun then...”

“Thanks, goodnight.”

Kai locks the front door of the building as the two older ones head down the street and Baekhyun stands beside him, both of them feeling odd and suddenly empty. 

“That- that was interesting,” says Baekhyun sadly. 

“Yeah, that was.” 

Now that they're alone, he remembers their own situation. Kai told him not to run off, so does that mean he has something planned for right now? It doesn't seem to be 'dance tutoring' since they're leaving the studio already. 

“Uhm, so what are we doing?”

“ _Not_  going out to meet hot chicks. Come on, follow me.”


	3. Chapter 3

11  THE PEACE STATUE

 

“You’re really not going to tell me where we’re going?”

Kai and Baekhyun haven’t even gotten halfway down the block from the studio. It’s barely 8:30 pm and the sun has been set for an hour already. Baekhyun shivers in his light jacket, and he almost walks faster than Kai.  His companion for the evening, however, refuses to be hurried.

“You’ll find out. Just be patient.”

“But I’m not a patient person. I also feel yucky from dancing all afternoon and evening. You should’ve given me a least a little bit of a warning so I’d know what to prepare for.”

“What did you think we’d be doing?”

“I don’t know. I figured you’d probably corner me in a dance room and lecture me again about my layouts or something stupid like ‘flow’ or how my rhythm is too structured.” 

“That was Plan A. But I changed my mind.”

“So this is what, Plan B? What am I now, an afterthought?”

Kai smiles indulgingly and glances at the backpack slung between Baekhyun’s shoulders. “Did you pack any clean clothes in that bag?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, then good. Let’s make a detour.” They turn left at the end of the block.

While Baekhyun yaps nonsense, still trying to uncover Kai’s mystery plan, they make the five-block walk relatively quickly. Kai tries not to come across too smug at the wide-eyed look on Baekhyun’s face when they stand before his apartment door, but it seems Baekhyun didn't consider this possibility. Too bad this isn’t their final destination, but with Kyungsoo due home within the half hour, it’s not really conducive to his plans, nor will it be helpful with what he think Baekhyun needs.

He kicks in the door, mail flying off a table from the sudden air flow, and the two step into a room lit only by the lamppost outside. Kai flips a switch, glad for once that he made his bed this morning. He’s gladder still that his roommate’s tidier side is the first thing a person notices upon entering, while his side is for now partially obscured by the angle.

 “Home, sweet, home. There’s only one mystery room in this place as you can probably tell by now. Here, quick. Go take a shower and then you’ll feel better.”

“What?”

Kai peers at him. “I said you can take a shower.”

“You want me to take a shower here?”

“You said you felt yucky. My place was on the way,  _and_  it has a shower.”

“Something feels fishy. You just want to get me naked in your bathroom, don’t you?”

“Awww, you’re no fun, already solving my master plan. Congratulations, by the way.”

“Don’t be cheeky. I bet you have a camera installed in there for occasions just like this.”

“Of course, but I only turn it on for Kyungsoo.”

“What?!”

Kai tries to laugh but at Baekhyun’s livid, tormented expression, he stops with only a wide grin and smiles silently so that his nose scrunches up. He gives him a half-hearted push in the direction of the bathroom before he crouches down to raid the tiny apartment fridge. Baekhyun stands still and huffs for a moment and then he too turns away. Kai hears the bathroom door close with a small thump, and then the exaggerated sound of Baekhyun turning the lock.

Baekhyun opens the door a short while later, by which time Kai’s had a chance to pick up his dirty clothes from yesterday, and shove a few things underneath under his bed to hide the clutter. With Baekhyun out of the shower, he stands just outside the doorway, admiring the view.

“Now do you feel better?”

“Clean, I guess.” Baekhyun bends forward to stare at his complexion in the bathroom mirror, wiping away imaginary dirt from under his eyes. He’s already put on his fresh clothes and jacket from earlier. Kai grabs the damp towel lying on the sink and dumps it back over Baekhyun’s head. “Huh?” he utters.

“Dry it well. I made us food to go.”

“You made us food?” Baekhyun continues to blot dry his wet hair.

“Well… I made sandwiches…”

“Wow, I feel honored.”

“Hey, they’re gourmet sandwiches. They even have lettuce on them.”

“ _Oohhh_ ,  _lettuce_. Very gourmet. So where’re we going, huh? Huh?” Baekhyun trails him out of the bathroom, eyes wide and smile eager. He stares around the room as if it will reveal any hint of their destination.

“You’ll find out! Now here, take this. Stuff it in your backpack, alright?” He tosses Baekhyun the bag with their sandwiches before returning to the bathroom himself.

Baekhyun completes his examination of Kai and Kyungsoo’s apartment. He doesn’t know how two people manage to share such a tiny space, but it is a half step larger than Chanyeol’s place, and much, much cleaner. The table by the doorway catches his eye, or rather the untidy pile of mail on the table does. He doesn’t mean to snoop, but right on top of the pile is an open letter with a local university seal addressed to a Mr. Jongin Kim. Whoever opened it hadn’t returned the letter all the way back into its envelope. From the cross section still viewable, Baekhyun reads the fine print notice accepting Jongin Kim’s degree plan, with the following requirements to be met this semester. The rest of the message remains hidden within the folded paper in its envelope.  

Baekhyun’s body jolts violently at the sound of Kai coming out of the bathroom, and he hastily turns his back on the mail table.

“What’s up?” Kai looks at him, confused.

“Nothing. Just ready to go! Can we go now?”

Kai opens his tiny closet and pulls out another jacket. “How can you be so excited?” he laughs. “You don’t even know where we’re going! Here, take this for now.”

“Well, whose fault is it that I don’t know? And, thanks…” Baekhyun accepts the jacket, which is obviously much warmer than his own. Kai flips off the overhead light, and they leave.

They’re  _walking_  again tonight. Maybe this is to be their  _thing_. Baekhyun imagines somewhere down the road in life someone will ask him, how did you come to like each other, when did you grow closer, when did you fall in love, and he’ll say, ‘While walking…’  But maybe that’s a little premature. They’ve only been walking twice, though the fact that Kai’s apparently liked him for a while now is a bit puzzling. So is the fact that Minseok knows about this, and maybe Luhan too. Because to Baekhyun’s knowledge they’ve never met face to face, and he only talked to Kai for the first time just over a week ago in Mrs. Kim’s office.

Jongin Kim.  _Jongin_ , Kim. Jongin  _Kim_.

“Is Kai your real name?” he blurts out, shocking even himself to hear his thoughts spoken aloud.

Kai looks just as startled, mild terror starting to streak across his face.

“N-no.” He has no reason to lie.

“Your real name is Jongin?”

“Wh-where did you see that?”

“On a letter addressed to you in your apartment.”

Kai's brain panics, wracking his mind around what kind of mail Baekhyun could have seen, before assuring himself that there was really no reason to be so worried.

“Yes. It’s my birth name. Still on all of the official records, but nobody’s called me that since I was really little.”

“How come?”

The nosy Baekhyun returns, Kai thinks. He finds it doesn’t bother him as much anymore. So he answers, “It was a family name from my dad’s side of the family.  But uh, when he left us when I was a kid, my mom just kind of changed it. I don’t even remember being called Jongin. Even my dad uses Kai now.”

“Where’s your dad then?”

“In Texas. I lived near him there until recently.”

Kai’s jaw clenches a little, and Baekhyun resists the urge to ask him more about his family. Instead he says lightly, “So you’re in college now.”

“Yes…”

“Doing what?”

Kai keeps walking for a few moments, in silence and smiling slyly, as Baekhyun tries to guess what he’s going to say. “You’re not going to leave me hanging here, are you?” He pries.

“I bet you won’t guess it.”

“Well now that you say that, I guess I won’t. What is it, Engineering? I’ve heard that school has an intense program.”

“Do you really see me as an engineer?” Kai laughs and Baekhyun shakes his head. “Well, you’re right about that. Nope. It’s Bilingual Education.”

“You’re kidding.”

“I’m not.”

“They offer Bilingual programs in Korean?”

“Spanish, actually. Or did you forget I’ve lived here most of my life, and in Texas too.”

The world turns as Baekhyun suddenly imagines Kai, the teacher. Mr. Kim, educator. The casual jeans and baggy jacket Kai wears now fade away as he suddenly envisions him wearing suit jackets and slacks with maybe a striped tie and a more tamed hairstyle. Surprisingly, the scenario fits.

“I think that’s kind of cool, actually.”

He smiles as he looks into Kai’s eyes, and so he doesn’t realize that Kai has lead them across the last street they intend to cross this night. He glances up, unexpectedly mesmerized by an architectural landmark he can’t believe he didn’t notice before. 600 feet of Gothic walls, arches, windows and spires tower above the cityscape and literally dominate the neighborhood. Baekhyun’s jaw falls open, his eyes huge and in awe. Kai smiles knowingly.

“You brought me to a…”

“Cathedral? Yes and no. Come this way.” He leads them through a crop of trees which give way to a small enclosure, encircled by greenery, shrubs, and more trees. In the center stands a 40 foot statue in bronze which Kai ignores until he’s past it and seated on the bench-like steps placed there to admire the artwork. He rests his hands behind him and leans back while Baekhyun stares alternately at the statue lit by moonlight and at Kai. He sits beside him tentatively, pulling off his backpack and laying it to the side.

“Why did you bring me here?” he asks.

Kai hums. He closes his eyes and breathes in deeply, his features relaxing with every passing second. He looks peaceful, rested, and happy.

“It’s called the Peace Fountain.”

“Huh?”

 “The Peace Fountain. Something about the battle between good and evil.” He points lazily at the statue with one index finger. “That’s the Archangel Michael and there’s the defeated Satan. Spoiler alert: the good guys win this round.”

“I don’t understand?”

“It’s peaceful here.”

Baekhyun squints his eyes, still not understanding Kai’s point.

“Okay it’s not a perfect illustration. Except that I like this place. It’s peaceful. I used to come here as a kid, and even though the city is loud and chaotic and there were so many things to do and places to be, I liked it here, because I always felt that here I could relax. No worries or anything. It’s quiet and not a lot of people come here.”

“So, you’re sharing this place with me?”

“Kind of.”

Baekhyun waits for him to explain; for once he is content to listen.

“I ran into Yixing today. I saw him after he’d had a talk with my mom about things – by the way, did you know he’s coming here as a dancer? – Anyways, he asked me what I was going to do later. I said I was waiting around to see you, and I didn’t know what I was supposed to do or plan or what, because I seriously lack at planning events or anything fun or exciting. He said I should go someplace that you would like to go to, and while yes, that is a brilliant thought,  _thank you Yixing_ , I couldn’t come up with anything. I don’t actually know the things that you like, or places you like to go, because I’ve never really asked. All I know is that you’re a dancer and you love to dance, and that you overwork yourself and you always look so exhausted—” Baekhyun swallows thickly. “—So I thought to myself, where could I drag you off to that wouldn’t make you even more tired, but where you could relax and just…  _be_ … and then I remembered this place.”

Baekhyun gapes at him, his mouth still hanging open, and Kai looks suddenly embarrassed.

“I’m sorry… I know it’s a weird place.”

“What? No. No it isn’t!”

“Yeah, it is. And you’ve been excited all night long just to sit and stare at a fountain statue.”

“I’m not! I mean, I’m not bored and this isn’t that weird of a place. Actually, it—it’s really beautiful. And, thank you for thinking of me like that. That’s… actually  _really_ thoughtful.”

Kai stares back at him like a man shocked at his reprieve from death row.

“Hey you know what we should do?” Baekhyun says.

“What.”

“Eat our sandwiches. Before the gourmet lettuce shrivels up.” Kai nods, so he immediately pounces upon his backpack and fishes the not-completely-squished sandwich bag out through the zipper opening. He separates the two sandwiches wrapped in their paper towels and gives Kai a thumbs-up as he chews his first bite. Kai does the same, and they eat their dinner in silence until only the crumbs and their crunched up napkins remain. Baekhyun collects the trash, shoves it into his backpack and looks at Kai eagerly.

“Okay since you picked the place, I’ll plan the activities.”

“Okay…?”

“We can talk.”

“What about?”

“About me! Since you said you don’t know anything about me.”

Kai scoffs. “Of course it’ll be about you.” But he smiles all the same.

“Well, would you rather talk about yourself?”

Baekhyun knows him too well. Kai bites his bottom lip, still smiling and shakes his head. He’d much rather learn more about Baekhyun.

“See then? Okay, ask me anything.”

“What’s your favorite color?” Kai begins.

“Black, grey. Boring answer for a boring question.”

“Favorite foods?”

“I like everything. You’re going to have to be more specific than this.”

“Do you play piano?”

“What an Asian thing to ask. Yes.”

“How long since you moved to the city?”

“Since this summer.”

“And I’m guessing you almost never go out and do fun stuff.”

“Is that a question or an assumption?”

“Hey I’m the one asking the questions here,” Kai growls.

“Sorry!” He throws his hands up in penance. “But yeah, I don’t go out much…”

“Because you’re so focused on dance?”

“Basically, yeah. Weren’t you that way too?” Baekhyun chokes before he can retract his words, but Kai only blinks once and ignores the question. “Sorry…”

Kai begins again. “You really only saw me once at a competition?”

Baekhyun tries to remember.  _Were_  there more times when they might have seen each other? Baekhyun swears they only competed against each other once, and while watching Kai dance was amazing, he’s still not too fond of the memory of his own loss. He went on to win several of the next regional events, but because of their respective age groups they just weren't in the same divisions again. But Kai said he’d seen him dance multiple times before this week...

“I really only  _saw_  you once. The rest I just heard of, or watched videos of when our class studied other companies' group competition routines.”

“You watched videos of me?”

“Well, yeah… I mean not specifically of you. Or intentionally…” Kai’s face falls a bit and Baekhyun thinks that was definitely not the right thing to say. “ _You_  saw me more than once though, didn’t you?”

“What?” Kai falters. “I… how, why do you say that?”

“Minseok mentioned something.”

Kai visibly pales. Even in the moonlight Baekhyun could see as much. “What—what did he say?”

“He said that you  _knew_  me from before.” Baekhyun deliberately changes the wording.

“Oh.”

“So that’s true?”

“Yeah, I mean I guess I must have seen you around more often than you noticed me.”

“I see.” Baekhyun rests his back against the steps behind him, ignoring the discomfort caused by the concrete edges. They sit in silence for a while, admiring the fountain and the cathedral behind it.

“Hey Kai?”

“Hmm.”

“I like this place.”

“I hoped you would like it.”

Baekhyun swallows, preparing himself. “Minseok said you liked me from before.”

He waits for the response, but there isn’t anything right away. Kai doesn’t react, doesn’t look away from the fountain, doesn’t lift his head or remove his elbows from where they prop him up. Finally he moves, sighing lightly. “Minseok was right.”

“Is he still right?”

Kai faces him directly. “Yes.”  

 

 

* * *

 

 

12  FORWARD PRESUMPTIONS

 

 

Kai was fourteen when he first took that memorable stage. It was nowhere close to being a new experience for him. He was raised on the stage, practically born behind the curtains. That day was just one in a long string of performances. Yet it would become one of his most memorable. Poised just behind the wings, his body in shadow, he waited for that familiar rush of adrenaline. One more dancer to finish and get off the stage, then it would be his turn. Kai willed his breath under control, preparing the mind. He closed his eyes.

The heavy, concealed stage light beside him practically pulsed with energy and warmed his muscles. It also illuminated a figure on the other side of the stage. Across the expanse stood a boy just like himself standing in wait. His arms wrapped around themselves, hugging the tight, brilliant red top that swirled in blacks and grays until it blended with black pants and bare feet. He should have been performance ready, yet his attention was not on the stage; it was on Kai. The two stared at each other without realizing that seconds had passed until the red-clad dancer suddenly broke the connection. Kai continued to stare as the boy awkwardly searched for another object to focus on, and then he grinned.  _I’ll give him something worth watching_. And he took the stage.

Kai’s performance was flawless, and he knew it. The power of the spotlights always pressed him on, daring him to misstep while the world watched, and yet he always had them beat. On this day though, he felt another source of power, as if the watching glance of one not so secret member of the audience could embolden him further. Kai didn’t need to make eye contact with the other dancer again, but with every flick of his head, every subtle shift in his posture, in his peripheral vision he caught him watching.  _I’ll give him something to remember_. He performed as if his life depended on it.

The victory lasted only as long as the time it took for the boy to fold.  Energy spent, costume sticking uncomfortably to his body, sweat slickening his hair, Kai refused to leave the wings until he’d watched his competitor dance. His presence, however, didn’t seem to be as helpful. The boy looked too nervous as he stepped into the light, his presence more focused on the ground below his feet than on the judges he needed to win. He appeared as though he’d already lost. When the music began he regained most of his energy, and Kai felt a short-lived joy to see the earnest performance. It fell to pieces when he faltered, however, and in that moment their eyes met again.

The boy melted under the pressure. His dance wasn’t horrible, but it did become lifeless, hesitant, and dull. Kai felt the dancer’s disappointment deep in his own heart, and he fled the scene the moment the music ended. Strange emotions coursed through his nerves as he wound his way back to the dressing room, most of which he could not isolate. Except for perhaps one - the strangest one of all? Guilt.

 

 

“For how long have you liked me?”

Kai is silent, contemplating how to answer. “Since a few times after I first saw you?”

“But—but I never saw you again? We never spoke.”

Kai smiles. His palms rest on his knees propped up on the step below him, head hanging down as if reveling in a secret only he can remember.  Baekhyun looks at him sharply, acutely, wondering how deep this crush of Kai’s went. The last time he remembers seeing Kai was when he was sitting in the communal dressing room, surrounded by his teammates and teachers, all echoing cheap sentiments of praise to the third place winner. Between fake hugs and disingenuous words of encouragement, he remembers seeing Kai for the second time that day. Baekhyun expected the solo category winner to gloat but instead he just looked sadly at Baekhyun, and then he walked off.

“I never claimed it made any sense,” Kai says. “But I saw you a couple more times after that. I saw you win first a few months later, and again a few weeks  _after that_. We didn’t compete, but I was around for most of those because of my mom.”

“I didn’t see you.”

Kai chuckles. “I know. I made sure you didn’t see me.”

“Why?”

_Because I didn’t want to make you nervous again?_  “Because I only sat in the audience” – alone, in the back, in the dark – “and I didn’t know what to say to you anyways. But in any case that’s old news.”

“Yeah. That’s old news,” Baekhyun repeats solemnly. It’s a lot for him to think about: a young Kai having a crush on him. That a dancer Baekhyun genuinely admired, but refused to think about more often than necessary, liked him, and had liked him for years… he adds these thoughts to all that has happened this week.

Kai continues speaking. “And then I didn’t see you for years so I kind of… well, didn’t think of you again—”

That jogs Baekhyun’s memory. The Kai he knew five years ago isn’t the same Kai as now. He no longer dances, and he hasn’t in years apparently. Back then he was a figure of immense strength and agility, an image that never faded because that’s all he had been: a stranger under a spotlight, and that stranger is very different from the real human being he’s come to know. Two entities, but one was a legend and the other is just Kai, gentle creature and considerate friend, even in the throes of depression. Kai’s been so transparent with him. If Baekhyun were to ask him seriously about whatever happened to end his career, he thinks Kai would answer...

“— I didn't think of you again until recently—”

Recently, Baekhyun thinks. The Kai he  _really_  knows is the man sitting next to him now, not Kai the dancer of before.

“— so.”

_So._ Baekhyun doesn’t think because he knows he doesn’t have to.  He sits up and with one hand reaches out to clasp Kai lightly around the neck. The movement startles the other, unaware of how fast their heads are pulled together before Baekhyun plants a light kiss to Kai’s lips. He rocks back almost immediately with an unadulterated look of accomplishment, and a massive box-like smile appears as he admires his handiwork. Kai looks a mess, like he couldn’t be any more shocked.

“Wh-what was that?” Kai asks breathily.

“My answer!”

“Your answer?”

“Oh.” Baekhyun looks halfway mortified. “Didn’t you just tell me you liked me still? Weren’t you… I thought kind of that you were asking me out… Oh God, I feel really stupid right now. I'm sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?” Kai really can’t get a grip on the situation, especially with Baekhyun’s lightning quick mood shifts. He grips his knees hard and his stomach churns with a mingling of sure joy and panic.

“Because… I don’t know! I really don’t. Please tell me what’s going on here before I freak out completely.”

“Baekhyun, I really like you.”

“Uh huh,” Baekhyun jitters, his eyes huge and round.

“I didn’t know if I was going to ask you tonight or later, but I’m guessing you like me too?”

“Uh huh,” Baekhyun responds.

“Then I’ll take that for an answer.” Kai grins, for the first time accepting his victory. His heart lightens when he sees Baekhyun loosening up, the tension starting to ease from his countenance. The pinkness in Baekhyun's cheeks recedes and they both begin to breathe a little more naturally.

“Kai?” His voice squeaks.

“Hmm?”

“Did I just kiss you in the moonlight on church property in front of an angel hugging a giraffe?”

“I think you just did, yeah.” Kai grins mischievously.

“Oh wow, I want to throw up. This has been such a cheesy night. Can we go back now?”

“Only if you promise not to forget anything.”

Baekhyun’s smile is back, a little embarrassed but not regretful. “Not a chance! Okay show me the way home.” He throws on his backpack, takes Kai by the hand and without waiting for a response starts to lead him out anyways.

 

 

Baekhyun gets home well before midnight on Kai’s orders that he should sleep plenty ahead of the coming week. It’s good advice, and even though he expects he won’t be able to sleep, Baekhyun passes out just minutes after closing his eyes. Monday morning comes all too soon although his windowless bedroom makes no note of it. He drags himself up yawning and finds the kitten on her usual place on his head pillow. Together they pad into the common area. He meets Tao at the same time coming out of his room, passes over the kitten (their morning ritual), and fumbles around the kitchen for a glass of water.

“When did you get in?” Tao asks, just as groggily.

“Not late. I’m surprised you were already asleep when I got home.”

“Ahh, yeah I got tired early.”

“You didn’t even do anything yesterday.”

He grumbles. “Well sometimes I get more exhausted after not doing anything than I do after a full day of dance practice. Video games wear me out.”

Baekhyun smiles amusedly. “Had fun with Kris then?”

“Yes. What’s that look for?”

“Nothing. Nothing.” He shakes his head for light emphasis, pursing his lips knowingly. With his hand resting on the door handle of the as yet unopened fridge, he thinks about breakfast, hoping to receive inspiration from the magnet picture of him and his parents and sister. Now that he thinks about it, he has a boyfriend, a _boyfriend_ , and that necessitates a phone call home. Decisions, wording, timing. What will be the right way to phrase this? ‘Mom? Dad? I know I said I was going to work hard and focus only on dance right now, but…’ He thinks his sister Minzy will be the easiest person to approach. Maybe he’ll just start off by telling Chanyeol.

He still hasn’t opened the fridge when a movement off to his left distracts him. Underneath where Baekhyun threw his bag on the couch last night is a very large, very lengthy sleeping figure. It rolls over waking up and Baekhyun’s bag crashes to the floor.

“Uhm, Tao? Did Kris sleep over?”

“Obviously,” Tao drawls.

Baekhyun stares blankly from Tao to Kris, who’s starting to sit up and rub his eyes. Baekhyun thinks he has the least sexiest bed hair he’s ever seen on a man, with his long black mane sticking out in a dozen different directions, and some even curling up under his chin by what he hopes isn’t nighttime drool. Kris just slept on his favorite blue couch pillow.

“Do me a favor, Tao and get him a haircut at least.”

“Done deal.”

Kris throws off the blanket he’d been wrapped under and stalks over to where Tao sits at the 4-seater dinette table.

“Hey.” Kris looks around, as if expecting to see breakfast.

“Cereal’s in the cabinet,” Baekhyun offers languidly.

“Huh? Oh, okay.” He doesn’t get up.

“So where were you all night then,” Tao asks Baekhyun. He fetches out three bowls, spoons, milk and cereal and places them in the center of the table. To Kris he says, “Eat up. Baekhyun and I don’t have too much time this morning.”

Baekhyun catches himself gawking at Kris again, and closes his mouth with a gulp. “Me? With Kai…”

“That whole time?”

“Yes…”

“Doing what?”

“Oh, you know. Just hanging out.”

“Are you at least dating finally?”

“Yes…”

Tao almost drops his bowl. “Seriously?! Already! Wow you two work fast! Who said what? Did he ask you out?”

“Well he sort of did.”

“Was he just boring about it? Wasn’t he romantic at all?” Tao frowns in disappointment, while Kris looks like he should be taking notes.

“Calm down, Tao. It wasn’t like that. I mean, I guess it was sort of because I did kind of kiss him first, but…”

“You kissed him first? Baekhyun, really!”

Tao squeals in delight, laughs happily and shoves a large spoonful of cereal into his mouth just in time for Kris to interject.  “I thought that Kai guy was dating the short dude.”

Tao chokes on his mouthful and starts sputtering violently, one hand clutching his throat. Kris looks on uselessly for a second before he pounds on Tao’s back, causing the poor man to choke even harder until he manages to get himself under control. By this point Baekhyun doesn’t bother to respond. 

“Details. Later.” Tao clears his throat a couple more times and then glares at Kris. From somewhere below their feet the kitten mewls unhappily, either for food or for a lap and probably for both. Tao instantly shifts into mother cat mode. “Velvie! Here, baby. Come here, baby. Velvie!” He pats at his lap but the kitten mistakes her position and jumps into Kris’ lap instead. The man startles to see the small animal suddenly appear, and jolts, tossing off the kitten who is just as surprised. She hisses furiously and scurries away into a bedroom and Tao scowls at Kris as he runs after her.

Baekhyun slurps his milk and Kris looks at him pitifully.

“What did I do?” he pleads.

Baekhyun rolls his eyes.

“I didn’t mean to scare it. I just don’t really like animals…”

Kris looks like an animal himself, Baekyun wants to say, but at the helpless look in the man's eyes, he feels a little bad. He swallows his current mouthful. “Here, I’ll presume to give you some sincere advice. If you want a chance with Tao, learn to like cats.”

Kris nods, fretting at this apparent hardship.

“P.S. He likes panda toys.”

 

* * *

 

 

13  INSPIRATION

 

The rest of Monday morning goes by in a blur. Tao and Baekhyun and the rest of the company dancers are only five days away from their first performance of the season, and despite this being a relatively low-key, community affair, it’s still stressful on everyone. It’s only been one week since the dancers started learning new routines, and with just a few more days to go, those routines need to be memorized, perfected, and spotless. The studio is already under a flurry of activity as set workers plan out the staging details, dragging boxes and props down from the fourth floor. Costume designers set up shop in one of the smaller rooms, ready to schedule in the dancers’ fittings.

Tao’s first lunch break of the day is taken up by such a thing, so instead of eating with his friend, Baekhyun finds himself in the small courtyard out back eating with another pile of dancers including Luhan and Minseok. They all take a seat on the couple concrete tables and benches underneath a stunted but still shady tree.

Suho, of all people, sits down beside Baekhyun. The typically prickly soloist seems to be having one of his rare, affable moments. Side-eyeing him just in case Baekhyun’s eyes deceive him, he observes the dancer eating quietly. It’s definitely a rarity in the life of Suho, and somehow it unnerves Baekhyun.

“Tired today?” he asks casually.

Suho grunts in response, his mouth still full, but it comes with an air of finality so Baekhyun doesn’t test his luck any further, and Suho doesn’t reply again. He does speak to Luhan when addressed, though it’s just to answer a question about when his costume fitting session will be.

Luhan sighs. “Ahh most of us seem to be scheduled for this afternoon! I hate trying on outfits when I’m sweaty. Seok, when’s yours?”

“Same time as yours, as I already told you.” Minseok elbows Luhan in the ribs, and he grunts happily when Luhan twitches.

“Ow, that hurts! Why do you have to be so bony?”

“Why do you have to be so skinny? Grow some belly fat if you don’t want it to hurt.”

“I’m not skinny.  _You’re_  the skinny one.  _I’m_  muscular!” Luhan pouts.

They’re acting the same as ever, in spite of the weird feeling Baekyun had about them yesterday. He’s a little hesitant to mention this, but his curiosity is too strong, so he asks it anyways. “So, how was last night?”

Luhan immediately grins. “It was great!”

Minseok nods a couple times in agreement, displaying a pleasant smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

“I think my girl was prettier though,” Luhan continues. He seems determined to tease his friend, who only laughs and rolls his eyes.

“Your  _twin_  date looked the same as  _mine_ , idiot.” He takes another bite of his sandwich.

“Fine, okay. But I think  _my_  twin liked me better.” Luhan’s eyes glint mischievously as he stares down at his munching friend. “Guess yours doesn’t go for the chipmunk cheeks!” He cackles and presses his palms to Minseok’s full cheeks, not hard enough to leave a mark, but Minseok chokes anyways and jerks away from the touch. He swallows heavily and finally gets a chance to smack Luhan while the courtyard erupts with snickers and laughter.

“Hey why am I the one who keeps getting beat up today?!” he whines loudly.

“Because your role is less significant than mine,” Minseok retorts, and the fight is on.

Tao sits down on the free spot to Baekhyun’s left and skeptically observes the thrashing, fighting couple across the table. “Looks like a cat fight. What did I miss?”

“Luhan: 1. Minseok: 2. My bet’s on Minseok to win this for good though –” said dancer gains a choke hold around Luhan’s neck – “and there! I win my own bet.”

“Oh? So what's your prize?” Tao asks.

“My own satisfaction.” Personally Baekhyun thinks Minseok deserves to win this. Luhan was too clueless for his own good, though surprisingly he always lets Minseok win these battles, either by giving up when he technically has the physical advantage, or else he drinks too much and surrenders himself to Minseok’s mercy. Their friendship is too baffling for Baekhyun to figure out. Luhan may certainly be clueless about some things, some very  _important_  things, Baekhyun hazards to guess, yet somehow the two remain so sensitive of each other. 

“Huh,” Tao comments blandly, still watching the two wrestle.

“How was the fitting?”

“Just normal. Is a fitting supposed to be fun?”

“Guess not… I was just curious.”

“Woman took so many measurements  _and_  poked me with a needle twice,” he whines. “Oh by the way, Kai is here. I passed him in the hallway.”

“What?” Baekhyun squeaks. “I didn’t think he’d be here today.” Truthfully he hoped he would see Kai, but now that he knows the boy is in college he assumes Kai spends most of his week days there. He wishes he’d asked for his schedule last night, but somehow that didn’t seem so much a priority then as it did just spending time together.

Tao smirks. “Guess your boyfriend doesn’t tell you everything then, huh?” He speaks lightly but the others in their immediate vicinity hear it of course. Luhan and Minseok halt a game of drink tug-of-war to stare at Baekhyun, and Suho looks up sharply.

Baekhyun can’t remember the last time he felt more self-conscious with three pairs of eyes trained on his, plus Tao’s  _oops_ -infused look. He laughs warily as the trail of questions start pouring in: “You’re dating Kai?” – “Since when?”— “Since last night?”— “You’re not kidding?” – “Kai? Really?” – “Congrats!” Minseok and Luhan look ecstatic, as a few of the other dancers who know Kai crowd around them as well, all of this without Baekhyun answering even one question. Suho looks merely bored, though he does clap him once heavily on the back.

“Baek, answer us, huh?” Minseok insists politely.

“Uhh,” he titters, his tongue failing to form a response. “I, uh, yeah… last night… we…”

He’s saved from further commentary when his captive audience suddenly looks up at a spot behind him, and he feels a warm hand press down on his shoulder. He knows who it is without having to look up, and he figures he’s saved from answering when the one hand is removed and two come up to cap his ears lightly.  Baekhyun blushes bright red when he feels a pair of lips closing in over his head to peck at the hairline where his bangs are held back. 

The surrounding dancers ooh and ahhh and sound off a few fake gags. The lips depart and Kai gives Baekhyun a proper back hug, rocking his seated boyfriend around on the bench. All thoughts of having to keep this a secret are off, and Baekhyun wouldn’t have it any other way. He giggles when Kai’s hands graze across a few ticklish places on stomach and sides. Their cheeks brush across each other’s, blood flowing through Baekhyun’s body from the excitement, the newness, the partial embarrassment of the moment. No one else seems to mind though, let alone Kai, the initiator of it all, and Baekhyun’s perfectly fine with that. The only person not having fun in the courtyard is Tao, who looks a little too disgusted by the copious amounts of PDA.

“Kai, you sly thing!” shouts Luhan. “Keeping such secrets from us!” But Luhan winks, and Baekhyun’s pretty sure he’s suspected them already. He doesn’t have to ask Minseok, since he can safely say it was on his words that Baekhyun found the courage to even confront Kai.

Kai releases Baekhyun from his overly rough hug, and the others urge him to sit down. He refuses, however.

“I can’t stay long, I’m sorry.” He smiles widely, practically leering at his new boyfriend, who’s still blushing.

“How come you’re here?” Baekhyun finally asks.

“I don’t have morning classes on Monday,” he explains. “I came to see my mom about something, and I need to be quick so I can be on time for my afternoon class, but I wasn’t going to come by and  _not_  stop to see you.”

“Okay…” Baekhyun looks sad. “Will I see you later then?”

“I don’t know yet, but I’ll let you know, okay?”

“Okay…”

Kai laughs and ruffles Baekhyun's hair vigorously with one hand, then he nods to the others and retreats back inside. 

If Baekhyun felt embarrassed before, he definitely feels it now with everyone still staring at him and Kai no longer around to take the heat off their brand new relationship. “Ehhh…” he drawls awkwardly, and laughs, big toothy smile on display. “Surprise?”

It clears the air though, and while the others still pepper him with questions about the  _hows_  and  _whens_ , he declines to answer, waving away their inquiries with his apologetic, embarrassed hands. Minseok takes the hint and draws the others’ attention away from the stunning, life-shattering fact that Baekhyun and Kai are dating, and everyone knows it.

“Sorry for throwing that out there that way,” Tao apologizes quietly.

“Nah, it doesn’t matter,” Baekhyun replies. It would’ve been out soon enough, especially since Kai came down to see him. He’s still a little woozy from the encounter though, even if it was for just a short moment. How they’ll interact from now on, what kind of skinship the other one likes, how much time they’ll have for each other; they haven’t discussed any of that yet. Baekhyun doesn’t even know— “Hey wait a minute, Tao. I’ll be right back.”

He jumps off the bench seat and rushes into the building, wondering if Kai already saw his mother, or was he heading there next? A cursory glance tells him he’s not on the first floor, nor is Kai anywhere in sight when Baekhyun pokes his head out the front door, so he darts up the stairs instead. He finds him on the third floor landing a few doors down from his mother’s office.

Kai swings around at the sound of running footsteps even before Baekhyun calls out his name.

“Kai!” he says breathlessly.

“Huh? What… Baekhyun did you run all the up here?” He looks amused.

“Yeah?” he pants. “I just—at least give me your class schedule so I know when I can call or when I’ll know when you can respond to a text if I… so want.”

Kai grins back like an idiot. “Ahh, good thinking. Though you know you could’ve always just texted me to ask. You didn’t have to run all the way up here.”

So what if Baekhyun feels like an overeager boyfriend right now. Who could blame him when  _this_  was here to meet him at the top of a three flight dash? “Whatever. There’s no fun in just that, especially when I’ve only seen you for thirty seconds today.” He beams.

They’re standing about three feet from each other in the middle of the hallway, and now that Kai doesn’t have anything to prove and Baekhyun nothing to reveal to a troupe of over curious dancers, neither knows just what to do next. They haven't even been dating for twenty-four hours, now that Baekhyun thinks about it. Two one-sided pecks and a couple hugs, and that’s been it. It’s good to know, Baekhyun thinks, that they can talk so well to each other, except that now there seems to be a lull and he doesn’t know how best to fix that.

“I have class from 2:00 until 5:00 today,” Kai says.

“So I can call you after 5?”

“You can, yeah. Though I may not answer if I’m still around campus. I have to go see a professor afterwards.”

“Oh.”

“But you can text…”

“Okay then.”

“And I’ll probably respond…”

“Well you know you probably should respond. What if I have something important to ask you?”

Kai inclines his head. “Then, I would answer? What’ll be so important that I have to answer right away?” he teases, a hand sneaking its way up to grasp one of Baekhyun’s arms.

“Oh, like maybe if you have dinner plans any day this week.”  _Or if I suddenly can’t remember why you like me or if I’m only dreaming that we’re dating right now._ Have they even discussed such things?  The way Baekhyun remembers it, he asked Kai if he liked him, Kai sort of responded and Baekhyun kissed him. Just like that. He blushes from the memory. Weren’t people supposed to have concrete reasons to date, reasons that they discussed with each other? Here they are, and they haven’t even gotten to the superficial things. Does Kai even think Baekhyun looks handsome? Dorky, pretty, or at least attractive? Because he knows he thinks Kai is hot, but he’s never said it, and in any case that’s not the reason he likes him so much.  

Kai answers, and Baekhyun misses it completely. “Huh?” He snaps out of his daydream in a hurry. “Wait, what did you say?”  _When did Kai’s hand feel so tight around the base of his forearm?_

Now even Kai is confused. “I said, I don’t know about anything dinner related, but that you should text me your practice schedule too, since you seem to spend more time here than you do anywhere else.”

“Ohh, right.”

“Good. Then I’ll text you the rest of my class schedule too.”

“That’ll be great!”

They silently stare at each other. Finally Kai remembers that he has places to be. “Baekhyun?”

“Yeah?”

“I do have to get some stuff done right now…”

“Oh, right! Okay I’ll let you go now.” He turns to leave, but the hand clasping his arm causes Baekhyun to pause.

“Hey, not like that.” Kai closes the distance slowly and takes Baekhyun in his arms for a hug, wrapping his hands around Baekhyun’s tiny waist. “Say a proper goodbye next time, won’t you?” His chin nudges the shorter man’s neck.

“Okay I’ll do that.” Baekhyun hugs back.

“Good. Okay now you can go.”

He pulls back with a smile and his eyes stare brazenly at Baekhyun's lips.  He bites the bottom of his own lip and it's too much for Baekhyun to handle. Their arms still encase their bodies, but not as close as before, so Baekhyun leans in and upwards and presses a heavy kiss to Kai's lips. Unlike the night before, Kai returns the kiss, eager but not greedy. Then he separates from his boyfriend, turns the shorter one around by the shoulders and gives him a gentle push in the direction of the stairs. “See you later," he smirks.

Baekhyun thinks he mutters a goodbye, but he can't really be sure as he floats away down the staircase.

 

 

The hallway is silent as Kai watches him go, adrenaline rushing, curious if Baekhyun will return one last time, but when he doesn’t, Kai turns and knocks on his mother’s door. She answers and he enters to see her perched on the window sill. Kai’s heart pounds when he realizes what view she must have of the courtyard below, because if she’s been sitting there for as long as her overly sweet facial expression hints at, she must know.

“Something you want to tell me?” she says after a moment when Kai doesn’t react. “Seems to me like you’re monopolizing one of my dancers.”

Kai hangs his head. This conversation can go two ways, and both assumptions err on the side of Kai getting involved with a company soloist.

“I guess I’m a little surprised because I’ve never seen you date anyone before. We never talked about those things, did we?”

“No, ma’am.”

“Did you see anyone while you were in Texas? I can’t imagine you would have though.”

“I didn’t.”

“I see.” She sighs heavily, but the lecture Kai expects, either for stealing away company property or for even dating a boy, doesn’t come. “Baekhyun’s a good kid. You know, I told you to watch him dance in hopes he would inspire you once more. I didn’t introduce the two of you so you could pick out a boyfriend.”

“We’ve met before…”

“Have you?” She seems surprised.

“Kind of. Years ago.”

“Hmmm. Well take care of him then. Perhaps it’s still a good thing.” Kai remains silent. “I still expect you to watch him practice though. Regardless of what you do or think, your guidance is still a good thing for someone like him. If you spend at least some of your date nights in a practice room, you can consider that my blessing. And no, I know you don’t need my approval but you have it anyways, so go on and remember that I consider these rooms public property, so don’t try anything funny!” She swats at her son’s head and he ducks away from it, half laughter, half groans of “Mooomm!”

Mrs. Kim resists beating him any further than her one failed attempt, and instead settles back into her desk chair. She paws at her desk and hands him a large manila envelope. “Here, take these.”

“These are the pictures for the stage people?”

“Yes. The address is written on top. Drop them off with my compliments, and look professional while you’re at it. You’re my temp representative for the day.”

“Got it. Look respectable. Temp rep.”

“Babo! Get out of here!” And she shoos him out the door with another wave of her hand, smiling a little even if she does look just a tad bit worried. But maybe, Kai thinks, it's less worry than it is false hope, and that gnaws on him. 

 

 

Baekhyun does indeed text after 5:00 pm, though their conversation only determines that neither will be able to spend time with the other today. Between Baekhyun’s rehearsals and Kai’s course load and homework, they agree on dinner tomorrow.

Kyungsoo is already home when Kai reaches their apartment. The boy lays sprawled out on his stomach across the bed, a few notebooks laying around him, none of them open.

“Oh, hello,” he says cheerfully when Kai comes in.

“Hello. Uh, what are you doing?”

“I was doing some vocal exercises, but I guess I can stop now.”

Kai sinks onto his bed, dropping his bag beside him. “You don’t have to stop.” He secretly hopes Kyungsoo will though.

“No, it’s okay. I’ve been home for a while now.”  He rolls over on his back and stares up at the ceiling.

Kai’s phone buzzes with another text from Baekhyun.

 

_Baekhyun: Are you home? Luhan’s throwing an artistic fit. Says he doesn’t look his best from Stage Left_

 

Kai chuckles and responds.

 

_Kai: Yes. Tell them to place Minseok in front and then nobody will even notice._

 

A few moments later:

 

_Baekhyun: Bad idea. Now he’s cursing._

_Baekhyun:_ __He also said you were allowed no opinion in this_ _

_Baekhyun:_ __Gotta go. Don’t turn on the shower cam, ok?_ _

 

Kai doesn’t even realize Kyungsoo’s watching him with an amused expression on his face.

“Baekhyun?” he asks.

“Huh? Oh, yeah. How’d you know it wasn’t Sehun?”

“Because you don’t look as enthralled when you talk to Sehun.”

Kai grunts. He wonders how awkward it must have been for Kyungsoo all those years, forced to socialize with him and Sehun because of their parents, yet never occupying the place of true friend. At school they didn’t hang out, and Kyungsoo had his own circle of people. Kai wonders where they are now since his roommate never seems to go out with anyone else. Maybe they all dispersed for colleges elsewhere.

“How long have you known Baekhyun?” Kyungsoo asks.

Here is that weird question again and Kai laughs. “Do you want the official date or the historical date?”

Kyungsoo chuckles in return. “Something tells me this could a really long story. I guess I can change the question. Are you dating now?”

“Yeah… since last night.”

Kyungsoo whistles. “That was fast.”

“Am I supposed to blush?” He leans back on his bed, observing the same ceiling as Kyungsoo. “We did kind of meet five years ago…”

“Is that the official date or the historical?”

“We didn’t speak…”

“Figures,” Kyungsoo snorts.

“Hey, what's that supposed to mean?”

Kyungsoo doesn’t answer. He rolls over to a sitting position and his feet hit the ground like he’s about to stand up, but instead of getting to his feet he hovers with his arms propped up next to his body. He’s got that inquisitive look about him that Kai recognizes from years dodging weird, impertinent questions, and maybe Kai’s spent too much time with Baekhyun recently, so he’s ready for the words that come out of Kyungsoo’s mouth.

“Kai, why won’t you dance anymore?”

Kai knows the answer, doesn’t he? But which answer should he respond with? Should it be the lengthy, technical explanation he gives to his family and other adults, or the fears masquerading as half-assed reasons that he tells himself? It seems Kyungsoo is prepared to meet him half way.

“Even if it takes longer to regain everything, or if you think you won’t be as good as you were before, why can’t you try at least?”

Kai’s throat feels heavy, constricted.

“Don’t you miss it? Don’t you love it anymore?”

 

* * *

 

 

14  REFLECTIONS IN A MIRROR

 

_Don't you love it anymore?_

Kai asks himself the question for possibly the hundredth time today, staring at his reflection in the mirror of the empty dance studio. He hasn't bothered to turn on all the lights but the afternoon sun illuminates the room sufficiently for his purposes. In his mind he sees a younger version of himself, powerful and flexible, and if he dares to remember, sexy. He was no fool. He remembers how people used to look at him, both on the stage and off of it, so he knows how heads turned and jaws dropped, his presence blowing away all others. Sehun used to call him a cocky little bastard, and Kai owned that title proudly. Until it was all taken away from him.

_Don't you love it anymore?_

What a dumb question. Of course he loves it. Dance. The stage. The reverence and admiration of his peers, how he could communicate with a cold audience and turn them into a braying mass of hysteria. Kai was always one for perceived dramatics. His God-given talents, honed and perfected from years of training and dedication, were just his way of reciprocating to the world what his love for the art compelled him to do. But even if you took away his confidence, he'd still love it. Idolized he might have been, yet behind that he was still a boy doing what he loved most, and he had deep respect for the profession and for his seniors and teachers and for all the artists who had paved the way. That part at least hasn't changed. But Kai himself has changed. The person who looks back at him today is not the same dancer of several years ago. 

He hears the music in his head. His right leg slides across the floor, extended to the tips of his toes before it recoils, knee turning inward and a hand shoots out to balance the movement. His long fingers reach out and his head follows as the body contracts, and his arm retracts in a swoosh of air. Both feet press into the ground and with a great breathe he jumps into the air. His fists press down, and his feet ache to leave the floor, but his face searches the ceiling for a swift moment until gravity brings them down. He lands with bent knees, and with the instincts of his youth he launches once more into the air. Both arms shoot straight up beside his head as his body arches, and he takes just enough airtime to flip his feet over on themselves so that the tops of his toes ground into the floor for a split second, before his tops of his feet and shins bear all the weight. His knees crash into the floor in a well controlled dive and the body follows, hunched over and breathless. Kai pants from the sudden exertion, clutching the floor in wondrous exhaustion, and then he feels it. The strain in his back, the suddenly overworked muscles in his thighs, the bang on the caps of his knees that are sure to bruise. Even his palms ache from the collision that several years ago he wouldn't have noticed. He's nineteen and he feels old. Old and foolish for trying such a move on cold, un-warmed muscles, on a body that hasn't felt such a thing in far too long, and maybe should never feel again. 

_Don't you love it anymore?_

Yes he loves it, but not everything in life remains the same. People grow and mature, and things happen that you wouldn't expect when life takes you on a different path. He's like a boy used to only one love and one pursuit, and a light at the end of a tunnel that he follows shamelessly, until he breaches the opening at the end and finds something very different instead. 

Kai rolls over and rubs the shallow dust off his hands. Tenderly he brushes one knee and massages a shoulder with the other hand, and once again he stares at himself in the mirror. He was right. A different boy looks back at him today, and this one is a little sadder and a little wiser, and missing one huge thing in his life. Only he thinks not everything is technically lost. He has his friends again, and the remnants of his old life, and a plan, and a commitment, and to top it off, a budding relationship with a very new and very special friend: Baekhyun.

 

Sehun watches everything through the little window. His height allows him to stand in that spot in the hallway with enough shadow to conceal him should Kai happen to look out. His eyes look on sadly at his friend inside, and Baekhyun wonders what he has just witnessed to make him look so hurt in such a sympathetic manner. Sehun startles when he sees the shorter dancer observing him from several doorways away. 

“Is Kai in there?” he asks, and Sehun nods. He walks quickly towards Baekhyun, effectively stalling Baekhyun from coming closer to the window. “Is he...?” 

“He's just stretching.”

Baekhyun mimes his understanding, but doesn't look all that convinced; he’s sure that even Sehun can tell he doesn't buy it. “He said he would watch me dance again today.”

Sehun nods again, lips pouting in thought. All of a sudden he seems to remember that he's talking to his friend's new boyfriend. “So, you and Kai now...”

“Yes.” 

“That's... it's... good. I'm glad for you both.”

“Thank you?”

“No, I mean it. Really. I...” Sehun fumbles the next few words, but Baekhyun waits for him to find his tongue again. “That night after the movies, I didn't mean to sound too harsh about, well, about that... But I'm really glad you went with him. I just wanted to thank you for that. I shouldn't have said anything then, but you... you were a better friend than me that night.”

Baekhyun considers him thoughtfully, liking the boy more and more. Less than a week ago he wanted to smack Sehun for being so inconsiderate. Now he just wants to ask him to elaborate more on why Kai doesn't dance, but he knows Sehun isn't the person he should hear it from. He wouldn't ask him even if Kai remained tight-lipped about it for the rest of his life, though of course he hopes his boyfriend will open up sometime soon. His curiosity may not be eating away at him exactly, but for Kai's sake he hopes the boy will let it all out. If Baekhyun is the person he'll confide in some day, then Baekhyun will feel like he's done his job. 

He doesn't respond to Sehun. Anything he says will just confirm that Kai's best friend had indeed been a heartless jerk, if only for a few seconds, and from his perspective now it seems Sehun feels guilty enough without him adding to it. Besides, this is Kai's best friend. He's known him probably since they were partners in crime in a dancers' daycare. 

“Friends?” He stretches his hand out warmly. Sehun hesitates but then shyly accepts the offer.

“Friends,” he agrees with tight smile. His relief actually beams out of his eyes. 

“So what do you do, Sehun? All I know is that you go to college and that you teach dance most nights at the other studio.”

“Ahh, well I'm an English major.” Baekhyun smiles, taking in the information. “I guess I'll probably get a teaching certificate at some point. I kind of like kids, teaching kids I mean!” 

“That sounds great. Kids need great teachers. Do you think... will you keep teaching dance?”

“Maybe. Right now it helps pay the bills. And, well... Mrs. Kim is like family. I like helping out, even if I didn't want to dance professionally anymore.”

_About that_ , Baekhyun wants to ask, though he figures it might be too personal a question to ask a near stranger. Circumstances aside, maybe Kai and Sehun aren't too different in that regard. He'll wait until he offers before he pries into Sehun's life too much. “Mrs. Kim _is_  nice,” Baekhyun agrees. “Even if she is technically my boss.” He chuckles and Sehun smirks. 

“She's mine too now. Does she know?”

“Know that... Kai and I are...?”

“Yeah.”

“I don't know?” But Baekhyun thinks she does know. They haven't spoken together with so many words, but ever since Monday he's noticed her watching him with slightly more intensity than he remembers before. Her presence was always not very far from the dancers practice rooms, and she attends nearly ever rehearsal. But now her eye doesn't look him over just professionally. It's more calculating, more inquisitive, though not harsh. “I think she might,” Baekhyun confesses. Why wouldn't she, when the rest of the company is still abuzz with the gossip. Suddenly Baekhyun feels mortified that he didn't tell her personally. It's almost a direct betrayal of her trust, though why he feels this way, he doesn't quite understand.

The door behind them opens quietly with a small creak. Kai emerges, noticing the two boys with wide-eyes, like he didn't expect anyone to be in the hall. Sehun turns swiftly towards him.

“There you are! I was just about to go looking for you.” Kai relaxes and stalks over. He hovers a few feet from his boyfriend, strangely awkward in front of Sehun. This marks the first time he and Baekhyun are  _together_  together in his friend's presence.

“Hey,” he says to cover up his unease.

“Hey back. I popped over tonight because I was bored at home.”

“Well seeing how you’re such a boring guy, that’s nothing unusual. Did you sit in for some of the rehearsals?”

“Yep. Just watching, doing my thing… tormenting Suho and puffing up Luhan’s ego because, damn that guy’s been pissy this week!” He sighs.

Kai laughs and Baekhyun nods his head seriously in agreement with that statement. “So what are you doing now?” Kai asks.

“Now? Nothing. Just been chatting with your boyfriend here,” says Sehun.

“And?”

“He’s cool. Cool enough.”

Kai finds Baekhyun’s eyes, adding to Sehun’s approval, but in a far more gratifying way according to Baekhyun at least. “Of course I’m cool!” he pouts back, ignoring Sehun now completely.

Sehun smiles knowingly and thunks a heavy hand on Kai's shoulder. “Okay, I'll leave you two alone so you can get on with the mushy stuff.”

Baekhyun chuckles. “You don't have to run away too soon, Sehun. Promise we won't make out right in front of you!”

Kai smiles, emboldened by Baekhyun's comment. “Or won't we?” He takes one step towards Baekhyun and sneaks an arm around his waist and the two stand side by side daring Sehun to balk. Sehun plays at acting disgusted, then relaxes when the two make no further move.

“You wouldn't...”

Kai and Baekhyun both smile innocently for a few more seconds, but Sehun freaks out for real when Baekhyun gets a glint in his eye and starts making kissy noises in Kai's direction. His lips veer dangerously close to Kai's ear when Sehun gags and turns his head.

“Enough! I'm out of here. Text me later when you're  _not_ busy, Kai,” and he takes off down the hall.

Kai and Baekhyun both laugh until Sehun is out of sight; then they realize they're still connected. Kai flips Baekhyun until their chests meet and wraps his arms around him in a cushy hug.

“It's been too long,” he mumbles.

“We had dinner last night...” Baekhyun teases.

“That's what I mean. It's been too long.”

“We've only been dating for three days.” 

Kai moans. “But it hasn't been long enough.”

“You're a bit contradictory tonight.”

“And you're the one counting the days.” 

Baekhyun snuggles in closer, without response. He remembers something he's been meaning to ask. “Kai, does your mother know about us?”

Kai breathes slowly, normally. “Yes.”

“You told her already?”

“Not exactly. Remember when I found you in the courtyard? She saw that...”

Baekhyun pulls back in shock. “She saw that?!” He looks mortified.

Kai laughs and pulls him back in. “Yes. It was the first thing she mentioned, so I had to confess. Why, do you wish I hadn't?”

“No, it's not that.” Baekhyun's voice comes out in a mumble from where his face presses down against Kai's chest. “I just feel weird, like I should have said something myself. Or  _we_  should have together. Oh. Oh! What did she even say?” He looks up aghast. 

“Relax, Baek. She approves...”

“She does?”

“Yeah, she does.”

“What else did she say...?”

“You're assuming she had something else to say?” When Baekhyun nods he grins back. Since when did Baekhyun know his mother so well? Kai smiles proudly, and a devious expression invades his whole face. “She only said to use the practice rooms in a responsible manner.” He purposefully tugs their linked bodies one step closer to the nearest door. 

“Why did she say that--? oh. Oh! Kai!” Baekhyun practically wails when Kai whisks him into the nearly darkened room that Kai had been in earlier. Kai drags his boyfriend behind him, slams the door shut and with the lights out he still manages to find Baekhyun's lips with his own. The action stifles all protests as Baekhyun's body reacts instinctively, kissing back with hands clutched just below Kai's shoulders. Seconds later he cries out again when Kai suddenly disappears from his side. Baekhyun pants heavily, and focuses his eyes in the dimness. He hears the shuffling sounds of Kai's feet crossing the room, and the slight bump as his boyfriend's body makes contact with a chair. Kai fumbles with something on the desk while Baekhyun's mind reels from the excitement. His hands besides his knees, he presses backwards into the wall to keep his balance and his breath evens out after several measured huffs. He can barely make out his flushed, overly stimulized silhouette in the reflection of the mirror. Then he hears Kai speak.

“What are you doing? Turn on the light already.”

“Huh?” Baekhyun runs his hand along the wall next to the doorway until it makes contact with the switch. The light semi-blinds him for a moment until his eyes adjust.  “What... are  _you_  doing?”

Kai's fidgeting with a CD case. “Getting some music out?” He shoots Baekhyun a half-cocked smile. “You're supposed to be practicing. Come on, show me your moves.” Baekhyun glares at him across the room, and Kai continues to smile. “Come on, Baek. I was told explicitly that I still have to be your dance coach, whether we date or not. Mom's orders. So... the sooner we get started, the sooner we can get out of here and get something to eat - “ Kai's stomach groans right on cue “- and I'm hungry.” 

Baekhyun curses. Shirking the preceding moments, he prepares himself for dancer mode.

 

Friday is D-Day for the company. The members gather mid-afternoon in a strange auditorium hauling costume bags and make-up satchels. Baekhyun arrives fresh faced with his hair tied back in clips, eager to get the day started. Performance days are always long, and it’s the waiting around part that gets boring. He likes to be ready to go and in the wings, preparing for the lights as they turn off before the big moment and the opening number. It’s barely 2:00 pm, however and the show won’t go on for another six impossibly long hours.

That means six hours of downtime, and stage instructions, music and sound checks (of which the dancers need not take part so why bother?), and the inevitable pep talks and threats of torture if anyone messes up. The worst part is that there are two back-to-back nights of this, and two back-to-back afternoons of dead time. At least two hours are spent in mandatory warm-ups and at least an hour getting dressed up with stage hair and makeup, but the rest of the time might as well be social hour.  Baekhyun likes the other members and he likes hanging out with them, but he sees them every day already. Basically the afternoon is a whole lot of time wasted not spent with Kai.

Arriving at the door that marks backstage from the auditorium, Baekyun and Tao check the list on the wall for their dressing room number and hike up a few half flights of stairs. They find the room blazing hot even at this hour from the myriad of lights already on. Dozens of bulbs protrude from the frames surrounding several large mirrors. Tao turns them off immediately before dropping his bags onto the counter and chair. Baekhyun grunts gratefully and drops his things as well.

“Looks like Luhan and Minseok are already here,” Tao says, indicating a row of costumes already hanging from a rack in the corner.

“Good grief,” Baekhyun replies. “Why are they here even earlier than necessary?”

“Luhan’s probably freaking out.”

Baekhyun snorts. “You’re probably right.” He leans forward towards the cool mirror and plays with a few strands of his hair which have come loose from the journey.

A moment later Luhan himself pops his head in. “Anyone seen Minseok?”

“No?” Tao responds. “Isn’t he with you?”

Luhan shakes his head, looking frustrated. “I saw his stuff here but I’ve been exploring this place for ten minutes and haven’t found him.”

“Maybe he got lost?”

“Minseok? Lost? Never. Well, maybe he is. I mean where else can he be? If you guys see him, kidnap him and don’t let him go, okay?” He disappears before they can answer his bizarre request.

Tao frowns at the open door. “Ever notice how some days those two are like inseparable and other days it’s like they’re on two separate planets?”

“Tell me about it,” says Baekhyun, without enthusiasm. His hair is coming undone now the more he picks at it, and priorities really must be kept on a day like this.  With a scowl he gives up for the time being and instead focuses on unpacking his makeup kit, verifying that everything he’ll need in a few hours is in place and ready to throw on. Another knock on the door frame tears him from his concentration and he looks up to see Krystal, their temporary backstage manager for the night. She swings her long brown hair and smiles at the two dancers.

“I’m supposed to tell you that warm-up’s in half an hour, and you better not be late.”

“Got it. Thanks.”

“Excellent. By the way, Tao, there’s some blonde dude waiting downstairs. He says he knows you?”

Tao gulps and reaches for his phone, as if verifying a missed message, and then darts out the door past a still confused Krystal. She silently questions Baekhyun, but he only shrugs and she leaves, none the wiser. The clock inches closer towards warm-up hour, and finally Baekhyun hears the definite shuffling of two people coming down the hallway, talking lightly. Minseok steps in looking quite refreshed.  He bids a short goodbye to his friend and in the corner of his eye through the mirror Baekhyun catches the blonde ponytail of a miniscule female pass out of sight. 

“Hi, Baek.”

Baekhyun smiles pleasantly, pretending he didn’t see that. “Afternoon. Luhan was looking for you. Did you see him anywhere?”

“No?” He looks unconcerned.

“Oh. I guess he’ll make his way back here soon. I’m supposed to kidnap you and not let you go until he returns!” Baekhyun stretches back in his chair and yawns, arms raised above his head.

Minseok chuckles. “Well, you’ve got me. Where’s Tao?”

“Dunno.” He yawns again, this time even sleepier than before. “Aren’t you tired?” he asks Minseok. The whole company had stayed up ridiculously late the night before practicing. It’ll be a wonder if they all drag in on time today.

“I was.” Minseok sorts through his things. “But I found a coffee shop nearby so I’m doing better now.” He looks up as a figure appears in the door looking scandalized. Luhan, holding two coffees in his hand, walks in unsteadily and sets one down.

“You… got coffee already?” he stutters. “B-but I just went out and got you some.”

Minseok apologizes but thanks him anyways, and Luhan sits down with a bummed appearance. “Here Baek, want the other coffee?”

“Sure. Why not. Thanks for thinking of me, Luhan.”

“Yeah, no problem,” Luhan whines lowly, and Baekhyun scoffs.

Krystal rushes by their doorway again. “Five minutes everyone!” Baekhyun grabs his shoes, stands up to put them on, and at the last second throws them back on the ground. Time to check out the stage first, he thinks, and the three of them slowly prod their way out onto the curtained stage for warm-up.

 

* * *

 

 

15  HALLWAY SUGGESTIONS

 

Tao slides into his spot on the floor not a moment too soon, ignoring the scowls of one of their choreographers whose job it is to lead the cast through warm-ups. Tao looks breathless from the race up the stairs through the backstage area. Baekhyun spares him a glance while he stretches, legs splayed out in a straddle with his elbows on the ground. His rotates his thighs back and forth in their sockets, willing his body to loosen up. 

“What was that about?” he asks, in reference to the blond-haired man Tao raced out to see?

Tao shakes his head in some confusion. “Kris.”

“He was here? Wait, when did he get blond hair?”

“This week? I don't know. We went out sometime to get his hair cut and I suggested he dye it too... It looked nice.”

“Looked?”

Tao's look of confusion returns. “ _Looks_  nice,” he reiterates. 

Baekhyun stares blankly back at his friend. “So what was he here for?”

“Guess he was in the area. This  _is_  his university, remember? Anyways, he just said he was planning on coming tonight, but something came up and he won't make it.” Tao shrugs. 

“Okay...”

Before Baekhyun can ask anything more, they are interrupted by the director of the company herself. Baekhyun still gets a slight chill whenever he sees Mrs. Kim around the studio; it still feels like maybe Kai should invite him 'home' for a real introduction before they go any further. Even though she knows he's now dating her son, he finds it awkward that they've never spoken directly about it, especially since they've been in such close proximity ahead of this performance. There just haven’t been enough hours in the days though for such a thing. After the weekend, Baekhyun definitely wants that to change. He needs to hear an approval from the mouth of his boss herself to feel okay. 

The inevitable pep talk ensues: 'Good job working hard. Have fun tonight. Don't stress. Don't get hurt. Warm-up well. Whoever messes up tonight gets to do 200 [ _changements_](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bydHSMR_YYc) come Monday without stop. Good luck.' It's the usual thing, and while it brings a chuckle to the members, no one doubts she'll hold them to the challenge. Luhan learned that well enough the last time he was on stage and forgot which way to exit. Instead of following Suho stage left, he turned right and knocked smack into the miniscule Thai dancer they all called Mint. Both landed in a heap in the middle of the stage, and Luhan could barely walk on Monday after his ankles nearly gave out from all the  _changements_. 

Mrs. Kim eyes all the dancers meaningfully before giving them a smile, and she heads off stage to let the other choreographers do their thing. It's an hour long warm-up complete with barre exercises. Baekhyun can't help but keep his eyes pried open, wondering whether or not he'll see Kai around the auditorium since his mother's already here, and from the schedule he now has memorized, Kai shouldn't have any classes this late on Fridays. 

_I'll see you tomorrow_ , Kai had texted last night. But when exactly would he show up? Just for the concert, or was there a possibility he'd be around sooner? Baekhyun hopes sooner.

His mind is taken elsewhere, however, by a different sort of drama. The dancers have already moved onto a few dry runs of their choreography, marking their entrances and passageways when Baekhyun hears someone cry out and a dancer trips and falls on the floor. The others rush to their fallen member, and through the line of dancers' heads bending over to help, he sees Suho on the ground clutching an ankle. 

“Enough. You can back off, okay. I'm fine,” cries the soloist. Everyone but the choreographer obeys, and Mrs. Kim returns to the scene at the sound of all the commotion. 

“What's wrong? Is it the ankle?” she asks concerned.

The two of them help Suho to his feet as he gingerly tries his weight. He grimaces but manages to step down and hobble a few steps before standing upright. “It's fine. Only shin splint acting up. I can dance.” He lightly shakes off the arms propping him up, but Baekhyun knows a lie when he hears it. The others probably do too, but Suho is adamant about moving on and they eventually let him. He winces a couple times throughout the remainder of the rehearsal but doesn't fall again. 

It’s nearing the dinner hour when the rehearsal is finished, but nobody eats. They’ll eat only when the day is done. Baekhyun downs a bottle of water back in his dressing room and tosses another one to Tao.

“Thanks,” he says, and chugs it back.  More seems to fall out of his mouth than in it and even Minseok winces at the messy scene.

Luhan still hasn’t let the coffee incident go. He stares down at the remains of their empty to-go coffee cups in the trash with a wistful pout.

“Seok, you really went and got coffee without me?” he whines.

Minseok smiles back mischievously, enjoying the fuss. “You weren’t around. I got thirsty.”

“You could’ve called me. I was only a little bit late today.” Minseok shrugs and Luhan pouts some more. More to himself than to his friend Luhan murmurs, “Now you even go out for coffee by yourself…”

“I didn’t go out by myself.” He smiles widely, tongue peeking out. Luhan chokes at the scene.

“What? Who did you go with? Huh? Huh?”

Tao sits down on a stool to watch the spectacle and even Baekhyun wonders where this is going. Maybe he should help Luhan out a little.

“Does this have anything to do with that little blonde you were wandering around with earlier?”  Baekhyun smirks, and Minseok glances his way, not at all upset that his game is given away.

“B-blonde??” Luhan cries. “Since when were you going out with a blonde?” 

Minseok continues looking at Baekhyun and Baekhyun winks. Minseok’s secret is safe with him for now. Luhan tugs on his own dark brown hair, fingering a few of the stray locks, no doubt wondering whether or not it’s time for a hair change. Baekhyun stands up and pats him fondly on the head.

“Where are you going?” Tao asks, when he moves to the door.

“I’m suffocating in this room. Back in a bit.”

Baekhyun leaves the door open behind him, because the room really was too hot to house four sweaty, male dancers back from an hours-long rehearsal. The air in the hallway was cooler. Baekhyun drums his fingers against the walls as he walks, remembering vaguely that there is a bathroom in this general direction.

It’s on the way back that he walks past another open dressing room, Suho's room. He's alone in the room, not doing any in particular. He stares at the ground, hunched forward in his chair, and Baekhyun's too nosey to keep walking by. He stands in the doorway and Suho notices a moment later when his shadow falls across the floor.

“Where are you roomies?” Baekhyun asks.

Suho grunts. “I kicked them out.” 

“Hmmm... I can believe that.” 

Suho glares at him. “What do you want?”

“Oh, nothing. Nothing.” Rather than continue on back to his own room, however, Baekhyun feels the urge to actually enter the room. He perches on the nearest chair and leans back, hands cupping the back of his head. Suho makes no comment, though his eyes widen a little at the unexpected intrusion. They sit in silence while Suho busies himself. He ruffles through his bags, tossing out stray shoes, and every now and then he touches his ankle when he thinks Baekhyun isn't looking, though his rival doesn't miss anything. Baekhyun continues to sit, and if he were to ask himself why, he wouldn't be able to come up with a very satisfactory answer. Maybe it's Suho's strained expression, or his reluctance to talk about his foot, or maybe even his lack of friends, because Baekhyun guesses Suho didn't kick out the other guys sharing this room; they probably left on their own accord. It's not easy sharing a changing room with the biggest prick on the team. 

“Why are you still here? Don't you have your own assigned room?” Suho asks irritably. 

“I do. But yours is cooler. I mean that literally, by the way.” He smiles pleasantly and picks up a rehearsal program off the table to fan himself. Suho doesn't answer. “Minseok and Luhan are squabbling in my room,” Baekhyun finally shares. 

Suho smiles a rare smile. “Lovers’ quarrel?”

“Just about. Have they always been that way? I'm... just curious, that's all.”

Suho snorts. “Yeah.”

“How long have you known them?” 

He thinks for a second. “Pretty long. Ten years maybe. You know, they used to not get along at all.”

“No kidding!”

“Yeah. Luhan used to be a pain in the ass - actually he still is somewhat - but he was really annoying then, and he'd just come from China and his English was stupid. I think it consisted of two words for the first couple months. ‘Yo yo yo, man!’” Suho does a perfect impression of what the fifteen year old Luhan must have sounded like, and then cackles maniacally. Baekhyun joins in but at the sound of both their laughter, Suho stops, suddenly appalled to be caught having fun with his professed rival. He snarls silently and tosses his head, facing away from the intruder. “Hey, get out. I want to get changed and I'm not stripping with you in the room.”

On any other day Baekhyun might call himself offended, but he's still too shocked to have enjoyed an odd moment with Suho, so he nods agreeably and exits the room, closing the door behind him gently. 

Two steps down the hallway, Baekhyun recognizes a dark figure at the other end. His heart jumps in its cavern and Baekhyun wonders when will be the day that he doesn’t become overly excitable in the presence of Kai. The two move at the same pace, closing the gap between them. He thinks he sees Kai smirk but it could just be the shadows playing tricks with his mind. But maybe not. The closer they get the more expressive Kai’s smile becomes with that slightly upturned lip on one side that betrays the laugh lines on his boyfriend’s face.

Two can play this game.

Baekhyun halts with three feet remaining between them and leans against the wall, arms folded and one leg crossed in front of the other. “I thought you weren’t coming until later? Couldn’t wait to see me, huh?”

“Oh I’m not here this early for you.”

_What!?_ Baekhyun wills himself to keep his expression cool. He inclines one eyebrow as if to challenge that statement, but Kai won't oblige him. He leans against the same wall in perfect mimicry.

“Yeah. I’m just running errands for my mom.” He smiles.

“Oh, is that so?”

“Yep.” Kai accents the ‘p’ with flourish.

Baekhyun wishes he could wipe that smirk off Kai’s face. Maybe two couldn’t play this game, though he was reluctant to give up so soon. “So you coming up here early has absolutely nothing to do with me, huh?”

“Absolutely nothing to do with you,” Kai agrees.

“So you mean you haven’t been sitting alone all morning thinking, ‘Oh, if only Baekhyun was here… if only I could see him.’  No?”

“Why would I think about you?” Kai shrugs, the traces of his smile still evident despite his attempted cover up.

“Oh, because maybe you haven’t been around to kiss me in at least twenty-four hours? I guess that doesn’t make much of a difference to you though. You could probably care less, right?”

“Yeah, I could probably care less. Other lips to kiss, you know how it goes…  _The playboy life_  and all.”

“Must be hard going out at night, having to choose only one guy from all the hoards people falling at your feet…”

“Oh, not as hard as you might think.” Now that is definitely a smirk on Kai’s face. “No matter who, they’re all so much better looking than you.”

Baekhyun feels Kai’s burning gaze, boring holes from his forehead to his feet, but he ignores it, preferring  to stare straight into Kai’s otherwise roving eyes. “Basically, I’m just the afterthought you come back to on a slow night, right?”

“Basically, yeah.”

He uncrosses one leg.  “Well, too bad. I’m afraid I’m going off the market soon.”

“Aww, so you don’t even time for a quickie with a good looking stranger?” Kai pushes himself away from the wall to straighten up.

Baekhyun narrows his eyes, scrutinizing the offer. “Possibly? If the price is right? I can be a bit selective.”

“Selective, huh? I’ll be sure to try my luck some night.”

“You do that. In any case, you have my number. Give me a call on one of your  _slow_  nights. I’ll be waiting _, maybe_.” He moves to walk past Kai with as much casual indifference as he can muster, though of course he doesn’t expect to get far. Kai stops him with an arm that catches him around the waist. It slides around to the small of his back with an easy familiarity and Kai tugs Baekhyun closer to him. Their heads pull towards one another until Kai is breathing lightly against his ear.

“Where are you going?” he whispers. Baekhyun chokes, words failing him as Kai’s lips search closer to his own. “Your room is right here… and I’m kind of bored right now.” 

Kai’s eyes bore right into Baekhyun’s, and he lowers his gaze. Before the inevitable smooch, however, a high pitched squeal courses through their ear drums. Kai flinches, and the sound splits through Baekhyun’s head and he pulls away from Kai with a gasp, flipping his head around for the source of the commotion. He stops dead when he realizes where they are. Kai was correct; his room  _was_  right there, and they are standing in the middle hallway right before the open door frame where three bodies stand arrayed out like an audience. At least two pairs of eyes eagerly lap up the scene, though after the blood-wrenching squeal Minseok and Luhan look a little disappointed that their show was cancelled mid-kiss. Luhan swats angrily at Tao, the culprit, who with his eyes covered peeks out warily to assess the situation.

“Are you two done yet?!” Tao wails, and Minseok mutters something that sounds like ‘ _cockblock’._

Kai laughs, because as Baekhyun’s just figured out, he’s been aware of their position in front of the door this whole time.

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

16  A HEATED CONFRONTATION

Baekhyun blushes a nice shade of pink when he’s embarrassed. Kai likes learning these sorts of things. He can’t help but make observations every time they meet, filing away new sorts of habits under a mental file, to pull out when he’s alone and missing a certain someone, or just marveling at the fact that they’re actually together after all this time. Time is precious, and it’s all the more miraculous to Kai that even though Baekhyun had known him for such a relatively short time Baekhyun had chosen to be with him, had agreed most eagerly to be with him.

 

Kai looks on with awe and pride as Baekhyun settles down to his makeshift work station. They’ve turned on the bright lights again in the little dressing room and the four dancers get to work. Costume pieces go flying, shoes hit the floor, makeup bags open and…

“Is that glitter you’ve got, Luhan?” Baekhyun takes the words right out of Kai’s mouth. 

“Yes. Want some?” 

Without makeup Luhan has a special ability that would allow his face to blend in perfectly with a middle school class picture. With makeup he’s a devil, with or without the glitter he likes to add for emphasis around the outer edges of his eyes. Kai has seen Luhan dress up before. He typically comes out looking like an enchanted prince with twice the amount of eye sparkles, but Kai doesn’t really picture Baekhyun with that look. 

“No thanks,” says Baekhyun. “I’ve got my own goodies.” Kai is relieved, but a little curious as to what else his boyfriend might have in store.

“I brought this for Tao to try, actually.” Luhan holds up the bottle to the youngest dancer in the room. “We can put a little on when you’ve finished your makeup okay?”  Tao hums in assent. 

The pinkness around Baekhyun’s neck and cheeks recedes rather quickly, Kai notices. Apparently Baekhyun deals with cheesy near-exhibitionism decently well. He'd only guffawed for a moment, fake punched Kai and slipped through their devoted audience after being caught out in the hallway. 

Kai watches him from where he stands in the corner as far away from the overly bright mirrors as he can get. Baekhyun rocks left to right on the swivel chair he’d claimed. He pulls out the hair gels and combs and makeup applicators, lays them out side by side on the countertop, and their eyes meet briefly in the mirror. Baekhyun exchanges a small smile with Kai and that comforts him. This is a first for Kai, not being a part of the pre-performance hustle. His dark hair hangs limply around his temples, and his face is bare, and he doesn’t have a single garment or duffle bag or anything with him other than the wallet in his back pocket. He’s backstage without a thing to do for the first time in his life. It should bother him except that Baekhyun is pulling out that thin tube of black eyeliner and it excites him for some crazy reason. He fixes his concentration on the intense scene playing out before him: Baekhyun applying thick, coal dark lines around his orbs, eyes open wide as he coats the bottom layer and finishes at the sides. Baekhyun blinks a few times peering closely at himself in the mirror and makes a few more dabs with the brush before he sits back satisfied. 

One mirror over Minseok huffs in frustration. “I hate makeup! Hate it. I hate putting this on every night. Why can’t we hire some makeup artists to do this for us?” He flings down the little box containing a palette of eye shadow and sits back defeated. A rogue green streak unfortunately accents the crest of his cheekbone.

“Want some help with that?” Baekhyun offers.

“I’ll do it.” Luhan immediately answers. He reaches for a clean cutip, touches it to his tongue, and begins dabbing at the paint on Minseok’s face. 

Baekhyun finds Kai’s eyes in the mirror again and smiles knowingly. He swivels around and Kai sees him finally unhindered by glass and reflections. He must have dropped his jaw slack because Baekhyun tilts his head in curiosity. 

“Do I look good?” he asks. He stands up to stretch, still in his warm-up clothes but his face is mostly complete. Kai can’t wait until he can see the full picture again. Baekhyun in costume, ready to hit the stage - it was incidentally his first memory, but it all means so much more to him now. He wonders at what point this evening Baekhyun acquired so much confidence because he looks wholly in his element right now, tight and composed and stalking all too close towards Kai. 

“Very nice.”

“Just nice?” Baekhyun frowns.

“More than just nice. Handsome. Very,  _very_  handsome.”

“A good answer.” 

Baekhyun presses his lips together, smoothing around a light layer of natural shade lipstick. He pops his lips open expectantly and his eyes entreat Kai to make some sort of move since, after all, their earlier moment had been interrupted.

Kai gets the hint. “Tao, close your eyes for just a second, okay? I need to… do something, so consider this your two-second warning.”

 

The performance goes off several hours later without a hitch. Minus the nerves and frustration he had when he was younger, Baekhyun feels like all of this has oddly happened before: him standing the wings, with Kai watching on. Only now he isn’t on the other side of the stage, and Kai no longer flusters Baekhyun with his mere presence. He’s by his side now, rubbing slow massaging fingertips into Baekhyun’s shoulders between numbers and giving him endless words of praise and encouragement. If anyone notices the special treatment Baekhyun receives by having his boyfriend allowed backstage, they don’t say anything. He feels a little too privileged right now, but no one’s complaining, least of all him. 

If anything, Baekhyun is mildly concerned by how forlorn Kai gets when his attention isn’t on Baekhyun alone. He eyes glaze over as they take in the stage, the dancers, the sides of the audience their view from the wings affords. He looks lost, like a performer in mourning, and though he always brightens up when someone speaks to him, as soon as they stop, he’s back to the same original stance.

Baekhyun pulls him into a tight hug during intermission, after the curtains go down and the normal watt stage lights turn on. 

“Halfway there,” he intones. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“Glad to be here, too, Baek.” He pulls away slightly. “It - it’s really good to see you dance again, like this, on the stage.”

_And when will I get to see you dance again?_ Baekhyun doesn’t ask. He smiles though, encouraged by Kai’s relaxed demeanor. “Well, you’re absolutely welcome to see me. It’s always my goal, to make at least somebody in the audience swoon.” 

Kai laughs. “Well you didn’t quite succeed with me, at least physically. But you can keep trying. I don’t mind.” He pulls Baekhyun along with him down the hallway towards the dressing rooms. Though his arm rests across Baekhyun’s shoulders, the exhausted dancer keeps a few inches between them. 

“God, I’m hot!” He pulls at his sweaty costume, attempting to get air moving around his overly perspiring torso. 

“I can agree with you there at least!” Kai shares. “I’d try to cool you down, however, I don’t really think it would work well.” He tugs his arm to yank him closer, but Baekhyun bounces away again with a little laugh.

“Nice try!” This time Baekhyun uncoils himself from Kai’s arm as well, and he enters his dressing room where the others have already assembled. 

“Kai!” They hear from down the hall. Krystal saunters ahead of a few other languid dancers until she meets up with the two in the doorway. “Kai, your mother is looking for you. Something about wanting you to meet some of the college execs. You better hurry.” Her eyes swipe from Kai to Baekhyun with a hint of merriment while she receives Kai’s acknowledgement.

“Okay…” 

Baekhyun waves him off and enters the room. He starts to pull at his shirt when Krystal pops her head in after him. 

“Oh, Baekhyun-“

“Hey, this is a  _boy’s_  dressing room!” Luhan stresses, offended. He stands shirtless by the clothes rack.

“Oh, whatever Luhan. Nothing I haven’t seen before.” Luhan scoffs. “Baekhyun, whenever you get decent again, Mrs. Kim says you’re to come too. They’ll be out in the lobby around by the side entrance. And don’t be too long about coming.”

She trots away and the four changing dancers stare after her incredulously.

“What does she want with you?” asks Minseok. 

“Didn’t Krystal say they were meeting with some bigwigs?” says Tao. “I get why she wants Kai, but why you? Why not the principals?” He indicates Luhan and Minseok.

“Because we’re not dating her son?” Luhan suggests with a laugh.

“What’s that got to do it with it?” Minseok asks.

“I don’t know?”

“Whatever. Baek, you better hurry. Mrs. Kim doesn’t like to be kept waiting."

Baekhyun shakes his head, but he quickly changes halfway into his next costume, throws a black T-shirt over it, and touches up a few strands of his hair before stepping into the hallway to find Kai and his mother. Krystal meets him at the stage door and points him down another hallway.

He hears them before he sees them. Mrs. Kim’s tinkling laughter echoes down the hall, and as he turns a corner there stands his boss with her arm cozily linked across her son’s shoulders. A couple of gentlemen stand in front of them laughing back jovially and making fond remarks about how nice it must be for Mrs. Kim to have her child back living with her.

“Yes, it is rather a joy to have Kai back. He’s taking some college classes now, but of course I’m excited to have him back in the city, and especially in the company.”

Baekhyun enters the room awkwardly just as Kai’s ears prick up, both from his mother’s words and at the sight of his boyfriend standing just a few feet away. Baekhyun reciprocates Kai’s confused stare with one of his own.  

“Ah, and here is Baekhyun, the one you were asking about earlier!” She reaches an arm out to the newcomer. “He’s our youngest soloist right now, just been promoted and he's only been with us for what, half a year now? Is that right, Baekhyun?”

Baekhyun nods back, utterly confused about where this is going.

One of the men turns to him happily. "Frank Hopper," he says, holding out a hand. "I'm a dean here at the college, but also a great lover of the performing arts. My wife and I, and my colleague here, have been watching the West River company for many years now. Mrs. Kim always keeps us connected, and we do what we can to aid the company, like helping you bring this performance here to the college auditorium. Anyways, you're probably wondering why I'm telling you this. It's of no real consequence. We've just enjoyed your performance so far, and heard many great things about you."

"Thank you, sir. I'm glad to hear you like the recital so well." Baekhyun smiles to cover up his complete lack of understanding. Tao's comment on why Baekhyun and not the principals comes to mind. Mrs. Kim surely didn't bring him out here for something as simple as promoting a soloist, because he knows the others are just as good as him, and better. That leaves his relationship with Kai, but why would it matter that Baekhyun is dating Kai? They're surely not here to be introduced as a shining example of liberal domesticity. But then why, for that matter, is Kai even out here, other than as the son of Kim Tae Hee? 

They were soon to find out.

"Well this is, as I mentioned, only half of what we're planning for our full winter season. You're getting a good taste of the routines, and we have many others planned."

"Yes, indeed," agrees Mr. Hopper. "And I'm especially looking forward to seeing your son back on the stage. I remember him back in the day. A treat to watch! And now as part of a special duo ensemble? We're overjoyed at the prospect!" He looks happily between Kai and Baekhyun, and both boys are chilled to the bone.

Kai's eyes widen in surprise, suddenly paralyzed in his mother's grip. Baekhyun, no less rigid, pales at the look of terror and impending furor on his boyfriend's face. Many candid talks they have had, but never has Kai mentioned anything about returning to the world of dance. Baekhyun doesn't even know yet why he stopped dancing, and by this time he's almost given up on learning the reason. This, however, seems to come as a greater shock to Kai than to himself.

Mrs. Kim looks to have anticipated this reaction. She turns a little to the side in her embrace, so the effect partially blocks the gentlemen's view of Kai's expression. Baekhyun has ample opportunity to see his face, but Mr. Hopper and his companion are kept occupied by Mrs. Kim's farewells and gracious thanks for their interest in the dance company. Kai holds still until the men leave the foyer and only the three of them remain.

_If looks could shout_ , Baekhyun thinks. He waits for the impending explosion. None occurs. 

Kai breathes shallowly and pulls apart from his mother. Without looking at her he says softly, "So this was your plan all along?"

Mrs. Kim sighs. "Kai, it's not a set plan. Just a suggestion I thought we could all look at together one day."

"A suggestion you've already made to a handful of your wealthiest benefactors before even discussing it with me? Before discussing it with Baekhyun? I see how it is..." He suddenly looks up and faces her directly. He doesn't shout, but the tone is clipped and restrained. "How dare you use Baekhyun like this. You set this up! All that crap about making me watch him dance. About teaching and tutoring him in dance. What was that you said? That our styles were complementary? That I should view him as an inspiration to me? Tell me again why it is that you wanted me home, mom? Because I'm thinking it wasn't because you missed me, it was because you needed me to come back and dance for you."

"Kai, you know you want to dance again..."

"And how do you know that?! How do you know I want to dance again? By setting me up so I feel obliged to form a duo with my boyfriend? Is that how you'll know this is what I actually want? What I can actually do? Have you paid attention to  _any_  of things I've gone through in the past few years?" 

Baekhyun doesn't know how to interject, or even if he should. The more Kai speaks, the fouler the situation tastes in his mouth, and the contrast between mother and son is so painfully stark. Kai looks utterly dejected, while Mrs. Kim holds fast to what she must suppose is an encouraging performance of hope. 

"Look, Kai... It's intermission right now. Why don't we all go back and we can revisit this conversation once the performance is over?" 

"If that's what you want, mom, then  _sure_  we can revisit this conversation later. But I don't think I'll have anything much to contribute. Find me when it's over, if you think it's worth wasting your time." And Kai stalks away back down the hallway from which they came.

Baekhyun yearns to follow, but he makes the mistake of looking first upon his boss. With Kai out of sight, Mrs. Kim finally falters. Her face falls entirely and her lips quiver as she presses them together. She brings a hand up to cover her mouth, cupping her chin, and she blinks a few times before leveling her gaze on the one dancer remaining.

"Baekhyun... you must be so confused. I really am sorry things have come out like this. I-I really thought it was an idea worth discussing, both before and after you two... started dating. I hope you're not discouraged, but I really hope you will help Kai to... not be discouraged either."

Baekhyun only blinks in reply. He can't really find words comprehensive enough to respond with. 

"I suppose he hasn't even really told you much about the past?"

Baekhyun shakes his head. "He hasn't." 

"Yes, that's as I thought. Well maybe now that will have to change... I'm sorry I brought this to such a state for you. You might want to go and find him before the intermission is over."

Baekhyun nods. As he turns to obey though, he stops first and asks her quietly, "Are  _you_  alright?"

Mrs. Kim presses her lips into a thin smile and exhales deeply before speaking. "Yes, thank you. I'll be alright."

"Alright..."

Baekhyun figures he'll have to track Kai down after that revealing rant in the foyer, but instead he's surprised to find Kai waiting for him just outside the stage entrance door. He looks up hesitantly when Baekhyun approaches, the picture of worry and defeat. "Baek..." He straightens off the wall he'd been leaning on and reaches forward to clasp his hand around one of Baekhyun's. "Baek, I'm sorry for running off just now."

"It's alright. Are you alright?" Baekhyun feels like a walking voice recorder. He smiles at the thought, and the betraying emotion causes Kai to flicker in alarm.

"What's... the matter? What's funny?"

Baekhyun squeezes the hand in his and pulls in closer for a hug. "Nothing. Nothing's the matter." Kai doesn't move in his embrace. "Idiot, you're supposed to hug me back." He waits until Kai's arms snake around him in a rough hug.

"I'm sorry," Kai says again.

"You don't have anything to be sorry for. But, Kai?"

"Hmm?"

"I think at some point you need to talk to me about certain things."

"I know, Baek. I will."

"When?"

"Not tonight. After tonight, I promise. Let's just get you through the rest of the performance and then I'll tell you everything."

"Okay, but only since you promised."

"I do promise. But right now I just want you. I don't want to think about anything else..."

Kai nuzzles him, chin resting on the base of Baekhyun's neck and the moist lips Kai's been biting while waiting settle just below his ear. Baekhyun listens to him breathe, a heavier, huskier sound than he's used to hearing. Hot air from Kai's mouth gently tickles the spot and Baekhyun shivers. He pulls away just far enough to remove his neck from temptation and instead flattens his forehead against the expanse above Kai's clavicle. The bridge of his nose presses to the bone concealed under Kai's shirt just as Kai's hands start to claw around the small of his back. Kai pinches the fabric of the black T-shirt, frustrated at the layers of material that meet his hands even underneath the cloth. In apology, Baekhyun looks up and their eyes meet in gentle understanding before Baekhyun leans forward to capture Kai's lips lightly with his own. 

Kai responds roughly, snapping suddenly like he's without a care in the world. As if the last few minutes had never happened, and they weren't now making out in a public hallway where someone could walk by, including any of the dancers, backstage personnel, or even his own mother... Baekhyun recoils on first instinct, but at Kai's wild look and his obvious disregard for the darker-than-nude lipstick beginning to stain his face, he gives in and resumes the kiss. They press against each other in the dim hallway lighting. Kai's hands abandon the now wrinkled shirt at Baekhyun's back and sink slowly lower. Curved fingertips rest at the lowest part of his waist drawing their hips together and the tiniest hint of a whimper echoes through Kai's lips when they finally connect.

It's the closest physical connection they've shared in such a heated confrontation and Baekhyun can't help but groan a little in response. The sound totally unhinges Kai's resolve. His hands release Baekhyun from their hold and instantly rise up like air bubbles in water flying to the surface. The movement upsets Baekhyun's own hold on him, as the arms he had looped behind Kai's back are forced apart. He wobbles just as Kai's hands clutch at either side of his face, steadying Baekhyun, but giving Kai complete control over the kiss. Not to be outdone, Baekhyun grasps Kai by the hips, parts his lips voluntarily, and Kai positively gasps at the sudden opportunity. He pulls away for a moment as if to stare at the beautiful face before him, smiles and closes in again. But before they can even begin to explore, the stage door opens sending a blast of cold air their way.

"Omigod! Get a room, please!" Krystal whines, not really all that scandalized. "Baekhyun you've got two minutes to tear yourself away from this man-eater here. Ms. Jung is going wild looking for you. You were supposed to be backstage five minutes ago! Hurry up and finish already!" She slams the door closed.

Kai and Baekhyun freeze in each others' arms, looking and laughing at the torn and amused expressions on their faces. Krystal opens the door again. "I didn't mean to 'finish' either. I meant to say 'hurry up and get inside here  _right now_!' Okay?"

 

* * *

 

 

17  NOW WE'RE TALKING

 

Baekhyun wishes the rest of the night would hurry up and end already. He’s not usually this anxious for a performance to be over—he loves the stage, loves being on it – but after that raucous intermission he’s more than ready to put his own selfish love of entertaining aside in favor of getting Kai as far away from this place as he can get. Their distraction in the hallway notwithstanding, his boyfriend is moodier than ever when the curtain goes back up. He hangs out now on stage left, instead of stage right where his mother is most often to be found, and while he still watches most of the numbers, he is less visibly enthralled by them, even when it’s Baekhyun’s turn to dance.

Even Suho knows something is wrong when he and Baekhyun exit the wings together. “What’s eating at Kai?” he asks.

Baekhyun gulps down a swallow of water heavily and doesn’t respond. Instead he walks over to where Kai stands glumly and pokes him in the ribs. At least that gets a response.

“Finally you smile,” Baekhyun admits, applying a few more fingers in areas he knows are a bit ticklish.

Kai squirms. “Ah-ha  _stop_! Baekhyun stop it!” he whispers as loudly as he can, unable to repress the toothy grin he’s been hiding most of the night.

“You want me to stop?” Baekhun teases. “Then cheer up. You’re making Suho depressed, and that’s a feat if even he cares enough to mope over you.”

“He doesn’t look like he’s moping over me,” Kai says, when Baekhyun finally relinquishes his tickling. They both look and confirm that indeed, Suho is more in his own little world, hands on hips observing the stage.

“Yeah? Well maybe he has hidden depths we’re just not aware of.”

“Okay. I’ll take your word for you.”

“You should take my word for a lot of things. Like smiling!  You’re super cute when you smile, did you know that?” Baekhyun slides behind Kai’s back and steals a quick hug.

“Maybe?” He grins and crushes Baekhyun’s arms to the front of his body.

“Maybe? Oh, so you do know?”

“Well, yeah. I mean what else are mirrors for, if not for perfecting my killer smiles?”

Baekhyun snorts into Kai’s shoulder, shaking his head in a way that lets his boyfriend know how much he disapproves, but not really. At least he succeeded in lightening the air though, and that’s all he cares about. The sooner they can leave, the sooner he can get Kai away from this auditorium and out into a different environment so maybe he can persuade Kai to get everything off his chest… He doesn’t even care so much about the answers anymore. Baekhyun just doesn’t want Kai to hurt, and being stuck in this building for a few more hours isn’t helping either of them. At least he’s got his attention though.

Arms still crushed around his middle, Kai slides his hands back and forth atop Baekhyun’s, using just his fingertips to caress the intersections of his digits. Baekhyun shivers involuntarily and tries to collapse his hands into fists.

Kai chuckles. “Who’s the ticklish one now, huh?”

“It’s not ticklish, it’s just…”

“Relax your hands, Baek.” He gently loosens Baekhyun’s grip and interlaces his own fingers through them, clutching at them delicately. He holds their linked left hands up to the light, rotates his hand around so their palms touch. Baekhyun tries to once more entwine their fingers, but Kai forces them up again so that the pads of their fingertips touch, staring at their pressed palms with no lack of wonderment.

“Your hands are beautiful, Baek. Did you know that?”

“What?”

“I don’t know why. They just are.”

He shifts his hands so that it blocks the light between Baekhyun’s spread fingers and hums in appreciation, ten fingers working like a kaleidoscope in the shadow of the blue backstage lighting. Baekhyun feels his mouth going dry from the touch. In profile Kai reminds him of a kid handling a precious new toy. Kai clamps down and squeezes Baekhyun’s hand, returning them to his chest in a motion that causes Baekhyun to hug Kai even closer. His heels leave the ground a little before Kai releases him for good and swivels around to face him.

“Your next number.”

“Huh?” Baekhyun can’t remember where he is supposed to go next.

“It’s coming up soon, right? You should hurry up and get ready for it.”

“Ahh, right. I’ll be back then.”

His dressing room is empty when he gets to it. Closing the door he reaches for his next costume change but he halts when he sees his own hand outstretched. He’s never even thought about his hands before now. How could his hands be considered beautiful? He doesn’t wear any rings; his nails are kept clipped in a regular manner and he doesn’t even bother painting them with that clear polish that Tao’s always suggesting he try. His hands are just normal, aren’t they? A little long, a little bony, but otherwise not particularly special. He makes a note to ask Kai one day just what about his hands could be so fascinating. Maybe his boyfriend just has a hands fetish though. With some guys you just don’t know what they’ll like until it turns them on.

 

Finally the night is over. Baekhyun stands on the stage with his fellow members for the final bows, holding hands with Tao on his left and Minseok on his right. Both dancers' hands are clammy with sweat but they cling on through the final procession until Minseok steps forward with Luhan for their principal recognition bow. The lights come up in the audience and as his eyes adjust he notes that the auditorium is nearly full: some college students with a majority of guests in the middle-age professional class range. Baekhyun tries and fails to see if his friends came out this night. Chanyeol promised to show either today or tomorrow, but since he hasn't heard anything from the guy all day, he can't be sure if there's anyone in the audience he really cares about. All the more reason to get done and get off. The curtain closes for the last time and Baekhyun finally drops his smile in favor of looking whipped. A few of the dancers drop to the floor in exhaustion.

“Sleep! I need sleep!” Tao whines pitifully. He doesn't even stop to chat before disappearing into the wings making a beeline for his dressing room. Baekhyun starts to follow but finds his way is barred by a body on the ground. At first glance it's just Suho laying down to rest, and he nearly steps over him until he catches sight of the man's face. 

“Suho? Suho, what's wrong?”

The soloist doesn't answer, but his expression is pained. He groans and tries to sit up but he doesn't make it far before collapsing back onto the ground. He pulls his right knee up planting his foot flat, and that's when Baekhyun notices the other foot, the ankle Suho complained about hours earlier. He hadn't noticed it before because Suho's pant legs must've covered it up. The pant leg had ridden up though, caught against the fibers of the floor, and the ankle - a very visible, swollen ankle - lay bared for all the world to see.

“Damnit, Suho. What have you done to yourself?” Baekhyun curses. His words bring over a crowd of dancers and some of the directors. 

“It's not bad,” Suho wheezes. 

“What do you mean 'It's not bad!'? It looks horrible! How are you even walking on that?”

“Well I'm not walking on it right now, am I?” he retorts. He sighs though, an air of finality coursing through him, like he knows the game is up and it's just as bad as Baekhyun claims. “Crap. How am I going to dance tomorrow?” He whines.

Mrs. Kim hovers over them now. “You're not dancing on that at all tomorrow,” she says staunchly. “Someone, help. Let's get him up off the floor. Dressing room, now.”

Baekhyun offers to be one of the supports that hold Suho up, and with a few of the others they manage to half walk half carry Suho to his room. He sinks into a chair and Baekhyun pulls up a stool for Suho to prop his foot on. Mrs. Kim gingerly examines the ankle while Suho winces at the touch. She sighs loudly, and Baekhyun can tell she's angry at the dancer for lying about his injury and making it worse. She'll yell at Suho later, he guarantees. After they've decided what's to be done. There is still another performance tomorrow night, and with a soloist down and no real understudy, this is going to be a problem. Suho doesn't just have his own numbers to perform. Like Baekhyun, his part is vital in a number of ensemble and group routines. No doubt there will have to be some hard decisions made tonight, but in the meantime Mrs. Kim is all business. 

“Baekhyun, roll that towel up and put it under his foot. Ms. Jung, find us some ice, please. Krystal, the bandages wraps. They should be in the first room at the end of the hallway in the first aid kit we brought from the studio. Alright, now everyone who isn't staff can leave, but don't go far. I'll be out in just a moment.”

Baekhyun closes the door behind them and realizes belatedly that Kai was standing in the doorway the whole time. He gives himself a fright when he bumps into him just outside the door.

“How... bad is the ankle?” Kai asks, worried.

“Not good at all. He's definitely not dancing tomorrow. Idiot.” Baekhyun sighs. He feels mildly irritated at himself for not noticing Suho's state. Then again, nobody noticed it, and with all his dressing roommates abandoning him for other rooms, Suho probably had the whole of his room to hide the injury. Suho always did like the tough guy act. Now he's suffering for it.

“Is it a sprain?”

“Looks like it, probably. Who knows how long he's been dancing with a twisted ankle. Now he's just gone and made it worse.” Baekhyun moves aside as Ms. Jung runs by with a bag full of ice, closely followed by Krystal with the bandages to make a compress. He and Kai stand shoulder to shoulder against the wall outside Suho's room, not speaking. Probably he should go and get changed out of these clothes, but for some reason Baekhyun is loathe to leave this spot on the hall, like it's his job to wait around and say something comforting to Suho when he has the chance, even if it's to chide him about his state. Nobody else was standing around waiting except for Kai.

Mrs. Kim comes out five minutes later, mind torn as she notices the two waiting outside. For once Kai doesn't look that pissed off to see her, and she merely nods to the two of them before crooking her head in an angle that says  _follow me_. Baekhyun stares longingly at the closed door behind her, but he follows her anyway. Back on the stage she calls a meeting to order with all the choreographers and top members in the company. Minseok and Luhan creep out on the stage, looking just as exhausted and apprehensive as Baekhyun feels. His heart sinks when Mrs. Kim starts to speak.

“Well, it was a good night tonight, and I thank all of you for that. I wish had time to say something more congratulatory, but as you know we have a problem. Suho definitely won't be dancing tomorrow, or in the very near future. That leaves us with a big hole for tomorrow night, and not a whole lot of time to fill it. Any suggestions?” she asks the staff.

Baekhyun doesn't know why they've all been asked to assemble. The choreographers begin a large roundabout discussion of what roles are now endangered, and how such a hole will affect the performances for each set of the show. A few suggest cutting some numbers entirely, but with the exception of Suho's actual solo, Mrs. Kim shoots down the suggestion. “No, we just need to fill in the gap and/or put other people in that position if we must.”

The company dancers perk up at this. Luhan is the first to confusedly object. “But there is no understudy!” 

“How and when are we supposed to revise these numbers?” complains another girl, one of the female soloists. 

“Right now and tomorrow, to answer part of your questions,” says Mrs. Kim with a firm tone. She looks around the company, daring anyone to object. “As for the understudy: yes, you're correct we don't have any one person, however, we do have a few people who could be asked to fill in for certain roles. Minseok, congratulations. You now have two roles in the first half. I think–” she looks over to confirm with one of the instructors  ”–that you can pick up all the extra measures in the first set that belonged to Suho.”

“Yes, instead of exiting, he will just remain on stage for that time,” the instructor confirms.

Minseok nods sadly, his professionalism barely masking his actual dread demeanor. 

Mrs. Kim and the choreographers dole out a few other parts accordingly, until every principal and soloist including Baekhyun find themselves with an extra workload and slotted work times to learn the parts. Nobody will be sleeping well tonight, he thinks – if they sleep at all. Mrs. Kim dismisses half the dancers who depart to various corners of the stage to begin the revisions. Baekhyun stands up, Kai still at his heels, and yawns heavily. He's already anticipating a few more sleepless hours.  He can't help but count up in his head all of Suho's parts when he realizes that there are still a few vital roles left unassigned, and not a single company member remains available to dance them. Kai rubs at his shoulders while Baekhyun frowns, wondering if and when those roles were to be addressed. Then he feels the presence of his boyfriend's mother bearing down on them. 

“Kai,” she says hesitantly.

Kai wheels around and looks at her terrified. Baekhyun's heart stills.  _No please don't ask him,_  he begs.

“Kai...” she repeats, even more softly.

Her son’s eyes widen in sudden understanding. “What... mom... no...”

“Kai, we've got very little choice here. You've been around the studio often enough, you know kind of what the parts are-”

“Mom, I can't.” His eyebrows furrow, some of his initial terror giving way to hint at the same kind of furor he felt earlier in the evening. Incredulously, he pleads with his mother through body language, clenching his hands and pressing his teeth close down on the opposing jaw.

“Of course you can!”

“No... I can't! You can't just spring this upon me!” 

Baekhyun takes a hold of his arm, but Kai barely even notices the pressure he applies.

“Kai, it's not that big of a deal. You can do it. Two small parts max.”

“Mom, I can't! I couldn't even if I wanted to! Yes, I've been around the studio. Yes, I kind of know what to expect, but have you even considered that I'm not fit to dance right now? I haven't been dancing!” He swings his arm in exasperation, still not aware that by moving like that, he's tugging Baekhyun along too. Baekhyun lets go.  ”I don't work out. I'm not fit. My body physically won't work like that.”

Mrs. Kim blanches, painfully. “Kai, I...”

“You just lost one dancer to injury. You want to push me the same way? I tried dancing a week ago. It  _hurt_. I'm not built for this right now, and as a dancer yourself you ought to understand this more than most.”

“I... I thought you had been trying to do small things again. Haven't... haven't you been practicing with Baekhyun?” She looks over at the dancer in question, and he gives her a pitiful shake of the head. Baekhyun sees the spark of hope truly die in her in that moment. Now he understands why she was always so happy when Baekhyun stayed after hours to rehearse extra. She knew he stayed behind with Kai, but she never expected that Kai never danced. He was his tutor, his mentor, his teacher and support. He knew how to make Baekhyun better, how to challenge him, how to get the best out of his boyfriend's abilities by his mere presence. Baekhyun never asked that Kai dance with him, not after the first day. Not after the second day when he noted wordlessly that Kai was happy enough to watch than to actually participate. And maybe Baekhyun thought too that when he wasn't with him, Kai was trying things out on his own, embarrassed perhaps by his own flagging abilities, but he never actually saw him dancing, and he never asked.

Kai literally fumes before his eyes now, uncaring of the spectacle they're creating, of the eyes all across the room that have stopped to stare. Baekhyun thinks he'll break down completely when he suddenly gets an idea.

“Yixing,” he whispers. Mrs. Kim looks at him questioningly, as if she didn't quite hear what he said. “Yixing,” he says again louder.  

“What?”

“He's been around the studio. He's been sitting in watching rehearsals sometimes, hasn't he?” Ms. Jung interrupts to say she'd seen him moments ago around the stage door. 

Kai breathes a little more steadily now, something that doesn't escape his mother's notice. “Find him,” she says, unable to meet Kai's bold, judging gaze. “Tell him we have an emergency and if he can help, that would be great.” 

The crowd disperses and Kai considers that to be his dismissal. Once again though, he doesn't go very far and Baekhyun finds him in the corner of the wings sitting down with his head between his knees on a stack of tumbling mats. Baekhyun sits beside him and places a hand on his knee. They don't speak for a few moments, nor does Baekhyun receive a word of acknowledgment from Kai. The choreographer is waiting though, so Baekhyun can't sit around all night. He pushes lightly on Kai's knee as he stands up and takes one step to leave when Kai grabs at his hand. He turns around. 

“Thank you,” Kai murmurs. 

“Huh?”

“Thank you. For thinking of Yixing when you did.”

“No... problem?” 

Kai sniffs, though the sound is more of amusement than one of loss. He lets go of Baekhyun hand and scoots backwards on the mats until he can swing his legs up on them completely. Then he leans back, knees up and cups his hands behind his head. 

“What are you doing?” asks Baekhyun.

“Me? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I'm going to nap though until you come back and wake me up.”

“Alright...” Baekhyun runs a hand across Kai's scalp, tugging gently at the hairs. He's otherwise at a loss for what to do for Kai right now. So much for getting out of this place early.

“Don't leave and forget about me,” Kai whispers sleepily, his eyes closed.

“I won't.”

 

 

Kai doesn't stir again until he feels the mats shift from someone's added weight. How long has he been out? Twenty minutes? Thirty minutes? An hour? Truthfully he'd prefer if he didn't have to keep track of the time. He'd gladly lose hours of consciousness if just to be finished with this day. He doesn't know what possessed him to stick around this place all evening. Well actually he does know, and he wouldn't do anything differently if he could, because spending time with Baekhyun is always worth it.

“Baekhyun?” He flutters his eyes open, praying it really is his boyfriend and not someone else. He doesn't want to face anyone else tonight.

“Speaking.” Comes the softly teasing voice. “Wake up, Kai. It's late.”

Kai moans and tries to remember how to move his body. His back is stiff from the awkard position he's been napping in, and he'd rolled over onto his right arm, now completely numb. He grimaces as the tingling feeling seeps back into the sleeping arm and breathes reassured when he feels Baekhyun pulling him upright. He swings his legs lethargically to the floor and looks up at Baekhyun's smiling, tired face.

“Can we go home now?”

Baekhyun clears his throat. “Sure, Kai. Let’s get you home.”

Ten minutes later he follows Baekhyun and Tao onto their bus. They carry minimal bags since most of their things can be left overnight in their dressing rooms. Kai heads to a seat halfway back and Baekhyun follows him, leaving Tao to find his own seat. He wonders if this will make things awkward between the two roommates, but at this point he hardly cares. All he knows is that he doesn’t want to let Baekhyun out of his sight, something his boyfriend realizes soon enough when Kai doesn’t pull the rope to signal for his stop. He gets off when Baekhyun does, purposefully ignoring Baekhyun’s awkward fidgeting and Tao’s blank, curious glances. His sleepy-tired act really isn’t a feint, though he thinks it’s helping him because Baekhyun doesn’t bother to question why Kai is following him home. 

Baekhyun’s apartment is tiny. Kai nearly trips over all the shoes in the doorway, a belt lies over the side of the couch and this morning’s (or lunch’s) dishes haven’t been cleared away from the table, but Kai thinks it’s homey. Tao walks straight to his room leaving the two by themselves.

“Are you hungry?” Baekhyun asks, as Kai plummets into his couch, curling up in the nearest blanket.

“No.”

“Thirsty?”

“No.”

He hears Baekhyun open and close the fridge anyway and get himself something to drink.

“Cuddly?” Baekhyun asks a moment later.

Kai smiles halfway under his blanket. “Now you’re talking.” He sits up just enough to make room for Baekhyun to join him, and then pulls the blanket back over them both. “Can’t I just sleep here?” he whines.

Baekhyun chuckles softly, belying the nervousness that even Kai can feel despite his sleepy state. “Well it’s obvious you aren’t going anywhere else tonight. You want me to kick you to the curb? I think that’s the only way I could physically get you out now.”

“You’d be mean,” Kai moans.

“I’d also probably find you still on the curb come morning, wouldn’t I?”

Kai mumbles and leans the side of his head onto Baekhyun’s shoulder. The silence is comfortable and Kai revels in it, as much as a person can revel when he’s too tired to even think straight. Baekhyun would have to shift though. His elbow finds Kai’s ribs and the squawk Kai makes is just loud enough to his own ears that it wakes him up a bit. A wall clock hangs above Baekhyun and Tao’s TV and he squints at it to discern the time.

“Don’t bother,” Baekhyun says. “It ran out of batteries a few weeks ago and we haven’t replaced it. It’s perpetually 6:07 am. How depressing is that?”

“So it’s not yet 6:00 am? That’s good to know.”

“Yep. It’s only 3:00 am.  _Much_  better,” Baekhyun scoffs.

“Am I keeping you awake?”

“No. I’m almost too tired to sleep.” It's probably a lie, but Kai loves him for it. 

“Tomorrow’s still a long day for you.”

“I’d much rather spend time with you right now. I wish we could’ve left that place so much sooner though. I'm starting to wish it was me who sprained an ankle. Suho's getting off too easy.” He sighs heavily.

“Here is a lot better,” Kai agrees. Baekhyun slides one arm around to get a better hold on Kai's body, and Kai agrees even more. They sit in silence and Kai wishes he could fall asleep, but now that he has Baekhyun again he just can't make himself do it. “I've been there before,” he says finally.

“What? Where? That auditorium?”

“Yes. When I was fifteen. It was one of the last places I performed at before—” Is he really going to do this now? When they're both so exhausted? 

“Before…” Baekhyun aids him on. 

Kai swallows heavily, figuring now is as good time as any. “Before my body… ” he falters again. Three in the morning? Maybe it's best to do this when he hasn't the energy to fight it. “Before it literally started falling apart.”

“What do you mean?” And here it starts. 

Kai pulls an arm up to ruffle his hair in frustration. Talking about this, using  _words_ , is always hard for him. Either people just don’t understand what you’re trying to say because you’re not a medical person and you can’t explain it well, or otherwise they just don’t know the terminology you had to memorize yourself. Even worse though, Kai feels, are the looks of sympathy. And most of the time it’s not even that, it’s just curiosity as you explain yourself. Nothing more, nothing less. At least when he moved away he didn’t need to explain to anyone why this was so hard for him. Fix the problem, treat the problem, and you don’t have to tell anyone that once upon a time you were a dancer with a future. And now you’re just a person, a body whose body is patched up temporarily, waiting for the next meltdown as you go about your business finding another purpose in life.

He’s already gotten to that point too, so why it’s bothering him now, why his stomach churns now after all this time, he doesn’t know. Because it’s Baekhyun? A dancer like Kai used to be, someone who will know full well what it means to be put out physically from your dream. A person who’s guaranteed to feel  _for_  him. It’s not that Kai doesn’t want Baekhyun’s pity. He knows he won’t get that dreaded pity either, because Baekhyun just isn't like that. He'd chosen well in his long term crush, and that comforts him right now, because he knows this could be a whole lot worse. It's still hard though. Instead of the pity he knows he’ll get something closer to Baekhyun’s arms around him and probably a kiss on the forehead and some more cuddling. And he won’t deny he wants those things too, but not because of...  _this_.

He wants Baekhyun to really get him, but even that's intimidating. Because he’s scared that the more people who know his secrets, the more people get close to him, the more he’ll rethink his resolve to not to return to dance. He’s happy like this. Can’t he just remain happy like this? There's no way he'll be able to say this in words. 

“Do you have a piece of paper?” Kai asks, startling Baekhyun from his careful, loving inspection of Kai’s face.

“Paper? Yes… Pen too?”

“No, better make it a pencil. I can't draw worth crap.” 

“Okay...”

Baekhyun stands up and returns quickly with some scrap notebook paper. He hands it to Kai who sits up. He pushes the blanket away from his lap, leans forward to drag the coffee table closer to him, and stares at the paper. Then he puts his pencil down and begins to draw: a circle for the head, some squiggles, curves, lines for the arms and legs, and just to top it off a few hairs on his head. The blank smiley he adds last. 

 

 

 

“This is me,” Kai says. “If you were to look at an X-ray, this is what I look like.”

 

* * *

 

 

18  BY HIS SIDE

 

It doesn’t take long for Baekhyun to understand the whole picture, literally. With the notebook paper and drawing between his fingers, Kai traces the curve of the spine and the hip with one shaky index finger. 

“This dip here in the hip, it’s like a hole in the sacrum. It was malformed when I was born and over time the spine sort of fell into it.”

“So, you’ve had this for a long time?” says Baekhyun softly, his eyes never leaving the paper.

“Yes. They knew I had scoliosis from when I was little and it wasn’t a big problem then. Except, it didn’t stay that way. This bottom curve in the spine… it used to measure 22°, and then one day it was 35° and by the time I was 15 it was in the high 40s.  It started to effect how I danced, how I moved, how I functioned as a whole. I could be fine one moment, but one accidental and random twist later, I’d be on the ground and unable to walk for a few days, the pain was so blinding. I ignored it as long as I could, because the bad spells were far and few between. But it started to happen more and more…”

“And so you stopped dancing?”

“Yes.” 

How final that sounds, even to Kai’s ears. A quick yes doesn’t take into account the entire year before that not-too-hasty decision. All the worrying he did, and all the hours lost thinking about his career, or what was left of it. By the time he made that decision, he really had no other choice. “I had to.”

“I see. So, what did you do for it then?”

“I took a vacation! I travelled the world.” Kai smirks.

“No you didn’t,” Baekhyun pleasantly calls his bluff.

“You’re right, I didn’t. But I did go all over the country looking for treatment options. Finally ended up moving to Houston to live with my dad and attended various research clinics. We tried everything. Chiropractics, injections to deal with the pain, general rehabilitation stuff…”

“Are there any permanent fixes? You look like you move just fine nowadays.”

Kai smiles shyly. “Yeah, I’m alright these days. All those treatments helped with a lot of things as far as practical mobility. But permanently? No, there isn’t. I mean… I don’t want to - I can’t do that…”

“What would a permanent fix look like?”

Kai sighs and leans back on the couch, dropping the paper to his lap. Baekhyun picks it up and stares once more at the stick figure drawing. 

“Seven hours under the knife? Basic reconstruction of the whole sacrum and lower vertebrae? Rods and nails and permanent fusion? A high risk procedure that doesn’t even guarantee full pain relief let alone a full range of mobility? The odds weren’t worth it and… if I did that… I could never dance again…”

Baekhyun looks up at him, and Kai tries desperately not to see the hope in his eyes.

“…never again, not even a little bit.”

There, he drops the tiniest fragment of hope. Maybe Baekhyun will be content with that. He hasn’t said much since Kai’s big reveal except to examine the drawing and ask him questions about the bones in general. The interrogation is going surprisingly smooth, and Kai considers that a huge relief, and even though he’s obviously tired, Baekhyun still listens to him with concerned interest. 

Baekhyun purses his lips together, eyes focused on the drawing. He holds it up theatrically to the light and rocks the paper back and forth as if to examine it from all angles. Finally he smirks and Kai crinkles his forehead in a questioning grimace.

“Well, there is one thing good to be said about this,” Baekhyun says finally.

“What’s that?”

“You’re not straight.”

They stare at each other in silence for a moment, and then Baekhyun sniggers at Kai’s deadpan expression.

“You did not just make a joke about that.”

“I might have…”

“You did not though…” Kai leans closer to him threateningly.

Baekhyun stares, the beginnings of a shamefully guiltless smile appearing across his face. “I… did n— Oh, hey it’s not like I’m complaining!” He gives up the defense, laughing all the more from Kai’s response. 

Kai would look murderous, except that Baekhyun knows he would never harm a single hair on his head. He squeals, not from glee but because of Kai’s attack. He arm wrestles Baekhyun behind the neck, shouting furiously, “YOU. You come here!” and pounds his other hand several times against Baekhyun’s shoulder. Between breathless laughs Baekhyun warns him to keep it down. “Youuuu, how dare you!” Kai whispers harshly, laughing all the same.  At some point Kai leaves off the beating, transitioning into a forceful snuggle that still feels halfway like punishment. His left arm practically strangles Baekhyun, right coming up to join it and Baekhyun’s own arms are locked under the struggle.

“I can’t - Kai, I can’t breathe, Kai!” Baekhyun gasps. 

“Serves you right!” Belatedly he realizes he probably was choking his boyfriend and he loosens his arms around the neck only, still pulling and pushing at him furiously as Baekhyun wheezes from the exertion of being manhandled so forcefully. He begins to tip forward off the couch, his legs sliding down the cushions from having Kai practically on top of his back, and he shrieks in fright.

“Now who’s being loud!” Kai hisses. Just as Baekhyun starts to fall, he catches him around the chest and heaves him back up on the couch. Baekhyun pants. Kai untangles himself as suavely as he can, and sits back pointedly a foot away from him, a pillow between them. He shakes his head of the bangs that fell across his forehead and grins like a fool while Baekhyun performs an act of dignity affronted. He huffs for a few more seconds until all goes still between them and they settle back into a comfortable silence. 

Kai smiles, knowing Baekhyun is trying hard not to, but neither of them can help it. Baekhyun looks a mess with his fuzzy hair and shirt oddly twisted. The corners of his lips pull, he presses them down into a thin line, and Kai giggles outright when their eyes meet. He coughs hurriedly to cover up the sound, and Baekhyun loses the battle, grinning widely.

“So, what were we talking about again?” Kai says, his tone completely serious.

Baekhyun laughs and looks at Kai with an expression of newfound appreciation. “Your spine,” he says, without a hint of awkwardness. “How come I didn’t even notice it wasn’t straight? It doesn’t look like you have so much of a curve inside you.”

For the first time this night, Kai’s rather glad the conversation is back on his spine. He clears his throat again. “That’s because it compensates for itself inside. It’s not as noticeable if you just look at me, unless you’re  _really_  looking for it. And then you’ll notice that my hips aren’t exactly level, and the lazier I get with my posture, the more I tend to lean or shift in one direction.”

“Ohh, I see.”  Baekhyun nods his head, except he doesn’t see, not yet anyways. He gets a sudden idea. “Hey, sit up for a second.”

“What?”

“Sit up.” 

Baekhyun scoots towards him as Kai nervously sits forward on the couch. Using two hands he attempts to reposition Kai so that his back is facing him, and Kai leans forward a little over the arm of the couch, knees knocking together on the corner. Kai feels cold fingers at the base of his shirt.

“What are you doing?”

“I want to see something,” says Baekhyun definitely. 

“Huh?” 

Baekhyun starts to roll up the back of his shirt. “I heard you can sometimes see or feel the spine when it’s like this. I want to see if I can trace it.”  

Cold air hits Kai’s exposed back. Baekhyun pushes the shirt up past his shoulder blades and presses an index finger to the spine where it connects at the neck. It feels odd, to have Baekhyun touching him this way. It’s not exactly how he figured his boyfriend would react after hearing his story. The rush of strange questions he had expected, never came. Baekhyun didn’t look at him any differently than before, nor did he spill even a hint of pity. Better yet, he hasn’t asked him directly if this is the reason he’s so skittish when the conversation of dance keeps coming up. Time for that another day, when Kai has had a chance to unravel his own feelings about it. 

Kai’s heartbeat pulses a bit more rapidly, and he doesn’t know if it’s because of the relief he now has, now that he’s gotten this off his chest, or if it’s because Baekhyun’s fingers along his back feel so strangely intimate. Somewhere along the first curve Baekhyun substitutes his index finger for his middle finger which presses down lightly at first, then harder as Baekhyun struggles to keep up with the spine beneath all the muscles in his back. 

“I lost it,” he whispers.

“Huh?”

“Your spine. I can’t find it.” He chuckles.

“Baek, it’s not  _that_  crooked.”

“Yeah, but it’s weird how it twists and comes back again… And you’ve got these large muscles on one side of your back, but not on the other side.” He tries again, starting at the neck and traces his fingers back down for a second time. “Ah, I got it now.  _Found it,_ ” he sings cheerfully, fingers sinking lower and lower. 

Kai shivers at the light touch the rest of Baekhyun’s fingers make against the sides of his back. Baekhyun must not realize how his thumb and pinky graze light enough to tickle, or something related. 

“Oh. I lost it again. I guess it’s pretty curvy the lower it gets, huh?”

“Something like that.” 

“Oh well.” Baekhyun halts the descent with his hands brushing the top of Kai’s pants, pushing at the muscles fruitlessly for a sign of the spine, his second hand holding onto Kai’s hip for support. Kai shifts to regain his balance which causes the tips of Baekhyuns nails to sink into the skin. He hisses and Baekhyun freezes apologetically. 

“Uhm…” Kai hums. The position he’s in, slightly bent over the arm of the couch, is no longer comfortable, but the position of Baekhyun’s hands is more than a little awkward, now that he’s no longer tracing the spine.

“What?” Baekhyun asks. He notices none of Kai’s discomfort. “I guess I should give up. I can’t feel it anymore.”

“Yeah, I guess you can do that.” 

The door to Tao’s bedroom opens before they can move, and Kai winces involuntarily, already knowing what’s coming next: Tao’s shriek and Baekhyun’s sudden realization of what this position must look like from Tao’s angle. 

“What are you—? Ugh! Disgusting! You have your OWN room. Why do you have to do it on the couch!  _I_ sit on that couch! Ahhhhhh!” 

Baekhyun sits back quickly, and Kai hastens to pull down his shirt. Tao issues one last distressed moan at the scene and slams his door closed, discouraged from whatever aim he originally had for coming out.

Both Kai and Baekhyun sit apart flustered, once more a foot apart and the pillow between them. For lack of anything better to do, Kai stares at the broken wall clock, still signifying its incorrect time of 6:07.  The memory of Baekhyun’s fingers still lingers and causes his mouth to dry up. He braves a glance at his boyfriend, and Baekhyun laughs hesitantly, bringing one hand up to cover his mouth. 

“I— ugh.” Kai tries to look offended but he fails miserably and gives in to the laughter as well. Finally they run dry.

“Sorry about that…” Baekhyun sighs and apologizes. “Guess I was too tired to… realize… you know…”

“You should get some sleep then.” 

“Yeah. You too probably.”

“Yep.” Kai wonders if this could get any more awkward. “Got an extra pillow?” He doesn’t much like the looks of the miniature blue couch pillow, though he stretches out on it for a trial run anyways.

“Sure. Uhm…” Baekhyun gets up to enter his room and returns with a fluffier offering. “Here. Do you need anything else? Another blanket, or…?”

“Nope. I’m good.”

“Good.” Baekhyun hovers over him half-expectantly. 

Kai looks up and smirks. “You waiting for a goodnight kiss or something?”

“Well, obviously I am.”

“Good. Otherwise, I’d have to follow you into your bedroom.”

Baekhyun titters on his feet but ignores the proposition, and when Kai looks at him he can tell how tired the man has truly been all this night. His eyes are sunken and he moves slower than usual, as if waiting for that one moment when he can pass out and not have to worry about a thing. Kai feels guilty for keeping him up so late, but he’s still relieved all the same. He sits up and Baekhyun sinks onto the sofa. Their lips pass each other though, and Kai gulps from the unexpected miss until he realizes Baekhyun went in for the hug first. Chest to chest he feels Baekhyun’s arms latch around him, and a nose presses against the curve of his neck. 

Kai relaxes into the hug and Baekhyun whispers an exhausted, “Thank you.”

“For what?” Kai asks.

“For trusting me enough to talk about yourself.” He pulls back just far enough to press a kiss to Kai’s neck. 

Kai smiles at the touch and gently lifts Baekhyun away so he can see his face. All the things he wants to say linger on the tip of his tongue:  _No, thank you. Thank you for seeing me and not seeing Kai the dancer. Thank you for staying by my side right now. Thank you for letting me like you.Thank you for liking me back._

_I needed you. I need you. I want to love you…_

He settles for kissing him instead, and Baekhyun goes to sleep without all those added complications. These kinds of things should be taken one day at a time, really. 

 

* * *

 

 

19  FRIENDLY OVERTURES

 

Kai leaves around midday on Saturday, only thirty minutes later than the time it takes for Baekhyun and Tao to wake up and eat breakfast. Every one of them is groggy from the long night behind them and grumpy about the coming day. Baekhyun doesn’t ask him or even comment, but he’s happy to see that his guest needs no suggestion to help pull out the breakfast bowls and fetch some utensils for them all to eat with. He even stares at the coffee pot nervously with his hands on the counter, as if wondering whether the machine might explode if he touches it, before Baekhyun tells him it’s not necessary to make anything. He sighs in relief, but Baekhyun loves him for even considering the machine’s existence. They don’t make coffee most days, if only because Baekhyun doesn’t drink it and Tao says that if he’s so inclined he can buy a better cup at the corner store across the street than whatever murky concoction filters through their years-old appliance. 

Kai promises to meet him later, either during intermission or after the show. He’s going to sit with Sehun in the audience tonight, but Baekhyun doesn’t blame him for not wanting to relive a second evening spent backstage and not dancing. 

“I’ve rarely seen a performance from the front before!” he says cheerfully. “This’ll be a new experience.”  He looks happy about it too, even if Baekhyun knows that more feelings than just this lay beneath his boyfriend’s cool exterior. 

“Cheer loud and obnoxiously for me!” 

“Oh I will.”

Baekhyun chuckles as he collects his shoulder bag. “I didn’t mean that. Actually I better not hear your whooping and hollering. If there’s anything more distracting, it’s one rowdy, biased audience member.” Personally, this kind of thing bothers Baekhyun immensely, because while it’s cool when the cheers are for you, it can be seriously distracting for others on the stage. 

“I’ll clap demurely for you then.”

“Golf claps, please.”

“ _Can_  and  _will_  do!” Kai mimics a rapid little clapping gesture with his hands level and to the left of his face, and Baekhyun laughs.

He walks home in a different direction than Baekhyun and Tao’s bus route.

 

Day two in the pre-show stage area is very much like day one, except that everyone is twice as exhausted, and adding up last night’s long hours, the company members stumble around like zombies. Never before has Baekhyun been so glad of the heavy makeup he’ll soon have to apply. The circles under his eyes should give him nightmares, they’re so large. At least his flat mate looks much worse than he does. Tao pokes at his under eyes in the mirror while Baekhyun grins smugly, verifying he’s just going to have to accent the bags even more with his smoky eye shadow palette to disguise the effects of his nearly sleepless night. 

“Good morning. Good morning!” Luhan calls, overly joyous for the occasion. He and Minseok arrive together brandishing their matching styrofoam coffee cups, and Baekhyun smiles because all things look right in the world. 

“You realize it’s the afternoon already, right?” says Baekhyun.

“Absolutely not. I only woke up an hour ago so it can’t possibly be so late.” 

“Uh huh…”

Luhan smiles in what he assumes in a winning expression, bobbing his head a little in forced glee. Minseok pinches him in the side lightly, and the expression falls with a fake, pained grimace.

“Hey watch it! If I spill my coffee, then you’re going to have to go get me another one!”

“Sure sure. I’ll do just that,” says Minseok lazily, a smile hanging about his lips nevertheless. He sits down at a counter under the mirror after greeting Baekhyun and Tao. “Suho’s still here. Did you know that?” he addresses the room.

Baekhyun frowns. “Why? Can he even walk?”

“Hobbling around on crutches,” Minseok explains. “Krystal says he’s been here since the morning overseeing Yixing with the choreographers. I don’t think he trusts him to do his part well enough.”

Luhan snorts. “As if. Yixing’s ten times the better dancer. And I don’t say that just because he’s Chinese and I’m biased. But I mean, the guy’s been a professional for way longer than Suho.” 

“Just three years.”

“He’s been in China! That’s some seriously intense training right there! He knows his stuff. He’ll be good.”

“I wasn’t arguing with you, Luhan.”

“I know you weren’t. I’m just saying… He’s good and Suho’s just being stu—”

“So where’s Suho now?” Baekhyun asks, anxious for them to get to the point. Tao continues to ignore them all. 

“In his dressing room? Same as yesterday. Yixing moved his stuff in last night.” 

Baekhyun never got a chance to talk to Suho yesterday after his collapse. He figures it’s time to rectify that now. Like the day before he finds himself angling for Suho’s room, happy enough to discover that Suho is not alone, and despite the scowl on his face, he doesn’t look quite as miserable as he could be, and often is. His leg is propped up on the chair as he discusses some of the finer details of stagecraft with Yixing, the company’s sudden newest member.

To his credit, Yixing doesn’t seem to mind being told things he has probably already committed to memory. 

“And when you enter during the group split for the fourth scene, remember ‘left in front of right’. You’re coming in stage left so you have to cross in front of the other line. And if you don’t, you’re going to mess up the spacing because then there will be a hole where you were supposed to be, and too many people crowded upstage. Just remember that, okay?”

“Left in front of right. Left in front of right,” Yixing repeats good-naturedly. His eyes sparkle, and it’s obvious to Baekhyun that Yixing finds the injured dancer more amusing than anything else. Most of the dancers in the company, including Baekhyun on occasion, think much differently. 

“Knock. Knock.” He substitutes for the action. “Mind if I come in.”

Suho frowns to see him, however, Yixing is absolutely delighted to meet him again. Baekhyun receives a full hug and kiss on the cheek from the man he once thought was going to mug him on the street. He no longer wonders why he was so frightened that time. Yixing seems to always be invading others’ personal space with as much gusto as he can manage, though at least Baekhyun realizes now that he means no harm by it. He is just that personable. 

Still standing too close, Yixing says, “Baekhyun! I saw you dance yesterday. You were good. Very good. I’m really happy I’ve been given this chance to dance with you so soon.” He captures Suho’s wide, menacing eye stare and immediately drops the smile, regret and concern infusing his voice. “I mean— I’m very sorry to Suho, here. It’s really a pity you had to get so injured.” Suho rolls his eyes. “I wanted to dance with everybody happily and instead I’m taking your place. I hope you get better quickly, and then we can all work together.” 

“Yes, me too,” says Suho without enthusiasm. He snaps his head to look at Baekhyun. “What do you want? Anything? Tips on how to live without me on the stage or something?”

Baekhyun should be prepared for this sort of retort. Biting back a sarcastic answer, he merely shrugs and shakes his head. “No, nothing like that.”

“Then what is it?”

“I just came to see how your foot was doing. Heard you’ve been here all morning.” 

Suho looks put out that he can’t say anything to follow that. He grunts and tries to recline in the uncomfortable wooden chair. “It’s fine.”

“Do you need anything? Since you guys have been here so long… Krystal brought in some food  for everybody if you haven’t eaten lunch yet. I caught a glimpse of them when I came in. Some kind of sushi rolls. I could… go bring you some if you want.”

Suho doesn’t respond, but Yixing takes the bait.

“Oh, I’ll get it! I haven’t eaten much all day and then I didn’t take a break because Suho wanted to talk— I’ll bring us back some for lunch then. Down the hallway?”

“Yes, in the last room closest to the stage door.”

“Got it. You don’t want anything, do you, Baekhyun?”

“Nope. I’m good. Thanks.”

Yixing bounces off down the hallway and Baekhyun looks down to see Suho looking stupefied at the foreign dancer’s exit.

Baekhyun sits down. 

“He’s chatty, isn’t he?”

“No kidding,” Suho remarks blandly.

“Nice guy though.”

“He’s alright.”

High praise, coming from Suho, Baekhyun thinks. He assumed the two would clash, but short of becoming best friends, it appears that the two will get along well enough, if only because Yixing is the kind of person to befriend everyone, whether they want it or not. He hasn’t seen him really dance though, and looks forward to that. To Suho, however, he’s loathe to mention the man more than he needs to, since Yixing is technically Suho’s replacement for the evening, mostly likely for the next few weeks as well. Even with his unspoken approval, Suho is grouchy enough already. Baekhyun tries another tactic instead.

“Are you doing alright?”

Suho snorts. “You don’t have to baby me, Baekhyun. I’ll be fine soon enough. In fact, you’re making me uncomfortable.” He crosses his arms and avoids his intruder’s gaze.

Baekhyun pouts, wondering if the same technique that works on everyone else will work on Suho to get the man to lighten up. He kind of wishes he knew more about the dancer, so instead of just skirting around each other all the time at the studio, they could find something to relate to. All he knows is that Suho has danced in the company since he was a kid, and he has a long [not always friendly but at least professional] history with Kai, Luhan, Minseok, and Sehun. That, and the fact that while he gets on with most of the old timers, Sehun hates his guts and the feeling is agreed to be mutual for whatever reasons. 

Baekhyun smiles with a tight, close-lipped smile. “I’m just trying to be friendly,” he reasons. 

Apparently Baekhyun’s puppy dog face doesn’t work well on Suho yet. The injured man moans overly loud and tips his head back. He is the picture of frustration as he scrapes his fingernails into his scalp, clenching his eyes and mouth closed. Finally he vents his entire breath and fixes Baekhyun with a glare. 

“I don’t need you to be friends with me, okay? You can do me a favor by just leaving me alone.”

“No.”

“What?” His eyes grow wide and incredulous.

“I’m not going to leave you alone.”

“So… you’re just going to bother me and make me feel miserable all the time, is that it?” He sighs heavily again, and Baekhyun guesses he’s floundering around inside his head for something to prolong his makeshift conflict. It turns out he is right. “Is this some kind of pity thing, because I don’t care and it doesn’t matter. Go bother your  _boyfriend_  if you want someone to mother.”

That stings, just a little bit. Baekhyun wants nothing more than to give up the towel and walk away right now except he’s kind of determined to get through to Suho. Half of year of ignoring the obnoxious man is starting to grate on the side of Baekhyun that really wants to like all of humanity.

“It’s not pity,” he says, dropping the cute face. He tries to look as serious as he feels. “I’m just tired of not getting along with you, and I want that to change. If you don’t want to be  _friends_  friends with me, then at least let’s get along as co-workers and you can stop pretending to be an ass all the time to everyone who speaks to you.” There, I said it, Baekhyun thinks, pleased with himself despite being fearful of Suho’s reaction.

Suho looks shocked. He tries to sit up and move his leg, but then he remembers why it is propped up, and he winces from the accompanying pain. Baekhyun waits for him to regain his composure and by then Suho just looks drained. He wheezes uncomfortably for a few seconds before letting his body relax.

“I’m sorry,” Baekhyun apologizes quietly. 

“Huh,” is all Suho can grunt. He stares at his leg without speaking for a few moments, and Baekhyun stands up to leave. He hovers in the doorway though, waiting for one last chance with Suho. He gets it.

“Okay,” says Suho.

“Okay what?”

“I’ll take your deal. You don’t baby me, and I won’t be a jerk. Sound fair?”

Baekhyun smiles to himself. “Fair. See you around then.”

“Yeah see you around. Hey wait—“

“Hmm?”

“Uhm… can you look out for Yixing though? I tried to direct him to the green room earlier to get his costume adjusted and he came back thirty minutes later and hadn’t even found it yet.” He sounds like he could care less if Yixing ever comes back, but Baekhyun knows this isn’t true.

He laughs. “He’s like that, I know. Okay I’ll go scout around for him. Take it easy, now.”

“I said don’t—“

“— _don’t_  baby you, yeah I know. Fine. Go run some laps around the block if it’ll make you feel better.”

“Whatever. Bye.”

“Yep. Bye.”

That went well, Baekhyun thinks. He actually believes it too, and that makes his day a whole lot brighter. He sets off to find Yixing, because no doubt the man is lost and left to his own devices, Suho will probably starve to death before Yixing makes it back to their dressing room with the food. 

 

 

“Freedom!” Luhan cries when the curtain goes down on the last stage. The bows are done, the blinding lights simmer off, and they can already hear the general rush of movement from the audience as people start to vacate their seats.

“Don't get too carried away,” says Ms. Jung as she pats a few of the dancers on the back for good work. “You only have one day off!” Luhan snarls, no doubt cursing the sweet woman for raining on his parade. 

Back in the dressing room, Tao doesn't even bother cleaning off his chair which has accumulated numerous sweaty garments over the course of the evening. He sinks onto the floor with his legs splayed out at a 45 degree angle and his head lolls back on the wall. Baekhyun nudges his leg with the tip of his foot for good measure, and Tao smiles lazily back. “Hand me my phone, pretty please?” He nods towards the counter, and Baekhyun passes it down.

Minseok and Luhan pile in as well and the rush of body heat does nothing to alleviate the already humid, stale air of their dressing room. Baekhyun picks up his phone and joins Tao on the floor, persuading himself that he's allowed to sit and chill for a bit before he has to change and pick up. He hasn't checked his messages since intermission. 

_Kai: Sehun's being a bum. He won't let me move to sit in the first row._

_Kai: Howre you supposed to see me if I sit too far back?_

_Kai: You look hot btw._

_Kai: Yixing's good Better than Suho. Dont tell him i said that._

_Chanyeol: Hey i think i see ur bf. black hair? looks awesome? Introduce us afterwards pls?_

_Chanyeol: jongdae says that sounds gay. ugh. I didnt mean like that. watevr_

_Kai: Luhan looks like a girl Dont tell him that either_

_Kai: some dude keeps staring at me_

_Kai: I think Kyungsoos bored. he says hi though_

_Chanyeol: crap i think i made ur bf uncomfortable. Im just gonna introduce myself_

_Minzy: mom wants to know how your performance went. btw can I come visit next week??_

_Kai: Did I mention you were hot_

_Kai: are hot. not just were._

_Minzy: don't bother answering. I'm coming anyway_

_Kai: almost over and then I can see you!!!_

_Kai: Uhm. met your bff. Chanyeol?_

_Kai: hurry up and get out here. he's making me feel short and I dont like it_

Baekhyun giggles to himself and shoots off a few replies, notifying his bf and bff both that he'll be out there soon. His sister's texts he ignores, because he knows she'll do whatever pleases her, and in any case nothing she does really bothers him. He scrapes himself off the floor and begins the slow work of cleaning up. 

 

An hour later they end up at an all-night cafe near the campus: Baekhyun snuggling cozily into Kai's shoulder; Minseok and Luhan playing happily with the sugar packets on the table; Tao halfway dozing with his phone still between his fingers; Kyungsoo gazing around in what's probably not a Satanic sulk but looks that way anyways; Chanyeol and Jongdae attempting to understand all the dance lingo and failing miserably. Sehun tries to irritate Suho and ends up being smacked on the forehead by the ever moderate Yixing. Min and Krystal come along for the ride too because they claim the boys are far more entertaining than anyone else they know in the company, and Baekhyun loudly agrees. 

Now this is the life, he thinks privately to himself. A table full of friends, and the only awkward ones are the people who generally don't mind being in awkward situations. Chanyeol fits right into the crowd in his own clumsy way, just like he and Kai seemed to agree upon some sort of shaky friendship before Baekhyun could join them after the performance. They eyeballed each other warily at first, but relaxed completely when Baekhyun was around. All in all everyone appears happy with the exception of Suho, but even he tones down the snark for the evening, content to be a grouch back to Sehun only.

The best part of the evening though is seriously how content Kai is hanging out with the pack. He knows Kai probably won't say such things, but he must have missed this kind of thing: the after show wind down with a good set of company. Or maybe Kai just likes having a boyfriend to hold and occasionally make overly flirtatious gestures towards for the sake of the cheers and gags everyone makes. Minseok told Baekhyun once that Kai never went out with anyone before him. Nineteen, and Baekhyun is his first boyfriend - just how long  _was_  Kai nursing his crush on Baekhyun, that he apparently never dated? He really wants to find out.

The party dissipates in the early hours of the morning and Baekhyun and Tao make their way home by themselves. On the last leg of their journey, they can barely walk faster than a slow amble, despite the chill in the air, so tired are they from the two long, crazy days. 

“I'm so sleeping in tomorrow,” says Tao with a slur to his speech.

“You mean today? It's already Sunday...”

“Whatever. Same thing.”

“Well, we did technically get to sleep in this morning,” says Baekhyun.

“Doesn't count. Still had to get up and dance. I'm not going to budge until at least three.”

“Good luck to that. You know the cat won't let you sleep that long.”

Tao groans. “She can feed herself.”

“Again, good luck with that.”

“You can feed her then.”

“What, me? I plan on sleeping in too! Anyways, she's your cat.”

Tao pouts, probably resigning himself to an earlier alarm clock than he would like, and Baekhyun laughs. He dodges the elbow sent his way and skips a few feet ahead of his trailing, flagging roommate. It's then he notices something more than fatigue plastered to Tao's face. The man looks tired, certainly, but also a tiny bit confused, pensive, sad? He still carries his phone in his hand despite having numerous pockets where he could have placed it. 

“What's up with your phone? Waiting for a call or something? This late?”

Tao tries to shrug it off. He drops it finally into the side of his leather shoulder bag just as they reach the stairs leading up to their apartment. The place looks a disaster after several days of not being around long enough to clean. Another task Baekhyun will probably have to do tomorrow - today - when he wakes up. 

“Night, Tao,” he says with a yawn. Tao, however, freezes just outside his bedroom door and Baekhyun stops too to look over at him. “What's wrong?”

“Huh? Oh - it's nothing. Nothing.”

“Okay... you sure?”

“Yeah. Yes. No.”  He hesitates and bites down on his bottom lip. “It's just that...well, Kris.”

“What about him?”

“He didn't... he didn't come to the performance tonight.”

Something clicks inside Baekhyun's brain, thinking back to all the times throughout the evening when Tao would stare at his phone, expectantly. Had he been waiting to hear from Kris all evening? Was that it?

“Did he say he would come today?”

“No, he didn't. I just... kind of expected he would.”

Tao shakes his head, and the confusion and hurt disappears from his features, like it had never been there. He's just a man exhausted and without further conversation, he whispers a hushed good night and enters his room. 

 

* * *

 

 

20  TWO SIDES OF THE STORY

 

The company recovers by Monday, not that they have much choice in the matter. The dance season begins in earnest now and Baekhyun can barely believe that all the fuss building up to the weekend’s performances were little more than a precursor to all the work and hours they’ll spend preparing for the  _real_ stuff: festivals, workshops, tours. It makes him tired just thinking about it. And also very, very excited. It’s the life he always imagined living for as long as his body can take it, and hopefully even then some.

For now though the week will be spent revising their repertoire, incorporating Yixing more into the mix since Suho’s injury, and clearing their minds in preparation for new choreography.  Mrs. Kim promised them a new project to begin midweek with a local student choreographer as part of their outreach program.

“Oh that will be fun,” Luhan says out loud, rolling his eyes. “Student choreographers. My favorite thing.”

“You know you did that yourself when you were that age,” Minseok kindly reminds him, holding back a smirk.

“That’s so different though.  _I_  was actually good at that kind of thing!”

“Says the man who only learns now, and doesn’t teach.” That sets them off.

The two bicker off and on for the rest of the day, and while Baekhyun notices how generally cool Minseok is about the whole thing, he can’t help but notice how frustrated Luhan becomes over time. It can’t only be the quarrelling, because they happily do that every day of their lives and so far it hasn’t changed a single thing about their relationship. Later on though he overhears Luhan pestering Minseok once more about the infamous ‘blonde’ but Luhan still receives no concrete answer. Baekhyun doesn’t bother telling Luhan that the blonde he’s so curious about is actually in the room with them most days, or that Minseok generally treats her the same as every other dancer in the company, male or female. 

 

Kai calls up Baekhyun out of the blue early Tuesday afternoon while both on are break. They haven’t seen much of each other since the performance except for a quick meal Sunday after Baekhyun woke up super late in the day. Kai’s g’day speech is crisp and to the point. “I miss you. Been too long. Want to hang out later today?”

Baekhyun chuckles. He takes his phone and walks out into the hallway for a little privacy. “What’s your definition of hang out? Go out or stay in?”

“I’m feeling like a bum. I’ve spent two days either in classrooms, doing homework, and or wandering around outside. Can’t we just do something easy, like eat food and watch a movie? By the way, I have no TV in my room. Hint hint.”

Baekhyun leans back on a wall with his head tilted, cradling the phone between his ear and hand. He looks around first to check his surroundings, confirming that no one is around to hear. “I guess we could do that. I have to warn you though that Tao will be there and I feel a little weird about kicking him out. He doesn’t really go out much. Are you comfortable hanging out with with my third-wheel possible squeal monster teddy bear of a roommate? I mean, I could always just hint that he stays inside his room, but that’s kind of awkward.” Plus whenever Tao had someone over, he’d always insist that Baekhyun could hang out with them too. Not that he’s had the opportunity in the past few days. Baekhyun hasn’t seen Kris in days, and after Tao’s little confession Saturday night, Tao’s maintained a pretty solemn attitude, a half step away from being outright mopey. 

Kai exhales over the phone good-naturedly. “Sure why not. Actually, what about this: I bring Sehun and we can just have a friends’ night thing at your place. Would that be okay?” 

“Are Tao and Sehun even friends?” 

“Aren’t they? They can  _become_  friends. They’ll get along fine, I promise. Third wheels always gravitate towards one another.” He laughs, and Baekhyun thinks it’s a good enough plan. Anything to see his boyfriend again and also form a distraction for Tao.

“Deal. See you tonight then around 8? Text me later if you have an idea for what to eat.”

 

Sehun arrives last at half past eight lugging several bags of to-go-cartons of Thai food. He heaves breathlessly upon Baekhyun’s front door when Baekhyun opens it, relieved he got the right address, and eager to remove the plastic bags suspended around his wrists.

“Hello, Baekhyun. Hello, Tao,” he wheezes. “Now where the hell is Kai? Next time he invites me out to this part of town, tell him to go and get his own damn food, or at least meet me at the restaurant! That order you guys texted me was confusing. Guy at the place looked at me like I was a dunce trying to get the right dishes. Who the hell orders green curry with alternate-ingredient specifications from a restaurant that only wants to you to say  _one_  number when you place an order?”

Baekhyun’s lips form an ‘o’ and he glances awkwardly at Tao. “Tao, you didn’t give that weird order to Sehun through Kai, did you?” He clucks in disapproval, though he is most obviously amused.

Sehun doesn’t get any less put out when he spots the actual source of his misery. He glares at Tao who mumbles a brief apology, furrows his brow and says, “Huh. I’ll deal with you later, I guess. Where is Kai anyway?”

“He went to the bathroom?” Baekhyun answers. 

“Well, tell him food’s here. I didn’t rush five blocks just so he could eat it cold.”

“Ay ay. I’ll go tell him that His Highness awaits.” 

Baekhyun enters his room to knock on the bathroom door that jointly opens up between his and Tao’s bedrooms. 

“Kai! Food. Sehun. Come out already. What  _are_  you doing in there besides polluting my toilet?” He hears the water turn off and the door unlatches just as he’s about to start pounding for the second time. 

Kai opens up with a smile on his face. “What, are you that impatient?” 

“Sehun’s the impatient one. He’s already grumpy. I can tell this will be a good night. No, I was just curious what you were up to since you’ve been in there a good while.”

“You really want to know that, Baek?” 

“Do I? Maybe not.”

Kai grins mischievously, and Baekhyun prepares himself for whatever horror Kai’s about to spew, but instead Kai inclines his head towards the shower. “I was just checking out your shampoo rack actually – you know, in case I ever want to wax poetic and spout some romantic nonsense about what scent you always have about you. Like how I’m supposed to recognize if you always smell like vanilla and oranges…”

Baekhyun laughs nervously. “What are you on about?”

“Vanilla? Actually it’s worse than that. What is this off brand Head and Shoulders dandruff shampoo you use? That’s not at all romantic, Baek! At least I use a regular, recognizable brand of shampoo/conditioner!”

“You also use a cucumber and green tea scent body wash,  _Mr. Romantic_.”

Kai’s mouth drops open. “What? I do? Wait, how do you know–?”

“I showered once in your apartment, remember? Somehow I never figured you for a cucumber and green tea scent kind of guy,” Baekhyun teases him lightly.

“It must have been Kyungsoo’s…”

“Oh was it now…?”

“Yes… Kyungsoo must have bought it. He’s the cucumber and green tea guy, not me. Haven’t you noticed he smells like that when he gets out of the shower?” 

“Okay, you can stop thinking about Kyungsoo in the shower now.”

“Then what am I supposed to think about while I’m in the shower?”

Baekhyun rolls his eyes and groans. “Enough! Seriously though, why are we talking about shampoo and body wash?”

He laughs, but Kai winces, embarrassment starting to flood his face, and Baekhyun braces himself, arms crossed for the answer.

“Because… your bathroom is so tiny that when I got up I elbowed the shower curtain and that knocked over the shampoo and then I tripped on it, and it was open and it got all over the floor and… that’s what I’ve been cleaning up all this time.” 

Baekhyun stares down at the floor which he finally notices looks polished and squeaky clean. A pile of dirtied paper towels fill up the trash can. 

“So, you basically cleaned my floor with Head and Shoulders?” 

Kai grins like a two-year old. “Surprise?”

 

Baekhyun considers their movie night a success, in that he got to spend plenty of mindless time with Kai, and that after squaring off against each other, Tao and Sehun managed to find some common ground. They are brothers in arms against the cheesiness of the couple in the room, just as Kai predicted, turning their heads away and scowling every time Kai or Baekhyun even touch each other in the slightest. To Sehun it becomes more of a game as the night progresses and finally Tao relents and lets himself be entertained by it.  After several hours of  _Lethal Weapon_  and halfway into the sequel, however, the texts start to arrive.

Baekhyun receives the first one. He pulls out his buzzing cell phone and quickly unlocks it.

 

_Minseok:_   _This may sound weird but do you know where Luhan is?_

 

Baekhyun frowns, and replies with a brief  _no._

“Who is it?” Kai whispers. Baekhyun shows him the text just in time for Kai’s own phone to buzz with the same message from Minseok. “I guess he’s lost him?”

“How does Minseok lose Luhan? Aren’t they like glued together?” Baekhyun whispers back. Kai shrugs and they continue watching their movie.

Twenty minutes later a phone actually rings. Sehun answers his to the grinding sound of Skrillex dubstep. He stands up to answer it, his eyebrows clenched and puzzled, and Kai pauses the movie.  

“Hello?” Sehun answers.

The others stare up at him as he moves around the couch, as if waiting for important news. The clock on the wall that Tao finally bought batteries for shows it’s half past eleven. 

“What’s wrong? — I’m with Kai at Baekhyun’s place — Yes, of course you can come over.” Sehun looks desperately at Baekhyun to confirm. Baekhyun mouths back a ‘Who?’ but he’s pretty sure he knows who it is. He nods his head anyways. 

“No, no, it’s alright. Where are you at right now? — Okay you’re not far. I’m going to hang up and text you the directions. Come straight here, okay? — Alright — Alright, I’ll see you soon.” 

Sehun lowers his phone and bites his bottom lip, scowl starting to blossom across his usually stoic expression. 

“Was that Luhan?” Kai asks knowingly. He gets up too to stand by Sehun. 

“Yeah. How did you—“

“Baekhyun and I both got texts from Minseok earlier — about twenty minutes ago? — asking if we knew where Luhan was.”

“Well he’s on his way here now.” Sehun coughs.

“What’s wrong? Did something happen between them?” asks Baekhyun.

“I don’t know exactly. He was just crying and weeping and halfway hysterical sounding and there was something about Minseok but he didn’t say what… Anyways he’s probably about ten minutes away. I’m going to go wait downstairs for him to get here.”

“Did he sound drunk?” Kai asks. 

“No. Not specifically. He just sounded like a mess. Guess we’ll find out. If he’s in any fit state I’ll bring him back up here if that’s alright with you.” Without waiting for an answer, he grabs his coat off the back of the couch and exits through the front door.

The room is quiet after he leaves. Tao sits motionless on the couch, his eyes fused in one direction, and Baekhyun quietly stands up to turn off the movie player and TV. 

“Is this… is this typical for Luhan?” he asks Kai.

Kai ruffles his eyebrows. “Not, really? I mean, sometimes I’ve known him to overreact a little, but calling crying in the middle in the night… and for Sehun and not Minseok? That’s the strange part. Sure we’ve all known each other for years and years, but I’ve never heard of him and Minseok fighting before. And Sehun hasn’t mentioned anything about it. I can’t imagine much changed while I was… while I wasn’t here.”

Tao gets up and stretches. His yawns almost cover up the worried look on his face, but instead of sitting around for the show he says, “I think I’m going to sleep… I’ll just be in the way here. Uhm, tell Luhan I said ‘Hello’. Hope he’s alright.” He closes his bedroom door and it’s just Kai and Baekhyun waiting up for the apparently hysterical dancer to arrive. 

They don’t have to wait very long. Less than ten minutes later Sehun opens the door, ushering in a tear-stricken Luhan, one arm around his shoulders as he guides him in the doorway. He looks quiet enough, sniffling only every other breath, but when he sees the concerned expressions on Kai’s and Baekhyun’s faces he starts crying again. He steps forward out from under Sehun’s arm as the taller boy closes the door. Behind Luhan’s back Sehun waves at the other two and mimics the action of drinking, then waves his hand before his nose. Baekhyun gets the picture. Luhan may not be drunk right now, but he reeks of the smell of an earlier drunken spree. 

Luhan bounces from Sehun right into the arms of Kai, who cradle walks him to the couch and sits them both down. 

“Hey, hey, what’s the matter?” Kai asks softly, eyes narrowed in focus. Sehun hovers next to them perched on the arm rest and Baekhyun decides it’s time to put his coffee maker to good use. Firstly though he discretely places a tissue box next to Sehun, and the youngest of them presses a tissue into Luhan’s fragile hands. 

Luhan gulps and dabs at the tears on his face. “It’s… It’s… UGH, I’ve done something so stupid!” His voice is raspy and harsh, though surprisingly not loud.

Behind the couch, Baekhyun takes the liberty of texting Minseok back. 

 

_Baekhyun: He’s here. We found him. He called Sehun, who’s over here with Kai. What happened?_

 

“What happened?” Sehun asks. “You said something about Minseok…”

“Y-y-yes…” he gulps again. “I— He—he got mad at me.” 

 

_Minseok: Good!_

_Minseok: Did he just get there? Is he okay??_

 

“Why’d he get mad at you?” Kai asks now.

“Because I showed up at his house drunk.” He looks more than just mournful now, edging on completely dejected.

“You went drinking by yourself?”

 

_Baekhyun: He’s sobbing pretty badly. He says he went to your place drunk._

 

Luhan clenches his eyes closed and nearly chokes on his spittle. “I… well, I didn’t go with him. I went out with some other friends. Non company friends… 

 

_Minseok: He left right after rehearsal and said he was going out with friends._

_Minseok: Then he showed up at my door about half an hour ago drunk and shouting at me._

 

“I didn’t mean to get drunk on a weeknight, it just seemed like a good idea at the time.”

 

_Baekhyun: What about?_

_Minseok: And.. I kind of lectured him for getting wasted like this_

_Minseok: Stupid crap that doesnt even matter_

_Minseok: And raving about me and some blonde… does he think I’m dating Mint??_

 

“Sehun! He’s so not fair! I asked him if he was dating some girl and he wouldn’t answer me! Why won’t he tell me if he’s dating somebody or not? Why can’t he just come out with it and tell me! Why’s he got to lie and then turn the tables on me?? How come he can date but I can’t go out and have a good time and hook up with some chick either?” Luhan officially breaks down again for the possibly  _n_ th time this night, his hands covering his face as Sehun and Kai both rub his back. 

 

_Minseok: I was kind of mean. I asked what he'd been doing tonight_

_Minseok: Did you see his neck… He looks like he’s been attacked_

 

Baekhyun instantly looks closer at the skin partially obscured behind Luhan’s messed collar, and then he sees it. The blossoming purple marks starting to stain his skin along both sides of his neck. Even from where stands he thinks he can see the indentations of someone’s teeth, probably from the ‘chick’ he hooked up with. Baekhyun waves his arms again to get Sehun’s attention and the two play a complicated game of charades. He indicates his own neck, points at Luhan’s, then at his phone, mouths the word ‘Minseok’ and raps his fingers together in the symbol of talking, nagging.

He sees the dawn of understanding in Sehun’s eyes, and Sehun looks down, touching his fingers to the collar. Luhan stiffens when he notices where all this attention has gone, and sits back up hastily, hands covering his neck as he cries anew.

 

_Minseok: Baek… I got really upset… I shouldnt have gotten so mad_

 

Kai notices the marks belatedly, even through Luhan’s badly concealing fingers, and his eyes widen in shock. Sehun curses loudly, but none of them know what exactly to do. 

 

_Baekhyun: We see them.._

_Minseok: It shouldn't be any of my business what he does_

 

“Luhan,” Sehun pries. “Hey, hey, buddy it’s okay.”

“No it’s not. It’s not okay. He got so mad at me. Sehun, why did he get so mad at me?”

 

_Minseok: I just wish it really was my business…_

 

Baekhyun sets his phone to the counter, and starts pouring out the pot of coffee. He hands one cup of coffee over to Sehun who offers it to the crying man on the couch. Luhan shuts his eyes, his hands still occupied, and refuses the mug. Sehun gently unlatches one of Luhan’s hands and brings it down to anchor around the steaming sides of the coffee. Finally Luhan relents and he holds it in his lap with two hands. His tears slow again, and Baekhyun, still sitting on a stool behind them all, receives another silently mouthed directive from Sehun. He obeys quickly.

 

_Baekhyun: Come over now._


	5. Chapter 5

21  CIRCUMSTANCES DICTATE

 

Luhan's tears dry while they wait. He downs a second and then a third cup of coffee and even the others help drain the pot of caffeine, despite it being close to midnight. Kai walks over to Baekhyun and back hugs the shorter from where he sits on the kitchen stool. Baekhyun pulls his arms to crisscross across his stomach and Kai rests his chin on Baekhyun's shoulder. They watch the scene play out before them as Sehun tries to draw out the rest of the story. Baekhyun doesn't have to show him Minseok's texts because it's apparent to everybody, if just not to Luhan, what's probably just happened. 

"I'm sorry," Luhan finally says after a few minutes of silence, "for crashing your party."

"Just a boring movie night," says Sehun. He winks at the other two. "Let's talk about this though." Sehun indicates the marks on Luhan's neck. 

"Don't remind me, please," Luhan whimpers. 

"Nah, you're not getting out of this so easily. Come on. 'Fess up. Was it someone you hooked up with? Someone you know?" 

Without meeting anyone's eyes, Luhan talks to his lap, a hint of bitterness creeping into his voice. "Some brunette named Shelby, that's all I know. I didn't even go home with her. We just made out at the bar and pretty soon I realized I was all alone with her. The other guys had left, and so that's when I left too."

"Without the girl?"

"Without the girl."

"And you went to Minseok's."

"Yes." 

"Why."

Luhan shrugs. "I don't know why. I was still pretty drunk, and I just went there."

"And then he got mad at you for drinking?" Sehun seems to be having fun piecing the story together.

"Yes, and for... and for... this." Luhan touches his neck. Embarrassed he tries to pull his collar up higher, as if they hadn't already seen all they needed to.

Sehun tsks in disappointment. "So you just let some random girl mark you? It's no wonder Minseok scolded you."

"I know!" Luhan cries out ashamed, squelching his eyes shut. "It wasn't even somebody I cared about!"

"Ahh, so that would've made it alright? Better if it was somebody you liked?” Sehun smirks angrily. “What are you, a dog? Cattle? Did you do the same to her? Did you make your mark on some unknown, unnamed territory? Jesus, you're a human being, Luhan. Not some kind of animal to be branded." 

Sehun's voice rises and Luhan croaks out a throaty whine. "Stop, stop,  _please, stop_."

"Why? It's something you should hear."

"I don't need to hear this. I already know.  _I know._.."

"Yeah, well obviously you don't remember  _you know_  whenever you get drunk. You've got a pretty shitty lifestyle if you can go out and do this kind of crap and then get upset when your friends call you out on it."

Luhan catches his breath. "And who made you the expert? You're only nineteen!"

"Well, you're twenty four and I've had at least three more _steady_  girlfriends than you've had so far."

"Good for you! That still doesn't make you an expert in dating.”

"No? Well at least I haven't been in love with my best friend for half a decade!"

Luhan chokes. Baekhyun feels Kai's arms unravel from around his middle as Kai steps in to intervene. He tugs Sehun off the couch to put some distance between him and Luhan, and Luhan continues to gape openly at them both. 

"What?" He cries miserably.

Sehun opens his mouth to speak, but shuts it at a look from Kai. Baekhyun wonders if he should start another pot of coffee or just disappear into his room like Tao did earlier. Sehun looks like he's regretting his words already, while Luhan looks panicked and ready to bolt. 

"Is-- is that what you all think? How do you... why do you...Kai?" He practically begs the younger one to relieve him of his misery, to explain all these answers, and to tell him what to think.

Kai slowly and resolutely obliges him. "Lu, you know if we didn't know you, and all we saw was you and Minseok together, we'd all assume you were dating." Luhan's lower lip shivers and he bites it close. "You're always together. You're always touching each other. You rarely do a single thing without consulting the other. You tease, you flirt, and you get really upset if he goes out without you. And... and... you know Minseok acts nearly the same way..."

"But he doesn't!" Luhan tries to defend. 

"He does, he's just not as vocal about everything as you are," Baekhyun says quietly behind them. Luhan flips his head around to confirm Baekhyun's words, then lowers his gaze to his lap again. Baekhyun can just imagine the crazy flips Luhan's brain must be doing right now.

"But he doesn't," Luhan repeats stubbornly. "He, he dates. He goes with girls--"

"He dates because you set him up on double dates and he goes with you. Luhan, wake up," Sehun says, almost bored.

Luhan gulps. "We're... just friends."

"Yeah, we get that part," Sehun continues. "You've always been  _just friends_. Maybe you should ask him if it'll  _always_  be that way next time you see him. He's on his way here now."

"What!?" 

Kai grabs Luhan's arm to keep him from flying off the couch. "Baekhyun texted him. He's been frantic about you ever since you left and texting everyone he knows.”

"What? You-you've been talking to him?" he demands of Baekhyun.

Baekhyun wants to deny it, but he catches his head nodding against his own will. Tough love, he thinks. He's not sure if Minseok really meant to spill so much to him, but he can guess the other man's worry even through the impersonal text messages. He can imagine the other's panic and heartfelt regret. He can also guess that Minseok's concern is more than just for a friend. He was just short of confessing the actual words,  but he'll leave that for Minseok to say to Luhan himself. Useful though the information was when Minseok spilled the beans about Kai's crush, Baekhyun thinks this situation is not the same at all.

“You should use this opportunity to really talk to him,” Baekhyun says. 

Luhan doesn’t reply. Instead, he reclines sideways across the couch, face buried in a pillow, and waits like a dead man awaiting trial. Sehun replaces Kai’s original place on the couch and sits quietly next to him. The clock on the wall continues to tick.

No more than ten minutes later, Baekhyun bolts at the sound of someone knocking. He lets a nervous-looking Minseok into the apartment and closes the door. Minseok's eyes are red and puffy, though dry, his expression serious though a little uncertain. Baekhyun expects Luhan to jump up but instead he realizes the older man must be dozing, because Sehun shakes him awake as Minseok approaches the couch. 

He trades with Sehun before Luhan is fully conscious. He looks confused when he’s dragged into someone’s arms, resisting a little until he realizes who it is. Face to face with Minseok he whimpers and starts to cry again, but the other only shushes him and holds him tighter.

“Lu, I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” he coos gently. “You didn’t need to run away. I’m sorry I got mad. I shouldn’t have gotten mad.” 

“No. No, I’m the one who should be sorry—“ Minseok cuts him off by tightening the hug and Luhan buries his head in his shoulder as Minseok slowly rocks them back and forth.

Sehun hovers awkwardly over the pair until Baekhyun meets his eyes. Pulling Kai behind him, he pushes Sehun towards his bedroom door and they leave to give the other two some privacy. 

Baekhyun stumbles around until he finds a light and the soft bulb slowly illuminates the tiny room. 

Kai exhales heavily as he plops backwards onto Baekhyun’s bed. “Well,” he says deliberately, but without further comment. Sehun sighs as well, scratches his head, and picks out a ratty old armchair to sit in. Baekhyun stands in the middle of the room, hands on his hips, and unsure about what to do next.

“How long are we hiding in here?” Kai asks.

“I guess as long as it takes for those two to kiss and make up?” Sehun suggests.

“Might be a while then,” says Kai. “So stubborn.” Baekhyun can tell he wants to make light of it except that after the past half hour none of them can really let it all go. Luhan’s regret is too painful, and with Sehun’s bomb drop, who knows what feelings Luhan might suddenly recognize. Minseok’s too, if Baekhyun has anything to say about it. He might say they’ve done enough for the couple, except now Baekhyun’s forcibly trapped himself, Kai and Sehun in his bedroom, and tomorrow’s a school or work day for them all. 

“Are they still talking?” Sehun asks, since Baekhyun stands closest to the door.

Baekhyun doesn’t want to spy, but he creeps to the door jam and puts an ear to the crack. The walls of the apartment aren’t that thick, but he still can’t make out more than the mumbled whispers of most likely Minseok’s voice. “Yeah, they are.”

“Lovely,” says Sehun without enthusiasm. He yawns. “Whatever. Throw me a blanket. I’ll sleep on the floor.”

Kai looks scandalized. “No way you’re sleeping in here!” he whispers loudly.

Sehun rolls his eyes. “It’s not like I’m asking you to share a pillow. Sleep on the bed! Oh, or are you more concerned for Baekhyun’s modesty and/or your own _privacy?”_ He smirks.

Kai gulps, unsure of how to tell his best friend that he’s never been in Baekhyun’s room before except to walk through to the bathroom. Baekhyun grins, amused at the two bickering.

“Go sleep with Tao,” Kai demands.

“What? I’m not going to go sleep with Tao.”

“Take your blanket and sleep on  _his_  floor.”

“What do you take me for, a creeper?” Sehun scowls, now the scandalized one.

“He’s got thicker carpets  _and_  a fluffier floor mat,” Baekhyun chimes in and Kai laughs, proud of his boyfriend and just a little bit afraid. What if Sehun really does leave them alone? He’ll probably get jumped!

To his relief — or rather his disappointment — Sehun ignores them both and steals a pillow from the end of bed, throwing it down across the floor and settling in. He smiles like the brat Kai knows he is, eyes closed and on his back. 

“I don’t remember inviting you over for a sleepover,” Kai grumbles.

Baekhyun, however, chuckles and starts rummaging through his dresser. To Sehun he offers nothing, but he throws a shirt and large sweatpants at Kai and fetches himself a similar pair. Kai sulks but he takes himself to the bathroom to change anyways. As soon as the door shuts, Sehun giggles, his eyes still closed.

“Am I helping things?” he asks, still grinning.

“Yeah, you’re right handy to have around in a bedroom,” says Baekhyun. 

“Sorry.”

“Sure you are.”

“Hey, what can I do? Circumstances dictate. Besides, I gotta stay and protect my best friend’s honor.” He smirks.

“Ah, so that’s what this is about.” He nods in mock understanding.

“Yep. You think I’d leave him behind for you? I know your type.  _Wild,_  and  _ravenous!_ ” 

Baekhyun sits down on his bed and throws an extra pillow at Sehun’s head. “You know if you’re that concerned, both of you could just take yourselves home.”

“At this hour?” Sehun whines. “It’ll take me thirty minutes to get home. Probably longer. My usual train’s under construction tonight.” Under his breath he mutters, “I thought I’d at least have a couch to sleep on…  _stupid Luhan_.”

“Oh well,” says Baekyun, with confidence. “Circumstances dictate, after all.” He dangles his feet off the side of the bed while he waits for Kai to come out of the bathroom.

After a few moments of silence, Sehun clears his throat. “Have you ever dated anyone before?” he asks, his tone a little more serious than before.

“Yes.”

“Does Kai know?” 

Baekhyun frowns. “We haven’t really talked about anything like that.”

“ _He’s_  never dated anyone before.”

“I know. Minseok told me. He’s also the one who told me that Kai liked me. Even from long ago.”

Sehun laughs lightly. “Minseok knows just about everything. Except how to deal with Luhan. Speaking of them, do you think they’re still out there?”

“I don’t know. Didn’t hear the front door and it’s pretty hard to miss the sound of it squeaking. Want to take a peak and see if they’re making out on my couch yet?” 

“No,” Sehun says too quickly, grimacing. 

Baekhyun teases him. “You really don’t like all that PDA do you?”

“Not when it’s my friends doing it!”

“Hmm, well then you may find yourself regretting sleeping in here tonight.”

Sehun forcibly groans and rolls onto his side. 

Kai comes out of the bathroom then and their conversation is paused while Sehun goes back into obnoxious-sleeping mode. Kai kicks him none too gently when he passes by and Baekhyun takes his turn in the bathroom. Five minutes later he reenters his bedroom to find Sehun curled up in a ball facing away from the light, and Kai laying uneasily at the farthest edge of Baekhyun’s bed. His body practically molds with the wall as Baekhyun steps over Sehun and turns out the light. The mattress shifts when Baekhyun presses his knee into it to climb in. He rests on both knees and straightens out his pillow, then shifts to turn around and drag up the blankets, being sure to include Kai as well. 

Their elbows barely touch, one on his back, the other with his back to his boyfriend. Baekhyun wiggles to straighten out his twisted pants leg, his eyes open and to the ceiling as he tries to make out any shapes in the completely darkened room. Kai breathes lightly beside him, and Sehun is soundless on the floor. He knows that probably neither of them can be already asleep. 

It’s suddenly lonely in the room, even sharing it with two people and one of them a bed mate. Baekhyun decides he doesn’t care that Sehun is there. He draws up his right arm and slowly hooks it through the crook of Kai’s elbow, drawing his nearer. Kai doesn’t take long to get the hint. He rolls over completely, freeing his left elbow until he lays completely on his left side facing Baekhyun. Baekhyun turns his head and they’re inches apart. More adjusted to the light now, he can see that Kai’s eyes are open and considerably awake. Baekhyun smiles.

So this is what it feels like, to have that look of love trained on you, he thinks. He’s pretty sure he’s never had this with either of his past boyfriends. One good friend in high school who together they decided to try and date. It was too awkward to really work out. One near stranger his first semester in college, with whom he got along with decently well. A few weeks later he left school to join the company and he didn’t really care to cry about it. Baekhyun’s not at all an expert in dating, though he has more experience than Kai. He knows what kind of people he gets along with, and what kinds of men he doesn’t like; what kind of men don’t like him. He knows he can be spontaneous, and sometimes a bit of a hassle, but he also knows that for the people he loves, he can do anything. And that person is slowly, surely, becoming Kai. Whatever fears his boyfriend has, whatever uncertainties he has about being in a relationship for the first time, he wants to dispel them. 

Baekhyun closes his eyes, savoring the moment, the thoughts. The careful rustle of the bed sheets don’t tip him off in time, until he feels Kai’s lips press softly against his own. Without moving, still on his back, he returns the sweet kiss and lets Kai do the work moving closer. An arm sneaks across his stomach as Kai pulls himself in line with Baekhyun’s side and he sighs softly into their still attached lips.

From on the ground then they both hear Sehun’s barely audible whisper, half muffled by his pillow and blanket. “Don’t you guys dare…”

Baekhyun smiles into the kiss, and Kai the same as they break apart from the simple action. Instead of retreating though, Kai removes his head a mere few inches and settles into Baekhyun’s pillow, his arm still latched across his chest. 

“Goodnight, Baek,” he whispers, closing his eyes.

They doze like that, half an hour, an hour? Baekhyun doesn’t need to check the time to know that he’s peaceful, even if not quite asleep. At some point though, and it must not have been too late, he hears a slight knock on the door, and a thin ream of light blinds him as the door begins to open. He sits up, dislodging Kai’s sleep-heavy arm and rubs his eyes.

“Baekhyun?” whispers a cautious Minseok.

“Hmm?” He blinks his eyes and tries to focus on the man at the door.

“I’m taking Luhan home now,” he continues to whisper.

“Oh, okay.”  When Minseok doesn’t respond and he doesn’t close the door either, Baekhyun whispers back. “Goodnight.”

“Ahh. Goodnight. And…and thank you. Sorry we crashed your night.”

“S’ok. See you tomorrow.”

“Thanks. Bye.”

The door closes and Baekhyun lays back gently against his pillow. Kai doesn’t budge at all so he gingerly edges back into his warm spot and pulls Kai’s arm back into place. He wants to think about Luhan and Minseok but his brain doesn’t let him, and the pull of sleep is too strong. Kai breathes evenly into his ear and the sound lulls him back into complacency. Nearly asleep, he hears Sehun rummaging on the floor, the wispy sounds of blankets trailing along the ground, and the bedroom door open and close. He doesn’t remember anything else until morning. 

* * *

 

 

22  MORNING TEASERS

 

Kai wakes up first, confused initially about why he feels so uncomfortable and why he can’t feel his left arm at all. He flutters his eyes and tries to move and when something weighs him down, that’s when he remembers that he went to sleep holding Baekhyun, and sometime in the night his boyfriend’s head ended up on top of his outstretched arm. This must be one of the perils of sleeping with someone he’s always heard about it, or not. Don’t people ever talk about how spooning is nice and all, but eventually uncomfortable if you don’t position your arms correctly? He tries to pull away and Baekhyun’s head flops around in his sleep, upset at the removal of his neck support. 

The blood flow immediately rushes into his arm and it’s all Kai can do to lay there quietly while the pins and needles flow and ebb. In his head he laughs to himself, but as the dark room slowly comes into focus his smile instead turns to one of appreciation. Baekhyun is not a sexy sleeper, that much is apparent. But with his mouth open a little and the sheets twisted around him oddly so that one leg sticks out, dangling off the end of the bed, Kai thinks he’s still absolutely cute. Baekhyun’s night shirt rides up a few inches off his waist revealing a small visage of tummy skin, and Kai lets his fingers linger over that spot for just a second, before he pulls the shirt down and pulls the covers up over his still snoozing boyfriend.

He rests his eyes and dozes for a while longer. 

Baekhyun wakes up first the second time in the morning. Kai knows this only when he feels himself being prodded in the side by Baekhyun’s insistent fingers. 

“Kai… wake up. Kaiiiii…. wake up!”

Kai groans and tries to roll away from the source of his misery.

“Oh no you don’t. Kai, time to get up!”

“Nooo,” he whines.

“But, but I need you to make me breakfast.” He prods at Kai’s face now, two fingers in either sides of his cheeks. 

“Make your own breakfast.” 

“But I need you to make me coffee.”

“You don’t drink coffee in the morning.” Kai squeezes his eyes shut, still not ready to face the day.

“But I need my morning kiss.” 

Kai sighs and opens his eyes to find Baekhyun kneeling next to him on the bed, pouting and playful. He rubs a hand through his hair just as Baekhyun leans down to place a kiss to his forehead, and Kai blushes.

“Quit, you’re going to annoy Sehun,” he says for no other reason than to deflect the joy surging through him at getting to wake up like this.

Baekhyun giggles. “Sehun’s not here.”

Kai blanches. “He’s not?” 

“Nope. Left last night to go sleep on the couch, I think. After Minseok and Luhan went home.”

“Oh.”

Baekhyun beams down at him, waiting.

“So why are you waking me up then?” Kai asks.

“Because, it’s time to wake up?”

“But I don’t want to… damn, are you always going to be this persistent in the morning?” Kai sits up smiling though.

“I don’t know. I didn’t realize you’d be so whiny first thing in the morning either.”

“Not fair. I woke up first, you know.”

“No, you didn’t… when?”

Kai looks at the clock on the bedside table. It’s 7:07 am and what a miserable time that is, he thinks. “An hour ago? You’d rolled your head onto my arm. Cut off the circulation. It was miserable.” 

He yawns, and Baekhyun looks remorseful. “Oh… well, sorry?” Then he smiles. “Still, time to get up.” 

Kai decides instead to crash into the mattress once more, and he spares no extra limb to make sure Baekhyun crashes down with him too. They land in a pile with a heavy ‘oompf’, Kai securing Baekhyun with two arms and a leg so he can’t get up again.

“No, this is better,” Kai smiles into the words, closing his eyes. “Good night.”

Baekhyun struggles for a nominal ten seconds before going limp and laughing. “You know, as much as I’d like to do this every morning, today I really do have to get up.”

“So I can come back on the weekend?”

Baekhyun hums pensively. “Hmm, maybe I’ll think about it.”

“Okay…”

“Okay, what?”

“Okay, you think about it. Otherwise I’m not getting up this morning and I’m not letting you get up either.”

Baekhyun laughs and promises he’ll think really hard about it. Kai releases him reluctantly and once he’s sitting upright again, Baekhyun slides off the bed and disappears into the bathroom. 

Kai drags himself up and steps out into the living room. Sure enough, he finds Sehun stretched out under a blanket on the couch, Tao’s kitten curled up behind his head on the pillow. Sehun is awake, but his eyes only follow Kai’s movements lazily, refusing to budge even when Kai sits down on top of his legs. Sehun groans but doesn’t have the energy to kick him off, especially with his legs pinned down.

“So you claimed the couch for yourself after all?” Kai asks conversationally, grinning at his friend.

“No thanks to you guys.”

“Oh, whatever.”

Sehun huffs. He tries to speak but yawns instead.

Kai looks around the room at the remnants of last night’s popcorn trash and way too many dirtied coffee cups. “What time did Luhan and Minseok leave?”

“Wasn’t that late, I guess.”

“Did they… resolve anything?”

“Dunno. Minseok just said he was taking him home, and Baekhyun didn’t ask.” He shifts a little in his blankets and the kitten stands up and stretches cutely. She sits down on her haunches and considers her former sleep mate rather haughtily, according to Kai’s observation.

“I thought you didn’t like cats,” He says to Sehun. He lifts his body off Sehun’s legs as the other pulls them out to reach a sitting position. 

“Eh,” he shrugs. “This one’s okay.”

Tao comes out of his room then. He looks around blankly, as if unsure of what to do about his usual morning routine with so many guests hanging about. He sits down at the table, head lolling back and legs outstretched, and lazily observes the two on the couch. Then he snorts.

Sehun stares at him confused. “What?”

“Nothing,” Tao answers. He smiles though, suspiciously.

“What?” Sehun demands again.

Tao keeps his council and even Kai looks lost at the exchange, or lack of exchange. When Sehun keeps staring, Tao finally speaks. “Oh, you know… just you, sleeping on the couch there… after what I’ve seen, you probably wouldn’t want to even sit there.”

Sehun gapes at him, and Kai starts to feel a little uncomfortable. “Huh?” 

Tao laughs. “There’s a reason I sat in the other chair last night, that’s all I’m saying…”

Kai glares at Tao now, happy enough to see the other boy flush from the heated warning, and Tao abandons his tease to start rummaging in the fridge. He pulls out a few containers of juice and starts to pour himself a glass. 

Baekhyun joins them then. From Kai Sehun receives no answer to the mystery, so he wastes little time in asking the other apartment owner. Kai dives to cover Sehun’s mouth, but misses. Sehun deftly avoids the attack, deflecting Kai onto the floor as he rolls off the floor with a thump. 

“Baekhyun, do tell me quickly what happened on this couch,” he says with a haughty smirk. “Tao seems to be telling some tales that Kai doesn’t want me hearing…” He narrows his eyes at Baekhyun, who flinches from the sudden inquiry, at a loss for whatever they’ve been talking about. Then his eyes widen and Kai groans.

“They were having sex,” Tao comments dryly. “On the couch,” he adds for unnecessary emphasis.

“We weren’t!” Kai screeches. 

Baekhyun laughs warily, and Sehun hones in on the unease. He gets up quickly, letting the blankets pool on the floor and shakes himself off dramatically. Skirting the rest of the furniture he pulls out a chair at the table instead. 

“But, we weren’t,” Baekhyun tries to reason. “Honest! Tao just mistook that.” 

“What? I didn’t.”

“You came in for half a second, starting wailing and ran back into your room. All for nothing.” Baekhyun laughs, though Kai still looks mortified at the misunderstanding. 

“Whatever you say,” Tao nags.

Sehun sits beside him, his emotions cycle around and around from disgust that he slept on a possibly contaminated couch, confusion at their denial, and he finally lands on a conspiratorial look that Kai completely mistrusts. Sehun scoots closer towards Tao and leans over to ask a question. Purposefully loud enough to be heard, he whispers, “So… who t—?” Even he falters in his questioning, grinning and shaking his head. He sits back comfortably in his chair and hides his face with his palm, as if trying to dispel the images he purposefully brought up. 

Kai buries his head in a pillow and Baekhyun just continues to laugh. Tao seems relieved not to have to answer, but he still eyeballs the couch shiftily. Baekhyun walks over to the table and fetches himself a glass of juice. “You guys know nothing,” he says, still chuckling. 

“Yeah, I wish I knew nothing,” says Sehun, and Tao nods heartily.

“Enough!” Kai finally stands up. “Sehun, don’t you have places to be? Class or something? In another part of town?” he asks pointedly.

“Oh, I already decided to skip today. Think I’ll just follow you guys around everywhere. Sound like a plan? Tao and I decided we can’t trust Baekhyun anymore, so don’t worry. You’re safe in our watch.” He titters to himself, elbowing Tao in the side to entice him to join in his joke. 

“Funny,” says Kai. “Not. Go home, won’t you.”

“I do believe this isn’t your own either,” says Sehun with a smug smile.

“Yeah, well you’re a guest of a guest. I’m more welcome than you are.”

“Aww, well that’s no fair. Maybe Tao wants me here though. Tao, aren’t we becoming fast friends now? I may just switch him out as my best friend since you’re so occupied all the time now.” He elbows Tao once again, and Kai nearly gags when Tao perfectly imitates Sehun’s smug self-satisfied little grin.

“You two are too much,” says Baekhyun. “Hey Kai, maybe we should continue where we left off the other night. That’ll probably get them out of here.” He winks at the two at the table and slinks in front of Kai, drawing his arms over his shoulders. 

Sehun and Tao gag right on cue. 

 

 

Midweek at the studio should be a normal schedule for the company, except that today, the promise of the student choreographers coming changes things a bit. Warm-ups are brief, and the members practice each of the set routines in various groups in different rooms until they need to meet up for the group dances. This way they’ll save time, to be ready for whatever the afternoon will bring. Baekhyun says goodbye to Tao for the time being while he heads over to practice with the other soloists and principles. 

Truthfully, he really wants to see Minseok and Luhan, without stalking them and turning last night’s ordeal into more of a soap opera than it already is. He finds them as normal, sitting on the ground amidst their shoe bags and things, and a vague chill runs through his body when he notes the tension. Neither looks at the other directly, though they still interact, exchanging small talk about the upcoming day and their schedules. Minseok’s hand accidentally brushes Luhan’s when he removes something from his bag, and Luhan overreacts by knocking over his water bottle. It spills a few drops on the floor and Luhan hastily mops it up with the sleeve of his sweatshirt. 

Minseok looks up first and smiles when Baekhyun plops down beside them. Luhan follows his gaze and also welcomes Baekhyun with an overly cheerful greeting. They seem more than glad for the company, or maybe more for the distraction he brings. 

“Morning,” Baekhyun says as brightly as he can, glancing alternately at one and then the other. Is this the tension of a new relationship, he wonders, or the overly cautious gestures of two people who still haven’t discussed their commonality — that is, that they probably like the other and are too afraid to say it?  One of the directors calls out Luhan from the hallway and the dancer immediately jumps up to run to him. Minseok’s smile drops as he watches him leave, returning to that oft hinted sadness that Minseok occasionally shows whenever Luhan isn’t looking, and that settles the matter in Baekhyun’s mind.

“Minseok…” he pries, eyeing the principle knowingly. “Is… what happened? With you two…”

Minseok makes no expression, though he lowers his eyes to stare at the floor. He clears his throat. “We just… talked.”

“About… you two?”

“About our fight…”

Baekhyun swallows thickly. “And that was it?”

“Yes, basically that was it. Except,” he sighs. “Except, it’s weird now.”

“How weird?”

“I don’t know. It’s just… we both apologized, and… and… and then I walked him home, and I was trying to tell him goodnight and he didn’t want me to go, so I stayed. And, we just went to sleep.” Minseok relates the facts like he might recite the movement of a sloth changing tree branches. 

Baekhyun narrows his eyes. “You just slept. At his place.”

“Yes. And that’s all. Then we woke up and we came here.” His voice trails off and his eyes gently close. Baekhyun almost misses the next delicately whispered words.  “ _Baekhyun, what do I do?_ ”

Before he can answer, however, Luhan returns and the morning warm-ups and rehearsals begin and Baekhyun doesn't get an opportunity to talk to either Minseok or Luhan privately until lunch time. Unfortunately even then their hour long break is hectic, especially when Yixing draws Minseok away for extra dance practice. The remaining dancers sit at their usual place in the courtyard but some others beat Baekhyun to the two available spaces either side of Luhan. He gives up the quest for the time being, but vows to set them on the right path if the obviously-made-for-each-other couple can’t get themselves together — literally — in the next couple of days. Watching Luhan laugh and goof off with the company members, it’s almost impossible to recall that he's the same wretched figure who turned up at his apartment last night. If he hadn’t seen it for himself, that is. 

Even Tao watches him strangely, though he doesn’t say anything. Sehun took it upon himself to fill Tao in over breakfast with most of the more important facts about last night’s revelations. Not that he had any business to do so, Baekhyun thinks. He privately decides to watch over those two. It won’t do Tao any good to be too influenced by Kai’s blabbermouth of a best friend. He and Sehun were positively chummy this morning! Baekhyun shivers from the memories. Then again, he hasn’t seen his friend smile in a few days so maybe it’s not the end of the world after all.

Baekhyun's phone buzzes near the end of the lunch hour.

 

_ Kai: Since our indoor date was ruined we should go out sometime _

_ Baekhyun: Sounds fun. when? what? _

_ Kai: Friday? And no idea. Something cheesy?  _

_ Kai: We havent done the typical ice cream date. walk down the street holding hands _

_ Kai: We did a movie once but that doesn't count _

_ Baekhyun: Ice cream really? It's cold at night _

_ Kai: I'll warm you up again. _

_ Kai: Ok forget the ice cream. Something sophisticated? Art museums? I hear there are a few in the city _

_ Baekhyun: Just a few huh? How about you feed me instead. _

_ Kai: ..... I'll look into that. _

_ Kai: How are Minseok and Luhan btw? _

_ Baekhyun: Still not good. _

 

Before he can continue, the dancers are called back inside. Baekhyun shuts his phone off, drops it in his bag and heads to the largest of the practice rooms. They rehearse for a few more hours until mid-afternoon when after a short break, their attention is drawn to Mrs. Kim at the doorway. Those who are sitting immediately pop up when she enters the room followed by most of the staff and directors and two young men. The youngest of them looks no more than sixteen and nervous as hell while the other, probably college age, appears a little more composed but still nervous when met with the expectant faces of the company dancers. Mrs. Kim ushers them in, a hand lightly at each of their backs as they step forward and bow slightly.

“Company, I want you to welcome our two student choreographers. They've both been selected from their respective age groups to choreograph a piece each for us. We _will_ be performing these during the season, so treat them well and maybe they won't break your backs.” A few of the dancers chuckle, but at least it serves to make the guests more comfortable.

Mrs. Kim nods at the oldest first. “This is Lee Seung Hoon. He was the winner of the college choreography competition. I think you'll find him quite unique and I know he looks forward to working with some professional dancers like all of you.” The boy smiles bashfully, meanwhile the youngest starts to look even more nervous than when he first came. “And this is Jeon Jung Kook. He came in first in the high school division, and this will be his first time ever working with dancers outside his own studio, so please take care of him.” 

The boys are ushered forward to meet and shake hands with the company members, and Baekhyun finds himself liking both of them, even if the one is older than him. He wonders what college Seung Hoon attends but doesn't have the opportunity to ask with the small crowd surrounding him. The student choreographers will just be watching for the rest of the day, combined with showing off a little of their skills, and next week they'll begin teaching their dances from scrap.

Baekhyun finds himself shunted to the back after greeting the students. He bounces around on his feet, waiting for time to pass and almost doesn't notice Luhan standing next to him. When they notice each other, Luhan actually blushes. Baekhyun smiles encouragingly, and Luhan takes that as a sign to loosen up. They both lean up against the mirror, arms crossed so that to others they could just be observing the scene and chatting about nothing, but Baekhyun knows that Luhan wants to say something.

He starts off with an apology once again for showing up uninvited last night.

“Luhan, it's fine,” Baekhyun says casually.

“I know... it's just, I don't know what to do or think anymore. It just feels so awkward with Minseok now.”

“Funny, that's what he said.”

“Huh?”

Baekhyun sighs, his resolve starting to harden. “Look, Luhan, it's going to be awkward because you're making it that way. Just, talk to him. Ask him to talk to you.” He doesn't know what else he can say.

Luhan pouts and looks longingly over at Minseok who's still in the middle of the other dancers exchanging words with the students, and Baekhyun recognizes that look in his eyes. It's the same one that Kai uses on him some days. But why do these two have to be so stubborn? Sure Baekhyun kind of jumped the gun by accepting Kai's confession before he even explicitly said it, but their story seems so easy compared. He's suddenly looking forward to date night on Friday. Bring on the cheesiness, bring on the sophistication, he doesn't care. It's only been a few full weeks since they started dating, and that's not nearly enough time to learn everything about a person. The future will be fun.

 

* * *

 

 

23  THE PRINCESS AND THE HAREM

 

It’s nearly five o’clock when the dancers are released from their afternoon rehearsals. Baekhyun doesn’t have any plans of leaving anytime soon though. He has an extra ensemble rehearsal especially for Yixing, but he has at least half an hour until it starts. Yixing has been doing well since he was suddenly called. He melds into the company like the professional he is, and even Baekhyun would admit to how surprised he was that the chatty and rather vacant man he’d met several times before could literally flip a switch and turn into a beast on the dance floor. What he won’t admit is that it makes him feel just a little bit self conscious. Yixing is no Suho, and while he doesn’t want to put Suho down, their level is just nowhere near the same. Baekhyun works hard, and he’s used to seeing good results from his efforts, but Yixing gets everything so easily and so quickly that it almost makes him sick. Good thing Baekhyun likes the man though, or he’d have quite a jealousy problem. Not that he’ll say such things aloud of course.

He checks his phone again for any messages that might’ve come in the past few hours. There is nothing new from Kai, and that makes him sadder than he should be. Was he busy? In school? Doesn’t he even have a few seconds to send him a short text about nothing important? He doesn’t need an essay about Kai’s undying love for him; even a smiley would work.

There is a smiley text message, but it’s from his sister. Baekhyun feels dumb for not realizing this earlier but the reason she invited herself to visit this weekend isn’t just because she loves her brother; it’s because this Saturday the company is hosting a dance workshop for pre-professional dancers, and Minzy signed herself up months ago. So now, not only does he have to share his couch over the weekend, he’s got to dance with her as well. This reminds him though of a random thought he had several days ago.

Baekhyun stops for a moment at the water fountain, dodges the stream of dancers exiting behind him, and treks up the stairs, taking a couple steps at a time. His energy is spent, but the faster he goes, the quicker he’ll reach the third floor landing and then he can relax. He’s stopped halfway though by the sounds of an argument above him.

It’s Suho of course, shouting obstinate remarks to the still remarkably calm Yixing, but what’s actually surprising is that Yixing is carrying Suho princess style down the stairs. The ‘princess’ is not cooperating either.

“Damn you. Put me down! I told you I don’t need you to carry me!”

“I’ll put you down at the bottom of the stairs—oh, hi, Baekhyun.”

Yixing smiles pleasantly while Suho's face turns a shade of maroon. He kicks his feet a few times but Yixing doesn’t let him go.

Baekhyun freezes with his feet on two different steps and chuckles evilly. Suho’s words from a few nights ago asking ‘not to be babied’ come to mind, but he guesses Suho had less luck getting Yixing to agree with the concept too.

“Cute,” he says. Baekhyun knows he totally deserves the glare Suho gives him, and the eye roll.

“Baekhyun, tell him to put me down,  _please_.” The ‘please’ comes out more like a growl.

“Yixing, you’ve got about 40 more steps total. Do put him down gently at the bottom. We gotta keep that foot from being overworked.” He laughs. “Damn, Suho. How did you even get up this far, and why?”

“I can walk perfectly fine, thank you very much.”

“With crutches,” Yixing adds. “This is faster though.”

He starts back down the stairs, juggling Suho like he weighs nothing.

“Where are your crutches then?” Baekhyun asks.

Suho sighs. “Still at the top of the stairs!”

“I told you, I’ll run back and fetch them,” Yixing explains patiently.

“I’ll get them,” Baekhyun offers instead. He skips up another half flight, and with the crutches under his arms, quickly hops back down to trail along behind Yixing and the ever complaining Suho. With his free hand he pulls out his phone, planning to capture this Kodak moment at the first and best opportunity. They run into others on the second floor along with a few cat calls, and Suho’s curses only grow in volume.

“Will you at least leave me alone when we get down?” he begs.

“After I get you a taxi.”

Suho whines.

“Hey, you might as well go take him all the way home,” Baekhyun suggests, smirking behind them.

Suho swivels his head over Yixing’s shoulder and practically glowers. “Shut up and don’t give him any ideas.”

“Why? What’s wrong with your prince in shining armor?”

Yixing must like this kind of sport, because he never stops grinning and laughing, even if Suho does beat him on the neck with his free hand. A few more seconds and they reach the landing but he doesn’t stop even there, content to carry his charge all the way out the front door and to the curb. Suho stands furiously on his own two feet, or rather, his one and a half feet. Baekhyun passes him the crutches which Suho snatches angrily from his hands, fitting them under his armpits in an aggressive display of manly independence. Baekhyun bites back a laugh, and turns to leave.

“Twenty minutes, Yixing! Don’t get too side-tracked!” he shouts at the back of the man already jogging to the corner to hail a cab.  Yixing, still running, raises one hand to acknowledge he heard.

Baekhyun takes the stairs once again, back on task and determined to speak to his boyfriend’s mother about a rather delicate matter.

 

 

Later that evening, long before it’s even time to sleep, Kai burrows under the blankets of his own bed. It’s not to say that he missed this the night before, because he barely considers this dingy little room he’s been staying in for just over a month ‘home’. It’s more that after the long day he’s tired, and he’s a little too exhausted to deal with the people in his room and this is his way of wishing they’ll go away.

It’s not likely though because Kyungsoo has to live here too. He’s laying on his bed surrounded by several books filled with vocal scores and one massive textbook on music and civilization. What’s actually annoying though is that he made himself tea, and for such a mundane sound, the slurps Kyungsoo makes with each drink are akin to nails on a chalkboard in his ears. It’s unavoidable, but this is life. Kai briefly wonders if Baekhyun slurps his drinks ever, or if he’s just too smitten to notice.

If it was just Kyungsoo, Kai might be tempted to put in the earplugs that are sometimes essential for sleeping in a city like this. Except that won't do anything about Kai’s other problem, which is Sehun’s presence in the apartment too. He feels like he’s seen a little too much of his friend in the last twenty four hours. Shouldn’t there be a rule that says best friends need time apart? At least not two nights in a row?

Kai groans, fully intent to begin the task of ignoring.

“It’s 8 o’clock, Kai. Wake up and entertain me!” Sehun nudges him hard.

“Entertain yourself, Sehun,” Kai says lazily from under the covers. “Why are you even over here anyways? Anyone would think you actually live in this part of town.”

“It’s too boring without you,” he whines playfully. “After the week’s excitement I just can’t stand being by myself anymore.” Sehun laughs and Kyungsoo rolls his eyes. As a longtime third wheel to the antics of these two, Kyungsoo’s seen more than his share of sickening playacting. 

“Don’t you have any other friends?” Kyungsoo asks skeptically.

Sehun pretends to think. “Well, let’s see… there’s…. nope. Nobody. Just you two. Well, not counting Luhan and Minseok, but after last night’s scene I don’t dare to intrude again.”

Kai drags the blankets down from his face, unable to stop himself from adding, “Well at least there’s no one else whose secrets you can spill in the  _nicest. way. ever_.” 

“Hey, that needed to be said!”

“Time and a place, Sehun.”

“And who’s to say that wasn’t the best time and the best place to do it?”

Kyungsoo looks confused. His textbooks lay open over his lap, but they are otherwise neglected. “Those two guys at dinner the other night? What happened?

Sehun turns to explain. “Well as if it wasn’t obvious to everyone, but they are seriously in love with each other and apparently haven't figured it out themselves. They had a bit of a fight—“

“That’s an understatement,” Kai adds.

“—and well, it would just be better for everyone all around if they’d hurry up and kiss already, because they’re obviously made for each other, but no, they will be stubborn.”

“So you had to yell that in poor Luhan’s face.”

Sehun has the heart to look at least halfway remorseful. He drops his voice a little and whispers out a sad, “But he’s just so stupid.”

Kyungsoo hums.

“And according to Baekhyun today, they’re still being weird around each other,” says Kai.

“Still?” Sehun sighs, not really all that surprised. “Man, at this rate they’ll never work it out. Did Baekhyun say if they even talked to each other? Like,  _really_ talked? No, you know what? Stupid question. Of course they wouldn’t have.”

“Maybe they’re just not meant to work out?” Kyungsoo suggests. “You know, not everything has to be all 'meant to be' and crap.”

“Not them/Not them,” Sehun and Kai say in uniform.

Kyungsoo smirks. “You two are such romantics. Disgusting.” He picks up his textbook and attempts to find the paragraph where he left off.

Kai smiles, not bothering to deny the accusation, even if he wouldn’t necessarily introduce himself that way aloud. ‘ _Hi I’m Kai. I’ve been in love with Baekhyun for years and even before he knew who I was. P.S. Total romantic, am I_.’ He cringes at the cheesy thought, privately reveling though in his possibly exaggerated romantic history. 

Sehun, however, denies it emphatically, and again Kai thinks there’s no surprise there, even if it’s also probably untrue. His friend may be in between girlfriends at the moment, but there’s no denying he could be cheesy as hell when he wants to be, and Kai had only the opportunity to witness this several years ago when they were all still in high school together.

“So where’s Baekhyun tonight?” Sehun asks.

Kai retrieves his phone from where he tossed it and unlocks it to reread some of his earlier messages. 

“Rehearsing late with Yixing and some others, apparently. Oh, and it seems your friend is totally gay and Suho’s totally falling for it, Baekhyun said.”

“What?”

Kai repeats it like to a child with limited vocabulary. “Yixing. Gay. Suho. Also maybe gay.”

“What nonsense is Baekhyun making up now?” Sehun scoffs.

“You don’t have to believe just me or Baekhyun. Here’s the picture evidence!” He shows him the picture Baekhyun managed to capture: goofy smiling Yixing carrying his squirming charge down the stairs.

Sehun’s jaw drops. “What… is going on… Suho actually allowed this??”

“That’s what I said.”

“No way.”

“Also what I said.” Kai stares at the picture again and dissolves into a fit a laughter at the pair, while Sehun continues to look bemused. They share the picture with Kyungsoo just for fun, and then wince when the boy loudly slaps his textbook closed.

“Guess I’m not studying tonight,” he complains.

“Hey, what’s your problem?” Sehun asks him. He’d quickly succumbed to Kai’s giggles, and looks annoyed that Kyungsoo won’t share in the merriment as well.

“Too much gay! I’m surrounded.”

“Hey!” Sehun protests.

“Well, look at yourself. You’re just as bad as Kai. What’s with all this skinship, anyway? You seem to get off on it.”

“Oh no, this isn’t even anything,” Sehun tries to explain. “You want skinship, you should hang around Kai and Baekhyun more often!”

“Hey!” Kai protests now.

“Yeah, well you guys are disgusting! Kyungsoo, you should see how bad they are! Whatever happened to our poor innocent Kai!”

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes. “I’ve seen them, thank you very much. And when was Kai ever innocent? When were either of you innocent, huh? Geez, ever since middle school even you’ve had people falling at your feet.” He leans back on his bed pillows acting the air of unconcern, as if he were above such things, but Sehun smiles evilly in return.

“Yeah maybe, but you’re one to talk. I remember high school well. What was that group you used to sing with in choir? BIXX or something? You want to talk about touchy-feely? Well, hah!” 

Kyungsoo actually blushes. “It was VIXX,” he clarifies. “And when did you even come to my choir concerts?”

“I went to some!”

“Why, because your mommy told you to come?”

“N-no… Hey, Kai and I both got extra credit in music class for writing those concert reviews!”

“You did not write concert reviews- wait, you seriously went to those??” Kyungsoo looks like he'd never in a million years have known they actually went to his year-end choir events. He looks mortified now.

“Yeah, we went, and I wrote a whole essay on the skinship of VIXX,” Kai cackles. “Featuring Kyungsoo of the Soo-harem!” 

“‘Kyungsoo—voice of an angel, smooth as chocolate and as pokeable as a marshmallow,’” Sehun recites, eyes closed and voice melodious as if recounting fond memories of a concert review from heaven.

Kyungsoo actually leaps off the bed. “Sehun, do you want to die?? You better shut up!” 

“Stick him on a graham cracker and you’d be good to go!” Kai interjects, fully expecting the lunge and the fortunately missed punch that Kyungsoo throws his way. The poor boy actually trips over Sehun’s feet, to which Sehun claims wasn’t his fault, and ends up in a heap on the floor between their two beds. Sehun doubles over clutching his stomach and Kai wheezes heavily, half off his bed. He reaches down to help Kyungsoo to his feet, but for his pains gets pulled down as well. Sehun nearly falls out of his chair laughing and finally Kyungsoo relents as they all pant to catch their breaths. 

Half a minute passes before anyone can talk, and when it looks like Kyungsoo’s fury has passed Kai says to him, “But seriously. You sang really well.” 

The others look at him, as if expecting a punch line to arrive any second now, but instead they can only observe while Kai’s face turns nostalgic and he says lightly, what might be casually, “Makes me wish I’d taken up singing too actually…”

Sehun looks at Kyungsoo now and they share a brief note of worry. 

“I still sing well,” Kyungsoo says, just to break to the silence. He churns his upper and bottom lips around though in an expression of concern. 

“Hey, you weren’t bad either, Kai,” Sehun says.

He nods to Kyungsoo, and the vocalist quickly adds, “Yeah, you used to sing pretty good… at karaoke.” 

“Quite the rap monster too!” Sehun exclaims.

Kai finally laughs. “Thanks guys. Oh, whatever. We should go do that sometime though.”

“What?”

“Sing. Karaoke.”

“Oh, right. Hey we can take your little boyfriend now. Think he can sing?” Sehun asks.

“Uhmm…” Kai really doesn’t know.

“Bet he can’t,” Sehun decides. “He’s probably too dumb to be a singer.”

“What?”

“Maybe just as a comedian singer.”

Kai looks offended. “Where are you even getting this from?”

Sehun pays him no mind. “And besides, he looks too weak. Frame’s too small.”

“Kyungsoo’s small too, and he sings just fine.” Kai interjects.

“I agree. I sing just fine.” Kyungsoo pouts, though he appears rather amused. 

“Well, I guess we’ll just have to find out one of these days,” Sehun ends.

Kai nods decisively, praying his boyfriend really can sing well. Kai’s pride is on the line here, although maybe he should think of it as Baekhyun’s pride instead. He agrees though that a karaoke night would be fun.

“Make them do a duet, and then you can write a review on it,” Kyungsoo says to Sehun.

“Excellent idea! Oh, finally, I can pull my top notch writing skills out of the closet again!” 

Kai gets scared. “Uhm, can we please not start writing essays about me and Baekhyun?”

“Why, don’t you want to know our opinions about you two?” Sehun’s eyes twinkle.

“From you? Definitely not.”

“But I’m such a good analyst of people,” Sehun says.

“Maybe so, but your delivery style is still a bit rough.” 

“But that’s why I need practice! And where better than to start than with you guys? Why, Kai, are you scared because I know too much about your sex life now?”

Kyungsoo yawns. “Do I even want to hear this?”

“No, you don’t. I mean—wait… Sehun, I  _told you_  that was a misunderstanding,” Kai whines pitifully.

Sehun nods “Alright, alright. I get it. You two are just really too sweet and innocent for words. He’s your first boyfriend… Anyways, I guess you should go slow.”

“Your first? Really?” Kyungsoo looks surprised.

“Yep,” Sehun answers for him. “But not Baekhyun’s first.”

Kai gulps and tries not to act like this is fresh news to him. He never really did ask Baekhyun about his relationship history, but then Baekhyun didn’t even give Kai a chance to ask him out properly in the first place. Is it any wonder they skipped several of these otherwise important conversations? Kai doesn’t think this changes anything, except that now he’s just a little curious about his boyfriend’s past partners. Were they all male? Female? How far did they go? Why… did they break up?

Baekhyun is twenty years old, but now Kai feels almost like a loser for never having dated someone in all his nineteen years of life. It just never seemed important when he was younger, not when he had plenty of friends to keep him occupied. Girls seemed like too much work, and then after he saw (and fell) for Baekhyun from a distance, his brain turned to guys and he never looked back. Or at anyone else. The past two years had kept him too busy for anything else too.

“Earth— Earth to Kai.” Kai barely notices Sehun snapping his fingers in front of his nose. “Snap out of it. Why, don’t tell me I put my foot into it again?”

“Huh? Oh, no. Nope, sorry, I was just thinking.”

“About your precious Baekhyun? God, you guys are so lovey, it’s sick. It’s so real, I’d probably throw up trying to write an essay about you anyways.”

“Fine with me,” says Kai. “I’m cool to keeping our best essays in the past.” He winks at Kyungsoo who blushes again and then scoffs.

“Please tell me you guys really didn’t write those reviews… It’s a joke, right? Just a joke?”

Kai and Sehun look at each other and cough, shifty eyes starting to appear as they avoid Kyungsoo’s gaze.

Sehun clears his throat and the corner of his lips stretch as he smiles guiltily at Kyungsoo. “Yeah, we may not have really gotten the credit we deserved for those reviews…” He sighs.

“That teacher had no sense of humor,” Kai complains in retrospect.

“Oh, God,” says Kyungsoo. 

 

* * *

 

 

24  TASTES OF CHOCOLATE AND GREEN TEA

 

It’s finally Friday evening, and Baekhyun starts to chuckle when he realizes where Kai is dragging him off to for the previously planned date night. The neighborhood — more like a single long city block — isn’t a place he regularly visits, if only because Baekhyun thinks not every person of Korean origin needs to congregate on the one street dedicated, owned, and seemingly operated by the entirety of the city’s Korean-American population. 

“Kai, why are we going to K-Town?” he asks with an amused grin.

“Because, you told me I needed to feed you.” Kai drapes one arm over his boyfriend’s shoulder in a manner that could be interpreted as just a friendly gesture. The way his hand digs into Baekhyun’s arm in a subtly possessive way suggests otherwise of course. 

“And so what are you planning to feed me?”

“McDonald’s. What else?” Kai jokes.

Baekhyun smirks. “I’m not going a step farther until you ‘fess up. Are we going to eat barbeque? Korean barbeque?”

Kai looks crestfallen. “How did you know?” he complains with a pout. He pulls them along so they continue to walk down the street.

“I didn’t. I was just hoping for a table loaded down with meat!”

“Well, you’ll get your wish. I promised I would feed you well tonight.”

Kai completes his promise with a proud smile when half an hour later they are seated around a massive collection of side dishes, steaming bowls of rice and soup, and the meat cooking in front of their eyes on the table’s center grill. The atmosphere is cozy though a little loud. A television screen broadcasts an old recorded K-pop music show program on one wall, while the sound system overhead drones on with a completely different playlist. It’s a little too much to watch G-Dragon performing onstage to the accompaniment of a Girl’s Day song, so Baekhyun focuses instead on his food. And on Kai. 

They both can eat well, that much is certain. The side dishes disappear and are replaced, the meat practically disintegrates before it passes down through their mouths, and while Baekhyn’s a little envious of the couple at the nearest table to them slopping down bottles of soju, the two minors don’t need any alcoholic intervention to make the meal, and their time together, enjoyable. 

“I think I’m going to burst,” Kai says as they are walking out.

“Aww, I guess that means no cheesy ice cream date after this?” 

“Oh, I’ll take you for ice cream alright. Just, this place is special.” 

“Special. Right. So where is this special place?”

“Right across the street.” Kai motions to an atrium in the middle of the block that resembles more of an open three story food court. 

Baekhyun whines. “I thought you said you were full! How can we eat ice cream right away?”

Kai looks genuinely confused. “Who is ever too full to eat ice cream?” He sighs and shakes his bangs out of his face, and with one arm behind Baekhyun’s back, he starts to pull him across the street. “Look, I told you this place is special. At least, this dessert is. And if you want, we can just sit for a bit until you’re ready.” 

Baekhyun finally agrees and therefore he willingly follows Kai up the stairs to the second floor where they take a seat at a small table overlooking both the street and the inside of the building. There isn’t room to sit side by side. Instead they sit on opposite ends of the tiny table facing each other, and unless they want to play footsie under the table, Kai looks a whole lot less confident now that he can’t really touch Baekhyun. He frowns just a bit, a face Baekhyun is starting to recognize as Kai’s contemplative look.

“What is it?” Baekhyun asks.

Kai snaps out of it. “Huh?”

“You look like you want to say something.”

“Oh.”

“Well, do you?” For lack of anything better to do, Baekhyun pokes at Kai’s arm resting on the table. That draws a small smile to Kai’s face.

“Hmmm. Maybe.”

“Maybe what?” He’s a little worried that this could go on for a while. “You know, if you don’t want to talk, I could talk.”

“About what?” Kai asks nervously.

“My sister actually.”

“Oh. What about your sister? Minzy, right?”

“Yes. She’s coming tomorrow.”

Kai hums, though he looks relieved and apparently indifferent to the news that his boyfriend’s sister is coming to visit tomorrow. “Actually I wanted to ask you something different.”

Baekhyun allows himself a mental pat on the back, now that he’s successfully gotten Kai to talk. “Okay. So talk.”

Kai doesn’t waste any more time, blurting out the words he’s been meaning to ask for a few days now. “How many boyfriends have you had? I mean, how many people have you dated before me?” He’s nervous to hear the answer, nervous that he may have been too blunt about asking it.

Baekhyun stills, mouth partway open, to stare at Kai. Then, cooly, he answers. “Two.”

Kai breathes again. “Two,” he repeats casually.

“Yes, just two. Two boyfriends.”

Kai nods his head. “Okay.”

Baekhyun wants to laugh, because Kai already acts like he’s fine with that, as if the conversation is done. Kai glances around the place, apparently checking out the location of the dessert counter and how long the line is, and ignores the bemused look on Baekhyun’s face.

“That’s it? That’s all you’re going to ask?” Baekhyun pries.

Kai returns his gaze back to Baekhyun, and Baekhyun can practically feel the curiosity still radiating off his boyfriend’s face, even if he’s trying to deny it.

“I guess so, yeah.”

Baekhyun looks down, trying his best to look sad and beginning to trail one finger along the patterned table design. “Why bother asking then? Sehun probably told you anyways.”

Kai clears his throat, clearly not expecting this. “What? Huh? I— I mean, I was just curious. I mean, yeah Sehun mentioned something a couple days ago and… I'm sorry. Please don't be mad at me for asking...”

Baekhyun giggles, and for the first time Kai realizes that Baekhyun isn’t mad. It stuns him a little. “Why would I be mad? You have the right to ask, Kai, you know that.”

“I do?”

“Yes…”

“Oh.”

“You seem to be saying that a lot tonight: ‘Oh’” Baekhyun laughs.

Kai scratches his head and messes with his hair, though at least he’s beginning to smile again. “Guess it just feels awkward to ask. I guess—I guess I shouldn’t push my luck and ask about every little detail about them? Your ex-boyfriends?” He tries his best at a cutsey smile.

Baekhyun only grins. “Maybe after dessert, huh?”

“Okay.” Suddenly Kai seems ten times more awake then he was just minutes prior. “Can we get dessert now? I promise you’re gonna love it!”

“Oh what the hell, why not. Show me this precious dessert you’ve been raving about all week, already.”

“Great! Be right back!” Kai jumps out of his seat and neatly bounds through the aligned tables to a counter at the far side of the floor. Baekhyun watches him place his order then return with a buzzer, and in the meantime he tries to line up any answers Kai might possibly want from him about his relationship history. Truthfully, he finds this situation vaguely funny but he guesses he shouldn’t tell that to Kai directly. Sehun’s warning comes to mind: that hardly concealed threat that Baekhyun better not make Kai feel uncomfortable since this will be his first ever relationship with anybody. 

Not for the first time he wonders what makes him so special that Kai would like him for so long, that Kai would go so far out of his way and out of his obvious comfort zone to trail after him, to let Baekhyun trail after him. How even in his darkest moments, he was always so calm and considerate, and surprisingly non-temperamental. The nineteen year old is definitely full of surprises, just as he is also teeming with those occasional bursts of confidence when he should technically have no hands-on experience. And then there are the days where his age really shows, and the years lost due to his ill body stack up, and all that confidence is lost behind a real life mask of fears and anxiety that Baekhyun can’t help but to love. He would willingly admit that it was this mystery and this mixture of characters that drew him in. Kai was and is definitely a dual being, and Baekhyun finds it addicting.

And that's not even getting into how incredibly beautiful Kai is even in the most natural of settings, like today, when all he has to do is walk across the ground with a fluid ease that makes Baekhyun ache for wont of the boy. 

“Can I tell you something now?” Baekhyun asks, not willing to wait until later.

“Sure?” Kai sits, buzzer in his hands as he waits for their dessert to be ready. 

“I never liked anyone so much as I like you right now.” 

Kai blushes visibly, but in that heartbeat Baekhyun watches as his anxiety melts away, and a proud little smile replaces the small line of pressed lips on Kai’s face. 

“So,  _just_  right now?” he asks, teasingly. “Not ten minutes ago, or two minutes ago, or in ten minutes from now?” 

“Well, I can’t account for ten minutes from now because if this dessert isn’t as amazing as you promised, I might have to rethink everything.” Baekhyun reaches across the table and pulls the buzzer out of Kai’s hands. He places his own hand in its place, purposefully draping and interlocking his fingers in a way he knows Kai finds irresistible. 

“Guess I don’t have anything to worry about then… unless you don’t like chocolate, and then I may just be screwed.” 

Baekhyun gulps, mouth watering. “There’s chocolate too?” 

“Of course! How are you supposed to have dessert without chocolate?”

“Fair enough. But don’t distract me! I was about to tell you something important about life and love and boyfriends, and here you are distracting me with a dessert I haven’t even seen or tasted yet! How are we supposed to learn anything about each other when you keep making me get off topic.” Baekhyun pouts tauntingly, but Kai might as well be drooling.

“And here I thought you were the one trying to distract me.” He grins, and holds up the hand Baekhyun latched onto a moment ago. “Sorry though, I think I only caught one word in that whole thing…” he pauses dramatically. “And it had to do with…  _lo_ —“

The buzzer goes off with a clatter against the table.

“Oh,  _look_! It’s ready.” Kai jumps up with a smirk, loosens his hand from Baekhyun’s, and practically floats across the room, leaving Baekhyun to gape and shake his head with a laugh. 

The dessert Kai returns with is certainly worth the wait: a devil’s food chocolate cake brimming with molten chocolate, topped with chocolate chips, a cookie, and the best part of the attraction, green tea ice cream. They can barely even talk through the slurping of spoons and melted chocolate and ice cream, and when finally the plate is bare and the plastic utensils put down, they look at each and smile as if on cue. 

“Good?” Kai asks.

“Oh, yes.”

“Told you.”

“I know. I know, you did try to tell me…”

“You were also going to tell me something else…” Kai baits. 

Baekhyun smiles and leans back in his chair, hands rubbing at his overfull stomach. “Was I?”

Kai moans out a low note that might have been an attempt at a growl, however, to Baekhyun’s ears it sounds more like a complaint. Baekhyun likes that sound, though he’s also aware of how much of a tease he’s being and he’s not sure how long Kai will be able to stand it. 

“Let’s get out of here,” Kai says. And there Baekhyun has his answer. 

Kai doesn’t allow him to move far out of his range. With one hand he picks up their plate, and with the other he grabs ahold of Baekhyun’s hand, pulling the man behind him as he deposits the dirty dish on a counter in the corner. The dish he leaves, the hand he does not, not even on the walk down the stairs, nor on the crowded sidewalk outside, not until they’ve reached the corner of the block and suddenly there is room to move and to breathe and to coarsely hug Baekhyun. He wraps his arms around him, pulling him into a deep kiss which Baekhyun does nothing to prevent and everything to prolong. It’s a bit chilly on the street corner, and they feel people bump into them in passing, but Baekhyun doesn’t care. He’ll happily let the world stare as he and Kai kiss. Their breaths and tongues taste of chocolate and green tea, of the most amazing dessert Baekhyun thinks he’ll ever experience. Devouring the plate was one thing, but reliving it again like this, with Kai’s arms around him growing tighter still, a hand at his back and another around his neck… 

Kai steers the kiss at his will, lazier now but just as content. He pulls back just a little and they open their eyes in the already dim light of the street corner. Kai’s smile is full of bliss and Baekhyun leans forward, fishing for a kiss on the forehead which he receives within half a second. Kai doesn’t pull away from this one either. He rests his lips there and whines happily, hands falling loosely around Baekhyun’s lower back, and in a moment of joy he pulls Baekhyun roughly against him.

Baekhyun gags and pulls back immediately. 

Kai instantly looks upset with himself. “What? Are you alright? I’m sorry, what’s wrong!?”

Baekhyun bends forward with his hands against his stomach, sputtering but still trying to laugh. “I’m full, you idiot! You can’t just ram into my stomach when I’m this stuffed!” 

Kai laughs nervously, hands circling at Baekhyun’s shoulders as he hurriedly apologizes and holds him upright. 

“Rule number 1 about boyfriends,” Baekhyun continues. “Mind the stomach after mealtimes!” He straightens up and instead of resuming their position facing each other, opts for a side by side entanglement as he loops his left hand behind Kai’s waist and encourages Kai’s right arm up behind his neck. With his free hand, Baekhyun reaches up to clutch at Kai’s dangling hand, and Kai sighs and apologizes again, smiling though at how quickly Baekhyun nuzzles into him. They start walking after a moment, leisurely, since Baekhyun insists he needs to move to feel better. At the first crosswalk, Kai nips at his ear and Baekhyun squeals a few pitches higher than he’d known he could utter.

“Ahh! Stop, stop! That tickles!” 

Kai avidly laughs, enjoying the moment too much so that Baekhyun has to elbow him in the ribs to make him stop. “Okay, I got it. No stomach. No ears. Anything else I should be wary about touching after mealtimes?” He continues to laugh.

Baekhyun doesn't answer, but he does resituate them back into their previous walking position and huffs petulantly as the light changes. They walk in comfortable silence for a few blocks, Kai steering them towards a bus stop. 

They are halfway there when Kai says, “Baek?”

“Yes?”

“I don't really need to know everything about you from before...”

Baekhyun tilts his head to glance at Kai's calm and happy expression. “You don't?”

“No, not really.”

Baekhyun waits to see if Kai will say anything more. He does a few seconds later.

“You see, I've thought about you for a really long time. Ever since I first saw you, really. But I never imagined I'd get this opportunity to meet you again, or get to know you, or... to date you.” He clears his throat, embarrassed as he notes Baekhyun's growing, knowing smile. “Quit looking at me like that you. You're making me nervous...”

“Sorry. Sorry,” Baekhyun quickly says, but he only tones down his smile partly. “So, what about me then?”

“What about you?” Kai laughs indulgently. “Everything about you. I just can't believe we're even here, talking, walking like this. For so long I wanted to know everything about you. Back when I only knew you by sight. I guess some of that carried over, except now I realize you're way more awesome than I imagined.”

“So, for five years you had this dream image of me, and come to find out I'm even cooler than all that? Wow, I feel cool now. Seriously, though. How come you never talked to me? Those years that you were around, and apparently hiding out watching me dance like some sort of creeper-stalker? We could've been friends for a whole lot longer instead of really meeting just now.”

Kai sighs. “Awkward teenager phase? What would you have said, anyways? I beat you in that dance competition. Would you really have liked me then? Wanted to talk to me at all?” 

“Oh right. I remember. I hated your guts.”

“Really??” Kai winces.

“No.” Baekhyun chuckles. “But I was rather intimidated by you back then. Everytime I saw you dance, especially when it was before I was going to perform. You messed me up, you know that?! Before my solo stage when I lost and you went on to win.” He glances at Kai, but Kai looks lost in  his memories. “Damn, but you looked so good back then.”

That wakes Kai up. “Huh?!”

Baekhyun laughs. “Dancing! Dancing! You looked so good dancing back then!”

Kai turns sullen. “Is that all...” he grumbles.

“Basically, yeah.” He nuzzles into Kai's side while they wait for the bus to arrive. “I don't remember much else about you then other than your dancing... but you really did look hot. I remember that much at least. You should have come and talked to me. If you were anything then like you are now, then maybe I wouldn't have dated anybody else before you...”

Kai whines at the implications. Not caring at all if Baekhyun's stomach is still too full, he pulls him to his body for another quick, bruising kiss. “All that wasted time!” Kai complains dramatically as the bus pulls up. He's delighted, completely elated to hear Baekhyun's words, so even though he should feel regret for not pursuing him sooner, it doesn't matter. Nothing matters except the here and now, and Baekhyun, and whatever the future brings, but he's too busy being happy to even think about that. 

The bus is too crowded to find any worthwhile seats that are together. Kai heads for the rear exit door and holds on to the railing while clutching Baekhyun from behind, anchoring him to his body to avoid the dips and tilts of the movements of the large vehicle. A few stops later a couple seats open up and they can finally sit down and relax their feet. Baekhyun wastes no time leaning against Kai's shoulder, and though he closes his eyes and pretends to be asleep, Kai notices his smile creep up when Kai sneaks one hand around him and rests his other hand across his own lap until it lays gently on Baekhyun's leg. 

“Kai,” Baekhyun whispers some moments later, eyes still closed.

“Hmm?”

“I want you to do something for me...”

“Okay.” 

Baekhyun smiles and finally opens his eyes. “You're not even going to ask what it is?”

“Well, I figured you've been buttering me up all night, but I think I can handle whatever you bring up...” 

“Ahh, so here's where I find out if all my flattery has paid off.”

“Alright, just say it.” Kai sighs and hugs him tighter.

“My sister is coming tomorrow...”

“You told me that already.”

“I want you to meet her.” Baekhyun sounds extra hesitant, which makes Kai wonder just how strange this favor is if all he has to do is meet her.

“I figured that already.”

“Yes, but she's coming to the studio workshop. You know, I told you she was a dancer like me.”

Kai's stomach muscles clench painfully, though he manages to keep a straight face. “And...?”

“I want you to come. Meet her there. Watch her... dance... kind of like how you did with me that first day...” 

Kai wants to curse, but he stalls his words to keep them internal. “...like the first day I watched you dance...” he repeats mechanically.

“Yes.” Baekhyun winces and closes his eyes. “I asked your mom if we could stay a bit later tomorrow afternoon for extra...  _tutoring_... and...  _please_ , just come.” He rotates in his spot, hugs Kai around the middle and opens his eyes to look at him close up, begging. “ _Please, Kai_.” 

Kai breathes heavily, forcing himself not to look away from his pleading boyfriend. And it's only because it's Baekhyun, and he knows that Baekhyun understands all the implications of forcing Kai back into a dance room, not even to dance but just to be there, observing, tutoring and teaching in an area of expertise that he can no longer participate in but still knows well enough for it to be painful. And maybe just a little bit healing. He cannot deny the satisfaction he'd gained from watching Baekhyun dance all those many weeks ago, of his own selfless joy seeing Baekhyun grow and learn and adapt. And all that may have been just because it was him, the boy he'd liked for so many years, finally, literally at his fingertips. It was the only reason he managed it then, and all the days after. It might well become the only reason he'll be able to enter a dance room peacefully again, ever. Because for Baekhyun it was worth trying. 

“Only if you'll be there too,” he says slowly, deliberately.

“Of course I'll be there,” Baekhyun replies.

Kai kisses him again, noting with glee that they still taste like chocolate and green tea, his favorite dessert ever. 

 

* * *

 

 

25  AWKWARD AFTERMATH [XIUHAN BONUS]

 

The door closes behind Baekhyun and the other two, and Minseok finally takes stock of their surroundings, this strange little apartment that Luhan ran to after getting yelled at by him. Never did he guess that he would basically confess everything to Baekhyun, not over texts like that, but ever since Luhan ran away in tears, Minseok’s been a little more frantic than usual. A lot more frantic. And Baekhyun happened to be the one to answer his messages. 

Did he tell him? Did Baekhyun tell this precious angel in his arms what Minseok had said? All that rubbish about wishing he could be a part of Luhan’s life, wishing he was allowed a say in whatever Luhan got up to on those rare times of the day when they were apart? He prays he didn’t. Luhan shouldn’t find out that way, not through a second hand source through a mobile device while Minseok himself was at home ripping his hair out in remorse. 

Luhan sobs one more heavy sob and starts to pull away out of Minseok’s arms. He lets him, and Luhan sits up, belatedly wiping his reddened eyes. He sniffs, clears his throat, and attempts to look manly. Minseok meets his eyes and smiles. It’s so like Luhan to try to brush this off, and that semblance of normalcy makes him relax. He almost laughs when Luhan meets his eyes, looking vaguely offended when Minseok appears calm. 

“What. What is it?” Luhan asks brusquely. Minseok only shakes his head, happy. “Why, do I look ugly when I cry, is that it?” Luhan demands.

“A little,” Minseok answers. “But that’s okay. You also look pretty ugly when you laugh too.”

Luhan punches him in the chest. When Minseok laughs though, he sits up straighter and pulls himself completely out of Minseok’s range. They sit side by side on the couch and Minseok instantly feels the tension raging. When Luhan doesn’t respond, nor even look at him again, he feels the tug at his heart, and his already reddened eyes feel ready to spill again. Their moment of normalcy has passed.

“How come you’re here?” Luhan asks, after a few minutes of awkward silence.

Minseok doesn’t know how to answer that. “Baekhyun told me where you were.”

“So you only came over because he told you to?” 

“No?”

Luhan scoffs and sits up. He rests his arms on his knees and his head hangs down, not accepting of Minseok’s answer. “I guess I’m just in the way wherever I go, if that’s why they called you to come pick me up.”

“What? No, it’s not like that.” Minseok feels the conversation spiraling out of his control, and he panics wondering how to make it stop. “I came because I was worried about you… You just, ran off… and I didn’t get to apologize for… yelling at you.”

Luhan slowly sits up, head still down and his arms limp by his sides. “So you yelled at me,” he repeats, without an ounce of energy in his voice. “No need to apologize for that. It was good advice apparently. Even stupid Sehun agrees with you.” 

He sighs, and Minseok can see just how tired he must be. 

“I wasn’t thinking too well when you showed up,” he says.

Luhan only hums to himself. Whether or not he’s actually hurt about Minseok’s words or his attitude earlier, none of that shows now. The drunkenness wore off long ago, and it’s only Luhan’s caffeine-induced stupor left over. Still though, he cried when Minseok showed up, and how he wishes now why that was. Was he just worried over their busted friendship? Luhan must know how Minseok can never remain mad at him for long. Even their worst squabbles have never ended with a non-speaking spell lasting longer than a few days. What’s new this time, however, are the tears. 

“Were you really hurt?” Minseok asks. 

“Yes.”

“Oh.”

“You think I wouldn’t be? I only showed up, missing my best friend, and… and…” Luhan trails off, and for a moment Minseok thinks he might cry, but instead Luhan shifts and looks at him. “Look, I know I act like a jerk some days, and I drink too much, and… sometimes… well, I know I sometimes give you no choice but to pick up the pieces, and just wait for me to pass out and wake up, and I appreciate all that, but…”

Minseok expects him to start making up excuses now, because everything he says is true, and more and more as they’ve gotten older Minseok has silently dealt with the aftermath of Luhan’s drunken sprees, whether they were together or not when it happened. 

“But… I mean…” 

Minseok waits for it with a sigh, a little heart sore because he knows he’s tired of dealing with it all: Luhan’s actions, his excuses, all those times when just he takes and demands. Tired of dealing with his own repressed feelings that he’s never let out before, the fact that he’s sick of Luhan, and sick of himself for not saying anything. That he’ll willingly do anything for Luhan, even if it means denying himself. It’s no wonder he broke today, issuing those harsh, thoughtless words, even if they were less ‘thoughtless’ and more the over pouring of every repressed emotion he’s ever concealed. Luhan with a girl, and bragging about it, and instead of keeping all that to himself, he just has to come and share with Minseok, and then demand a couch or another drink, and sloppily complain that Minseok’s a crappy friend who never does anything for him…”

“Thank you,” Luhan says. 

“What?”

“For all those times.” Luhan sighs now. “Thank you for dealing with all my crap. And, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I always bother you.”

Minseok wants to cry again, because here he is spewing loads of hatred in his head, and Luhan still feels guilty, enough to make Minseok feel guiltier. It’s a turning point though, because he has never seen Luhan actually apologize when he is sober. 

“You don’t… bother me,” Minseok lies.

Luhan extends one eyebrow at him. “You don’t? I find that hard to believe. I’ve always been a pain in the ass. Come on, you can be honest with me.”

Minseok frowns. “Maybe you don’t want to always know what I think…”

“Maybe I don’t get to hear what  _you_  think enough? You’re too quiet, Seok. You never talk to me. You never say what you’re thinking. You’re  _too nice_.” He pauses and casts his eyes at the farthest wall, eyes glassy and spacing out. “Maybe you’ve hated me all these years, and you just won’t say it, huh?”

“I don’t hate you at all, Luhan,” Minseok is quick to say. 

Luhan’s voice grows consistently in its harshness, though not technically in volume. “Then what is it? What is it that makes you get so angry tonight? What makes you rush over here the moment you’re called, like someone groveling at my feet when… when… it should be me doing that for you…” He ends in a near whisper, and looks down again. Minseok notices another tear threatening to drop from one of his eyes, but just as he reaches for his face, Luhan wipes it off.

Minseok hurriedly drops his hand and gapes. But before Luhan can say anything that threatens to tear both their hearts in two, Minseok gives in and reaches for him, dragging Luhan silently sideways into an awkward hug. Luhan gulps startled, but he lets himself be held, even if he doesn’t reciprocate; he can’t anyway, not with the way Minseok’s body holds his arms immobile. 

“You do bother me, Lu.”

Luhan’s response comes out like a low squeal.

“I just… don’t want you to keep acting this way. I don’t want you to get hurt one day.”

“You mean you don’t want to be there the day I totally fall to pieces?”

Minseok hugs him rougher. “Don’t reassemble my words. Of course I’ll be there for you the day you fall apart. I’d just rather that doesn’t happen… I want to prevent that from happening.”

Luhan chuckles, the last hurrah of a broken mind. “Oh so you won’t let that happen, huh?”

“Nope. Not on my watch.”

Luhan sighs breathily. After the evening’s tears and his highs and lows, it’s about all he can muster. “Thank you.”

“Anytime, Lu.” 

It doesn’t change anything. It barely even makes Minseok feel better, and doesn’t do anything to ease the tension in his heart. But Luhan is calm, and they can save the rest for another day, maybe.

“Hey, Minseok?” Luhan whispers.

“Hmm?”

“I want to go home.”

Minseok loosens his hold. “Okay? Let’s go then.”

They both stand up, and Luhan slowly shuffles towards the front door. 

“Wait a second,” Minseok says. He knocks on Baekhyun’s bedroom door while Luhan waits by the front door. He doesn’t know if they’re asleep inside. In fact, he barely registered that Baekhyun had made himself scarce, along with Kai and Sehun, just for him and Luhan, and he regrets making them flee inside Baekhyun’s own apartment. He doesn’t wait for an answer but slowly opens the door.

“Baek?” he calls out in a gentle voice, his eyes adjusting to the darkness inside. 

“Hmm?” comes a voice out of the darkness. 

“I’m taking Luhan home now.”

“Oh, okay.” He can almost see Baekhyun laying on his bed, a lump behind him that might be Kai. Maybe though he shouldn’t have been so impertinent to stare, because when he doesn’t move, Baekhyun says instead, “Goodnight.”

“Ahh. Goodnight. And… thank you. Sorry, we crashed your night.” He really does feel kind of miserable about that. 

“S’ok,” Baekhyun whispers. “See you tomorrow.”

Minseok smiles apologetically. “Thanks. Bye.” He inches the door closed, making every effort  to keep it from making a sound in case the others are sleeping, and makes a mental note to really thank and apologize to Baekhyun tomorrow when things are not so awkward.

Luhan still waits by the front door when he turns around. “Let’s go,” Minseok says, joining him. 

“What do you mean, let’s go?”

Minseok stares him. “I mean, you said you wanted to go home.”

“Yes, but I can get home myself now. I’m perfectly fine.”

“Okay.” 

They walk down the stairs but instead of heading left towards his block, he turns right following Luhan. 

“What are you doing?” Luhan asks him, surprised.

“I’m going with you.”

“But I just told you you didn’t have to…”

“So?” 

Luhan frowns but keeps walking. “Suit yourself then.”

“Thank you. I will.”

Minseok laughs, assuming Luhan will to, but he doesn’t and they walk the rest of the way in silence. 

Luhan doesn’t live by himself. For as long as Minseok has known him, Luhan’s bedroom has been his family’s living room, and once upon a time he shared it with a brother and sister, while only his parents got their own bedroom. The siblings have moved on, but Luhan’s bed still hides in a corner of the main room even if now it feels like his own private spot, comparatively. He opens the door to a silent house, and Minseok listens for the soft snores of his parents when he follows him in. He tells himself it’s just to make sure Luhan doesn’t pass out before brushing his teeth or swipe another bottle of something from the fridge before he sleeps. After all, they both still need to be functional for tomorrow morning. 

Luhan empties his pockets and without looking at Minseok heads for the bathroom. Minseok perches on the edge of his bed, and waits. Ten minutes he waits and when Luhan finally comes out, he seems startled to see him still there.

“I made it. I’m fine. Thank you.”

Minseok knows a dismissal when he hears one. He doesn’t know what he expected. Maybe an invitation to stay later, or to stay the night. Maybe to talk some more now that they’re both calm.

“Uhhh. Alright,” he says, and he stands up. Yawning he trudges back towards the door, past Luhan standing still in his pajamas, when a hand comes out and stops him by the shoulders. 

“Wait.”

Minseok freezes. “What?”

He can see Luhan fretting with something, when finally he says, “You don’t have to leave. Just, stay. It’s too far to walk now and it’s late. We can just, swing by your apartment tomorrow morning if you need something.”

Minseok feels like his heart might explode. He nods, too eagerly perhaps, but then Luhan sweeps by him and crawls under his blanket and Minseok nearly joins him there without even thinking. 

He takes a couple steps before forcing himself to halt, and asks for something to sleep in. Luhan sits up and rummages in a small dresser, throws him a clean shirt and settles back into the bed. Only after he’s washed his face in the bathroom and stripped out of his old clothes, does Minseok place one knee hesitantly into the mattress and climb in. 

It’s awkward, too awkward after all they have been through tonight. They each lay on their backs, breathing evenly, though Minseok knows his breaths are purposefully shallow because he’s afraid even of moving too much or making the bed shift. 

“‘Night, Seok.” 

He barely hears it. “‘Night.”

“Thank you for bothering with me.” Luhan chuckles softly.

“Hm? Oh… no problem.” 

He almost says something more to that except his words are suddenly lost when he feels Luhan rolling over and a tiny hand placed gently on his chest. Minseok shuts his eyes and inhales softly. The other’s warm breath heats his cheek, when Luhan’s fragile lips ghost across the skin, only a few hairs away from touching. Minseok jolts without meaning to and his head jerks to the side, right into Luhan’s skull and Luhan flinches back in pain, clutching at his head with two hands and moaning. 

“Luhan! What. I’m sorry!” Minseok whispers rapidly. “I didn’t mean to— Are you okay?”

Luhan cradles his head back on his pillow. “Yes… I’m fine. Sorry I got in your way.” 

“No… You didn’t. You—“

“Goodnight.” He rolls over, and Minseok is left staring at the back of his head while he panics in his head. Did Luhan just try to kiss him? Why did he close his eyes at that important moment? Stupid, stupid… Perhaps Luhan was trying to reach over him for something on the table. Minseok presses down with his eyelids in frustration, willing himself not to cry. Because what if Luhan was trying to kiss him? On the cheek or perhaps even on the lips? What would he have done? 

Panic, obviously. Which is what he did. Because maybe Luhan will feel rejected now, and now he is ignoring him, and they’re back to square one. Who knows what they will be able to say to each other tomorrow. 

He sleeps very little that night, too wrapped up with his own regrets and worries to notice that Luhan also gets very little sleep. 

 

 

 

They stay together the next morning, with Luhan dutifully following Minseok to his apartment conveniently on the way to the studio for morning rehearsals. Their talk, however, never leaves the range of small talk, and though Minseok wants to say something more, wants to ask about last night, he’s too embarrassed to, and Luhan equally so. 

They’re so awkward even in the studio that Baekhyun notices, but Minseok can’t be bothered to actually tell the boy what the real trouble is. He keeps it simple: “We just talked,” and “We just went to sleep.”  _“Baekhyun, what do I do?”_

He envies Kai and Baekhyun’s apparently easy relationship, but then he knew the two would be that way. They were so obviously into each other that they needed only one little push to be happily in love. Minseok likes to take some credit for it, but he knows that even if he hadn’t tipped off Baekhyun, they would have found their way to each other sooner or later.

He doesn’t see the same thing with Luhan though. Or he didn’t, until last night. If that’s even what he witnessed. 

They go their own ways at the end of the day. Minseok suspects Friday will end up a repeat of the day before if he doesn’t do something to change things. He just can’t figure out how to make it different. 

It’s been a month since their routine Friday morning breakfast though, and this time Minseok makes sure Luhan will be there. He has Baekhyun persuade him, since he knows the youngster will make it his mission to see the two of them in the same spot, so it’s with a hidden, gleeful heart that Minseok sits down next to Luhan at their usual spot in the diner. 

“No Kai, today?” Luhan asks, looking around as if for distraction.

“Nope. School stuff,” Baekhyun answers. “But I’ll see him tonight.”

The others around the table ‘oooohh’ and “aahhhh’ and make fun of the couple with teasing comments, and Baekhyun blushes but smiles happily. 

There are a few new additions to the company around the table, including Yixing, still happily pestering Suho and his crutches, and the student Seung Hoon, bashfully optimistic and happy to be included in today’s gathering.

“Where’s Jung Kook?” Yixing asks around the table. His eyes land on Seung Hoon, but the older student only shrugs.

Baekhyun takes to answering. “He’s still in high school, Xing. He’s got school today.”

“Ohh, that’s right. No wonder he said he wouldn’t be here today when I asked.”

Suho laughs meanly. “He already told you, and yet you still ask?”

“He didn’t tell me why though,” Yixing reasons. “I forgot he was so young. Half of you guys look young, but you’re not in school.”

“That’s because most of us haven’t been in school for at least a couple years…” Suho grumbles.

Yixing frowns. “I forget, that’s all. Anyways Luhan looks like he’s twelve and he’s like the oldest here, so they tell me.”

The table has a laugh at Luhan’s expense, while the ‘older’ one pouts cutely, and Minseok especially enjoys it with a silent laugh. 

“Hey, I’m not the oldest one here. Minseok is.” Luhan elbows Minseok playfully in the ribs, laughs, but when they catch each other’s eyes it’s almost as if they’d rememered they were supposed to be awkward around each other, and they quickly look away. Minseok looks down and immediately grabs his water glass for something to do, avoiding Baekhyun’s worried glance in the process. 

The rest of the meal progresses in the same tone, with Luhan and Minseok not speaking much to each other, and it's beginning to be painfully obvious to the rest of the crowd. Yixing even asks once if Luhan is feeling alright, but Luhan’s quick rebuttals don’t really persuade anyone. He may not look physically ill, but Minseok thinks he definitely looks worn out, and it bothers him that he may be the cause of it. 

Minseok sighs a couple times too heavily near the end of their meal, and rotates his body left and right to stretch out his back. He thinks he probably overdid himself the day before and his body is suffering for it now. 

“Oh, are you okay too?” Yixing asks. The dancer is just too considerate of everybody, not that anyone except Suho minds it.

“Just a little sore today,” Minseok replies.

“Ohh, you should get someone to massage your shoulders!” Yixing exclaims. He looks around the table. “Seung Hoon, didn’t you say you were minoring in some sort of physical education? You probably give good massages!” 

The student looks up and nods, a little nervously. “I can… yes. That is, if you want, Minseok.” 

Luhan eyes the boy in minor alarm, and both Minseok and Baekhyun pick up on that.

“Uh, sure,” Minseok says.

Seung Hoon’s sitting on the other side of the table, however, and when he tries to stand up, he bumps his knee on the underside of the table, and at least one glass of water wobbles precariously before Tao steadies it. 

“Well, that was graceful,” Suho utters. Yixing puts a hand in front of his mouth to keep him from speaking further, and Baekhyun laughs loudly and distractingly. 

“Hey, hey, Seung Hoon’s too blocked,” Baekhyun hollers. “Luhan, you’re closer. Do something useful this morning and give Minseok a massage, huh?”

The alarm on Luhan’s face, which was beginning to diminish when Seung Hoon couldn’t get up, resurfaces at once with Baekhyun’s seemingly casual directive. 

“Sure,” he says. His smile doesn’t reach his eyes though, Minseok notices before strong hands force him to rotate 90 degrees. He hasn’t had a massage in so long, about a week actually since Luhan last did this to him in between rehearsal slots. The fingers kneading into his muscles now feel like heaven, though he’s grateful he can’t see Luhan’s face at the moment. He’s sure that he didn’t want to do this right now but Baekhyun gave him no choice. Minseok needs to thank that boy later, but in the meantime he relaxes into Luhan’s hands, and tries to keep from moaning at the table. 

“He’s pretty tight, isn’t he, Luhan?” Baekhyun asks. “His muscles, I mean?”

Minseok decides to forget about thanking him later. Luhan only laughs nervously and ignores the rest of the table’s conversation. After a few minutes of working on the knots, he releases him and uncharacteristically runs one hand through Minseok’s hair before turning back into his seat. Minseok shivers and smiles, forgetting for half a second everything between them. He settles into the booth himself and lets his head loll happily backwards. 

“Thanks.” 

“You’re welcome,” Luhan says, lazily. Minseok sighs. “Tired?” he asks.

Minseok nods, but he knows he’s less tired now than just a few minutes ago, and the change in Luhan’s mood could be cited as a direct reason. 

“Let’s go get coffee afterwards then. Unless, you had other plans…”

“What? No. I don’t… have other plans.” 

It’s nearing eleven o’clock when everyone seems through with their meals, and the bills are paid. Luhan nudges Minseok to move first, and he stands up with the other at his heels.

“Uhh, see you guys in a bit,” Minseok tells everyone. Baekhyun catches his eye and winks, but Minseok turns around quickly so he doesn’t have to acknowledge it. They leave the diner and without discussion start on the path to their favorite coffee shop that’s only a few blocks away from the studio. They don’t speak; they don’t usually when they’re walking anyways, but Minseok feels a shift again and this time for the better. 

The cafe is unusually packed for the hour, something Luhan notes with a frown and a few griping words.

“Guess we’ll just have to wait in line,” Minseok suggests.

“I’ll stand if you want to sit down.”

“I can wait.” He stands just in front of Luhan, behind eight other customers in the line which winds through and around the little tables set up from counter to door. A woman obviously in a hurry makes her way through the crowd with her coffee held high, and Minseok sways to avoid impact. He’s nowhere near to falling over, but Luhan must think he’s about to topple at any second. The same strong hands that earlier massaged his neck and shoulders wind their way around his waist, holding him upright. Minseok freezes and swivels his head around. Out of the corner of his eye he sees Luhan, who looks just as startled at his own actions. 

They both freeze in place until the man in front steps up in line and a gap appears. Minseok knows he should move up to fill the place, but moving forward means moving out of Luhan’s hands and right now he knows there’s nothing more he wants than to remain right there. Perhaps Luhan can read minds suddenly, but he moves before Minseok, and it’s to nudge him forward while keeping him in his embrace. Minseok fills the place in the line but Luhan stays right behind him, and just lightly, almost imperceptibly, Minseok leans back a little letting his back rest against Luhan’s chest. He yawns once more, at peace with the position. Luhan leaves one hand at Minseok’s waist, but brings the other up to capture Minseok’s shoulder, anchoring him place. He sighs happily, and Minseok’s heart flutters once again. 


	6. Chapter 6

26  PUTTING ROOMS TO GOOD USE

 

It’s a strange morning when Tao isn’t up at the same time as Baekhyun. He almost goes in search of his younger roommate before he remembers that Tao actually gets to sleep in this Saturday morning, while Baekhyun volunteered to help out with the studio workshop. It’s just his luck that he forced himself into that, and only because he loves his sister — not that he’ll tell her that in so many words. After such a long evening with Kai though he really wishes he could sleep in for a change. 

Last night was frankly amazing, but just a little bit nerve-wracking around the time he asked Kai to show up today. He’s still not entirely sure what possessed him to make these plans, other than being his own devious self. But no, it isn’t really like that, he permits himself to think. Baekhyun doesn’t know what the outcome will be, but he feels it in his bones that Kai still yearns to be around the dance world, to be a part of it in at least some aspect. Begging him to be around dancers like himself and his sister is just the easiest and probably least stressful way he can think to go about it.

He decides to be innovative about his breakfast this morning: toast instead of cereal. He pops the last bite into his mouth and nearly steps out the door a few minutes early when he instead determines that it won’t be good for his sleep cycle if he lets Tao sleep all day. He enters his bedroom without knocking, and sure enough, there is the room’s owner still completely passed out, curled up in his blankets, back up against an overly large pillow and cradling a large stuffed leopard plushie. 

“Tao… Tao,” Baekhyun says, not softly.

The figure on the bed grunts.

“Tao… wake up.”

Another grunt.

“Tao, wake up before I sing you awake.”

The grunt turns into a decisive moan, and Tao peels his eyes open to glare at his roommate. “What. Why are you waking me up.”

“Because you shouldn’t sleep in all day.”

“I’m not going to sleep in all day.” His morning voice is gruff and, if Baekhyun went for that sort of thing, kind of sexy.

Baekhyun smiles, the picture of innocence. “Well you looked like you might.”

“And what would be the problem with that?” Tao drags himself to a sitting position, still clutching the leopard with one hand, and rubbing his eyes with the other. 

Baekhyun shrugs. “It’s not good to waste the whole day.” 

“I hate you sometimes.” Tao focuses the clock on his nightstand and sighs when he glimpses the time. Lethargically, he turns his head back to his roommate. “It’s 8:30, Baekhyun. I set my alarm for 9:30 now tell me why on earth you couldn’t let me sleep in a whole extra hour??”

Tao is whiny in the morning. Baekhyun doesn’t share this though. “Oh you were getting up already?” He is genuinely surprised. 

“Yes,” says Tao, like he expected Baekhyun to know this. “I wasn’t going to be a bum. Now can you please go away, so I can go back to sleep?” 

He flops back on the bed and rolls over with his back to the door, and Baekhyun frowns, pitifully upset that Tao's too sleepy for a real squabble.

“Oh. Well, uhm. Goodnight. Or rather, good morning. Wait, so what  _are_  you doing today?”

With his voice partially muffled into the pillow, Tao answers, annoyed. “I’m sleeping in one more hour… and then I’m getting up, and I’m going to work out. And then I’m gonna hang with Sehun. Now shut the door and let me sleep, pretty, please.”

Baekhyun leaves, as instructed. 

The studio has a different vibe to it this morning with all the fresh-faced young dancers wandering the halls, some with their parents still hovering about, and others just excited for the day’s proceedings. 

He hears Minzy before he sees her. 

There’s no mistaking that energetic laugh echoing down the halls, that almost sluggish, but excitable manner of storytelling he can hear even several doors away and from inside one of the studio rooms. 

_“And so I left them alone for who knows how long, assuming Baekhyun would make a move or something…”_

The problem isn’t the voice though, it’s the story she’s telling to who knows how many people.

_“And remember all my hard work I told you about to get my friend and him there in even the same place. Ahhh, she was such a cute girl too! He was bound to fall for her…”_

He quickens his pace and without waiting for invitation, Baekhyun saunters through the open door. Minzy sits on the floor, surrounded by a group of people, some of them her girl friends and fellow dancers from home; some teenage kids here for the workshop listening in wide-eyed to her tale, and probably wondering why on earth they’re there; but most tragically, a small collection of Baekhyun’s fellows including Luhan and Minseok, Min, Krystal, and half of the eldest company members excluding Suho (thank God). 

“And what a waste! Because how was I to know that he didn’t like girls! Such a waste! My poor friend with her undying crush, and only afterwards — oh, hi, Baekhyun! — does he tell me… is he  _forced_  to tell me, that he’s gay!”

Luhan doubles over in laughter as Minzy finishes her story, complete with a look of exasperation taken right out of the past, and Baekhyun wants to box her ears. 

“Ahhh-ahhhh what are you telling them!? Why are you telling stories about me, huh? How dare you! I should turn around and tell them tales about you,  _Minzy_.”

“Yeah, but nobody cares about my funny stories. You’re the more popular one here, bro! Way more fun!”

Baekhyun fumes while the others have a laugh at his expense, and the newbies in the room glance at him with scared expectations. 

“Thanks a lot, sis,” he grumbles. She gets up to greet him properly, and he reciprocates, expecting some kind of hug. He doesn’t expect to be attacked and crushed though, with Minzy’s arm around the back of his neck, forcing him to hunch over as he braves the attack. It’s not the manliest thing the studio has ever witnessed before. 

“Help!” he chokes, hoping for at least some assistance from his friends — from Minseok at least! — but none comes and finally Minzy lets go on her own, laughing delightedly over her own power to embarrass.

“Do you always let your sister manhandle you, Baekhyun?” Krystal taunts. “What a fun childhood you must have had!”

Baekhyun wheezes and glares at every person in the room until most of them settle down and go on about their warm-ups. 

To Minzy he says, “I knew I shouldn’t have let you come straight here.”

She shrugs. She and her dancer friends took a train in early this morning, and a taxi straight from the station to the studio. Her friends would go back in the evening, but she was planning on staying another day. On that note, he asks, “Where are your things? Luggage or whatever?”

Again she shrugs. “No clue. I brought them into the foyer, explained who I was, and your  _mother-in-law_  promptly had someone haul them away to the store room for me.” She giggles at that one, actually giggles, and coming out of his tomboyish sister's lips, it sounds devious. “I guess you can ask her later?”

Baekhyun whines. “You met Mrs. Kim already?”

“Of course. She’s nice. I’m going to like her a lot! Is Kai just as nice? When do I get to meet him?”

“Later, later…” 

“So he won’t be here for the workshop?” She looks surprised.

“Nope. And I beg of you not to bug me about that for a while.”

“Oh…” 

They are interrupted though by the bustling chaos of the building as the workshop begins, and Minzy bounds off to check the schedule and class room assignments. He follows at a distance.

The first half of the day goes by quickly, with Baekhyun and the other principals shadowing most of the classes, everything from ballet to jazz, hip hop, theater, and even a little bit of tap (not his forte but he tries it all the same, because who knows when it might come in handy). The workshop is still mostly modern in its direction, consistent to the theme of the company and their usual style of dance. Baekhyun finds it relaxing though, only taking classes an hour at a time, without thought to long term choreography or performance plans. It gives his body the much needed exercise without the stress, and if anyone were to ask, he genuinely enjoys the role as teacher’s pet. All the attending company members are there technically to assist and to demonstrate, and to generally encourage the students. 

Baekhyun leaves Minzy pretty much alone. He knows she doesn’t really need a brother following her every movement, and besides, she’s heard him nag enough as her personal family dance coach whenever he goes home on vacation. She doesn’t need much extra assistance though. Dance was in her bones even as a child, same as Baekhyun, even if she couldn’t really say yet what she wants to do with it as an adult. For now he thinks she’ll attend college somewhere as a dance major and take it from there. 

They join up together for the lunch break and head to his and his friends’ usual table in the courtyard out back. 

“Baekhyun, my brother! This is so much fun!” She hops around behind him, hands attached like suction cups to the tops of his shoulders. 

He laughs, while trying to shrug her off. “Glad you like it! Now you have a taste for how my world mostly functions.”

“I know. I’m jealous. Should I audition to come here next year? Wouldn’t you like your baby sister always around you? I could stay with you, right?”

“What? Who says you could stay with me? Could you afford it? You couldn't, and besides, I wouldn't have room for you and your entire collection of Gundam figurines!”

“You're no fun. But whatever. Oh wait, does your boyfriend live with you now?? That might be a little awkward.”

Minseok smiles at them cheekily when they sit down.

“What?! No, we don’t live together!” Baekhyun protests. “I live with Tao.  _Tao_  is my roommate and Kai has his own place.”

“Yeah, but does he always sleep at home?” Luhan asks merrily. He brushes behind them with his box lunch, hesitates for a moment, and then takes the spot next to Minseok. 

“You'll meet Tao later.” Baekhyun refuses to answer the other question and occupies himself with his and Minzy’s lunches to hopefully distract them. While dodging Minzy’s questions he side-eyes the slightly awkward not-a-couple across from them, happy to note that the level of skinship between Minseok and Luhan has reached ‘normal’ status like it used to be. The only difference now is that they never seem to meet eye to eye without one glancing away a littler quicker than before. It’s progress he thinks. Very slow, mind-numbingly slow, kill me now or lock them in a closet, slow. But at least it’s still progress.

“Aren’t you eating that?” Minzy asks suddenly. Baekhyun notices that it’s been several moments since he picked at his food of leftover fried rice. “Why, did you want it?”

“No. Just wanted to make sure you were eating right so I can tell mom.” Minzy switches to a motherly voice in imitation of no doubt the last words she heard this morning before getting on the train: “Make sure our Baekhyun is eating enough! And if he’s not, you tell him for me! He’s too skinny last picture I saw! Too skinny! Tell him to eat right!”

Minzy pokes him in the ribs for good measure, making Baekhyun squawk as he lurches out of her reach. 

“I eat just fine, thank you very much!”

“I’m just making sure!” Minzy laughs.

“I even had Korean BBQ last night, if that makes everyone feel better.” 

Luhan acts impressed. “Woah! Nice. Did Kai treat you?” Baekhyun nods. “Oh, well maybe Kai thinks you’re too skinny then?” He laughs.

“What? No. He doesn’t think that.”

“How do you know? He could like them chubbier. You know, with a little meat on ‘em. I once heard him complaining that some of the girls we danced with when we were younger were too much like stick figures.”

Minzy starts to clarify some things. “So you — you two — have known this Kai for a while?”

Luhan nods happily, conspiratorially. “Yup!”

“Ahhh, so he’s the judgmental type?”

Baekhyun snorts. “Stop making up things,  _Lu_ ,” he emphasizes harshly.

“Hey, I’m just trying to make sure you eat right.” Luhan winks, quickly, with a little smirk on his face.

“Why didn’t he like skinny girls then?” Minzy asks.

“Probably because he didn’t like—“ Baekhyun coughs —“ _girls_ , or something.” He ends in a mutter. Luhan opens his mouth again to speak, but he quickly stops when he catches a ‘look’ on Minseok’s face. He shuts up and goes back to his lunch.

“Guess I’ll just have to meet him then,” Minzy concludes happily.

Baekhyun sits out the last class of the day, a two hour long workshop on free-styling which he knows is the main highlight for Minzy this day. Free styling isn’t Baekhyun’s favorite thing; he prefers the structure of choreography, though he can certainly still make up movements when the tempo is slower, more melodic, where the music isn’t dominated by a hip hop beat. 

He smiles through the window watching as Minzy is paired up with Seung Hoon for an exercise in duet free style. The two prized students Seung Hoon and Jung Kook have danced more than excellently all day, and Baekhyun is rather excited to see what they bring next week when they start creating routines for the company. He turns away from the door and skips over to one of the smaller practice rooms where Kai told him he’d be waiting.

And here is the real reason he’s playing hooky for the last class. Minseok and Luhan might cut out by claiming they’re old and tired, but Baekhyun delights in the fact that the next two hours are precious, because they’re probably the only couple hours he’ll have with Kai alone for the rest of the weekend. 

Baekhyun peaks into the room, expecting a sense of deja vu. Has it really been just a month or so since he first saw Kai here, sneaking into dance room like a secret owner? He didn’t dance though, Baekhyun remembers, just stood looking at himself in the mirror and at the time Baekhyun didn’t know why. 

He’s dancing now though. Baekhyun’s heart stops, watching him move. It’s not sharp, it’s not full out, but it is movement, an echo of what Kai used to do, long ago when Baekhyun didn’t know  _him_ , but only the dancer he used to be. He’s never seen him like this now though. Baekhyun backs away from the door, afraid to be caught, unsure why he should even be afraid. His brain thinks back to all the other times when Kai has come around, hiding out somewhere in the building before he meets Baekhyun. Does he always do this? Does he always test out his abilities little by little where no one can see it?

There’s no music playing inside that Baekhyun can hear. Perhaps the music is in his head only, or else the beat from the neighboring room is all he needs. It’s also past 4:00 pm and he surely knows Baekhyun will come looking for him here. 

Before he can lose his nerve, Baekhyun steps back up to the door, knocks briefly and enters. 

Kai stops dancing when he sees who it is. He breathes shallowly, mildly surprised to greet Baekhyun, but he smiles, and that’s all Baekhyun needs to smile back and hug him. 

“You’re dancing,” he says stupidly.

Kai hums. He wears a sleeveless black shirt and sweat pants, and his arms are covered in the thinnest sheen of sweat. Still he’s warmer than Baekhyun, who thinks he’s probably worked off all his lunch by now, but the sweat has dried leaving him clammy to the touch. He shivers, and Kai holds him close.

“How’s the workshop?” he asks.

“Fine.”

“And your sister?”

“Loving it. Keeps asking me when she’s going to meet you though. So annoying. I just want to spend time with you by myself.”

Kai laughs. “Well, we have a couple of hours then. I checked the schedule on my way up here.” He releases Baekhyun and the two slump down side by side against the wall. They each share a drink from the same water bottle Kai brought with him.

“You were dancing,” Baekhyun repeats after a few moments.

“Yeah.”

He’s not giving Baekhyun much of an outlet to talk, but that’s never stopped him before.

“How is it?” 

Kai sighs. “Tiring. Not used to it anymore.” Then he laughs. “Was I really ever that good? I can’t remember it now. How did my body do it?”

Baekhyun elbows him lightly in the ribs. “You talk like such an old man… But yeah, I guess you were good. Not as good as I was then, mind you — when you weren’t distracting me!” he adds quickly. 

Kai chuckles silently, and Baekhyun is pleased to see a grin still attached to his face, even when Kai closes his eyes briefly. Their nearest hands find each other on the ground between them, and Baekhyun tightly winds his fingers through Kai’s. 

Kai sighs again and opens his eyes. He shifts a tiny bit and moans, releasing Baekhyun’s hand to reach around his own neck and press at the sore muscles and tendons there.

“What’s wrong? Overdid yourself? Want a massage?”

Baekhyun pulls Kai’s hips away from the wall before Kai can even answer and turns him around so he can reach his back. His fingers gently knead around his neck and shoulders and Kai wavers violently where he sits, almost collapsing forward just from the release of nerves where Baekhyun touches. 

“Why didn’t I have you do this before?” Kai asks, breathlessly.

“I don’t know? Maybe you were just too afraid to have me at your back again?” He chuckles, observing Kai’s face in the mirror, but Kai doesn’t react, so happy is he to be on the receiving end of a massage.

“Well, I knew your fingers were good for something.”

Baekhyun slaps him lightly, earning a laugh from them both before returning to his work. 

“Apparently, Tao and Sehun are going to ‘hang out’ today,” Baekhyun says conversationally.

“Are they? Told you they’d be friends.”

“Yep, you were right.” He finds a particularly hard knot close to Kai’s shoulder blade and Kai cries out when he hits it too roughly. “Sorry. At least Tao’s getting out and doing something these days.”

“‘These days’. You keep talking like he’s a recluse. He’s only been grumpy for what, a week?” Kai asks.

“I suppose you’re right. It just seems weird to me.”

“But he and Kris weren’t dating or anything, right? What’s a week anyways?”

“They weren’t —  _yet_  — but it’s still so odd because Kris was always over, and they were always chatting. I asked him again yesterday after breakfast if he’d heard anything, and he still said no.”

“Huh,” Kai grunts. “Well, you never know.”

“Right. Well, at least he’s got Sehun now.”

Kai laughs. “Long as you know Sehun’s not gay.”

“I know that! I’m just… glad they’re friends.” Under his breath though he mutters, “ _Might turn, you never know._ ”

“Hah. Give it up, Baekhyun.”

“I know. I know.” Baekhyun laughs. He presses a few more decisive times around Kai’s shoulders. “There, I think you’re done now. Or at least my hands are tired so that’s all I’m gonna do for today.” 

Kai scoffs. “That’s it? Wow, what a weakling!”

“Hey! It’s hard work!” 

“Sure. Sure.” Kai settles back against the wall, smirking at Baekhyun’s reactions. “Thanks though.”

“Hmph.”

Kai smiles. “Hey, come here.” He reaches for Baekhyun and pulls him into his lap. “I should thank you properly.” 

“Oh yeah? And how are you going to do that?” He lightly straddles Kai over Kai’s outstretched knees. 

“Like this.” 

Baekhyun expects the hands that pull their heads together and the deep kiss that follows. He meets him halfway, resting his hands on Kai’s shoulders as he reachers forward into the kiss. They’ve had lots of practice before this, learning how the other likes to kiss and be kissed; how to nip, how to explore, when to  _suck_. What he doesn’t expect is for Kai’s knees to suddenly bend upwards, tossing and locking Baekhyun between Kai’s upper body and legs as he forces them together. 

Baekhyun groans. He pulls apart from the kiss long enough to give Kai an appraising smile, exhilarated to see Kai’s smirk on those badly kissed lips. He can’t even say anything though. Before he can catch his breath, Kai’s legs crush him closer into his lap. They both gasp, Kai desperate to reignite their kiss and Baekhyun happily obliges. 

When did Kai grow so daring? Baekhyun wonders, before mentally slapping himself. Kai has always been like this, unpredictable, unrestrained, a first class tease as he messes with just about every last sense that Baekhyun still owns. Maybe he is inexperienced in the area of love, but he's definitely not that when it comes to using his body to accomplish his goals. All these years of non-dancing haven't done anything to hinder the strength of his legs and thighs, the same things that are mashing the two of them into one. Nor to the arms and hands that pull Baekhyun's torso close, using his shoulder blades as leverage, digging into the skin even through the fabric of his sweat-soaked shirt. 

He feels it can only be a few minutes later when Kai pushes him back, lowering his knees so Baekhyun can slide back. He’s lost track of time except that he knows it hasn’t been long enough. Kai’s eyes look nearly bloodshot in the dim light of the room, crinkled from the strain, and he breathes even heavier than when Baekhyun found him. 

“Ehh?” Baekhyun wheezes, missing the loss of contact.

“Too… much…” Kai grunts. Then he laughs. “You do… remember where we are right now, right?”

“So?” Baekhyun whines. 

Kai laughs some more, and pulls himself up off the ground. He helps Baekhyun up too. “Hey I don’t want to spend all day in this room. Let’s wander for a bit. Besides I need some more water.” He kicks the empty bottle at their feet. 

“So?” Baekhyun doesn’t care. “You started it! And what’s wrong with this room? I want to stay here and make out!”

Kai only drags him to the door, tossing the bottle away before they open it and they step into the hall. 

Baekhyun tries to follow but runs smack into Kai’s back, abruptly paused in the door frame.

“What?”

“Shhhh!”

He whispers this time. “Huh? What is it?” Kai doesn’t move, however, so he cranes his head past him in the door frame, still frustrated that Kai made them stop (twice now), to peak out, and then he sees why.

At the end of the hallway in a niche on the wall next to the window sits a bench partially obscured. It’s a favorite resting spot of the dancers in between rehearsals, even if the wooden beams don’t make it exactly the comfiest place to sleep. Baekhyun knows this well. He feels a little gipped though when he realizes how the bench might be used in a more comfortable manner. For instance, if the person sleeping lengthwise had a lap for a pillow. And a hand brushing through the short strands of his hair, while the other hand rests comfortably on his chest playing softly with the top hem of the sleeping one’s shirt. Minseok is completely out of it, resting peacefully while Luhan himself lounges with his head resting on the wall and eyes closed. 

Kai still doesn’t move, and Baekhyun knows he must be just as entranced or amused as Baekhyun is. 

“Would you look at that,” Baekhyun whispers. 

“I thought you said they were acting awkward around each other??” Kai whispers back.

“I did. But that was yesterday. They were normal today. Only that right there—“

“That looks more than normal…”

“Yeah… What on earth has happened since lunchtime?”

Neither one of them moves. 

“Kai, are we going to leave this room sometime today, or do you want to go back inside and continue where we left off?”

“Huh? Oh. Uhm, but what if we disturb them?” 

Baekhyun giggles, a little too loudly perhaps. Luhan opens his eyes and catches them ogling. Kai starts and Baekhyun finally pushes him out since their position has been discovered already. He expects Luhan to say or at least do something, but instead the principal dancer lifts his head up a little, stares between Kai and Baekhyun, looks down at Minseok, then back at the other two. Then he beams, he actually beams, huge grin from ear to ear though he doesn’t actually show his teeth, and he never stops petting Minseok’s hair. 

“I… we….” Kai sputters. 

“Bye,” Baekhyun mouths, pulling Kai away from the scene. Luhan nods, and they tiptoe away from the couple. “Come on,” he tells Kai in a regular voice now that they’re out of hearing range. “I think we both need water now. That was too sweet for words. I may be sick.”

“Yup.” 

 

* * *

 

 

27  HINT HINT KISS KISS

 

The view of the courtyard from this angle is definitely nice, Baekhyun must admit. He might enjoy the view more, however, if he had something better to do than just sit here and stare out the window. He turns his head over to the desk and glares daggers at the back of his boyfriend's head.

“Tell me again why we left the practice room so we could sit in your mother's office doing nothing useful?” He scowls and makes a nasty face, though Kai can't see it.

Kai finishes a few more keyboard strikes, refusing to acknowledge Baekhyun's complaints. He pauses after a few moments though, fingers still hovering over the keyboard, as if waiting for his attention to return to them, and says, “Your idea of 'useful' seems a bit skewed right now, Baek. But give me a moment... I still don't have a working computer at home and since I didn't get to campus today, I need to send this e-mail out to a professor...” His voice trails off, and the fingers resume their typing. 

Baekhyun sighs and abandons the window sill. Instead, he makes himself comfy on the armchair, even daring to hang one leg off the cushioned arm and slinking down a bit. Kai looks over at him and snorts, and then continues with his e-mail.

“There are so many pictures of you in this office,” Baekhyun observes. Kai grunts. “So cute!” He's eyeing one of the baby pictures, and Kai refuses to look up to see which one, less he embarrass himself. 

“Hey, is that one you with a tutu? Oh my God!”

Kai cranes his neck around lightning quick. “What? Where?”

“Aha! Made you look!” Baekhyun cackles and points hilariously at a photograph that's clearly not of Kai but his mother, one of the many professional snapshots of her in the prime of her dancing career. “You looked awfully quickly though. Does that mean, per chance, that there are some pictures of you in a tutu?”

Kai frowns. “No. I just, never know what my mom may have done when I was a baby.” 

“Right. Well, I'll make sure to ask her about it then. Mothers do have this thing about keeping an embarrassing collection of pictures for their kids' boyfriends.”

“And I'll make sure to ask Minzy the same when I meet her.”

It's Baekhyun's turn to look askance. “Don't you dare!”

“Oh, I will and I can!” Kai laughs even though he continues to type. “Almost done now...”

Baekhyun pouts some more, though he does keep eyeing through all of the pictures of Kai on the wall, taking pride in his boyfriend's photogenic self, even from young age. He can't say the same for most of his pictures because he knows for a fact so many of his look rather silly, even if he mostly, purposefully posed that way for them. He wonders where all of Kai's goofy pictures are, because most of the ones on the shelves here are dance related. Then again, dance was everything to Kai for most of his life, so much that it's not strange at all that they're all dance pictures. 

“You know, you still haven't introduced me to your mother,” Baekhyun says.

Kai stops typing. “You... already know my mother,” he deadpans. “You've known her longer than you've known me.”

“Yeah, but I meant, you haven't taken me home, or had the standard 'meet my boyfriend' dinner date. How come I don't get an official introduction? Are you embarrassed of me by any chance?” He cocks his head sideways to stare at Kai, mocking grin on his lips and a tongue partway out. They share a glance for ten seconds - and Baekhyun knows because he counts them, slowly, to the ticking of the wall clock - an intense game of chicken, and finally Kai loses and laughs. He turns away, clicks a few more things on the keyboard and stands up. 

Baekhyun doesn't move. He's still slumped in the chair, left leg over the left chair arm, a daring look on his face. Kai sidles up into the space and puts a knee to the cushion, bending low enough to put them at eye level, and just when Baekhyun thinks Kai is going to tease him, Kai leans in all the way for another heart-stopping kiss. Baekhyun completely forgets his daring attitude. He's been traumatized by Kai far too many times in the last half hour when all he wants to do is hold him to his body, preferably unhindered for a decent amount of time. 

Sadly, Kai pulls away even quicker this time. At least he looks apologetic about it. 

“Alright, I'll take you home for dinner some night, if it makes you happy.”

“Huh?” Baekhyun nearly forgot their earlier discussion. “Oh yeah. Yeah, it will.”

Kai chuckles. “Good. Though you'll know I'm serious if I take you all the way to Texas to meet my dad and his family.” 

“Oh? So when are we going?” Baekhyun tries not to look overly eager, but he knows he probably failed.

“This winter? Let's go. We can avoid some of the horrid weather during the break.” 

And now Baekhyun knows he has the best boyfriend, and he totally believes he's serious when Kai curls his hand around Baekhyun's and leads them out of the office. He almost believes Kai's nonchalant manner too, except for the little smirk sneaking out of one side of his mouth, and Baekhyun knows too well that Kai is proud of himself. Smug, he's being smug, and Baekhyun loves it.

They leave and return under an hour later bearing food from their favorite Thai restaurant, since Baekhyun is sure Minzy will be starving when the last class lets out. They're not supposed to take food into the dance rooms, but Kai doesn't hesitate to break the rules just this once and Baekhyun doesn't stop him. He lets him go first though while Baekhyun sneaks a peak into Minzy's class, miming instructions to go to the room next door when she's done. Back in the hallway he runs into Luhan again, surprisingly without Minseok. Baekhyun checks the hall for him, but the oldest dancer isn't to be seen, and Luhan still looks pretty happy so he figures it's as good a time as any to pry him for information.

“Hi, Baek,” Luhan says first, halting his steps.

Baekhyun smiles slyly at him. “Hi, back. Where's your better half this evening?”

Luhan's smile shies a little, and he looks down, scratching the back of his head. “He, uh... went to get us something to eat. He said he'd be right back though!”

“I see...”

“Yeah.”

“So, what we witnessed earlier...”

Luhan blushes. “Oh that... that was, uhm, well you see...”

“Spit it out, come on now.”

“Alright, alright! I just, well when we finished the second to last class and he said he was tired, I followed him out and then he wanted to lie down, and so I said he could sleep on my... lap. And then...” Luhan pauses, and his hand scratches his hair a bit faster before he drops it a ways. He tugs on his own ear, and his smile grows. Baekhyun thinks it's pretty infectious, except that Luhan won't get on with his tale and that makes him nearly as frustrated as Kai teasing him, almost, but not quite.

“Tell me!”

“And then I asked him out!”

“You didn't!”

“I did!”

“And what did he say?”

“He said he'd think about it, after his nap, and then he fell asleep.”

Baekhyun laughs, loudly and obnoxiously, and Luhan grins back at him with a sheepish expression. He puts a hand on Luhan's shoulder and pats heavily a couple of times. “I'm guessing he didn't answer in so many words either when he woke up.” Luhan chuckles his 'No' and so Baekhyun keeps laughing. He slides his arm up around Luhan's neck and pulls him close in a friendly way. “Well, good luck. Treasure that.” Luhan agrees and they separate down the hall. 

Kai is already eating when Baekhyun walks into the empty dance room. He stuffs his face and then pauses guiltily when Baekhyun glowers at him. Then he continues eating. Baekhyun joins him without saying anything and they eat quietly for a few minutes, enjoying each other's company in the last few private moments they'll probably get tonight.

He's just stuffed the last spoonful of rice into his mouth when Minzy enters. She opens the door shyly, with exaggerated timidness. “Knock knock. Is this the right room?” she asks.

“You can clearly see us, Minzy. Come get your food before Kai eats it all,” says Baekhyun.

She needs no further invitation. “Ohh, food food food! Sorry, I'm not usually this excited about food except when I'm starving. So, you're Kai then?” She deftly opens up the container of food while eyeing Kai over with keen interest. 

“Uhh, yes. Nice to meet you.” Kai wipes his hands quickly with a napkin and offers her one hand to shake.

The three of them stare around at each other, and it would be less awkward except once Minzy refocuses on the food at hand, she still continues to observe Kai between mouthfuls, and Baekhyun has the distinct impression she's measuring up his boyfriend for future analysis. He only hopes that if she has something embarrassing to say about him, she'll save it for when she and Baekhyun are by themselves, and not humiliate him in front of Kai. 

Kai just sits there, patiently. He gulps once, and tries to grab Baekhyun's attention, but the older boy is way too occupied to grasp anything else other than impending doom. He decides it must be up to him to break the ice.

“Is this your first workshop here?” Kai asks.

Minzy nods, still chewing. A moment later she swallows. “Yes. A year ago I visited here with Baekhyun when he was looking around, but I didn't attend the workshop that time.” She eats another bite, and Kai notices Baekhyun biting his lip.  

“Ah, I see. So, you like it here?”

She hums happily. “Oh yes. In fact I would audition to come here permanently too but I think that would be too much for Baek to handle!” And she laughs. “It is a great place though. I was kind of jealous when I visited, and then when I heard he got accepted. Baekhyun's always been eyeing this company. Hmm, I wonder why?”

Baekhyun chokes and Kai grins. “He, he has?” Kai just has to ask, even if he thinks he knows the reason Baekhyun's panicking. Especially because he guesses the reason. “Why is that?”

“Oh well of course! You think he'd know about this company if you hadn't attended it years ago?” She smiles evily at her brother. “Oh I recognize him, Baekhyun. Think I wouldn't remember you cursing his name and stabbing his picture in that magazine you had after you lost the competition?”

“What! Minzy! No... What, what are you even saying. That's a lie. A lie. I mean, a hugely over-exaggerated statement!” Minzy doubles over in laughter. “Don't believe a word she says, Kai!”

“You stabbed my picture in a dance magazine?” Kai's eyes are huge, filled to the brim with shocked merriment. “Just a minute ago you said all my pictures were cute!”

“Aww, he thinks you're cute!” Minzy echoes. “He probably did then too. Too bad the picture was ruined and mom had to trash it.”

“I did not- Ugh! I didn't.... For the last time, I did  _not_  stab his picture! I just... might have ripped it out a little forcefully... On accident!” he adds. His face turns nearly the color of an apple as he tries to hide his face behind his bent arms, nose buried in the crook of his elbows. 

“Yeah, some accident,” Minzy cries, and she nearly does have tears in her eyes from laughing. “Hey Kai, if he ever misbehaves you can just come to me and I'll give you plenty of blackmail material.”

Baekhyun's head shoots out from behind his arms. “You just wait! I'll get you back some day.”

“Ha ha, you can try,” she taunts. “This food is seriously good by the way. Do you eat this all the time? I'm jealous.”

For as long as she eats, Baekhyun controls the conversation, ever wary of what may come out of her mouth. It's fascinating to Kai because he never had any siblings close to his age. His half brothers are much younger than him, and even though he'd grown close to them in the two years he lived in Texas, they weren't as close as this: siblings who've been with each basically since birth, growing up together and knowing each other's secrets. He can tell Baekhyun loves her, even if she's a brat and taunts him and embarrasses him, and he envies that. He's pretty sure he could watch them together forever, enjoying the bickering. And especially if he gets some benefit out of it.

"So what other kind of dirt do you have on Baekhyun?" He asks suddenly, after a quarter of an hour of only interjecting into the siblings' small talk. 

Minzy gasps. Then she closes her mouth and smiles. "Oh I knew I'd like you." 

"Don't answer that, Minzy," Baekhyun warns.

"Oh, I won't. I won't." She winks at Kai. "I'll just tell him later when you're not around. Hey Kai, give me your phone so I can put in my number."

"What! No!" Baekhyun cries. He lunges at her arm, attempting to breach the exchange of hand and phone. 

"Stop it, Baek. You surely can't keep your sister from talking to your boyfriend. What if there's an emergency some day and I need to call him. Or he needs to call me!"

"Yeah, but you're not going to use it for that."

"Oh shush." She pushes him out of the way and he topples over on his side. Kai picks him up by the elbow, his phone safely ensconced in Minzy's hands. 

"This is going to be disastrous," Baekhyun whines. "I should never have introduced you two. Why did I even have you come here?"

"I thought it was to dance?" Kai answers, hesitantly. 

Baekhyun stops squirming at once, both of them freezing as they realize what Kai just uttered: not to  _watch_ someone dance, but  _to_   _dance._ It was a mistake, a slip of the tongue when Kai said it, but he realizes now, that he actually meant it. And Baekhyun realizes it too.

"Oh yes, that's right. You wanted me to show him how I dance," Minzy says, oblivious to the staring match between Kai and Baekhyun. Baekhyun's eyes light up, taking in all of Kai's features, from the simple smile on his lips to the way his own eyes light up, matching Baekhyun's, in which Kai sees the glimmer of pride. He can't remember the reasons why he was so scared of this last night when Baekhyun asked him to come. One puppy dog glance from Baekhyun that made him instantly cave in and agree to be Minzy's tutor. And apparently just one more look like the one he's getting today is enough to fortify him. He won't dance to full strength. He _can't_. But he can at least try a little, if it makes Baekhyun this happy.  

Minzy continues talking but neither one of them hears her for a moment. "Hey, Hey, Baekhyun. Kai. Uhm, should I leave you two alone for a little while?"

"Huh? Oh. No, you don't... have to," Baekhyun stutters.

She laughs. "That's okay. I need to use the ladies' room and then I'll be back. Plus, I think I left my friends stranded somewhere else in the building. I should say goodbye before they take off."

Once again they're alone in the room, and Kai feels almost embarrassed that Baekhyun won't quit looking at him. 

"You're staring at me." Kai states the obvious.

"I know... I can't help it. I just, r _eally really_  like you right now."

"As opposed to earlier when you just  _really_  liked me?" He smirks.

"Yes, now shut up."

"Oh? I wasn't aware I was saying anything much."

"No, but you're smirking, because you know I'm embarrassed right now, and you really should just quit that because... I can't handle it right now. Not when I really really like you, and..." He groans. "Can I just like... kiss you again? Please?"

"I'm not stopping you."

"Oh, thank God." 

Baekhyun crawls on his knees, closing the foot wide gap between them, and Kai expects to be kissed. Instead he receives a hug, Baekhyun awkwardly hovering on his knees above Kai's crossed legs, and he buries his nose somewhere warm in the crook of Kai's neck where where the band of his shirt fits tightly to his skin. Thin arms wrap front and back around Kai's chest, and Kai reciprocates, his own hands reaching out to hold Baekhyun in any way possible. Because of the angle he only manages to get a left arm around his back and he lets his other hand travel to Baekhyun's hip. He's just about to pull Baekhyun down to complete the requested kiss when the door bursts open.

Baekhyun whines and pulls away, about to gripe at his sister. 

It's not Minzy though.

"That guy! I swear he's going to kill me!" Luhan cries. It's clear he's at the end of his tether and desperate for a sympathetic body to hear him out.

Kai still has no idea what though is going on. He stares at him, confused.

"Minseok?" Baekhyun asks, and Luhan immediately nods. 

"I think he's punishing me."

"Still won't give you an answer?"

"No." Luhan nearly cries. "He said if he'll agree to seriously date me only after I've proved myself.  _Prove_  myself! I've known him for nearly ten years and now all of a sudden I have to prove to him that he means the world to me and I will never let him go! God, what else am I supposed to do? I've apologized to him endlessly about being stupid and clueless. I've followed him everywhere. I've given him a shoulder massage. I scratched his head. I let him eat his favorite food even though I don't like it as much, and I just begged him to go out with me and he just sniggers and walks away! He likes me right?  _You_  know he likes me. He does, doesn't he? Oh God, what if he doesn't actually like me?"

Luhan lets out a horrible groan and sinks to his feet, squatting above the ground with his head buried in his arms. 

Kai still stares at him like he's never met Luhan before or has no idea who this raving madman is. It takes him and Luhan both to realize that in the silence followed by Luhan's outburst, Baekhyun is sniggering too. Luhan peaks at him between his hands, still in a squat, and Kai suddenly worries for Baekhyun's safety.

"You surely don't find this funny..." 

Baekhyun gulps. "Oh but I do. Sorry, it's just... have you actually tried, I don't know, insisting that you like him. Like,  _really_  like him. Really  _really_  like him?"

Luhan blinks at him.

"How do I do that?"

"Well for one thing, stop freaking out. Second thing, act normal. Third thing, tell and don't beg. And finally, just... kiss him."

"Just kiss him. Just like that," Luhan repeats. "A smooch or just a kiss?"

"Why don't you keep it simple for now."

"Simple..." Luhan nods. "Simple. I can do that." 

"Good."

Luhan doesn't get up, nor does he move even a muscle from his current position. 

"Luhan, get up, and go. Please. I have ten minutes left now of private time with Kai, so... you know.. hint hint... kiss kiss...  _go_."

"Go." Luhan stands up, finally moving towards the door as if in a trance. "Thanks, Baekhyun... I'll go now..." And as he zombie walks out the door, they hear him still. " _Going now...kiss kiss...I can do this.._."

The door finally closes. Kai sits there in shock, and Baekhyun grins beautifully. 

"You know, Baek, it'll be your fault if Luhan comes in with a black eye tomorrow..."

Baekhyun shrugs. "Maybe. But at least it'll be progress. So, where were we?"

 

* * *

 

 

28  A SEASON OF FIRSTS

 

For whatever reason, and Baekhyun cannot at first figure out why, Minzy took just fine to Kai’s presence in his life, but not so with his roommate. She stares at Tao suspiciously, playfully, the moment they are introduced, and over dinner at the small dining table in Baekhyun and Tao’s apartment she finally starts her interrogation. 

“So, Tao, where are you from?”

Tao gulps. “Uhm, from Qingdao? In China?” 

“And how long have you lived here?”

“Since the same time as Baekhyun…”

She nods at that. “And how come you are rooming together?”

“The… company sent out information to new dancers that helped us find roommates with each other…”

“And so you chose Baekhyun?”

Tao glances helplessly at Baekhyun, probably begging for some assistance from this attack, but Baekhyun is speechless. 

“Uhm, we decided to room to together after talking a couple of times over e-mail…”

“And are you gay?”

“Uhm. What?”

“Hmmm. Just the question.” She smiles misleadingly. 

Baekhyun finally decides to intervene. “Minzy, seriously. What’s up with the interrogation?” He laughs lightly, hoping to put Tao at his ease.

“What? I'm just looking out for you Baekhyun. Trying not to make sure you're not living with a psycho.” She smiles cutely, then winks at Tao who flinches. 

“So... what does him possibly being gay have to do with that?” Baekhyun asks.

“Because if he's gay than that means you could be living with a perv, and you might just end up liking that, and then Kai will have trouble keeping you, and I kind of like the idea of you and Kai together, so I'm just helping you out before anything weird and...”

“Perverted..?” Baekyun fills the gap.

“Yes! Before anything weird and perverted happens.” 

Is there ever a time when Baekhyun thought having a sister was a good thing in life? He doesn't even have a response for this, and so he opts to bury his head in one hand, essentially a grounded facepalm, rather than have to deal with Minzy and her fantastic way of little-sistering him into complete embarrassment. When he thinks it's safe he looks up, expecting to see Kai flying out the door and probably Tao right behind him with his bags packed. Instead the view is just Minzy snickering behind her hand, a confused Tao, and Kai. His boyfriend looks torn between sympathy for Baekhyun at Minzy's teasing and, if he reads that expression right, mild interest. 'Perverted'? Kai's lips mouth in slow motion, adding a raised eyebrow to top it off. Yes, he definitely reads that expression right. 

Baekhyun moans.

“Okay, Minzy. You're done for the day. You do  _not_  have to worry about my safety,  _o_ r my... preferences. Tao  _is_  gay - wait, Tao you are gay right? Just checking - but it does not affect anything between me and Kai, so there.”

To his great delight, Minzy retreats good-naturedly, or at least enough for him to not feel afraid of leaving her alone in Tao's presence. He even overhears her giving Tao a full and sincere apology while he and Kai clean up the kitchen and pretty soon they are chatting naturally to each other about dance and that one time Minzy got to go to China on a school trip.

Baekhyun keeps an eye and an ear on them over the back of the couch anyways, just to make sure she doesn't try anything else to make Baekhyun regret being alive. Kai stands wordlessly by his side as they tag team the dishes, Kai washing and Baekhyun drying. After the plates disappear and midway through cups, Kai flinches a bit, face twisting up before he gulps down the expression and eases up. 

“What's wrong?” Baekhyun asks. “Hurting?” 

“Just a little,” Kai admits.

“Did you dance too much? I shouldn't... I shouldn't have asked you...”

“I hardly did anything today. It's not your fault. I just get tired quicker.”

“Oh. Well, let me finish here.”

“Nope. I can finish.”

Kai elbows him out of the way when Baekhyun tries to demand he move over. They turn it into a little game until Baekhyun drops the glass. It bounces on the floor and fortunately doesn't shatter, but it does draw Minzy's attention back on them.

“Domestic squabble?” She twists and leans backwards over the rim of the couch, smirking at the two. 

Baekhyun whispers under his breath, “Oh here we go,” to which only Kai hears, but Minzy doesn't pursue it any further. The two finish cleaning up and when he's sure the others aren't paying attention, Baekhyun allows Kai to scoop him up for a quick hug and nip at his lips. 

It's not the first time Kai has stayed around late into the evening. It feels homey, even if Baekhyun does wish the apartment were less two people in it right now. All things considering though, he's pleased at how Kai and Minzy get along, both as rivals in Baekhyun's affections and in the dance room. Kai coached her very much like he did with Baekhyun, praising and critiquing at random. If someone didn't know any better, they might think, looking into the practice room, that they were the professional dancers, and not Baekhyun slumped over on the floor half dozing, half watching.

“You were good today,” Baekhyun says now, pressed into his boyfriend's warmth. “Really, really awesome.”

“As opposed to just  _one_  'awesome',” Kai teases.

“Not this again,” Baekhyun moans. He presses his body weight away from Kai's, laughs, and claps his hands loudly. “Alright alright! Let's get this party started!”

“We're having a party?” Minzy asks. 

“Uhm. No, but Minzy, you're taking up too much of the couch and I'm exhausted. Movie, anyone? Plain old television?”

“Plain old Baekhyun, more like.” 

“Someone remind me why sisters exist again.” 

 

 

Baekhyun wakes up late the next morning. His body is always the earliest thing to wake up, with his brain automatically trailing along with a least a ten minute difference. It's the curse of always having to rise early in the day, but even on his weekends, even on the one day he could sleep in, his body just won't let him.

He yawns and rolls over, and his arms reach out for a body he knows should be near him, next to him. Blindly in the dark, he smiles, remembering the warmth of Kai's presence, the comfort, the closeness. Heated kisses and a feverish exchange of soft moans and whimpers. The silence in the room now echoes back and Baekhyun shivers. With Tao in another room and his sister on the couch, it seems surreal to him that Kai could be here, sharing his bed for a night.

“Kai,” Baekhyun whispers, tentatively, softly. He doesn't want to lose the moment or the memories. He doesn't want to wake up and have the day actually begin. He needs to wake up and make breakfast and get his sister out of the house for a long-promised tour of the city. The thought makes him laugh because Baekhyun is probably the last person he knows who could make a good tour guide. But a day in the city means a day not in bed and with the memory of Kai's hips connected with his, Baekhyun has no motivation to get up now.

“Kai,” he whispers again, forcing himself awake. Maybe if he can wake them both up it won't seem so bad.

The sheets are so rumpled Baekhyun can barely maneuver under them. He untangles one arm, another foot, thumping around as he sits up to pull the sheets off of him, searching for the lump he knows must be Kai.

He finds the soft corner of his pillow first, his hand sliding across the fabric in search of the body. But he comes up empty. A corner of Baekhyun's brain wakes up suddenly, hideously. Two hands tear at the sheets next to him, also coming up empty. Kai wasn't anywhere in the bed, nor was there even a warm spot left. 

Baekhyun groans miserably and curses himself for his stupid dreams. Kai must have played around with him too much yesterday, because Kai left last night after midnight. There was never anyone in his bed, though he thinks this is certainly the first time he's had such vivid dreams. Baekhyun suddenly doesn't care about any of his promises to his sister to wake up early. He doesn't care at all when his head hits the pillow and he thrashes his legs angrily, rumpling the already thrashed sheets once more. He needs at least fifteen more minutes. Fifteen more minutes to finish off his dream state and maybe then, just maybe, will he be ready to face the world.

And then he can call Kai and make him rue the day he ever teased him. Just how, he doesn't yet know.

 

 

 

They decide to skip making breakfast. At least that's the executive decision Baekhyun makes when he stumbles out of his room, hair askew and pajamas twisted. 

“Everybody up, let's go out!”

Half an hour later he, Tao and Minzy sit around a small table at the same diner Baekhyun goes to sometimes with the company. While Minzy runs off a list of things she'd like to do or see sometime throughout the day, Tao remains glued to his phone with a questionably grumpy mood.

“We can skip the Statue of Liberty if you'll just take me to Central Park,” Minzy concludes. 

Tao puts down his phone and suddenly inserts himself into the conversation. “Why there? All you do is just walk around and look at stuff.”

“Well, but isn't it pretty enough to wander around in?”

“It is...” Tao agrees. His phone buzzes on the edge of the table but he doesn't bother to look at it past one quick glance.

Baekhyun eyes it, distracted. Another message lights up the screen from the same sender as before, and another one a few seconds after that, and still Tao ignores it.

“You can play games there,” Baekhyun suggests. “Sports or Frisbee or bikes... Not that I feel like bike riding or anything.”

“You never feel like doing anything exertive other than dance,” Minzy says.

“Hey that's not true.”

“Is too.”

“Is not!”

“Is too. By the way, did you fall off your bed sometime last night? I heard a thump in the middle of the night and a groan.”

“I” - Baekhyun curses internally - “sometimes thrash around and I smacked the wall accidentally. See?” He holds up his wrist quickly to show an invisible bruise, and quickly replaces it in his lap.

“Huh,” Minzy responds blandly.

Tao's phone buzzes again, and Baekhyun seizes the chance for distraction. “Are you going to get that?” Tao stares at him blankly, so Baekhyun inclines his head towards the phone.

“This? Oh. Later maybe. It's just Kris.”

“Kris?” Well this is new, Baekhyun thinks. “When... did he start texting you again?” 

Tao shrugs. “Last night?”

“What did he say?”

“About what? He's just texting like normal... like he used to.”

Baekhyun understands by Tao's slightly disgruntled expression that 'normal' means nothing new. Kris never said anything exciting in his texts, but the same can be said for his and Tao's whole interactions. They trade mundane facts, keep in touch in the loosest way imaginable and nothing ever progresses beyond long days spent before a video game console.

“Did he say anything about... well, about where he's been for a week?”

“No.”

Baekhyun leaves it at that. He shakes his head gently at his sister, who eyes him curiously, no doubt wondering about the circumstances, but since Tao is being close-lipped about it, he's reluctant to dig any further, especially in the present company. Tao's always been shy about these things like this, and the whole situation keeps getting more bizarre as the time goes on.

“So when is Kai meeting up with us again?” Minzy asks.

Baekhyun sighs. “He said sometime after lunch or this afternoon. I can text him to meet us at the park if you want. See if he can make it. By the way,” he addresses them both. “Luhan wants to do karaoke this afternoon. Says there’s a place that does a happy hour from 3 to 6. Not that  _we_  can drink, mind you, but I think he’s getting desperate about Minseok. He’s got a ‘plan’ now and apparently that needs company?”

Tao sniggers. “Sounds like something he’d do. Anyways, sure. Is he inviting a lot of people?”

“Probably. How’s that sound, Minzy? Want to hang out with a lot of hot guys and sing?”

Minzy laughs. “I don't know. Are any of your friends at least straight?”

“Hey, some of my friends are. Let’s see…” Baekhyun starts checking them off with his fingers. “Chanyeol. What’s Chanyeol’s roommate again? Oh, Jongdae. So Jongdae, uhm… Sehun? Kyungsoo? I would have said Suho before last week, but well, that changed in a hurry.”

“Chanyeol, your friend from high school?”

“That’s the guy. Hey, and we have some girl friends too. They’ll probably come. Krystal, Min, Mint.”

Tao’s eyes keep getting bigger. “How many people are you inviting? It sounds like it'll only be dancers. Isn’t this Luhan’s party? I doubt he’ll invite Mint… just saying.”

Baekhyun frowns. “Oh, right. Hah. Though I think they’ve cleared up that misunderstanding.”

“Who’s Mint?” Minzy asks.

“Thai girl at the company. Luhan thought Minseok was dating her. And yeah, I doubt he’ll invite her. He seems the kind of guy to hold unconscious grudges against people. Especially when it concerns Minseok!”

Tao chuckles. “What on earth kind of 'plan' does he have though?”

“No idea, but if it's spin the bottle, I'm out of there.”

 

 

The karaoke room Luhan reserves is probably a little too small for the amount of people squeezed into it. Ordinarily, Baekhyun wouldn't mind being forced to sit halfway on Kai's lap, but the amount of bodies in the room drives the heat up and he's already sweating uncomfortably. Add to that his sister Minzy sitting on the other side of him, shyly making friends with some of the girls with Tao's assistance, and it's less than ideal. But this night is Luhan's, or rather this afternoon is. Luhan keeps a tab open at the front desk for those old enough to drink, but so far only himself and Yixing, and Suho have taken up the offer. The rest are either too young, or sudden teetotalers. Minseok, the worst offender, frustrates Luhan immensely with his refusal to drink more than a few sips of whatever Luhan has. Luhan bothers the man instead by forcing him to look up songs in the Korean hangul songbook to add to the queue, and then singing cheesy love songs from Korean drama OSTs at every opportunity. The flow works badly, especially with Sehun intentionally sabotaging the playlist so that in between Luhan's rendition of Secret Garden song "That Man" and K.Will's "Love Blossom" comes a song from Sehun's new favorite troll group, the Spice Girls. More than a few scuffles occur between the two of them for mics and remotes, and at least one drink gets spilled over Minseok's lap before Luhan declares himself the winner and silences Sehun into the corner.

“So when are you going to sing?” Kai whispers into Baekhyun's ear suddenly. Due to the way they're sitting, he has one arm wrapped around Baekhyun's waist, fingers digging playfully at his side. 

“I...” Baekhyun trails off. “I don't... I haven't sung in a while.”

The exchange draws the attention of Sehun who sits up from where he'd been sulking on the other side of Kai. “Aw, you have to sing, Baekhyun. Kyungsoo and I have bets riding on this.”

Kai glares at him.

“You have... bets?” Baekhyun chokes. “A-about what?” 

Sehun clarifies. “If you can sing or not! Soo thinks you probably can, I beg to differ because... well somebody has to in a bet like this. And Kai is boringly impartial. Something about being your boyfriend and he shouldn't bet about you.” 

Baekhyun scoffs. He shushes Minzy, who curiously peeps into the conversation, obviously the best person to make a judgment about Baekhyun's singing skills. Not that Baekhyun trusts her right now. ”I'm not even going to ask what the winner gets.”

Sehun's eyes glimmer. “Funny you should ask that!” 

“Uhh, Sehun I didn't ask...”

“Winner gets to kiss Kai!”

“What?!” Kai screeches, not even allowing Baekhyun time to react. “When did you decide on this!?” 

“Just now?” Sehun grins like a mischievous fool. 

“You can't make up rules like that. On your own. Besides when did this even turn into a full bet anyways? I thought it was just a joke,” Kai complains. 

Sehun shrugs. “Bet's a bet. Too bad Kyungsoo isn't here or we could test this out right now.”

Baekhyun pouts, pressing closer to Kai. “Hey, I'm not singing at all if you're just going to make a bet out of it. Besides, I'm not gonna sit here and watch someone else make out with my boyfriend, so you can forget all about it.”

“Who said anything about making out? I was just going to give him a peck on the lips.”

Kai fake gags, or maybe it's real, but in spite of that Baekhyun takes great offense to Sehun's insinuation. “And so you're just assuming I can't sing at all now, huh?” He points a finger at him accusingly, and Sehun leans backs up after taking a hit on the nose, smirking.

“Okay, then Kyungsoo can kiss him.”

Baekhyun gasps dramatically as Kai's hands come up to cover his ears, shielding him from any more of Sehun's comments. The troublemaker laughs to himself hysterically, disturbing Luhan's otherwise beautiful ballad. Luhan stops mid-line to smack Sehun on the head with his mic, again, and continues to sing through Sehun's howls. Minseok buries his head behind his palm, ashamed and amused of the pair of them, and Yixing lazily sings harmony without a mic. Suho yawns. 

“Come on. I need a break.” Kai pushes Baekhyun off his lap and gently shoves him towards the door.

“Don't get lost and forget about me!” Minzy calls, as they swing open the door and step into the hall.

They don't even have an agenda, other than the mutual understanding of a need for air space that doesn't include Sehun and Luhan and half a dozen other sweaty bodies. ”Water?” Kai asks, and Baekhyun agrees. They plead for plastic cups from the front desk and bar at the start of the hallway, finding seats on a bench just a few doors down from the private room. Kai sighs heavily. 

“So you won't sing for me?”

“I'll sing for you, but not inside. Not if it means somebody else's lips on yours.” He chuckles.

“Good,” Kai agrees. “Do you think your sister is having a good time?”

Baekhyun thinks about it for a moment. Then, nodding, he says, “Yeah. She and Tao got along pretty well at the park earlier.”

“Ah, good. I was afraid after last night they wouldn't get along.”

Baekhyun laughs. “Yeahhh, so did I for a little while. I think she's just having way too much fun embarrassing me though. I'm her only sibling, and... well, let's just say I'll pay her back one of these days, but in the meantime, you understand.”

“Not having siblings around my age, I don't understand. But then again, I have Sehun so... I don't know which is worse sometimes.”

“Yeah, Sehun's as bad as any sister.” Kai snorts and nearly chokes on his water while Baekhyun pats his back feverishly. “Don't die on me now. I still need your support when we go back in there! You can't leave me alone with Sehun and Minzy!”

Kai continues to choke, although it sounds more like a laughing wheeze now. He redraws a breath of air and laughs for good. “What, don't you think Luhan will protect him?”

“Not a chance. He's still somehow putting into action his perfect plan, whatever that may be.”

“Oh, God. Well we better hurry up and get back before something bad happens.”

“Right! Let's go!” Baekhyun takes charge.

They discard their plastic cups and march down the hall back to the room. Kai pauses just outside the door, wordlessly asking Baekhyun if he's ready. They take deep breaths, puff their chests out... and laugh. 

“Why does this seem like such an ordeal?” Kai gasps.

“I don't know! It's just you never know what we might find when we go in that door.”

“Maybe we should peak first?” They stand on tiptoe and look into the room. Magically, in the time since they left, Luhan was successful in getting Minseok to sing a duet. “What is this?” Kai asks. “Sounds cheesy.”

“It is,” Baekhyun agrees. “I think it's that song from that drama  _Answer Me 1997_  'All For You'. Hah, Luhan's singing the girl part. Should we sneak in? I think we should sneak in.”

Kai reaches for the door handle. 

“No, wait,” says Baekhyun. 

“What?”

“It's just... I have a feeling...” He peeks back through the window while Kai waits a foot away. “Wow, it's like everyone in there's a third-wheel right now.” The song goes through its key change and Minseok misses a few lines, no doubt burdened by the unfaltering stare of Luhan. “I have a feeling this is going to end in a whole lot of fluffy vomit.” 

“Huh? But aren't we supposed to be preventing bloodshed?”

“Bloodshed yes, but...” The last notes of the song come to an end. “Oh. Oh. Kai he's going for it!” 

“What?” Kai leaps back to the window, the side of his head banging against Baekhyun's. 

“He's going for it! He's going to kiss him!”

“He's not!”

“He is! Look!”

The sounds of the spectators in the room determine the truth. Half roars of exclamation and another chorus of shrieks and groans, Baekhyun is tempted to close his eyes rather than face the aftermath and he winces. When no resounding smack or further outbursts follow, however, he carefully looks back in to the scene which Kai's eyes are glued on: Luhan with two hands on either side of Minseok's face, and his lips pressed to his, and contrary to everything Baekhyun assumed would happen (and secretly hoped wouldn't), Minseok doesn't struggle, and he doesn't pull away, and after several seconds of continuous Lu-kiss, Minseok kisses back. 

Kai and Baekhyun get a face full themselves when the door pushes out from the inside. Clutching their noses in pain, they see Minzy slink out of the room. 

“Well, there you two are. Thanks for leaving me. There's a whole lot of weird going on in there, and it's even worse than you two, if you can imagine that!”

“Oh?” says Baekhyun, embarrassed. “Hey at least it turned out well.”

Kai nods in the agreement as they push back into the room, perfectly in time to see the end of the kiss and Minseok stepping back. He looks bemused, if a little dazed as well, and then his eyes harden and he takes a lightweight paper booklet off the booth and smacks it over Luhan's head. The victim shrieks. “What was that for?” 

“You! How dare you kiss me in front of a crowd like this! Our first kiss!?”

Luhan looks pained and beaten, still flush with the excitement of his supposed victory. “B-but, Baekhyun told me to kiss you!” 

Another one of Sehun's Spice Girls songs starts playing over the stereo as those in the room look over to Baekhyun in the doorway, though the only face Baekhyun registers is Minseok's. Kai grabs him from behind and starts slowly pulling him backwards. “Uhm, I think we're done here for tonight. Minzy? Tao? Aren't you ready to go home now? Bye, everyone. Goodnight!”

 

* * *

 

 

29  NOT EVERYONE FIGURES IT OUT

 

Minzy leaves the next morning and somehow, despite how crazy the past week has gone, Monday comes as normal with everyone back to their own routines. Baekhyun doesn't see Kai for a few days though, and that's irritating to them both, but lots of text messages and phone calls during school or dance breaks keep them alive. Kai is fully into the school semester now. He complains about class work and homework and special projects, the kinds of things that make Baekhyun shudder whenever he remembers the couple years he was in college. The studio dance schedule may be killing him right now, but he won't trade it for the world. Book bags and pencils and sitting in desks all day, just like it was high school but way more important.

“Does it make me a bad boyfriend if I'd rather you be miserable in class than me?” he asks Kai one day. “I don't even want to sit there with you! I mean I'm really sorry, and it may be all romantic to some people to sit next to each other day after day, but ugh! I don't think my brain wants to function that way again anymore.” 

Kai abuses him over the phone, but he understands. He's just happy his own brain cells are still functioning after a several year break from studying. Small consolation for the fact that his body is less than sound.

On Wednesday Kai gets his first afternoon break due to a cancelled class, so he uses the time wisely to visit Baekhyun at the company. There is nobody in the halls when he arrives. Half the company is split up in different rooms, some rehearsing and perfecting their routines. He finds Suho sitting down observing one such room, still unable to properly dance and completely miserable. Suho growls at him when he tries to wave hello through the open door, and since Baekhyun isn't in the room (he could tell within the first two-second glance), there's really no point to sticking around.

Down the hall he finds his boyfriend finally. Barefoot with knee length shorts and overly loose navy tank top, he's so immersed in learning the choreography that he doesn't see Kai sneak in at all. Kai bites back a scowl and tries his hardest not to be jealous of how Baekhyun never takes his eyes off the kid at the front of the room. Jungkook is only teaching them the dance he won a prize for, so it's natural that the company members' eyes would be so attached to the boy's every frame, mimicking the movements down to every last flick of the hand or twist of the neck.

Kai pushes aside his jealousy and focuses instead on how beautiful he finds this serious side of Baekhyun. It takes him back to the first time he watched him dance so many weeks ago, so many years ago. Baekhyun concentrates so hard he bites his lower lip, and his eyes narrow, and he has so much energy left to distill that he bounces in place for the few seconds when Jungkook isn't moving. Sweat stains the front and back of his shirt, and his hair sticks up like he'd badly styled it with a misguided, lopsided cowlick. Baekhyun always messes with his hair when he's concentrating, or when he's just standing around.

“Hey, Kai.” Luhan sees him first. 

At the mention of his name aloud, Baekhyun finally turns around and the serious, professional look gives way to a blinding smile across the room. Jungkook takes this opportunity to call for break time, and he thanks the dancers for their work and for learning from him so attentively. Yixing immediately walks up to discuss with him the finer aspects of one of his signature moves.

“Haven't seen you around in a couple days,” Luhan says. He stands near him and drinks from his water bottle, but even during that simple activity, his eyes wander over to Minseok where the shorter man bends over to stretch out his calves. 

“School stuff. You know. So... how are you... guys?”

“Huh?” Luhan looks sharply back at him. “Oh. Fine. Fine!” He beams, then he looks back over at Minseok.

Baekhyun skips across the room, exhaling swiftly when he nearly slides right into Kai. “Hello, stranger!” He hugs Kai sideways, happy that despite the sweat Kai doesn't even flinch as to move away. 

Kai chuckles. “It's only been what... three days since you saw me in person?”

Luhan laughs as well. “Someone's obsessed with you, Kai.”

“And someone,” Kai stares hard at Luhan, “is obsessed with that boy over there.” He nods pointedly at Minseok, now sitting on the floor leaning back on his arms. He looks a little like Baekhyun with the same hard day's sweat staining through his white shirt.

Baekhyun follows their gaze, particularly Luhan's. “Hey, Minseok. You should fix that shirt. Your nipples are showing through and I'm pretty sure Luhan's about to hyperventilate!”

Kai snorts. “I was just about to say that.”

“Yeah, well why were you looking?” Baekhyun taunts.

“I don't know. Why were  _you_  looking?”

“Because  _Luhan_  was looking!”

Luhan screeches. “I was  _not_  looking! I mean... I...” He flushes bright red and attempts to look away, but there's nowhere his head can turn to in a room full of mirrors and everything in his senses drawing him to the man on the floor. Minseok snorts and carries on without altering his shirt or his position, and he drinks deeply from a bottle of water that soon has Luhan excusing himself from the room altogether. Minseok chuckles knowingly and lays out flat to stretch on the floor.

“I take it things are going better with those two?” Kai whispers, dragging Baekhyun away to a more private corner of the room.

“Them? They're exactly the same as they always are.” Baekhyun pauses while Kai frowns. “The only difference is every now and then they disappear for a few minutes at a time and then Minseok comes in looking cool as you please, and Luhan bright red and the dumbest smile on his face.” Baekhyun relates the facts like he was disgusted with the two, hands on his hips and head shaking a bit. Then he cackles. “But enough about them!”

“Uhmm, well.” Kai smiles. “You look good at least.”

“Uhmm, yeah I know I do.”

“Oh woah, someone's cocky today.” His smile cracks even wider.

“And you better know it.”

Kai decides to change tactics. They are still standing in a room with a whole bunch of other dancers after all. “So how's rehearsal? That guy is the guest choreographer?” He points at Jungkook.

“Mmm yep. That kid's insane!” He lowers his voice to a screechy whisper. “Did you see the way he moves?! And that choreo! He's got the front half of the stage doing the steps - which are already hard, by the way - and suddenly the right line takes off with the same exact movies but in double time, while the others are still doing the original choreography. It's ridiculous! I mean, it's good. It's great actually, but... it's ridiculous!”

That sets Baekhyun off into a mini rant about how awesome the guy is, and Kai would be jealous, except that while he talks Baekhyun's hands skid over Kai's back in random massaging circles. If this is how Baekhyun multi-tasks, then Kai has nothing to complain about. 

“So...” Kai interrupts finally. “Dinner at my mom's house on Saturday?”

“What?” Baekhyun halts dramatically.

“Dinner... you said you wanted an official meet-the-mom date.”

“I did. So... Saturday?” He tries to contain his squeals. 

“Yep. She asked about Friday night but I explained that was our night instead, and she gracefully conceded.”

“Friday is our date night?”

“Yes...”

“I can do Friday.”

“I was asking about Saturday.”

“I can do Friday and Saturday.”

“You better be able to do both days,” Kai laughs. “Because I'm holding you to both!”

Baekhyun tsks disapprovingly, one side of his mouth held to a little grin. “Now that I think about it, you're the one who's obsessed with me, and always have been.” He scoffs. “Trying to monopolize my week two nights in a row. The nerve!”

“Aww you love it.”

Minseok finally walks past the the two of them with a smirk and a raised eyebrow. “Will you two quit it? You're making Luhan look like an ice prince.” He chuckles and stalks off. Kai and Baekhyun immediately shut up and stare after him, then at each other with a slight hint of repulsion. 

“Okay, well I gotta practice now. Talk to you later!” And Baekhyun shoves Kai out the door.

 

 

 

Tao gets home a few hours before Baekhyun that night. Baekhyun almost blames it on a late practice (not that he needs to explain himself to his roommate) but he sort of feels like he owes Tao an explanation of why the food he promised to bring home is an hour later than he promised, and unfortunately 'hanging out with my boyfriend' is probably not the best way to put it. Not when he walks in the door and sees Tao already munching on snacks, his phone in his hand. Baekhyun almost cringes, assuming Tao must have texted him a million times, but the phone Baekhyun put on silent has no missed texts, and now that he looks closer, Tao doesn't look too upset about being near starved to death. What a nice roommate, he muses absent-mindedly.

“You're late,” Tao says casually, when Baekhyun walks in the door.

“Sorry! I know! Here's food. I was --” 

“Kris is on his way over.”

Baekhyun dumps the bags of take out onto the counter. “What?”

“Said he'd be here around 8 so... twenty minutes or so?”

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why's he coming over?” Baekhyun asks suspiciously.

To Tao's credit, he isn't offended by Baekhyun's tone. In fact he almost mirrors the suspicion, or at least exudes a fairly incredulous attitude, as if he too can't believe that Kris is on his way to hang out. It's been a week and a half since either of them saw him, and only a couple days since the guy resurfaced just via phone. 

Tao shrugs. “Dunno. Want to watch a movie when he gets here?”

“Uhh, I guess we can wait to see when he gets here,” Baekhyun says awkwardly. He hates to mention how much he doesn't like being the third wheel to Tao and Kris's vaguely unpleasant relationship. “Has he had dinner yet?”

“I think so.”

They eat in relative silence for the remaining time. Tao surfs the channels on their TV and Baekhyun tries to relive his last big make-out session with Kai, but he's still a little bothered with the Kris situation, and when the man knocks on their door a few minutes after eight, he scarfs down the last crumbs of his food and attempts to bow out of the room entirely.

“Wait, Baekhyun,” Tao calls to him, his hand frozen on the front door, still unopened. “Stay.  _P_ _lease_?”

There's not a human being alive who can resist his roommate's puppy dog face, especially when it's full of sincerity and slightly uneasy. Baekhyun exhales as casually as he can before nodding. “Okay... I'll just be right out.”

“Thanks...” 

Baekhyun disappears into his room just as the door opens and Kris's voice echoes throughout the living room, a casual greeting just like he's never been away. Baekhyun grabs a pair of clean sweat pants and a shirt and showers in lightning record time. Never once has Tao begged him to actually remain in the room with someone, or specifically, Kris. Always he's asked or suggested, but those times he thinks Tao was trying to be considerate of Baekhyun by not making him an outcast in his own apartment. Those were all friendly invitations though, not pleas.

Kris is already sitting in the middle of the sofa when Baekhyun emerges a few minutes later. They don't greet each other. Baekhyun just nods to him and plops himself into an arm chair. Kris returns the nod and all the while Tao digs through a plastic crate of DVDs, a steady stream of mindless questions coming out of his mouth: “Do you want to watch this? Is this too cartoony? Want a thriller? Something more action based? Oh wait, I watched that last week, maybe something else...”

“Uhmm, whatever you want, I guess,” Kris says. His voice comes out thick and inattentive.

Tao knocks around a few more DVD cases before he sits back and sighs. “Actually there's nothing here that really grabs my interest.”

“Oh. Oh well that's cool. Actually I'm fine just sitting around...” He clears his throat.

Tao raises his eyebrow at him from the floor, stands up, and walks around the couch to the fridge. “So, games? Or...”

Kris side-eyes Baekhyun, and it's all Baekhyun can do to not glare innocently back. It's obvious Kris doesn't want Baekhyun around, but Tao isn't any more comfortable than he is, and until Tao tells him to leave he's going to stay put like a good friend.

“We could just chat,” Kris suggests. “Or... or, hey do you have that new video game you mentioned? I haven't really seen much of it except for some previews. Want to play that?”

Tao pops the top of a soda can, narrows his eyes, and sighs.

“What do you actually want, Kris?”

The room goes silent, all except for Tao guzzling a whole third of his soda. Baekhyun holds his breath, and Kris becomes nervous. 

“I… came over to hang out.”

"Sure. Sure," Tao sighs again. But before the breath even dies in his throat Tao says, “Where were you for a whole week?”

Kris gulps, and Tao stares at him, impartially cool and collected. Baekhyun is rather impressed with him.

“I was busy…”

“Too busy to text?” Tao poses the scenario. “Too busy to call? And now, what? You’re suddenly not busy, and you just invite yourself over like you didn’t blow me over for an entire week?”

“I texted you on Saturday.”

“Yeah, after a whole week of nothing.”

They’re arguing like boyfriends, Baekhyun thinks. And the funny thing is he knows they aren’t. They hadn’t gotten that far yet, but Kris going on the defensive is telling enough, especially when he once again looks at Baekhyun like he’s an intruder.

Baekhyun sits up extra tall in his chair, but he plays with his phone making imaginary texts like he’s not interested in the scene.

“Tao can we… talk in private or something? Like in your room or…” Kris is very near to freaking out.

“No. I like it here,” Tao says succinctly.

Kris visibly balks, and he stares between Tao and Baekhyun like he can’t figure out which of the two is dumber. Baekhyun guesses that Kris is basically begging to have this discussion without an audience, but again he resolves to stay put until Tao tells him differently. If he tells him differently.

Tao doesn’t fail to notice Kris’s discomfort. “Okay. We could just play video games all night, but  _if_  there’s something you want to say, I'd rather you just say it now, because I'm kind of tired of waiting. Baekhyun won’t mind.” He crosses his arms and leans against the counter to get his point across. The angle forces Kris to twist on the couch, unnaturally rotating so he can see Tao. Before Kris has time to process, Tao continues in a soft voice. “You know, for a while I thought you kind of liked me.”

Kris starts to sweat, Baekhyun is happy to see. He tries not to stare so obviously, but nothing on his near battery dead phone is quite as intriguing as the scene he’s surely about to see. His feet are positively itching to abandon the room.

“Tao, can we please talk somewhere else?” Kris asks.

“No. Do you like me?”

“I… think so?”

Baekhyun tries not to scoff too loudly.

“You think so?” Tao repeats, finally starting to raise his voice. “You  _think_  so? How close is ‘think so’ and what does it have to do with you not talking to me for a week?”

Kris bounces off the couch and approaches Tao. His steps slow the closer he gets to him though, and he lowers his voice, obviously preferring not to discuss this loudly or across the room from Tao. He pauses with a few steps between them, and Tao tries not to blink. He keeps his arms crossed, and one eyebrow cocked, his best impression of a cool guy, but Baekhyun can see the tick on the side of his mouth, and the way Tao's knees lock unnaturally tight.

Kris approaches him hesitantly. “I… look I’m pretty sure I like you but…” his voice softens, but his delivery speeds up. "I’m kind of confused right now. I mentioned to my sister a few weeks ago that I may like a guy, and she got really flustered and told my family, and now they’re not happy with me, and…” Kris peaks over his shoulder, unhappily aware that Tao's roommate is hearing all of this. 

Tao snaps. “Quit staring at Baekhyun. This doesn’t have anything to do with him.”

Kris exhales sharply, and he rolls his eyes. “He makes me nervous okay!”

“Why should that matter?”

“Because he doesn’t like me, okay? And, can we  _please_ just go somewhere else to talk? I really want to. Outside, your room, any place?”

“I already told you, no, and if Baekhyun doesn’t like you then maybe he’s got a good reason to not like you. What do you mean you’re confused? You disappeared for a week because you’re confused and you don’t know what to do about being gay? Are you any less confused right now?”

Tao’s questions turn softer, more imploring, but Kris’s hesitation is all that Tao needs to become properly upset. The air grows thick in the room, and Baekhyun swears the walls are shrinking. “Kris, just tell me what you want to do right now. Because I kind of like you too, and I thought that was obvious already.”

“It was…” Kris nearly pleads.

“Then, what? So you think you like me. You want a secret relationship? Because I don’t, and  _I_  think it's only fair to be honest with you up front.”

“I…” Kris runs a hand through his hair which is becoming more frazzled by the minute.

“If you were confused, how come you couldn't talk to me about it? Why did you have to ignore me for a week?” Baekhyun really hopes those aren't tears he sees forming in the corner of Tao's eyelids.

Kris huffs, guilt and regret mixed in with exasperation. “I wanted some distance to think about it. To think about you!”

“Then why couldn’t you tell me that?” Tao whines, equally as exasperated.

“I just need some time to figure out if I … If I like you -  like you,  _like that_  – okay? I’m sorry, please just give me some time!?”

Baekhyun doesn’t dare look up now. He keeps his head bowed low, and he hears Tao inhale deeply and slowly. It’s the moment of truth, and he really doesn’t know what Tao is going to do. Usually his roommate is never this upset, or if he is he doesn’t show it, and maybe that's the problem. The week without Kris must have hit him really hard if he’s suddenly cracking like this.

Tao visibly calms himself down, a severe mental exercise not unlike when Baekhyun catches him meditating after a particularly long and trying day. Then he looks up slowly and issues a challenge right into Kris’s eyes. “Okay… Okay I’ll give you some time. Take as much time as you want to... figure yourself out. But  _don’t_  call me until you’re certain, and  _don’t_  come around and confuse me until you’re certain. Got it?”

Kris’s mouth falls open. “You want me to ignore you again?”

“No, I don’t want you to ignore me. Ignoring me is what you’ve already done. I’m just telling you to go away and think about  _what_  you want to be or do. Then you can come tell me, and maybe then I’ll listen.”

 

 

Twenty minutes later, long after Kris is gone, Baekhyun sits down on the couch next to Tao where the man has returned to surfing the television. Tao looks up at him. “What? What’s that look for? I’m not heartbroken, Baekhyun.”

“I know that, Tao.”

“I’m just irritated.  Why does he have to be so confusing and contradicting all the time?”

“Not everybody has it all figured out, Tao.”

“I know that. But… Damnit, I really was mad when he wouldn’t talk to me all week…”

“I know.”

They sit for a few minutes until finally Baekhyun says, “Hey what about we watch a movie after all, huh?”

 

* * *

 

 

30  THREE WEEKS IN

 

By Friday morning, Baekhyun has had a long week, and he knows his weekend will probably be too. And yet, he feels the call of an old friendship. It's why he doesn't allow himself to sleep in on his one morning off and heads south instead. He even offers to take Tao with him, but his roommate who's been so determined to not act depressed declines the invitation. For this reason, Baekhyun finds himself alone at barely 9:30 in the morning sitting on a park bench looking at an absurdly large commemorative arch of George Washington while he awaits his best friend's presence.

Chanyeol arrives not ten minutes later, half bouncing along the sidewalk while he shivers under his jacket. “Baekhyun!” he calls happily once they're close enough.

Baekhyun grimaces beneath his own fall season coat and forgos waving, since that would mean pulling his hands out of his pockets. Winter may not yet be upon them, but early mornings outdoors are still a bit frigid, and Baekhyun is a wimp. He'll be the first to admit it too. 

Through shivering teeth, he calls back. “Chanyeol... please explain why you're having us meet outside in a place like this?”

Chanyeol smiles apologetically. “Because... early morning class... and this is closer for me than my dorm?” 

“You have class this early? Wow, sucks to be you.”

“I know,” Chanyeol agrees, and he sits down next to Baekhyun. They huddle side by side for a moment before Baekhyun realizes something is missing. 

“Uhm... Chanyeol?”

“Yeah?”

“Didn't you say you would feed me?”

“Oh yeah!” He pulls out his phone and hastily checks his messages. “Actually, I told Jongdae I was meeting you and he said he has this time off as well. He said he'd bring something for us to eat and meet up too. Is that okay?”

“Fine by me, as long as there's food.” And maybe coffee, Baekhyun thinks afterwards. Not that he likes the liquid, unless it comes from Kai. And, well not even then. He's just cold this morning.

Chanyeol hums to himself for a moment. Finally he asks, “So... how are you?” with a little grin on his face. 

Baekhyun assumes he probably means 'How are you and Kai' but instead he decides to play with him for a bit. Innocently, casually, he answers. “Good. Good. Busy. You missed Minzy, by the way. She was here last weekend.”

“Ahhh. That's... fun. Fun for you, I bet.”

“Yup.” Baekhyun smiles.

“Sooo, that's all that's been going on?”

“Basically.” 

Chanyeol chuckles, finally getting the game. He scratches his nose briefly, buries his hands beneath his jacket again. “So, just a lot of dance practice and stuff, and getting ready for more performances?”

“Yup, all that, and it's a lot of work. Oh and my roommate's had some drama, but he's okay even if it's a bit stressful to watch over.”

“I see... Uhm, so that's all? How is... you know?”

“How is who?” Baekhyun says, as if he is totally clueless about who Chanyeol is referring to.

Chanyeol laughs some more. “I see. Nothing nothing, don't mind me.” A few seconds later though he says, “So have you had sex with your boyfriend yet?”

Baekhyun nearly jumps out of his seat, aghast at the question, but it's not his own voice which nearly shrieks. Nor is it Chanyeol's.

“Uggghhh, guys... Are you seriously going to discuss right now? Because I can drop these bagels off and run away, if that's how it's going to go!” Jongdae hovers above them with a terrified scowl. In both hands swing two bags from a local bagel shop. Chanyeol roars with laughter and beckons Jongdae to sit down on his other side. “I'm serious though!” Jongdae declares.

“We're not.. We're not discussing anything,” Baekhyun insists with a pout. “Uhmm... well, hello again.” 

“Hi,” Jongdae deadpans.

“Hi.”

“Hey, food!” Chanyeol switches gears pretty fast when there's something edible involved.

Nobody talks about sex again while they eat their bagels. Of the bags Jongdae brought one of them included a couple coffees, not enough for each of them but Baekhyun steals about half of Chanyeol's when his friend isn't paying attention, and that is enough to keep him warm. Jongdae complains about his workload and the number of essays he has to write, and still hasn't. Chanyeol has less complaints about college, but his biggest grievance is that he still hasn't managed to score a real date with his TA.

“I'm pretty sure I've been friend-zoned,” he sighs.

None of this is new to Jongdae apparently, who snorts. “You've always been in the friend zone. Right now though you're just student-zoned, and you're too nice to actually make a move that'll get you out of that zone.”

“Yeah, but what if she doesn't actually like me at all that way? I could ruin everything. Baeeeeek, what do do I do?”

Baekhyun swallows his bite of bagel. “I don't know. I just went up and kissed Kai one day, and everything worked out alright.”

Chanyeol sighs. “But that's you, and you were probably sure he liked you at that point, right?”  Jongdae's eye twitches, but he doesn't react in any other way. “How long have you actually been dating, anyways?” Chanyeol continues.

Baekhyun pretends to think about it for a while. “Almost three weeks? Officially.”

“And you've known each other how long?” Chanyeol asks.

“Five years.”

Chanyeol sputters. “I mean like  _known_  known, not just 'saw each other around' known.”

“Ohh, ohh, so that's what you meant?” Baekhyun smiles cheekily. “About a month. But Kai's had a crush on me for five years! Why shouldn't that count?”

“Because, you didn't have a crush on him for five years?” Chanyeol tries to make sense of it.

“How do  _you_  know I didn't.”

Chanyeol laughs and sighs. “Because, Baek... whenever you have a crush on someone you never keep it a secret. You tell me within 0.6 seconds and then you whine and wail about it forever. Because, because  _basically_  I would have known.” He snickers. 

“Oh fine. Fine,” Baekhyun consents.

Jongdae empties his coffee cup and squishes it in his hand. “Three weeks, huh?” He whistles. “Well, good luck to you, buddy. I'd share some advice with you but... I don't know anything about guys so... I should head off. Got class in half in hour.” He picks up his things and starts strolling away.

“Thanks for breakfast,” Chanyeol calls, and Baekhyun nods readily.

“Thanks for nearly ruining my morning!” Jongdae calls back.

“You're welcome!” Baekhyun hollers.

Chanyeol snickers once more and Baekhyun leans back on the bench and grins. There's still quite a bit of that morning chill about, and he snuggles naturally into Chanyeol's side. The taller man protests, but finally gives up when he realizes there's no way to unlatch Baekhyun. He sighs heavily and lays one arm around him, like a light cocoon. “Just don't fall asleep on me now.”

“Mmmmm.. I won't.”

“But what if people see?” Chanyeol looks around the park and pretends to be scared.

“So? What is there to see?” 

“But what if Kai sees?”

Baekhyun laughs. “He's not around. And besides, he knows I'm a cuddler. Just let me nap, Chanyeol,” he whines.

“No.”

But Chanyeol doesn't enforce anything and Baekhyun lets go of the time and dozes. It feels like more but after what's probably not longer than a minute, Chanyeol disturbs him again.

“So, Kai is a good boyfriend?” he asks.

“Mmmm.”

“I take it, that's an affirmative?”

“MmmmMmmm.”

“So... that's a yes. Good.” Chanyeol grins. “Better than your other boyfriends?”

“Better than better. The best.”

“And you say this after only three weeks?” He chuckles lightly.

Baekhyun sits up and pouts. “A month! And for your information, it's been a  _long_  month. Really long, actually. Or at least it feels that way. I feel like I have known him for a lot longer.” He groans.

“What's the matter?”

“Ohhh, nothing. Seriously though. Why didn't he ever come and talk to me all those years ago. Think of all that wasted time! We could've been celebrating a five year anniversary by now!” 

“Possibly,” Chanyeol agrees, smirk in place. “But then again, five years ago you were bossy and bratty, and he may not have liked you then, so maybe you lucked out.” He winks evilly. 

Baekhyun smacks him on the arm, and Chanyeol winces painfully. Baekhyun smacks him again for good measure, then dodges Chanyeol's fake return attack. Baekhyun's aware that they are giggling and fighting like idiots in a public place, and that once upon a time Chanyeol was a  _way_  more self conscious teenager with a gay best friend. He's lucky really, to have a friend like him, and to have sustained that friendship over the years. Others might have forgotten him over time, but at least one thing stays the same. 

“Chanyeol...” he says, once again buried in the front of Chanyeol's jacket. “You're awesome. Get yourself a girlfriend and then we can go on a double date and then you can see how awesome Kai is.”

“I'm offended. I thought you just said  _I_  was awesome.”

“You're right. Forget the double date. With two such awesome guys around, you're bound to fall for him too and I can't have that. I won't! You won't take him from me!” 

Chanyeol laughs and looks around. More people are starting to fill the park, and he glances at his watch. 

“Do you have to go soon?” Baekhyun asks. 

“Yeah. Soon.”

“Okay...”

“Okay.”

“Just don't take my boyfriend,” Baekhyun insists.

Chanyeol sighs longingly. “Ohhhh, alright. I won't take your boyfriend. Though, I was seriously tempted!”

“Good.” Baekhyun sighs now, and he sits up and wraps his jacket tighter around his body. He leans back against the bench again and decides he likes this place. There's a fenced-in dog run across the way, and he doesn't know why but he can suddenly imagine Kai coming down here some morning with a pile of little animals and laughing as he chases them around. Maybe Baekhyun can see himself sitting on a bench like this watching Kai have fun, without a trace of stress on his gorgeous face. Just the two of them and some dogs and a whole string of strangers who don't really matter in the grand scheme of the world except to contribute as backdrops for Baekhyun's happy little scene.

“Good,” he repeats softly, contentedly, “Because I really, really like him.”

 

 

It's a mad dash up the stairs to the door of Baekhyun's apartment late that night. This Friday date night is fortunately turning out  _not_  as pricy as last weekend's, and Kai's pocketbook is happy. An easy deli dinner huddled together against a window-facing counter top and dessert cookies picked up from a convenience store around the corner. But it's cold, and Baekhyun is freezing, and he's been clinging awkwardly onto Kai for the whole last couple blocks, and Kai can barely hold it in.

“Hurry!” he cries when Baekhyun's keys fumble against the lock. The rush is making him twice as clumsy.

“I am hurrying!”

“Not fast enough though!” Kai paws at his back distractedly.

“Shut up and let me work!” Baekhyun finally turns the lock, and the click of release is like the sound of an angel's chorus straight out of heaven. He shoves himself through the door, nearly knocking Baekhyun over, and the paper bag with their cookies drops messily on the floor next to a pile of shoes. Baekhyun cries at the offense, but finally Kai is shooting past him making a bee-line for the bathroom. “Hope you make it in time!” Baekhyun taunts. A mumbled yell echoes through his now open bedroom door, and Baekhyun laughs. He cups his hands around his mouth for greater effect. “And this time don't knock over the shampoo! Tao nearly broke his ankle slipping on that clean floor last time you had to clean it up!”

“Okay!” 

Baekhyun snickers and retrieves the cookie bag from the floor. He eats three before he's even made it to the couch. On a whim he knocks on Tao's bedroom door to see if he's home, and when no one answers, he sneaks his head in. There's nobody home, and that's when he remembers Tao mentioning something earlier about possibly going out tonight.

He plops down on the couch and pulls out his phone, looking up a number he only added a couple weeks ago. 

 

_Baekhyun: Hey, is Tao with you?_

 

He hits the send button, and without waiting for a reply he pops another cookie into his mouth. 

Kai comes out of the bathroom finally with slightly wet hands. 

“You're out of clean hand towels,” he says.

“I know. I'm out of clean everything, but I'm too lazy to go wash them. I hate laundry mats.” Kai flicks his hands at Baekhyun, and he flinches at the water droplets hitting his face. Or rather, his half-eaten cookie. “Hey! Mind the dessert!”

Kai drops into the sofa next to him and immediately crawls to Baekhyun's side, putting aside the plastic container with already half a row of missing cookies. “How'd you eat that many so quick?”

“I was hungry. And you were too slow.”

“I had to go to the bathroom!”

“Sounds like a personal problem.”

“Or rather, your problem. You just had to be clingy and mash on my bladder half the way home.”

“I was cold,” Baekhyun pouts softly.

“Hmph.”

Kai pops two cookies at once and pretends to ignore Baekhyun's scowls as the crumbs drop onto his lap and onto the cushions. Baekhyun's phone vibrates against the other side of his leg.

 

_Sehun: Yeah he's with me. Why?_

_Baekhyun: Just checking. ;)_

 

“Who is that, Tao?” Kai asks.

“Close enough. It's Sehun. Apparently they're hanging out tonight?”

 

_Sehun: What's that winky for_

 

“Ahh, I see.” Kai hums. “So are they gay now together, or just hanging out?” he jokes.

 

_Sehun: We're just watching a movie at my place_

_Sehun: WITH Kyungsoo. In case you were wondering_

_Baekhyun: I didn't say anything_...

_Sehun: But you were thinking it..._

_Baekhyun: Is this your best I'm not gay speech? hehe_

_Sehun: Whatever_

 

Kai follows along with the text conversation resting his chin on Baekhyun's neck until Baekhyun laughs and puts the phone aside. Now without distractions he's got Baekhyun all to himself. And the cookies. Kai loops his arms around the smaller body beside him, front arm crossing Baekhyun's stomach, and the other arm behind his back. He clasps his hands together along the other end of Baekhyun's waist and leans in. It's been a while since they were actually alone together and not in a public place. Baekhyun's sister put a damper on their personal time last weekend, and before that it was Sehun in their room the night Luhan blew up all over Minseok. Then there was the week before that when Baekhyun kissed him and left him alone on the couch for the night. 

Has it only been three weeks? He's wanted Baekhyun forever. How can it make sense that he's only belonged to him for such a short time. How is it even quantifiable? 

He presses a kiss to Baekhyun's cheek, testing the waters. Baekhyun doesn't move, and that suddenly stresses Kai out. With his boyfriend's eyes forward, and not on him, he at least expects Baekhyun to giggle or pull away, or do... something. Instead of sit there calmly while his cheek is kissed. Kai doesn't have a better plan though, so he tries it again, applying the same gentle pressure and for the same amount of time, just a couple seconds and then he pulls away. Just his head retreats, because he's scared of actually letting Baekhyun go. 

In profile now, he notices Baekhyun's closed eyes. And his slightly elevated breathing. Slowly, eyes opening up, Baekhyun turns his head towards him, and if this were a horror film Kai might be frightened, but this is Baekhyun and the burning look in his eyes sets his own insides on fire. 

Baekhyun says his name, softly, before he kisses him back. It's feather light and absolutely delicate and Kai wishes it would last longer, but his own urgency takes over and light touches can absolutely  _not_  cover this kind of need. He presses back hard until Baekhyun parts his lips, and Kai kisses him frantically until even Baekhyun has to pull apart. He smiles shyly and twists his neck around.

“Sorry, bad angle,” Baekhyun mutters. He's still sitting forward with his head turned sideways, but that's an easy enough fix from Kai's perspective. He uses the arms he's already got around Baekhyun's body as leverage and pulls him around and into his lap. Baekhyun easily spreads his knees over the other's thighs.

“Better now?” Kai asks with a smirk. He's got his hands wrapped low around Baekhyun's waist now. On the other hand Baekhyun now sits higher and he uses that to his advantage.

“Suppose it'll work...” Baekhyun teases. He smiles and then leans forward, a tiny ways down, to resume their kiss. Kai whines into it, returning it, but it takes every ounce of his resolve not to press his hips forward into Baekhyun's. They're already close, just not close enough, but without being given a hint of how far he can go, he refuses to risk it.

The answer comes when Baekhyun does the work for him. He rocks so slowly, so repetitively, that Kai almost doesn't realize it. Not until a hand snakes down the front of his chest, under his shirt, and slowly presses the skin above his waistband. 

He has to look. He can't  _not_  look. Kai knows what those hands are like, because he's seen them from every angle: in shadow, or in the sun, silhouetted against a stage light, or even just clasped palm to palm with Kai's own hands. He's seen them wrapped around a cup of coffee, water bottle, and door knob, threading through his hair, threading through Kai's hair, swinging limply by his side, or slicing through the air when he dances. But he's never seen Baekhyun fingers touching his skin like this before, and that thought nearly terrifies him.

Kai forgets to breathe, forgets to kiss back. His head is turned downward into his lap as he tries to contemplate how Baekhyun's hand can even fit in the space between their bodies. 

“Kai,” he hears a tiny voice calling out to him. “Kai, breathe.” The second time he hears it louder and he looks up for the source of it, into Baekhyun's loving face. Baekhyun delivers tiny pecks to his forehead and then to his eyes, and by the time he reaches his lips again Kai is relaxed.

“Tonight,” Baekhyun whispers. “Just tonight, will you let me do something?” The hand on his stomach begins to dig, inching deeper agonizingly slow by a hair's breadth as Kai starts to lose control all over again.

“Will you...” Baekhyun pants, “let me do something?” One finger sinks just below the top of Kai's jeans, and Kai nods, almost imperceptibly.

 


	7. Chapter 7

31  ALL FINE, EXCEPT WHEN WE'RE NOT

 

Baekhyun thinks he can get used to these kinds of days: Saturdays with no place to go and nothing to do except sleep in and wait for his boyfriend to wake up. Nothing to do except enjoy the warm body beside his, even if they're awkwardly placed on a bed too small for two grown men. The difficulties in life... but that's alright. Kai when he's awake is a glorious thing, but Kai asleep is even more amazing, as is the way his shirtless torso twists into the mattress and how one arm curls itself up to keep him on his side while the other one dives underneath the pillow. How one leg overlaps with Baekhyun's as if Kai's unconscious self worried that somehow Baekhyun might try to get away without some sort of an anchor tying him down. 

Yep, Baekhyun can definitely get used to this kind of morning. 

He can also get used to the embarrassed sort of face Kai makes when he asks to borrow some clothes, or when he comes out of the shower with his hair wet and yesterday's jeans and under them a clean pair of boxers from Baekhyun's wardrobe. Baekhyun takes pride in this unseen sign of intimacy as they go about the rest of their morning.

Tao comes home before noon, his eyes long and drawn down with exhaustion: from one two many late-night movies, he complains. 

“Where'd you even sleep?” Kai asks him with grin.

“In an armchair recliner.” Tao shudders.

“Was Sehun's bed already occupied?” Baekhyun teases. 

Tao rolls his eyes. “Very funny,” he declares. Kyungsoo it seemed slept on the couch and none of them went to sleep before 4:00 am.

 

Several hours later Kai is still wearing Baekhyun's clothes and since they're too lazy to go back to Kai's apartment, they find themselves standing at Kai's mother's door stifling their giggles and trying to look serious. 

It's a ridiculously weird thing for Baekhyun to meet his boss/director/owner of the company when he's in nothing resembling dance clothes, either costumes or sweat pants. The last time he met her in something finer than a T-shirt was the week before his audition and that was a courtesy call at the studio to put his name and face out there in hopes they'd pay attention to him later on. She'd been a scary woman with her reputation and career standings, and even if Baekhyun had developed a somewhat more personal (though still professional) relationship with the woman over the past year, Tae Hee Kim had once again gone through a transition in Baekhyun's mind: from boss to boyfriend's mother. She was practically his mother-in-law and employer all rolled into one, and suddenly he has second thoughts about bringing her son home for their planned late afternoon meal when Kai is clearly wearing a print shirt that's never once seen the inside of his closet.

“Relax, Baek,” Kai tries to soothe him. He fishes for the right key on his key ring while Baekhyun fidgets nervously.

“I'm trying! But this is weird.”

“Your idea.”

“I know I know but... okay let's do this!”

Kai chuckles. “I wasn't waiting for you, you know.” He drops the key ring, however, and the sound jangling on the concrete step outside his mother's house makes Baekhyun jump. “Gosh, Baekhyun, why are you so nervous?”

“I don't know! Maybe because of that shirt? Oh God, what if she notices you're not wearing your own underwear either?!”

Kai pushes away a blush and laughs. “And how would she know that?”

“I don't know. Don't mothers know this sort of thing? I just have a feeling. It's like she'll know we had sex or something!” he whispers frantically.

“But... we didn't... I mean. Not  _really_. So, see? There's nothing to tell.” He smiles, and he's being so passive about the whole ordeal in a retrospect way Baekyun thinks is entirely not right. Not right at all, and it's totally unfair that he can act so calm when Baekhyun apparently... can't.  _And_  he's the one with more experience! Life must be out to get him, Baekhyun thinks. That or Kai is, or will, shortly, sooner or later.

Kai pushes the door open and listens instinctively to see if his mom is in, or if she's anywhere near the forward part of the house. The townhouse itself is a 4-story complex from almost a hundred years ago and has been well-renovated over the last few decades. She and Kai moved here when he was twelve because it was a closer walk to the studio. They occupied the first floor and leased the basement and above floors to other tenants. 

“Wow, so how come you didn't just live with her when you moved back?” Baekhyun asks, taking in the gently decorated rooms. It was a spectacular place, even if it's small, but then what place in the city isn't? 

“I wanted space?” Kai answers. “Kyungsoo needed a roommate, and his place was closer to the campus.”

“Shame... this place is nice.”

“Yeah...”

Kai has nothing against it really, other than the desire to live elsewhere where he could have at least the illusion of independence. 

“Kai? Baekhyun?” His mom's voice echoes down the hallway preceding her body. “Ah, there you are.” 

She is all smiles when she ushers the boys further inside, instructing Baekhyun where he can put his coat and shoes, and since she doesn't seem to notice anything strange about Kai's wardrobe, Baekhyun relaxes a little. She leads them to a small dinner table already layered with a large platter and a half dozen small accompanying dishes that Baekhyun hasn't had since the last time he went home.

“Korean food!” 

She laughs, and Kai does his best to keep his boyfriend from jumping around off every surface of the dining room. 

“Japchae, and I'm sorry that's all I could manage for today. I spent most of the morning running around meeting important people.” She emphasizes the  _important_  people with a knowing look and a humorous roll of the eyes. 

Profuse thanks and small talk abound for the next half an hour as they settle into a rhythm. Baekhyun tries his best to be comfortable around his boss, and he mostly succeeds except that Kai is a little antsy, and given the history of the last time the three of them were in the same room (or rather, hallway), Baekhyun doesn't blame him since it ended in Kai running away: that proposed “special dance ensemble” his mother had the brilliant idea of springing upon them in front of rich benefactors. 

Otherwise the meal is nice and Baekhyun feels a nice stability building between them all. Maybe because this is the first time it's ever been him going to meet the other person's parents. His first relationship was a mostly secret affair, at least on the other boy's side, and the second wasn't much of a relationship at all and nobody got introduced to family. But this is different. This is the prelude for Baekhyun being able to invite Kai back home some holiday weekend. Also, since he's already got his sister on his side, and no doubt Minzy's been spreading the delicious news about how awesome he is to his parents, Baekhyun's not really worried. Well, he hopes she's only telling good stories. 

Baekhyun's hand finds Kai's underneath the table cloth during dessert and he gives him a comforting squeeze. Kai looks over curiously, but because Baekhyun can't yet explain how happy he is, he only smiles back. 

“Well I hope no one at the studio is giving you too much grief for dating the boss' son,” Mrs. Kim teases him. She apparently didn't miss much, between Kai and Baekhyun's obvious glances at each other and curiously touching shoulders. 

Baekhyun laughs. “Only some.”

“Yeah, like Luhan,” Kai explains, shaking his head.

“Or Suho,” Baekhyun adds.

She laughs as well. “Ahh, well but you have known them the longest. That's to be expected. At least I haven't heard any disturbing stories about misuse of the dance rooms yet.” Her eyes twinkle mischievously, so now Baekhyun knows where her son got it from. 

Baekhyun turns blood red, probably. He can't really tell except that his face is hot and he doesn't have access to a mirror to check, and he'd be a little too scared to check if he had the opportunity anyways. Kai stays cool. Of course he would.

“Your mom is totally awful!” Baekhyun whispers when she leaves the room. They shuffle back into the living room while Mrs. Kim makes coffee. Kai's face crinkles into a glorious smile and he backhugs and back-walks them into the room. Baekhyun takes a seat very properly on the couch and Kai sits down with half a foot between them. Mrs. Kim brings in instant sweet coffee with a quick apology, but neither of them mind.

“I heard your sister was a good dancer, Baekhyun,” she says conversationally. “Any chance we can appropriate her talents next year?”

“Uhhhh,” he hesitates. “I don't know. She says she doesn't want to intrude in my sphere of dance, but then you can never tell with little sisters, right?”

“Oh, I know a lot about younger siblings,” she says with a little laugh. Then she turns to Kai. “Do you remember my brother Wan? Well never listen to his stories _too_ closely. He claims I used to beat him as a child, but then again, siblings lie.” She winks at them both and then goes on to explain how she used to be quite the tom-girl when she was young. “Fortunately for me, Kai came out pretty perfect. Isn't that right, Baekhyun?”

Baekhyun drops his jaw and clears his throat, and tries not to say anything stupid and at the next opportunity he elbows Kai hoping that one jab is enough to convey how disturbed he is at his mother's teasing. He practically forces Kai to escort him to the restroom while he tries to get his bearings.

“How come it's always me that gets this kind of treatment!” 

“I don't know what you're talking about?” Kai chuckles.

“This! All this! Why is everyone on either side of the line find it funny to pick on me! I mean, of course you're perfect, but that doesn't mean I should have to go around and verbally fluff up your ego all the time!”

“Fluff my ego? Baek, you're exaggerating. That or you really are just fun to tease, and do I need to go all the way into the toilet with you or can you handle it from here?”

They are stopped in front of a door near the back of the house and Baekhyun immediately blushes, again. “I'm good. Thanks.”

He takes his sweet time and sprinkles water against his face, and smiles and laughs and then gets mortified because he's laughing at himself in the mirror while thinking about Kai. He doesn't hear anyone when he comes out finally, so Baekhyun makes his way down the dark hall back into the living room and looks around. Mrs. Kim startles him, however, by coming up behind him in the doorway. 

“Looking for Kai? Sorry I sent him to his old room to look through some boxes he left behind.”

“Oh.” Baekhyun turns around. “Then... should I go find him... or...?”

“Oh you can finish your coffee here. He shouldn't be too long probably.”

“Okay...”

Baekhyun sits again, feeling distinctly at a loss without Kai in the room with him. It turns out his fears are well-founded when the next thing she asks is how Kai has been doing, and the insinuation Baekhyun detects in her voice is  _How is Kai doing, since you're a dancer and he spends all his time with you, not dancing?_

“Uhm. He's okay?”

“Has he... did he talk to you about...”

“His back? Yes,” Baekhyun answers carefully. His ears are wide open and alert in case Kai comes back into the room.

“Well, that's good.” She sighs and leans back into the armchair she'd chosen, arms crossed and an even smile. “I'm just glad to see him back and looking so fit, after all that therapy he did.”

Baekhyun nods tautly, his throat closing up because he doesn't know if he's supposed to add anything to that statement. Should he mention that Kai's only fine because he doesn't seem to do anything? And that when he does he is physically exhausted, sore and hurting? It's not his place though because Baekhyun isn't Kai, and Mrs. Kim isn't his mother. This should be a mother-son conversation, and Baekhyun doesn't want to take the hit on this one.

“You know I really do want to apologize again for surprising you both that one time.”

Still Baekhyun remains silent, inquiring only with his eyes. 

“About proposing that duo,” she explains.

“Oh. Oh that's okay.” It's all he can say. In truth, there was a time when Baekhyun dreamed of sharing a stage with Kai, but all that was before he knew.

“And I know better than to bring that up again,” she sighs. Baekhyun doesn't even nod this time. “I just wish there was something we could do. I know he misses it so much, being in this world. The dance world. Does he still coach you sometimes when you're practicing?”

_Dangerous. Dangerous territory_ and Baekhyun would rather steer very clear of this. “Uhm, sometimes. Just a little. He... watches.”

“That's good.” She smiles, and he can see the happiness in her features, the way her face softens and her eyes relax. “I wonder if he wouldn't mind coming back to... well, you see we're losing Mrs. Jung since she'll be going away on maternity leave soon. You won't notice her absence much at the company, but she also teaches one day at the other studio.” She pauses while Baekhyun tries to breathe as evenly as possible. “You must know Kai is a good teacher, or  _would_  make a good teacher. I thought, since this is only temporary, maybe just a year or even less, this might be a way to ease him into it? See if it's even possible for him? Did you know he is also a great choreographer? He won some high school level awards for it.”

“Uhhhh...”

“Of course I'll talk to him about it, but I was curious if maybe you could talk to him as well? You've been really good for him, I can tell. And not just because of the dancing, but–”

“I... don't know. I mean...”

She smiles thoughtfully. “That's okay. Just, if you get around to it and...”

And that's when Baekhyun notices the shadow blocking the doorway behind him. He's been so caught up in Mrs. Kim's disastrous monologue that he forgot to listen for the returning footsteps, and now Kai is standing there and Baekhyun has no idea how much he's overheard.

“I think we should go,” Kai says, coldly. “Mom, thanks for dinner. Baekhyun, let's go.”

Those words basically confirm Baekhyun's worst fears. He gets up automatically, but Kai's mother also stands up to intercept them. “Kai, wait for a moment, please.”

“No, I think I really need to go.” He reaches around her and pulls Baekhyun lightly by the elbow.

“Kai, you've misunderstood some things,” she goes on to explain, and her forehead crinkles in worry and her lips are turned down but Kai doesn't notice it. 

“I think I understand plenty, and I've already asked you to quit using Baekhyun to get to me. I'm not sure I have anything else to say except things I'll regret, so, if you'll excuse us please, we are leaving.”

Baekhyun lets himself be dragged out of the room and out of the house. Somewhere between the front door and the bottom of the steps Kai lets go of his arm, confident enough that Baekhyun's still following, but his steps grow larger and his pace increases and Baekhyun is reminded uncomfortably of the time Kai ran off on him before and Baekhyun had to follow then too. It's becoming a theme in their relationship, one he'll happily abide by if it makes things come out okay in the end, but something about this time makes him twice as uneasy.

“Kai, wait. Slow down, please.”

Kai complies, grudgingly. His face is set, and his jaw clenched. Baekhyun catches up to his pace, but Kai doesn't stop entirely. Not until they've reached the end of the block does Kai stop, and he makes dramatic halt right on the corner of the street when his fury suddenly ignites. 

“WHY” he cries out loud, and the anguish in his voice makes Baekhyun's heart want to quit beating. 

“Kai, it's okay. It's okay.” He pats him on the shoulder while Kai refuses to budge. He looks left and right as if trying to make up his mind which way to go. Baekhyun lets his hand rest there. “It's okay.”

To his horror Kai shrugs it off. “What?” he shrieks furiously. “Not it's not. It's not okay and it's never been that way. Since the day I was born it's always been about her and what she wants for me!”

Baekhyun gulps. “Kai, just... calm down. I know what she said isn't right, but I don't think she's being mean about it. Not on purpose anyways.”

“Oh of course it's not on purpose. But don't you see? This shit is getting old, and it's always been this way. Why do you think I became a dancer? Why do you think I danced at her studio for so long?? Because that's what she wanted me to do. Follow in her footsteps and keep the name alive!” Kai practically wails these words, and there's fury in his eyes, but also a sense of futile helplessness that has Baekhyun believing that even Kai doesn't believe his own words, or that he's just creating them out of thin air to fuel his pain.

He tries holding onto his shoulders this time, pulling Kai around to face him whether he likes it or not. “Do you seriously think that? Look I know it sounds harsh right now, but I'm positive she's not just thinking about herself, Kai. She's thinking about you, and are you really trying to tell me that you  _don't_  want to dance? That you  _didn't_  want to dance? Ever?”

Kai tries to look calm, even if he's failing. “Look, Baekhyun, I can't anymore, so it shouldn't even matter and–”

“Of course it matters.”

“Okay! Fine! But so what if it does?! I just want to be left alone about it all. I never wanted to do it, dancing, but then I did it anyways, and okay I grew to love it, but it doesn't matter anymore because I can't. I can't, Baekhyun, and I don't like being reminded about it all the time. I gave it up because I had to and it was hard.  _So_  hard I wanted to die, but you know what? I got over that.”

“You don't look like you're over it.”

Kai pretends like he doesn't even hear that. “I got over it and I moved on, and I'm happy now. Okay? Happy!” But he doesn't look happy at all, and even he realizes it. His words fumble in his mouth and his head drops, and he pulls away from Baekhyun's grip again. 

“Y-you...” Baekhyun tries in vain to come up with something to say, but just liked Kai pulled himself out of his embrace, he stole his words too. Neither of them moves, and Baekhyun's grateful that for once there haven't been any passers-by on the sidewalk, so there's no one to witness Kai's meltdown, even if the sounds of cars whizzing by lend to this desperately pitiful scene.

Kai glances across the street but he still doesn't make a move, or look any more decided about a destination. Softer, slower, he repeats himself. “I moved on because I had to... and I don't like being reminded of the things I can't do anymore. Not by her, not by my friends, and not by you.”

Baekhyun's throat goes dry again, but the worst part is that Kai's eyes start to water, and he won't meet the other in Baekhyun's equally weeping eyes. Baekhyun refuses to give up though.

“Kai, let's just go somewhere okay? We don't have to talk. Let's just get off the street, please?” He tries to sound rational, reasonable. He tries not to imagine the sound of Kai's last phrase, 'and not by you,' but the longer the moment grows the more emphasis he hears on the word  _you_ , and it repeats so much over and over that it doesn't matter anymore if Kai said it all evenly, or if he didn't mean it to sound as harsh as Baekhyun interprets.

“I don't want to go anywhere,” Kai says. 

“Okay we don't have to go anywhere.”

“Are you just going to follow me then?” He sounds like a petulant child, but Baekhyun tries his best to respond naturally, playfully even, if that's what it takes to snap Kai out of his mood.

“Well, you're not going anywhere yet, but... yes?”

“I kind of want to be by myself.”

Baekhyun's heart sinks, as he notes to himself that this is probably the first time he hasn't been able to reach through to Kai. He nearly chokes on his words. “O-okay...”

“I'll call you later.”

It's so final, so thoroughly heartbreaking and emotionless that Baekhyun can't stand it. Kai crosses the street so quickly that he's already on the other side before Baekhyun realizes it. He's still got the walk sign though and before he can think about anything else he dashes after him, nearly running until he catches up, and it doesn't matter to him suddenly that Kai doesn't want him here right now. He needs Kai to want him, he needs to be  _wanted_  right now and he refuses to take no for an answer.

Kai hears his footsteps and heavy breathing before he gets there, and he turns out, flushed and angry.

“Kai,” Baekhyun pleads one last time.

“What?! What is it, Baekhyun, that you can do right now? If you're trying to calm me down, then fine. I'm calm. I can be calm. But seriously, I don't think you're helping me right now because all I can think about right now is dance and my mom, and I really don't want to be reminded of either one right now!”

“I'm not... I'm not either of those things though.”

“No? But you're a part of it anyways. You always have been. You just didn't know it and right now that's all I can focus on. Look I'm sorry. I'm sorry she's using you, but damnit, it's working! And I really just...I really don't want to think about it, okay?” 

Baekhyun chokes up and feels the tears leaking out of his eyes, and something about his appearance makes Kai even more flustered and unhappy. He realizes what it is finally. It's himself, Baekhyun. Because why the hell is he the one crying on the street when it's Kai whose life and livelihood was taken from him, and for once Baekhyun can't do anything about it. He can only stand as a reminder that Kai isn't as fine as he always claims to be, and it's something Baekhyun's always known. It's something he's known too well, but he deluded himself into thinking it would always be alright. Kai  _is_  alright, or he usually is, but he's not right now and Baekhyun is suddenly not the person who can help. Not this time anyway. 

“I'll call you later, please?” Kai begs. There are tears is his eyes too, and Baekhyun knows it's because Kai doesn't like seeing him like this either. He needs his space, and it's the last thing Baekhyun wants to give him. Except, he has to.

“O-Okay.” 

He has to, for now. Even though he absolutely doesn't want to.

“I'll call you,” Kai says on auto-repeat, and then he turns and walks away leaving Baekhyun's world to crumple on the sidewalk and nobody to even witness it. He doesn't know what to do. Isn't he allowed to collapse on the street and weep? Can't he hole up in some alleyway and wail to himself? Can't he throw a tantrum and let someone else bear the brunt of it? Can he go back and yell at his employer for making them this way? For being so damn nice and considerate and ultimately so clueless and naively optimistic that it backfires so horribly time and time again? 

Baekhyun has no choice but to stand there and watch Kai get farther and farther away and eventually he disappears down another corner and is there no longer. He pulls out his phone and checks, double-checks and triple-checks that it's not on silent mode. Waiting for the call he prays he'll get, soon. Or later. Anytime really. He'll answer it whenever it comes. He places it back in his pocket with the vibrate setting on too in case he can't hear it on the street or in traffic or on a bus, and cool as he can he wipes his tears and starts in the direction of home. The place he spent all night and all morning hanging out with Kai, but this time when he returns there he'll be alone.

It's all he can do right now. Wait, and rely on his belief that Kai just needs time just like he claimed, and eventually he'll be alright again. Until the next time, but Baekhyun promises himself he won't let Kai have a next time. This is the  _one and only time_  he's going to let Kai walk away from him, because  _never again_...

He just needs to survive it now, this last  _one time_.

 

* * *

 

 

32  TIME OUT

 

There are two moping men in Baekhyun's apartment the next morning, and Baekhyun really isn't used to one of them being himself. It's bad enough that he had the whole place to himself last night because Tao was out (and didn't say where he was), so he'd had nothing better to do except wallow in misery and work himself in a fuss worrying about Kai. Not being able to call the boy was stressful enough, but if Kai needed his space then Baekhyun was going to do that, no matter how much it hurt. He went to sleep early and barely registered Tao coming home.

He wakes up late, surprised to see Tao up before him and already making breakfast. Tao's movements are slow and hazy, like a machine still gearing up but he looks better than Baekhyun at least with his red and puffy eyes. Tao just looks vaguely stressed, either because he didn't sleep much or something else.

“Morning,” Tao grumbles. “We're going fancy this morning. I got a box of waffle mix last night. Just add water.” 

“We have a waffle maker?” Baekhyun yawns and runs a hand through his hair, while Tao pretends he hasn't noticed Baekhyun's eyes. 

Tao breathes out half a laugh. “Well, I bought one of those too.”

“Wow. This  _is_  fancy.”

“Yep.”

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

“Nope. I got this,” Tao insists.

Baekhyun stands still, and his bed yearns for him to return to sleep, and his body feels so highly uncoordinated that he sways at just the touch of the kitten purring around his feet. He picks up Velvie and plops into the couch for a quick cuddle, his head spinning and wondering just how come Tao was being such a fabulous roommate this morning. Did he know? It takes Baekhyun a few minutes to get his tongue working again.

“What did you do last night?” Baekhyun asks. He cranes his neck over the back of the couch to await Tao's response.

His roommate smiles. “Nothing much.”

“How much is nothing much?” 

Tao laughs. “Honestly? You'll probably laugh at me, but I just went shopping.”

“By yourself? Or...”

“Yeah. Just by myself. I wanted some time to think, so I actually turned my phone off for most of the day and wandered about and shopped.”

“Tao? Without his phone? You must be sick or something.” Baekhyun laughs. He is rather impressed though.

“I know. It was crazy when I finally turned it back on. I had at least five missed calls and twenty texts. Only half of those were from Kris, believe it or not.”

Baekhyun can believe it. “Uhm, so you're still talking to each other?”

“Kinda sorta.” Tao shrugs. “It's mostly him talking to me about random stuff and occasionally I answer...?”

Baekhyun feels a heavy mental weight pressing upon his shoulders at this. If this is how Kris gives Tao room to breathe, then Baekhyun's not sure that definition has any meaning anymore, because he specifically remembers Tao telling Kris not to contact him until he'd figured things out, and still things haven't changed. Whether or not Kris' tactics are working though, Baekhyun cannot tell. Tao may be one huge emotional teddy bear some days, but he keeps his own council and his feelings on a tight reign when he thinks people are looking.

Unlike Baekhyun. Baekhyun feels like a huge emotional wreck right now, and he's positive it shows.

The first batch of waffles are ready before Baekhyun knows it and he scrambles to the table before Tao can to try to serve him the food as well. Baekhyun drowns it in butter and maple syrup and his waffle disappears before Tao sits down to eat his. Baekhyun makes his second waffle himself. There's no need for further conversation so they eat in comfortable silence while Tao reads the sports news on his phone, but finally the silence becomes oppressive, and the room feels large and empty, and even the unused coffee pot that shouldn't have any meaning whatsoever reminds Baekhyun that Kai isn't here to fret over him. He feels a sob coming on but represses it. Tao probably catches him anyways.

“Hey let's go do something different today.”

“Hmm?” Baekhyun moans.

“Bike riding. We can rent some and see how well our leg muscles adapt to something other than dancing.”

The suggestion is so absurd, but Baekhyun thinks he'd have agreed to go mountain climbing if Tao asked, and they eagerly make plans to go.

 

 

 

It's four in the afternoon when someone comes pounding on the door. Kai refuses to answer it even though the rattling reverberates along the wall of his bed. He buries his face into his pillows and pretends not to hear it. 

“Are you going to get that?” Kyungsoo asks. He's sitting on his bed surrounded by school books and Kai can't see him but he knows Kyungsoo is probably raising an eyebrow at him.

“Why do you assume it's for me?” Kai mumbles into his pillow. He picks his head up enough to voice out the rest. “It could be for you, or it could be the landlord or... I don't know.”

“Well it's not for me, because technically Sehun texts me before he shows up out of the blue, and seeing as how I just saw him pass by the window and your phone has been lighting up for the past hour, I think it's for you.”

Kai moans. The last person he wants to see right now is Sehun. He already yelled at him last night for no good reason, so he knows he's due for an earful, especially now when it seems like Sehun's caught up to him finally. The person Kai really wants to see right now is Baekhyun, but that feels like a deep dark pit that Kai built and tossed Baekhyun into, and he hasn't figured out yet how to retrieve him. It's the reason he's got his head buried in his pillows here instead of the ones over at Baekhyun's place, and has Sehun banging on his door.

The other bed creaks as Kyungsoo slides off to let in the visitor, and then he calmly returns to his bed when Sehun comes storming in.

Sehun pauses long enough to assess the situation before he curses. “Please tell me you haven't been laying here all day moping in bed,” he spits.

Kai rolls over just enough to bare his face. Sehun looks furious in a cool sort of way. 

“I haven't been lying here all day moping in bed,” Kai repeats drolly.

“I don't believe you.”

“It's true. Just ask Kyungsoo.”

To Sehun's disbelief, the other man verifies this, but Sehun still scowls and he drops onto the edge of the bed, scooting Kai over in the process. He sighs heavily, and Kai waits for more to come. None does.

Finally Kai has to ask. “What?”

Sehun sighs again. “I don't know. I guess I came over to be an ass and yell at  _you_  for being an ass, but now I just don't know what to do anymore.”

“You came over just to yell at me?” 

“Apparently so.”

“But...?”

“But now you just look so pitiful that I don't have the heart to tell you how miserable Baekhyun is and that he woke up this morning with red and puffy eyes and it's all because of you-- Oh, sorry I said I wouldn't say that. Oops.” Sehun looks far from apologetic, and Kai knows he deserves that sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach where his whole body is threatening to cave in on itself.

“Have... you seen him?” he asks in a soft voice, afraid of the answer.

“No, but I have spies.” 

Kai rolls over and buries his face again. It's hard with Sehun sitting on the edge of his comforter, but Kai almost delights in any excuse that keeps him from moving. Anything to justify his fear of having to get up and go out and go find Baekhyun like he knows he should.

“So where'd you go this morning if you didn't sleep in all day?” Sehun asks.

“Just... about.”

“Is that so...”

Kai grunts.

“So... why are you back in bed now?” He gets no answer. “Okay never mind, because I think you know everything I want to say, and I'll only be more of a jerk if I remind you that Baekhyun probably thinks you're still mad at him. Oh, oops. There goes my mouth running itself as usual. Kai, get up, get out of bed, and figure this out because I'm pretty sure even Kyungsoo is miserable just for watching you mope.”

Kai whines, but Sehun has no mercy, and even Kyungsoo says, “No. It's cool. I'm just fine watching him be miserable,” in the most deadpan of voices. Sehun chuckles, and Kai almost wants to laugh. Almost. If this is what friends are for, then it's indeed a miserable process, but he's grateful to them anyways. Anything to lighten his mood right now. Except they can't fix his relationship, and that part is entirely his fault and his job to mend. 

“Can I take one more hour?” he pleads.

“Suit yourself. Just don't go blundering off in the wrong direction until you fix the root of your problem first.”

“And the root is...?”

Sehun smiles and pulls Kai's hand out from under the blanket. He thrusts a cell phone into it, the same phone Kai's been ignoring all morning and all day before that. He's got a pile of messages, and none of them are from Baekhyun. That fact alone makes Kai tear up, and Sehun gets up to leave him alone for a moment. He moves to the other side of the room to bother Kyungsoo while Kai unlocks the screen and starts to scroll through his missed texts. Most are from Sehun, one from Kyungsoo earlier this morning asking where he'd gone, one from a fellow student he didn't have time to study with, and the most recent message: from his mom.

 

 

 

Monday morning dawns bright and cheery with a nip in the air, and Baekhyun does nothing but complain the whole walk to the company. Tao lets him rant, holding in a smile that Baekhyun notices and on any other day he would call him out for hiding that obnoxious little smirk, but today Baekhyun knows he's rambling and he's just grateful there's someone to hear him out.

“Stupid sun, and stupid sky. So bright I need sunglasses,” he mumbles. 

“Are you blaming the world now for moving on with life while you're still unhappy?”

“Yes,” Baekhyun replies petulantly.

He knows he sounds like whiny baby, but Tao told him last night that this kind of Baekhyun was better than the one who cried all day long, so for him at least Baekhyun is willing to act out his frustrations this way instead of the other. His phone had remained silent all day, with each hour piling up upon the one before it until Baekhyun was positive Kai was never going to call. For once he'd screwed up so bad that he'd lost his chance with Kai, even if he didn't understand the how or whys. Was it too much to try to help a person? Or was it really so unacceptable if you try to  _not_  let a person you like spiral downwards into a miserable place? These thoughts wormed themselves into his brain and heart all day long until Baekhyun almost believed every ugly truth, and that Kai would never want to speak to him again. Until Sehun called. 

“What's on the agenda for this week?” Tao asks when they're half a block away.

“Rehearse rehearse rehearse. Oh, and Seung Hoon's coming back tomorrow, so I bet we need to make his piece look amazing otherwise he might cry. Actually, he might do that even if it looks amazing.”

Tao laughs. “Must be a dream come true to see your choreo performed up on a stage. Just like it's ours to dance it.”

“Yeah... Guy's so good though I wish he'd just audition properly and join the company.”

“I'll work on him,” Tao promises. 

The building is unnaturally quiet at this hour of the day. Baekhyun leaves Tao and goes off in search of the other principals since they are supposed to be practicing one of their ensembles this morning, right after an hour of general warm-ups. If he's being honest with himself, Baekhyun really wants to throw himself into practice. He needs the distraction, something so physical and exhausting that he can't focus on anything else. He also wants to see Minseok and Luhan, although he doesn't know what he's supposed to say to them. 'Sorry but I accidentally caused your longtime friend to have a meltdown.' 'Sorry but Kai's having issues, and actually it's nothing to do with me.' Baekhyun's not even sure which one is worse. Kai was always going to have a relapse like this, Baekhyun is certain. Once a dancer, always a dancer. It was just Baekhyun's and Kai's incredible bad luck to be the wrong people for each other in this time. 

Baekhyun stays in his own little world most of the morning. He hears his instructors' voices without listening, sees other bodies around him without observing. By noontime he's spent and dripping with sweat and the burn in his calves and thighs and stomach and arms is a welcome distraction. He nearly doesn't get up, and most of the room clears out for lunch before he even lifts his head off the ground. He's alone until a sudden reminder goes off like an alarm clock in his head that he promised Tao they'd run out together for lunch instead of staying in. 

He drags himself up and throws on a sweatshirt, oblivious of the silence echoing around him. He remembers this room now. It's the place he and Kai spend the most time when they are together. Baekhyun doesn't know why his brain didn't put two and two together earlier. Maybe this was a self-preservation thing, except now it's been ruined and he wants to get out as soon as possible. 

The door is open and Baekhyun steps out into the hallway, the furthest doorway from the staircase. He's barely one room closer when the first sounds assail him: the telltale sounds of panting and some gasps. Baekhyun freezes, panic mode on as if he was one who was caught and not the other way around. Between pants, a voice echoes thinly down the hall. 

“We shouldn't... not here...”

The stairs. They're on the stairs, Baekhyun registers, and that voice sounds eerily like-

“Shhhh... Minseok. Everyone's gone downstairs by now.”

“You're sure?”

Baekhyun cringes at sloppy kissing sounds that fill the gap when Luhan doesn't instantly reply. It's like an offscreen scene for a made-for-TV movie, except no soundtrack sets the mood, there is pure silence otherwise, and Baekhyun's not supposed to be here.

“Yeah, Seok, no one's coming...”

Minseok groans in response, and Baekhyun really doesn't want to be the one to contradict Luhan now. They don't sound like they're too far along in their business, so for a moment Baekhyun thinks he can skip down the stairs in haste and apology and maybe it won't throw off their sync too badly. He hesitates though, heart pounding in fear and second-hand embarrassment, and his legs seem to be feeling the effects of his exertion. They clam up and freeze and refuse to move forward despite his brain telling him to just go for it.

Unfortunately that's when Minseok's head appears. Eyes closed and face drawn out in pleasure, he leans back on the staircase with his head resting on the top stair and right in Baekhyun's line of vision. Luhan remains offside, and when Minseok next whimpers Baekhyun is so very glad he can't see more. His legs find their pace again, and it's to retreat very, very slowly back down the hall. He backs into the dance room just as Minseok arches up, and that's the last thing he wants to accidentally see!

Carefully and silently Baekhyun pulls the door closed until he breaths finally when he hears the door latch. His heartbeat slows, and his adrenaline wears off, and he sinks ungracefully next to his bag by the mirror. He pulls out his phone then and texts Tao.

 

_Baekhyun: Sorry I can't make it to lunch, but can you bring me something for later?_

 

A few moments later, Tao responds.

 

_Tao: Yeah. Where are you though?_

_Baekhyun: Upstairs trapped. Luhan and Minseok are on the stairs blocking my way..._

_Tao: Huh?_

_Tao: So.. why can't you come down?_

_Tao: Wait._

_Tao: Oh._

_Tao: Ohhhhh_.

 

 

Hours later when the sun is setting and Tao and Baekhyun finally return from the studio - he begged Tao to stay late with him - Baekhyun showers and pulls on clean pajamas. They settle in front of the TV and Baekhyun calls out for the kitten but even she is being uncooperative today and sleeps on happily from beneath Tao's bed. 

Baekhyun sighs after about the fourth time he tried to coax her out and Tao snickers at him unhelpfully.

“What?” Baekhyun cries. “I just want something to cuddle!”

Tao throws him a pillow. “Here you go.”

“Thanks...” 

Baekhyun's phone lays on a table out of reach. He thinks he's doing good by not checking it every few minutes, although he's starting to feel like Tao. His roommate still plays with his every few minutes, and some of those are direct text replies. Baekhyun can tell by the scowls on Tao's face when he angrily punches  _send_.

“Something going on?” Baekhyun asks him after about half an hour of off and on texting. He's been so caught up in his problems, and Tao has been so silent about stuff for the past two days that, that he hasn't had a chance to ask.

“Nothing really,” Tao tries to claim.

“Tao...? Are you sure?”  He's met with silence until Tao sends him a sheepishly guilty look.  ”Is it Kris, still?”

“Kind of,” he admits.

“What's going on?”

“He's actually on his way over here again.”

Baekhyun mutes the TV. “Is he... has he... decided...?”

“I don't know,” Tao answers before Baekhyun can fully ask. “I can't tell, and honestly I'm not even sure I care anymore but... I think I better to go talk to him.”

“Go talk to him? You mean out, or isn't he coming here?”

“Doesn't matter, but I think this time I should hear him out myself, and I don't want to bother you... I'm going to tell him to meet me at all night diner around the corner.”

Baekhyun tries to protest, telling Tao that he doesn't need to leave, that Baekhyun is fine with them being around. Tao insists though, and twenty minutes later he's out the door and Baekhyun shuffles into his bedroom to sleep. It's quiet and chilly and still there's no kitten to keep him company. He left his phone in the living room but with the blankets wrapped around him just right he refuses to get up and retrieve it. It's not like anyone's going to call, he reasons. Tao can take care of himself, Baekhyun hopes. And Kai... well Sehun promised Kai was in the process of figuring stuff out and not to worry, but Baekhyun did worry. After two days and not even a peep out of his boyfriend - were they still boyfriends after something like this? - how can he do anything but worry? It's been two days and even though they'd gone through distant spells of similar lengths, at least they always talked to each other. 

He's come to depend on Kai being around more than he should, in the short length of time. Used to his presence, or the thought of him, his whole being wrapped around the image of Kai at his side or not far off.

Baekhyun slinks off into a fretful half-sleep, one ear open for the sound of Tao returning. Somewhere after midnight he glances at the clock and rests his eyes shut once more. Finally he hears the door open and close, followed by a muffled voice, and then nothing for a little while. But then a light assaults Baekhyun's eyes, just a thin strip as his bedroom door opens and then closes. Baekhyun rolls over to avoid it, moaning at the offender who disturbed his dark and comfy place. He tries to go back to sleep. Nearly succeeds in telling himself to fall asleep until someone breathes inside his room and it's not him.

“Tao?” Baekhyun opens his eyes wide, but he can't see anything. His mattress dips as someone places a knee into it. Then two knees and a figure crawls over the bed, pulling away at the top of the covers.

Lightly in his ear, a voice whispers. “Now why would you think it's Tao coming to join you in bed, huh?” A warm chuckle follows it, and Baekhyun sits up immediately.

“Kai??”

“Shhh, Baekhyun. Let's go back to sleep...” Kai's voice sounds gruff and sleepy. He slips under the covers and immediately wraps an arm around Baekhyun's body, pulling his lean back in to meet Kai's front. 

“You... came back,” Baekhyun whispers into the darkness.

“Mmmm.”

“I didn't know if you would...”

Kai presses a kiss lightly to Baekhyun's neck. Then he exhales heavily, apologetically, and hugs him tighter. “I'm sorry, Baek. I'm really sorry. I shouldn't- I shouldn't have done that. It's not your fault and I- I just want to sleep, but I wanted you and... please, forgive me?”

Baekhyun's eyes start to water. He twists out of Kai's grip and rotates in place and his eyes start to settle in the darkness to where he can barely make out Kai's worn out face. His boyfriend's eyes are open, and sad. His mouth starts to open to resume his pleas, but Baekhyun silences him before he can speak. Their kiss is slow as patiently, wordlessly, Baekhyun worms his way back into Kai's life. Two days without him there, and Baekhyun needs him to know how much he misses him. He pushes Kai onto his back, and then onto his side so this time it's Baekhyun who holds him back to front instead of Kai, and when he's got him secure in his embrace, he breaths onto Kai's neck and delivers small kiss after kiss, and his fingers find Kai's and he wrings them together. When he's certain Kai isn't going anywhere tonight, Baekhyun breathes, inhaling deeply Kai's scent and pulling him even closer when he exhales. 

“Baekhyun?” Kai asks shyly, when after a few minutes it seems Baekhyun may have fallen asleep.

“Shush Kai and we'll talk about it in the morning.” 

“Okay...”

Baekhyun smiles into the skin above Kai's shirt. “Just, don't go anywhere.”

“Okay,” Kai repeats softly.

“And promise you're never going anywhere ever again.”

“Okay.”

“And Kai?”

Kai is slower to answer this time. “Yes?”

“I love you.” 

 

* * *

 

 

33  MAKING PEACE (TAO BONUS)

 

It's a hard thing to maintain: his silence and general acknowledgement that the guy he has a crush on apparently doesn't think so highly of him. Why else would Kris suddenly go from bugging Tao almost constantly to the sudden and unexpected round of... nothing. Nothing at all. No calls, no texts, no hang-outs, no going on pseudo-dates that they didn't come anywhere close to calling dates. That would have been premature. 

After a week of this kind of silent treatment, Tao knows it was premature, this  _whatever kind of relationship_  they apparently don't have. After two days of attempting to reach Kris after his sudden disappearance the day of the Friday performance, Tao gave up. Maybe there was no point? Maybe he imagined the whole thing? Probably he was just a friend to Kris and he shouldn't get so worked up about it. Or maybe Kris was laying dead somewhere or had had some severe family tragedy and he just wasn't in a place where he could respond to Tao. 

And if it was something horrible, Kris, or...  _somebody_... would get ahold of him eventually.

He tried not to worry and it almost, nearly worked. Until the day Kris started texting him again like it hadn't been a week, but just a few hours. 

 

_Kris: Ugh, my TV set is busted again. Cant get a thing to work on it_

_Kris: Hey did you hear about them pushing back the release date for that game? sucks right?_

_Kris: Hey so what's up anyways. want to hang out tomorrow?_

 

Tao doesn't bother to respond to the endless series of texts until after breakfast on Sunday, and by then it's conveniently too late to plan something with Kris. 

 

_Tao: Sorry playing tour guide for Baekhyun's sister today_

_Tao: Maybe Monday or Tuesday if I have some time after rehearsals?_

 

The tour guide thing at least is true. Baekhyun was supposed to be taking Minzy around to see the sites, but his roommate was a bad choice when it came to knowing the city well enough. Tao might not be a native, but in the first few months he lived here when he hadn't yet gotten comfortable hanging out with Baekhyun in their free time, he did his fair share of wandering. He knows certain parts of the city like the back of his hand, and the park is definitely one of them.

He leads the siblings to one of his favorite places - a castle that isn't much of a castle but just a fancy fort with a nice vista of the northern baseball diamonds and a duck pond. The walk there is a bit of a trek though, especially when taking Tao's special 'scenic' route.

"This isn't scenic, Tao!" Baekhyun complains between heavy breaths. "This is a hike and just a whole lot of trees!"

"I promise it'll be worth it in the end."

Baekhyun yaps on anyways. "Wasn't there a short cut though? You know, by one of those roads that crosses through?"

Minzy had a lot of fun at her brother's expense. "You've got no sense of adventure. Roads are boring. You see roads every day. Can't you let me enjoy myself and pretend I'm in the wilderness for once?" She laughs.

"There are skyscrapers in every direction if you look.  _Wilderness_ ," Baekhyun huffs.

When they finally make it to the castle and Baekhyun discovers you have to climb a whole series of steps to get to the top, he refuses to go any further.

"You two go on up. Give me the camera. I'll take your picture from down here."

It's a good thing Tao and Minzy agreed on a truce the night before. They've been getting along fine all day now, and have found plenty of things in common, especially if it involves gossiping about Baekhyun and his laziness for everything that's not specifically dance or Kai related. 

They make the climb through two sets of narrow spiral concrete stairs, stopping at the first veranda to pose for Baekhyun down below. At the top, however, she changes the conversation swiftly away from her brother and starts probing again.

"So... those texts you've been ignoring all day. Boy trouble?"

Tao doesn't bother to deny it. He nods his head and frowns, and receives a comforting look of sympathy behind Minzy's pouty lips. 

"Need any help with that? Don't tell my brother, but I'm pretty good with guys. I get them. Understand them, if you know what I mean. Or at least I've figured out why they can be so weird. No offense to you of course," she assures him.

Her attitude is just friendly enough that Tao spills most of his and Kris' history, or lack thereof. There isn't too much to go on in all the time he and Kris have known each other, something Tao finds oddly strange now that he's putting it all into words. Just what had he been expecting? A swirling romance story like Baekhyun and Kai? Or Minseok and Luhan? Even Suho had gotten less grumpy of late, something that could be attributed directly to Yixing's presence in their lives. Tao was the odd one out. 

"You know, maybe you should just ask him directly." Minzy says. "Since it's all so weird and you really have no idea where things stand. If they stand at all."

"Yeah but what if he doesn't like me. Won't that make it awkward?"

"Could it be anymore awkward than it is now? It seems to me he either thinks of you as a very casual friend, or else he's conflicted and doesn't know what he thinks. You could end up in this rut forever if you don't do something, or figure something out."

They lean over the stone railing and take in the view. It's refreshing from up here. Different from just looking out the window of a tall building. Everything comes from a different perspective up here. 

From down below Baekhyun hollers to get their attention again, motioning for the two of them to get closer so he can take the picture. Minzy squeezes into the turret beside him so they stand shoulder to shoulder. Tao's inner photogenic self turns on in a flash and he smiles wide and cute, placing his arm around Minzy's for the final round. Minzy also hams it up and starts making funny faces, at least some of which Baekhyun notices from below.

"Let's take some ourselves," Minzy suggests, pulling out her phone. They sit back and angle themselves to get a good view of the skyline.  She holds up her phone. "Okay, 3 2 1 - say... kimchi!"

Tao trades off her phone for his and they repeat the action, and each shot gets sillier and sillier until finally they're both making kissy faces into the camera lens and Minzy even plays around with kissing his cheek.

Another couple, a real couple, clears their throats in irritation, and Minzy and Tao quickly vacate the prime photo spot just as Tao's phone gets another text message.

 

_Kris: So where are you exploring? How come you have to show his sister around anyway?_

 

Tao sighs.

"Is that Kris again?" Minzy asks. "Hey send him that last picture of us. Jealousy you know. Works like a charm every time." The wink she gives him is completely devilish but Tao's in just the right kind of mood for pranks, and he responds with only the selca; no words attached.

 

 

 

 

The picture thing definitely backfires on Tao. He figures that out later on when Minzy has already gone back home, and Kris hasn't stopped texting him weird, impertinent questions about why he's kissing Baekhyun's sister ( _Tao: I didn't. She kissed me lol_ ) in between his usual random texts that don't make a whole lot of sense in the grand scheme of events. By Monday evening Tao's had enough of the charade and confesses they were just having fun and no, he isn't seriously attracted to his roommate's sister. He's not attracted to girls at all, remember? ( _Tao: I'd do better by kissing Baekhyun, except.... yuck!_ ) Kris backs down but still bothers him non-stop with little things and thought processes that do nothing for Tao except make him want to prolong the time between their next hang-out. 

Minzy's words about asking Kris directly about what he thinks lay heavily on his mind, so when Wednesday comes around and Kris invites himself over, he's ready for it, the confrontation. Except even that doesn't go as smooth as he wanted it to.

 

_"Not everybody has it all figured out, Tao,"_ Baekhyun says to him after it's all over. 

It's sound advice, but hardly comforting. 

 

 

 

"Yo, Tao. Quit moping." Sehun fires a pillow at his head, which Tao isn't expecting at all. He yelps and shoves the fallen pillow out of his lap, putting on a show by scowling back at his comparatively new friend. At least Sehun knows how to pick on him in ways that feel uplifting, and not dooming.

Unlike their other friend in the room. 

"Did you say  _yo_?" Kyungsoo scoffs. Sehun nods happily, too happily. "God, quit hanging out with Luhan. He's such a bad influence on your questionable English skills." 

"No, no, no. You have to say it three times to be  _really_  gangsta!" Sehun hits his best impersonation of a thug and Kyungsoo rolls his eyes.

"That's not 'gangsta' that's just acting stupid. Ugh, I feel my intelligence level dropping as we speak."

Sehun sniffs haughtily. "Yeah? Well you could just go home then and leave us to have fun, since you're so against it." 

"What, and leave you two alone without a chaperone? Whatever will your friends say if you don't have me around as a buffer?" Kyungsoo snickers. 

Tao doesn't know Kyungsoo very well, but from what he's heard about the boy through Sehun and occasionally from Kai, he knows Kyungsoo supposedly wields his taunts like a chef pampers his knives, and it's really amusing to watch Sehun constantly get on his bad side. Sehun's lucky Kyungsoo isn't purposefully evil or he might have had a harder time. Then again, he doesn't know too much about Kyungsoo. 

He knows the chaperone business is merely an excuse to give Kyungsoo something to do and people to torment, and at least part of that is Sehun's way of making up for all those years when he professed to not like the boy. It's a sweet gesture, one that Kyungsoo has obviously accepted. It just doesn't show when the two talk to one another, but at least the two play it up for Tao's amusement. Or maybe they're just like that naturally.

Sehun whines suddenly. 

"What is it?" Tao asks.

"Your stupid roommate! Why is it he always assumes when we're together that we're somewhere making out? What kind of sick and perverted mind does he have? I'm worried for Kai."

Tao snorts. "Yeah, you should be. You'd never guess what those two get up to on the couch.  _My_  couch too! _I_  brought it into the apartment."

He laughs, and Sehun starts to make icky faces. "I don't want to know," he says quickly.

" _I_  want to know," Kyungsoo says, the picture of innocence. Tao opens his mouth to elaborate and Sehun quickly sends another pillow smack into his face. Sehun glares at Kyungsoo long enough to be sure he won't ask again, and Kyungsoo finally smiles and laughs at his expression.

"Trust me," Tao interjects. "You don't want to know. Why do you think I never sit on one side of the couch now?" 

Sehun changes his tune pretty quickly. "You're still on about that one night? Dude, that was weeks ago. Kai promised me nothing happened then."

"Yeah," Tao shrieks. "Then! Who knows what they may be doing right now though."

He picks up the bowl of chips and starts munching away, head shaking pitifully.

Kyungsoo observes them for a while with a smirk on his face, and then he says scornfully, "The fact that you two sit around discussing Kai and Baekhyun's love life is kind of sad. Maybe I should just leave you two alone, and then you can do something about the sad pathetic state of your own lives?" He leaves it up for debate.

Tao and Sehun look at each other for a moment, the seed of both interest and distrust on their faces. At the same time then they turn towards Kyungsoo and chant, "No."

Kyungsoo laughs. "Okay. Alright. But can we pick another movie now, please? I'm bored, and the two of you just aren't exciting enough to keep me entertained."

 

 

 

By Saturday evening Tao knows he needs to see Kris again. After promising to give him some distance while Kris figures out his head, Kris has failed spectacularly. Half a day is all the reprieve Tao gets before the texts begin anew, and not one of them with a message that Tao remotely wants to hear. 

Where is the message that says,  _I definitely like you?_  Or,  _I definitely want to be with you?_  Or even,  _I think we should just be friends_. Tao would take even that response by now. Anything as long as it resembles an answer. And it's suddenly less important to Tao if the answer is something he wouldn't wish to hear. 

Because his phone won't stop vibrating, and he can't make people stop, he turns it off himself and heads to the retail district alone. The last time he tried to take Baekhyun shopping, his roommate bought one whole t-shirt and a pair of white socks and complained the whole damn time. He doesn't bother inviting him out this time, and in any case, Baekhyun is supposed to be out with Kai all day and he should probably give them space to you know... deface his couch a little more. 

He doesn't realize what's happened with Kai and Baekhyun until he gets home late, his arms loaded down with designer goods he found on sale, and he turns on his phone. Several text messages, one voicemail, and a returned call to Sehun get him all caught up. He texts Minzy before he sleeps asking what Baekhyun's favorite breakfast food is, and wakes up super early to run to the store and buy the waffle maker and mix. Taking care of someone else is strangely relaxing, because he has no time to think about himself. 

 

 

 

It's Monday night and Baekhyun still isn't in a great mood. Plus there's been no word from Kai this whole time, although Sehun assures Tao he gave the boy a good old fashioned whipping. Whatever that means. 

 

_Kris: Sorry for texting so much_

_Kris: I guess I do bother you a lot. Can we just meet again? please?_

 

It's at least something on the road to progress, Tao thinks, even though the apology is a bit weak. 

 

_Tao: Face to face?_

_Kris: Well yeah unless you want to do this all through text lol_

_Kris: I'm on my way_

 

Or maybe it wasn't progress. Not if Kris has the nerve to try and be funny.

"Something going on?" Baekhyun asks, and Tao's heart drops a little because it's not fair to Baekhyun to do this to him when he's had such a hard time all by himself. 

"Nothing really," Tao tries to play it off.

"Tao... are you sure? Is it Kris, still?"

"Kind of." 

 

_Tao: sure but not here_

_Kris: are you home?_

 

"What's going on?"

 

_Tao: Yes but Baekhyun is here and I'm not sending him to his room_

_Kris: so...._

 

Tao sighs. "He's actually on his way over here again."

Baekhyun turns off the TV, and immediately Tao feels guilty for making this seem like a big deal. "Is he... has he... decided?" Baekhyun asks.

"I don't know," Tao answers. "I can't tell, and honestly I'm not even sure if I care anymore but... I think I better go talk to him."

 

_Tao: I'll meet you out. The all-night diner around the corner of my block. That work for you?_

_Kris: yes. meet you there_

 

Out on the street, Tao thinks about his last statement to Baekhyun. Does he care? Does he not care? He can't be sure until he sees Kris again. Despite Baekhyun's dire situation, Tao is oddly invigorated to  _do this_. He wants to know. He needs to know. He's tired of all this beating around the bush and partial denials, and it seems Kris doesn't do well with taking time away unless it's something  _he_  wants to do. It's now or never. Tao has a clear head and that's more than he had the last Wednesday they met and he wasn't in the mood to deal with anything remotely complicated.

Why was this so complicated anyways?

Kris is already in the diner when Tao arrives. He doesn't doubt Kris was already hanging out below his apartment when Tao told him to go away and meet him here. His blond hair is nicely styled, and once again Tao is reminded of that shaggy black hair Kris had when they first met, and how much nicer he looks now. He looks like an adult and not an overgrown grad student, even if that's what he is. 

"Hey," he says as Tao pulls out a chair across the table from him.

"Hi."

Kris clears his throat, visibly nervous. His white button-up shirt is crumpled from wearing it all day and he messes with the collar distractedly. "It's good to uhm... hear you."

"Yeah," says Tao. He forces himself to relax. He orders a soda from the waitress when she comes by and declines any food. For Kris' sake he lets him talk about any little thing for the first few minutes, just because that's what Kris is good at, and he wants him at his most comfortable before he drops the question. Kris is just starting a new anecdote about something non-funny that happened in one of his classes today, but Tao has had enough. 

"So," Tao says, knuckles hardening against the table and he inhales smoothly. "Do you like me?"

Kris gulps. Tao can tell the question caught him slightly off guard, but he's pleased when Kris recovers well enough to quit talking and act like this is important. He looks down at the table and sets his jaw. Then he looks up at Tao, their eyes level, and says, "Yes."

Tao smiles and leans back in his chair. Kris'  _yes_  was a little shaky, but it was definitely a yes. 

"You do realize you text too much," Tao says.

Kris' eyes widen in shock. "Uhm?"

"You text me too many unimportant things and never get to the point."

This is obviously not the interrogation Kris expected to get. He sits still and silent, waiting for Tao to make another move that will hopefully explain it, and Tao revels in his power. 

"I'm saying you waste so much time with things when you could just answer: yes or no."

"Oh."

Tao doesn't give him much time to think about. "What about your family?" he asks. 

"Definitely working on that," Kris says quickly. He's catching on to the pace that Tao is asking, but it's not entirely satisfactory. 

Tao folds his arms and clicks his tongue in disapproval. "So you're still not comfortable with them. Do they know about me?"

"Uh, not about you specifically. They just know about... a guy."

"You said your sister told them. Does that mean she seriously disapproves of you for being gay?"

Kris swallows uncomfortably. Tao doesn't miss the slight tic in his eye when Tao says that word out loud:  _gay_. The waitress comes back to ask them again if they still don't want food, and Kris cringes away from her. Tao doesn't miss a thing. Not the way Kris shrinks into himself, and relaxes only when she's gone. He doesn't miss the way Kris' face is red, or how a slight sheen of sweat dots the back and side of his neck.

Kris is panicking. It would be cute, really, if Tao was in the mood for this. 

Not everyone is ready to make a public pronouncement. He gets that. Outside of his own circle of friends, Tao gets a little shy about that too. He wasn't nearly as confident about his preferences before he fell into a good set of friends who were either like him, or just didn't care. Kris just doesn't fit in, or try to fit in. He never overcame Tao's set of friends, and every time Tao offered to do something with other people, Kris preferred not to. It's going to take a lot of work for Kris to get over this and become a confident boyfriend, a person Tao could be proud to call his boyfriend. And Tao's just confident enough to work with Kris, if he'll just meet him halfway.

"Alright, so I won't ask to meet your family on the first date."

"Huh?"

Tao leans forward across the table. Yes, Kris is cute because he's just never on the same page as Tao. A lot of work, Tao reminds himself. He's going to take a lot of work. "I'm asking you," Tao lowers his voice. "Are you going to ask me out?"

Kris exhales and sits up as well. Even seated he has a few inches on Tao. He leans forward, carefully looking around first, until they're half a foot apart and says, "Will... will you go out with me?" 

Tao smiles.  _Success_. He doesn't kiss him, even though that would be a gesture to seal the deal, because he's sure Kris would freak out. Instead he stays where he is, and whispers, "Yes," as sensually as he can. Kris wriggles back and gives him a half-smile, still worried about the atmosphere. 

"G-good," Kris stutters. "Uhm, can we leave though... please? This place is so... bright."

"Bright?"

"Yeah, too many lights. It makes me uhm... nervous."

Tao smiles again and consents. He knows it's not the lights. It's the public bodies and casual, roving eyes of the wait staff and other late-night diners. "How about your apartment?" Tao suggests, because he's not sure if Baekhyun would have gone to sleep already and if he's still up watching TV he doesn't want to displace him. "We can catch up there, yeah?"

"Yeah," Kris agrees, a little eagerly.

He lives in the same neighborhood, although Tao has never been inside. Kris was always happier inviting himself over to Tao's place, although Tao doesn't know why since he obviously never liked being around Baekhyun. The walk is awkward. They move side-by-side and halfway down the block in between street lamps Tao makes a grab for his hand. Kris tenses but Tao clasps it and holds on long enough for Kris to stop squirming. They pass another pedestrian and Kris does an amazing job not freaking out. By which Tao means Kris let go of his hand almost immediately, realized what he'd done, and gently reached for Tao's hand again. It's a clammy hold, so Tao tries something new at the corner of his block. He purposefully releases Kris' hand and moves his arm to surround his lower back instead. Kris lets him, although he doesn't reciprocate.

Halfway down the block Tao is pleased enough with the situation to lean slightly into Kris' side, and still Kris lets him. He smiles and risks a glance at the other's face, shocked to see a smile mirroring his there and it all feels so very satisfying after all this time. So satisfying that he wants to reward him, and he does so by leaning in a pressing a small peck on the side of Kris' mouth. 

The timing is horrible. Half an inch before he's about to touch him, Tao sees a look of panic worse than any other, and that's even before Tao completes the kiss. The kiss is just the final cataclysm to Kris shrieking in fright before an elbow jabs him in the ribs hard enough to knock him over. Tao hits the sidewalk and cries out just as a woman yells, "Kris?!" 

Tao can barely follow the scene, he's so stunned. His elbow scrapes the ground, and his hip is bruised. He just tried kissing him, his boyfriend, and already he's on the ground, shell-shocked and wondering what happened.

"S-sis..." Kris says shakily.

"Kris, what the hell. Is that your boyfriend?!" 

The woman isn't as tall as her brother, but as she stomps closer, a look of disgust on her face, Kris positively shrinks before her. On one hand he's terrified, and on the hand he doesn't know what to do about Tao on the ground. He probably didn't mean to elbow him so hard, but the reflex was so intense, it happened all the same. 

"I asked you if this is your  _boy_ friend?" his sister repeats, indignant. She marches up to him and shoves him in intimidation. Kris is too muscular to be moved by it but he sways anyways, and his voice echoes only stutters. "It is, isn't it? What the hell, Kris, didn't we talk this out already? Do you not remember what you promised?!"

"He's not!" Kris shouts, completed cowed. 

"He's not what?" 

Tao manages to sit up unaided, cradling his bloody elbow and brushing the dirty gravel away from the wound. It stings, and he bites down the pain, willing himself not to cry.

"He's not my boyfriend," Kris says in a rushed panic. "H-he's just a friend."

"A friend who kisses you?" she spats, and it's obvious she's completely disgusted.

"He was just messing around. Look it's not what you think!" 

"Oh, isn't it?!"

Tao stands up, and Kris looks at him as if he'd actually forgotten Tao was still there. Tao cringes when he sees the glance that meets him: bitter fear and a pretense of disgust Tao knows isn't actually there, but Kris just has to make that face for the benefit of his infuriated sister. 

Suddenly, Tao feels nothing but disgust himself.  "Messing around? Yeah, I was just messing around," he growls. "I knew better but I still thought you were alright."

"What the hell is he saying, Kris?" says the sister. He ignores her.

He wants to fight. To say hateful words that will damn Kris in his sister's eyes worse than any peck on the lips, but as soon as his anger flared up it was gone, and that's when he realizes he was always trying too hard to make this happen. He was right. He knew better, and he knew it was useless. He doesn't even care anymore, and somehow that wasn't as shocking as it should have been.

He didn't care half an hour ago when he left his apartment. It was a sheer will to pretend differently that made him come out. Just like Kris was now pretending he didn't know a single thing about Tao standing beside him, Tao doesn't care about Kris, the person who was never quite right for him. 

"Nothing. I'm saying nothing. Just messing around... Good night, Kris. See you around."  _Or n_ _ot,_  says his look. And he knows Kris receives the message just fine. There's sadness in his eyes finally, but Tao doesn't want to see it anymore. He stalks off as unhurriedly as he can, passes the diner where they agreed to go out, and a bitter smile emerges across his face before he's almost home. 

It's incredible. The whole night has been incredible. He shouldn't have gone out in the first place. This is probably payback for leaving Baekhyun all alone when he knows the boy would probably worry about him. 

He climbs the stairs to his apartment, and stops dead in his tracks when he sees something sitting across his doorway: a figure all hunched up with his knees up and his head hidden and Tao recognizes those black locks. Hasn't Baekhyun been dreaming and pining for them all day now? For two days now? 

"Kai?"

The boy looks up, a wave of gratitude across his tear-stricken face. They've dried by now, but the signs are still there. 

"Tao!"

"What are you doing outside?"

"I... saw you leaving earlier but I was too late to track you down..."

"So you've been sitting outside all this time?"

"Yes... Baekhyun isn't answering his phone." Suddenly Kai's eyes narrow on Tao's arm. "What... what happened to you?"

"Nothing," Tao sighs. He fumbles with his keys. "I'm guessing you want in?"

Kai's voice as he stands up is tiny, sweet, and adorable; everything Tao's always wanted to hear from somebody, but apparently it's not for him. Not today. "Please?"

Tao chuckles. "Yeah, come on. Are you here to make up?"

Kai nods eagerly. The door gives way and Tao goes through first. He needs a shower and probably something real to eat since he didn't get anything proper for dinner. He was too nervous to eat, although it's amusing to him now. What was there to be nervous about? He knew what the real answer would be before he went there. Stupid him.

"Looks like he's gone to bed," Tao whispers. "Well, you know where he is. Good luck." He pats Kai on the back, and gives him a little push towards Baekhyun's door. Then he scoops up his cat and lays it on his bed. He should clean his arm up first but he's so exhausted and stressed he just doesn't have the energy to do so. His bed is too comfy, and the only thing he can think about now is Kai being back, and Baekhyun will be happy now. Small comforts at least. 

He takes out his phone, squashed in his back pocket and texts one final message for the night.

 

_Tao: Looks like Kai came back to make his peace_

 

Ten minutes later when he's almost asleep, he gets the reply.

 

_Sehun: Fantastic!_

_Sehun: Hey, Friday is party night. Should we all get back together and celebrate the lovebirds?_

_Tao: sounds like a plan goodnight_

* * *

 

 

34  THIS WILL HAVE TO DO

 

“Wakey wakey.”

Something nudges Kai's ribs painfully, an elbow or a boney finger. Sleep recedes away like an old friend abandoning him, but Kai refuses to open his eyes and acknowledge it.

“I said, wake up...” The voice is cloying, overly sweet, and that makes it sound like death to Kai's ears. He peeks open an eye, the one closest to the bed and therefore farthest from view in case whoever annoying person this is can see. 

It's 5:30 in the morning. He groans.

“Ahah!” Baekhyun cries out in success, and Kai knows he's doomed. The game is lost. “Come on, get up. That's not the sound of someone sleeping. That's the sound of someone trying to ignore me. Kai, wake up,” he sing-songs the last line, and the fingers resume their prodding.

Kai almost insists on pretending, because how on earth can Baekhyun expect him to wake up at such an hour? It's positively inhuman. And then he remembers the last thing he heard last night. The last few words Baekhyun ushered before he fell asleep, and Kai stayed up with his mind pounding, wracked with guilt and sorrow because how dare Baekhyun greet him with words like that.

Kai came to the apartment last night fully expecting to have to deal with a miserable boyfriend (and hopefully not an ex-boyfriend after what he said) fully expected Baekhyun to be sad or angry, and possibly both, and Kai had a plan and a complete set list of answers and apologies; they would make up in a grand way and all would be well.

_“I love you.”_

But then he couldn't get inside, and Baekhyun wasn't answering his phone and he'd already seen Tao leaving, and all his words turned to tears when nobody answered his knocks. Finding Baekhyun asleep in the bed was the best and worst thing that could have happened, because Kai had no idea what it meant. If Baekhyun was sleeping away his anger and grief, or if he was so fine with everything that he could sleep soundly, Kai didn't know.

Eloquent words turned to mush the moment he slid in beside him, praying Baekhyun wouldn't push him aside. 

_“I love you.”_

How exactly could he answer those words when all of Kai's thoughts were of remorse bordering on such extreme relief that Baekhyun had not only pulled him under and kissed him and evidently didn't need to hear Kai's 'forgive me' speech to fall asleep happy in a cuddle. 

_I love you, too_ , he whispered into the dark. 

Nobody heard him, not even himself. Morning would come soon enough, and indeed it does.

Kai moans and tries to roll over, but a body stops him.

“Are you awake?” Baekhyun asks nicely this time.

“Mmmm.”

“Good.”

He can hear the happiness in Baekhyun's voice, and that prompts him to try harder. He opens both eyes fully this time and looks around. They are still very close to the position they fell asleep in, or at least in the spoon-position Baekhyun fell asleep in before Kai laid awake mulling over everything in his head. He rolls onto his back, necessitating that Baekhyun should move too, and he does just enough that Kai can turn his head to look at him and reach across to gather Baekhyun's hand. It rests on his stomach already, lightly clenching and possessive. Kai can't help it, but a tear tugs at his eye as his emotions let loose.

Baekhyun obviously sees it happen. He pulls his hand free and touches the dampened place in the corner of Kai's eye. “What's wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing?” Baekhyun says sadly. “Doesn't look like nothing.” He pushes himself up onto one elbow, the better to gaze down at Kai.

Kai remains silent, but he can't avoid Baekhyun's concerned stare and he doesn't want to. “I thought... I thought maybe you were so mad at me you wouldn't want to see me again.”

Baekhyun smiles, his lips closed and the left side of his face moves more than the right and Kai sees every tortured emotion mirrored back at him. The smile doesn't quite reach Baekhyun's eyes, but a beautiful kind of love shines out of them anyways.

“And why would you think that?”

“Because I said some awful things to you?”

Baekhyun smirks, like he has to consider the past few days. “Did you?” he teases. “I can hardly remember. It's been a boring set of days. I mean, not boring necessarily... Tao bought a waffle maker, and I rode a bike - that was miserable, my poor thighs - lots of dance and nobody bothering me on the phone terribly much, and what else? Oh, I ran into Luhan giving Minseok a blow job on the stairs in the studio between the first and second floor and let me tell  _you_ :  _that_  was a sight I'd much rather not see again...”

Kai gapes at him, only one fact really resonating.

“We have a waffle maker now?”

 

 

 

It's 6:00 am when Tao stumbles out of his bedroom to the crippling smell of waffles in the morning. Instead of him at the counter this time, however, and Baekhyun waiting impatiently at the table with his corner store bought coffee, it's Kai doing the work and Baekhyun still sits at the table clutching a hot paper mug of caffeinated liquid.

Kai looks over at Tao sheepishly. “Morning. Breakfast is almost ready.”

Baekhyun secretly smiles behind his back and gives Tao a blisteringly bright 'Everything's okay!' silent announcement. 

“Thanks for cooking,” says Tao as he slips into a chair next to Baekhyun.

“Yeah. And thanks for buying this thing,” Kai says. “And, other stuff.”

“No problem. Any other essential kitchen items you need?” Tao jokes. 

“How about a deep fryer?”

Baekhyun chokes on his coffee. “What do you need a deep fryer for??”

Kai turns around and leans with his back against the counter while the batter cooks. “Didn't you know? In the south for breakfast sometimes you can get waffles and fried chicken!”

Tao makes a face. 

“No way,” Baekhyun cries.

“It's true! Honest! I'll take you sometime.” 

“Mmm, yes please.” Baekhyun makes his eyebrows dance. “But I'm not so sure about the fried chicken thing for breakfast.”

“Okay, how about catfish and grits?” Kai suggests.

“I'm not even going to ask,” says Tao. 

Not even twenty minutes later they have all eaten and the dishes are cleared away. “I can't believe we're all actually awake this early,” Kai complains after Tao goes back into his room to shower. He stands behind Baekhyun's chair with his arms on his boyfriend's shoulders. Baekhyun is still his boyfriend after all that happened; Kai needs to revel in that. He slowly massages a few spots around Baekhyun's neck and shoulder blades. “Explain to me again why you woke us up so early?”

“Because today's a long day and I won't get to see you much before I have to go to the studio - oh hang on, you missed a spot... right there... there - and I wanted someone to cook me breakfast - ahhh that feels so good.”

Kai removes his hands and boxes Baekhyun's ears a couple of times. “I see...”

Baekhyun drains the last of his cold coffee. “I need another one.”

“Whatever happened to  _Mr. I don't like coffee?_ ” Kai teases. 

“Circumstances, man. It's early, and it's also kind of cold. Come with me to get another one, please?”

Kai has no choice but to follow Baekhyun back out into in the morning chilled air, the two of them bundled up in their fall coats to the convenience store with quite a decent selection of coffee since Baekhyun insists it's better than making it in his machine. Instead of returning to the apartment though, Baekhyun sits on a bench outside the storefront and Kai sits down next to him, a cup of his own now in his hands. 

It's a slightly chillier atmosphere, not that the temperature has much to do with it. Baekhyun is waiting, waiting for the explanation he knows Kai still needs to give, and he is waiting for the right opportunity to issue an ultimatum of his own.

Kai knows it too. ”I talked to my mom yesterday,” he says.

Baekhyun remains silent, but he looks up to give Kai an encouraging nod, urging him to continue.

“I'm going to take that job teaching. Just temporarily.”

Whatever Baekhyun expected, it's not this. He's puzzled, genuinely pleased, but still a little worried about Kai's capabilities no matter how he came to the decision that this is what he wants to do. “So you're going to teach.”

“Not the full evening. Just about half of it. Three classes. Sehun is taking the other half. And it's just for the rest of this semester and spring. That'll give my mom time to... hire another teacher if she needs since we don't know when Mrs. Jung will be back.”

“I'm glad,” Baekhyun says. 

“Glad about what? That I'm going to teach, or try to?”

“That, but mostly that you talked with your mom.”

“Oh.” Kai hangs his head slightly over his lap, coffee resting on his knees. 

Baekhyun nudges him in the side and Kai howls as elbow meets ribs, again. Baekhyun grins and laughs and tries to sneak his arm behind Kai's back, but Kai gets there first and cuts him off. Baekhyun's left with no other option than to lean into Kai, one solid arm holding him close. He breathes in the cool air, content to stay like that for a while.

“I'm proud of you,” Baekhyun says. 

Kai grunts uneasily to show he heard, though he doesn't have the words to say anything more about it.

“And also...” Baekhyun continues, and then stops. 

“Also, what?”

Baekhyun's head rests on Kai's shoulder so he can't see his expression. He's too nervous to look anyways. “I mean what I said... last night.”

By his silence Baekhyun knows Kai heard. He waits with bated breath.

“You said... you loved me,” Kai says softly.

“Present tense, Kai. Present tense,” Baekhyun says to lighten the mood.

“You love me,” Kai amends.

“Yes. But I also meant the other thing I said too.” 

Kai hasn't removed his arm, but it does slide up to cover Baekhyun's shoulder and still they haven't looked at each other. Baekhyun focuses on a storefront on the other side of the street and occasionally the cars that pass by. 

“Something about not going away from you again? Baek, I promise I won't... do that again.”

Kai sits up and sets his coffee cup aside, and then takes Baekhyun's as well and puts it on the ground. His face is taut and serious-minded, and even though Baekhyun knows he's not about to say something upsetting or mean or damning to their relationship, he can't help but feel his heart pound as the gravity of their situation makes itself known. He already told Kai he loved him, and has yet to hear those words back. It shouldn't be stressful with all the little things they've already covered this morning, but it is. It's like Kai asked him to climb a tree and crawl out onto a limb and he did, but Kai didn't go with him, and now all Baekhyun wants is either to be on the ground safe and sound or sitting sturdily on a stronger branch. His face must be an open door to his heart because Kai looks back at him anxiously.

“When you asked me what was wrong earlier, and I said it was nothing,” Kai begins. He holds Baekhyun's shoulders with either hand. “It wasn't nothing. I was just so incredibly shocked that you... that you loved me, that you said that even after the last few days. I didn't think I deserved that.”

Baekhyun stops him with a cheeky smile. “It isn't about deserving it honestly. It just  _is_  that way.  _I_  am that way. It's why I let you run away, because I knew you would be back.”  Kai stares at him perplexed, and Baekhyun squints one eyebrow. “What?”

“You! That's what.” Kai almost shouts. 

“And what about me?” he taunts.

“I knew you were worth waiting for,” Kai says, and the cheesiness in his tone just rolls off his lips.

“You haven't even slept with me and you say that?” Baekhyun laughs.

Kai gulps and looks around quickly do double-check nobody heard that. Baekhyun meanwhile continues to laugh, and Kai glares back at him, though it's obvious he's having a hard time trying to keep a straight face himself.

“This! This is what I mean,” Kai growls happily, hands flailing between them now as he indicates all of Baekhyun from his head to his toes. “There's only one thing that pisses me off, though.”

“What?”

“That you got to say it first.”

“Say what first?” Baekhyun's confidence is soaring, no longer just fake bravado.

“ _'I love you.'_  You got to say it first.”

“Well I am older than you.”

“Yeah but I've loved you longer.”

Baekhyun scoffs. “Not possible. You couldn't have, because you can't love some fully that you've never met.”

“Oh, but  _I_  can.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

To make him prove it, Baekhyun leans forward putting his face inches from Kai's and practically dares him with his eyes to check their surroundings now. Kai meets him there and kisses his lips with a ravenous kind of hunger. Arms entwine around Baekhyun and his heart thumps. A woman coughs close by and he just knows people are staring, but both of them refuse to acknowledge the world.

Until Kai shifts in his seat, one knee kicking out to keep his balance and Baekhyun's coffee goes flying down the sidewalk.

Baekhyun pulls back immediately and screeches. “My coffee!”

It rolls several feet away and lands by a trash can, all liquid spilled on the concrete between them and the can. “Kai, you are  _so_  getting me another cup of coffee!”

“What? But you've had two already.” Kai cries as he jumps up to fetch the now trashed cup. 

“One and a half, so it doesn't count. I want another one!” he pouts.

“Okay, okay, I'll get you another one,” Kai says. He sits down on the bench and hugs Baekhyun in what should be a comforting posture. It's awkward though and Baekhyun pulls away, fighting the mass of arms as Kai laughs at him. “But only because I love you, alright?”

“Alright. Wait, what?”

Kai grins. “Because, I love you.”

“Wow, my love must be cheap if it only costs you a few bucks,” Baekhyun whines, eyes playfully capturing Kai's glance. 

His boyfriend smirks as he stands up, all ready to reenter the corner store. “If you ever want me to kiss you again, you'll accept my cheap kind of love.”

“Okay, I'll accept the deal,” Baekhyun says quickly.

 

 

 

Kai enters the studio behind Baekhyun later that morning, reluctant to let him out of sight for as long as he can. He's even missing his first class of the day to do this, but Baekhyun doesn't have to know that, he hopes. Some mornings a guy needs to have priorities, and Kai clearly knows where his should be today: making up for lost time, and proving he loves Baekhyun.

That's why he doesn't fight back when Baekhyun introduces Kai to the first person he runs into as, “Hey, this is Kai. He's my slave for the day!”

Now Kai is starting to have doubts about why Baekhyun had him carry his heavy shoe bag all the way down the street and into the building. The girl Baekhyun says hi to isn't one that Kai knows very well, so he grins at her sheepishly and painfully behind Baekhyun's back as they brush past each other in the hallway. Baekhyun chuckles on their way up the stairs, and finally retrieves his bag back from Kai. 

They find the usual crowd of soloists and principles in one of the dance rooms and Kai invites himself inside. He sits down beside a drugged up, sleepy Minseok who has the beginnings of a cold. 

“Better not get too close to him. He might be contagious,” says Suho from his perch on a chair in the corner. He's still on crutches and grumpy about it as ever. Kai had it on good authority from Kyungsoo through Sehun from Yixing, that he and Yixing were not-so-secretly but secretly dating, but it wasn't something he dared to speak of polite company, for fear of being whacked on the head by Suho's wooden crutch. Luhan already got a knot on his head last week from trying to make guesses about their love life, Baekhyun had told him. The other half of this supposedly sunny pair was stretching on the other side of the room, and if Kai wasn't looking for it, he wouldn't have noticed the occasional glances the two shared through the mirror.

“What are you doing here anyways?” Suho asks.

“Yeah, what are you doing here?” Luhan repeats the question. Minseok rolls his eyes at him.

“Just hanging out.”

“And where did you leave Tao?” 

“He was about five minutes behind us,” Baekhyun explains. It was the wrong thing to do apparently.

“ _Us_?” Luhan says, mouth agape unattractively. “You mean you two came together, from your house? After a Monday night?” He whistles and leans back on his palms appearing quite impressed. Minseok tries to distract him but is unable to do so. “Well, at least you guys made up.”

Kai pales uncomfortably, because the subject of his and Baekhyun's 'fight' wasn't something he was particularly keen to have talked about. Baekhyun gives him a reassuring look, however, and pats him on the thigh. It was another wrong move, because Luhan didn't miss that one either. He stares at them with a suspiciously sexual glimmer in his eye.

“So what were you guys doing, making up on a Monday night, huh?”

Baekhyun smirks at him. “Nothing you and Minseok wouldn't do on a staircase on a Monday afternoon.”

Minseok turns quite possibly the palest shade of white Kai has ever seen on a human face, and when Luhan catches his boyfriend glaring at him, he shuts up prettily.

“Moving on!” Kai says loudly.

“Yes, moving on!” Luhan repeats. He clears his throat and scoots a few inches farther from Minseok and everybody else and tries to focus. One of their instructors for the day comes in urging the dancers to stretch before warm-ups. Tao sneaks into his spot a few minutes after that, and suddenly Kai has nothing to do. Baekhyun clasps his hand though when warm-ups begin and instead of leaving for the day, Kai kisses him casually goodbye and finds another room he knows to be empty. He uses the same music currently pumping through the thin walls of the other practice room to set his own pace. It's a slower and less demanding work out than the other dancers are getting, but for him it will have to do.

 

* * *

 

 

35  BUT I CHOSE ROCK

 

It's Friday evening around seven o'clock when Baekhyun and Tao finally take a breather from moving around their living room furniture. The couch is shoved against a shelf along the wall, a few unimportant side tables are transferred into Baekhyun's room, and a whole mess of unidentified clutter is shoved into Tao's. They're having a party tonight, and if Baekhyun could have persuaded anyone else to hold it at their place, he and Tao wouldn't be in this position right now. Their apartment barely fits five comfortably, but eleven is not exactly a small gathering. Baekhyun almost thinks of uninviting a few people, but right now the most odd men out would be his friend and his friend's roommate, and Baekhyun really doesn't want to have to see Chanyeol's puppy dog sad face on his next visit. Baekhyun curses himself for being the one who wanted a party like this in the first place, a long long time ago. He just expected that if it ever happened, it would be somewhere else. Unfortunately, nobody's got a nicer place than his, and that's downright sad when he thinks about it.

“Is there anything else we have to do?” Tao collapses onto the sofa, over-acting with a wimpy flair. Baekhyun just saw him lift an arm chair weighing more than either of them nearly over his head, so he knows Tao's no fragile thing. 

“Yeah, let's knock out your bedroom wall and that'll solve a few more problems.”

“What? Why mine?!”

“There aren't enough chairs for people to sit,” says Baekhyun, changing the subject and perusing the room like his eyes will magically find more places to cram in people.

Tao smirks. “Don't worry. Probably half of them won't need more than somebody's lap. Including you,” he adds with an extra smarmy sneer. “Speaking of boyfriends, where's yours?”

Baekhyun deliberates about mentioning Kai, not because he doesn't know where his boyfriend is - he's supposed to be here anytime - but because things have been off with Tao still, and he can't get his roommate to really open up. The most Tao would say is that things didn't work out with Kris, and that Tao expected things wouldn't anyways, and Baekhyun needn't be bothered. Baekhyun had tried only a few more times to ask Tao how he was, even generally, and never got a real answer. He thinks to try it again, but a knock on the door interrupts him.

“That's probably Kai now,” Baekhyun says.

It isn't though. He opens the door to a bickering couple, Yixing chastising Suho for insisting on walking all the way up the stairs by himself. Suho's been notoriously obnoxious this week about using his crutches, or rather about not using them, and he doesn't have them now. Yixing has him by the elbow with another arm wrapped around his middle back and Suho yowls and tries to throw him off.

“Quit it, Yixing. I'm fine. I can walk just fine. It's been three weeks already. I'm nearly fine,” he stresses patiently.

“Exactly why you should be extra careful, unless you want to hurt it again before it's fully healed.”

“I'm taking it easy, okay? I am. Hi, Baekhyun.” He winces. “Uhm, is there a chair I can sit in? Now?” 

Baekhyun backs away and lets them in. Tao is already off the couch and pointing at the armchair, and Yixing helps to maneuver Suho over to it. “Do you have a stool or another chair? He should elevate it again. Now that's he's insisted on walking all the way up the stairs.”

Suho gives in to his fussing, and when Tao takes Yixing back to his room to help him pick out a footstool, Suho rolls his eyes and stares helplessly at Baekhyun. 

Baekhyun smiles in return. “He seems... like a good nurse?” 

Suho looks halfway between annoyed and grateful at the presentation of his and Yixing's unspoken relationship. “He is,” he half chuckles, and for once Baekhyun doesn't get a snarky follow-up statement, like he's used to Suho giving. Since the dancer's ankle injury, Suho has been grumpy, yes, but there has been a marked difference in how well he treats Baekhyun: less like his abhorred rival, and more like a person he tolerates well enough. Whether or not that has anything to do with Baekhyun staring him down that one time, or if it's all Yixing's fault, Baekhyun doesn't care to really ask. It's just a nice enough change, so much that when Sehun and Tao insisted on the guest list this for this  ~~totally not~~  formal gathering, Baekhyun immediately assumed Suho would be invited. Sehun had grimaced, but 'for Yixing's sake, I guess we can invite him.'

Yixing returns with a footstool and Suho obliges him by using it. 

“Anything to drink around here yet?” Suho asks. 

“I told the old people to bring stuff if they wanted it,” says Baekhyun, because he's still not of an age where he can purchase liquor. 

“Oh,” says Suho. “Well apparently we didn't get the memo.”

Yixing offers to go out and get some but Tao reassures him that it probably won't be necessary. “Luhan is coming, after all.” The four of them take a moment to smirk and agree that indeed, a trip to the store definitely won't be necessary. 

“Where is Kai?” Yixing is the second person to ask that. 

“On his way, I guess,” Baekhyun answers, while Suho gives him a strange look. “What? What is it?” He really isn't all that good at interpreting Suho's expressions.

“Nothing. Just curious how you guys are doing, that's all.”

“So... nothing else to add?” Baekhyun.

“No?” Suho says innocently.

Baekhyun cocks his head, hands on his hips and stares him down. “Come on. Out with it. What were you going to say?”

“Nothing! Honest!” Suho throws up his hands. “Okay, I mean I was just commenting on you two. And curious how you managed to land him. He never showed an interest in anybody for all the years I knew him. Male or female.”

“You sound jealous,” Baekhyun teases, even though he doesn't think that's the case. “No offense, Yixing,” he adds for the benefit of the Chinese dancer. 

Suho snorts. “Huh. Yixing knows I'm not.” He looks smug for a moment, and then catches himself when he finds both Baekhyun and Tao staring gleefully between them and Yixing looking proud. 

“I knew it,” whispers Tao smartly.

“Knew what!?” Suho turns defensive, his cheeks blushing hot and red. 

Yixing smiles and ruffles Suho's hair, and then he leans over. He coos into Suho's ear, but in a voice audible enough for the rest to hear. “Give it up, baby. Everybody knows.” He kisses him on the cheek sweetly while Suho remains still as a statue, determined to uphold some sense of misguided dignity. Baekhyun laughs outright. 

Before anyone else arrives, however, Suho does something else surprising. Under Yixing's clueless eye and Tao's second-hand amusement, he warns him about Kai. Or rather, he warns Baekhyun to be good to Kai. 

Baekhyun grins. “You're kidding, right? I'm the best thing that's happened to him,” he boasts, half in jest because Suho's sudden grandfatherly tone is something Baekhyun can't handle with a serious voice. Suho glares at him. “Alright, I know. I know. I'll be good to him. But what got you sounding so brotherly all of a sudden? I've never heard you say anything so affectionate for Kai,” he continues to tease.

“I'm not-” Suho stutters. “I'm not being affectionate. I just know what he's been through. And in any case I'm warning  _you_ , as someone who's got a good thing right now, not to screw it up.”

“Aww, Suho,” Baekhyun coos. “I might actually think you care about me.” He stops his teasing for just a moment though to seriously consider Suho's advice, and with a solemn nod and a handshake he says, “Thank you, though. In another [tale](http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/675135/the-virgin-s-tale-comedy-exo-hunhan-xiuchen-sulay-baekai-kaibaek) you'd be a good brother.” Then he winks.

That aggravates Suho again. He squirms while Yixing chuckles over his head. “What? I'm not your brother,” he says grumpily. 

“Oh, you're not? Well it sounded like it for a moment there.”

Yixing doesn't help anything when he confirms that indeed, with all their bickering he could easily picture Suho and Baekhyun as brothers. It takes Tao knocking a large box of plastic forks off the counter to quiet the trio down, but Baekhyun decides in that moment that he genuinely likes his 'former rival' and it's no longer just lip service. He thinks they really will get along in life now. 

Kai arrives shortly after, and not that far off schedule. He cites classes running late, and then Kyungsoo being uncharacteristically off-schedule (since it took his roommate a little persuading to actually come). Baekhyun wishes he could spend a few moments alone with his boyfriend ‘catching up’ but Chanyeol and Jongdae actually arrive early – and really Baekhyun doesn’t know how this trend evolved because Chanyeol is never early. If anything, he’s the late one, always. Jongdae explains it thus: “Sorry, he was complaining because his TA rejected him. I had to get him out as soon as possible so he’d stop moping.”

“I am not moping!” Chanyeol complains loudly. “And I wasn’t rejected. Outright. She just said she couldn’t do dinner tomorrow night…”

“And probably can’t for every dinner for the rest of her life,” Jongdae adds with an evil little trill in his voice.

“Shut up. You don’t know that.”

Sehun shows up fifteen minutes later and drags Tao out with him to pick up the pizza from somewhere down the street. Baekhyun, already attached to Kai at the hip, watches as Kyungsoo offers to go with them. Sehun rejects the offer with a huff and a roll of his eyes (“No, Kyungsoo, we don't need a chaperone.”) and Kyungsoo gleefully lets them go alone.

The tiny little room is already building up in volume as more and more voices are added to the mix. Baekhyun’s curious if his neighbors will complain before the night is out, but even if they do it’ll probably be worth it. He likes people, likes seeing everybody around and most of all he likes how Kai seems relaxed and happy and in no way feeling awkward among the crowd of dancers and non-dancers alike.

Even better, he likes how the various groups of friends seem to intermingle flawlessly because that takes the stress off Baekhyun, not having to integrate two sets of people or mediate more than a minor scuffle. Jongdae, after verifying brashly that Yixing is already taken and therefore no threat to his manhood, loosens up and engages the man in a heated discussion about adjusting to life in the big city; Suho manages to deal well enough with a slightly chatty Chanyeol about the perils of liking women, of which Suho only nods and shakes his head and grimaces because he has nothing to add to the subject at all, not having any girls to worry about other than the ones he dances with, and with his current condition not even that.

There’s one slight hitch in the evening’s progression that happens when Sehun and Tao return. Chanyeol, in his rush to shove food into his mouth, jumps off the couch and practically bowls over Kyungsoo on his way to the counter. The shorter man howls and suddenly Chanyeol is all frowns, upturned eyebrows and apologies, and unfortunately much too dramatic about it. “Oh! I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! I really didn’t see you there. You’re so  _short_ I didn't even notice!”

Baekhyun and Kai have to keep them segregated on opposite ends of the room for the rest of the night since Kyungsoo seems quite taken with the idea of murdering Chanyeol for the offense.

The two eldest dancers arrive last. Luhan and Minseok show up with bags full of beer and alcohol and they trade them out for the last box of pizza.

“What took you guys so long?” Sehun complains.

“Huh?” says Luhan. “Oh, uhm. Busy with some stuff. You know.”

“No, I don’t know.”

Luhan glances once at Minseok, and a tiny hint of mischief flickers in his eyes. To Sehun he just says, “Well if you can’t figure out what, then you’re a whole lot younger than I thought you were.” He winks and Sehun stands still with a blank face trying to figure it out.

Minseok rolls his eyes and pushes past the two, shoving two rolled up pieces of pizza into his mouth as he greets the other dancers. Behind his back Luhan mimics one violent hip thrust, and suddenly Sehun gets it.

“Ohhhhhhhh.” Which quickly turns into, “Ewwwwww. Luhan, really. You don’t have to talk about this kind of stuff in public, okay?”

“What? I didn’t say anything. Anyways, that was a joke.”

“Really?” Sehun looks relieved.

“No. Actually he did the—” Another hip thrust.

Sehun looks disgusted again.

Kai and Baekhyun watch the whole thing incidentally seated together with Kai lying nearly all the way across Baekhyun’s lap, feet up off the ground and perched on Suho’s stool just so he can torment the elder. It’s an odd twist for Kai, and Baekhyun thinks he should probably make him sit up, but at the angle he’s in, this means Baekhyun gets to hold Kai around the middle and whisper into his ear if need be.

“Missed you,” he says once, when everyone is otherwise distracted. Minseok is digging around the fridge for a bucket of salad stuff he’d instructed Tao to get earlier. Chanyeol is still being loudmouthed and accidentally obnoxious, especially when he gives up the discussion about girls and tries once again to apologize to Kyungsoo. After a minute of that and a few unnecessary hisses from Kyungsoo, he gives up, and he’s back across the room again and back on the subject of his gorgeous TA.

Baekhyun only earns a happy grunt from Kai for his comment. They’re not situated well enough to hold a proper conversation, snuggly though the whole position is.  Baekhyun’s been extra chilly ever since people started coming in and out of the door. The chill wind gusts that come through make him shiver, but Kai is just the blanket he needs. 

“I love you,” he tries again, and this time he gets a ridiculously happy grin out of his boyfriend. Baekhyun sneaks one cold palm under Kai's sweater, seeking body heat to thaw it out. Kai hitches his breath, but doesn't dislodge it, and so Baekhyun sneaks the other one in too. He interlocks his fingers out of eyesight along the front of Kai's belly, content with the position, and when Kai doesn't react he nibbles ever so gently at the skin behind his ear. 

Kai's twitchy jump and accompanying hiss draw the attention of a few others.

"Hey, Baekhyun!" Sehun calls. "Stop manhandling your boyfriend. Or do it somewhere else, please!"

"What? I'm not doing anything?" Baekhyun genuinely whines. Kai giggles silently in front of him.

Luhan whistles. "You call that doing nothing? Where are your hands, Baekhyun? Show us your hands!"

At this Kai starts to panic, but he's too slow to stop Baekhyun's left hand rising up to reveal the skin along his stomach, and his other hand resting innocently across his belly button. Kai squirms and tries to pull his shirt down, succeeding only after everyone's seen the show, and Baekhyun is no help even with his hands around the outside of the sweater. He smoothes down the material proprietarily while Kai seethes and tries to pull away. Suho gives them a look then, and Baekhyun finally lets him go. 

Kai doesn't go far though. He sits upright this time next to Baekhyun and as if they were mere friends, links their arms innocently together. 

"I always said we needed to protect Kai from him," Sehun mutters from across the room. 

Baekhyun and Kai ignore them, and honestly Baekhyun's more amused when he glances over at his best friend, who's valiantly trying to cover up Jongdae's eyes with his hand in case anything gay happens. Jongdae swats his arm away, bored more than anything else and he walks over to the counter to help himself to Minseok's salad. 

"When did we get so many healthy vegetarians around here anyway?" Luhan starts to complain. 

"Aren't you a dancer?" Kyungsoo remarks. "Don't you have to eat healthy most of the time?"

"Yeah," says Luhan, "but not on a Friday night! Hey, who wants a beer!?"

Baekhyun doesn't know how they do it, but they manage to spend the rest of the evening and night playing a mixture of video games and internet videos. Nobody kills anyone for real, although there are a few scuffles to get into the bathroom, as scuffles there must be with eleven guys and only one toilet.

At one point, Sehun even manages to lock Suho in the bathroom, Suho is too drunk to figure out how to unlock it and ends up stuck, and then locked in Tao's room instead (also courtesy of Sehun probably although nobody saw him do it). Tao tries desperately to pick the lock on the outside of his bedroom door with a straightened paper clip, and Yixing surprises everybody by banging on the door and telling Suho very calmly to unlock it from the inside. Suho emerges limping but victorious, and everybody cheers.

It's an eventful evening, one Baekhyun doesn't want to have to clean up tomorrow, but he'll cross that bridge when he gets there. 

"I need a break," he whispers to Kai around midnight. The two sneak outside since Baekhyun's room - as the gateway to the loo - affords them no privacy. They end up back down the street outside the convenience store where Kai first told Baekhyun he loved him. This time, however, they waste very few words. Neither of them give a damn if any passers-by pay attention to their heated make-out session in front of the same bench where they'd sat a few days before. After all the touches and all the teasing, and all the very real witnesses inside the apartment who wouldn't let them catch a break, both of them need this. 

They collapse, near breathless onto the bench just a few minutes later. Kai pants and his lips are swollen, and Baekhyun breathes heavy but presses immediately into Kai's side, still looking for warmth as they gather their wits. Baekhyun won't admit it, but he's just a little bit too tipsy, and that turns him clingy. 

His phone buzzes, and Baekhyun, who doesn't even remember putting it into his pocket pulls it out to read the text. He groans when he sees who's it from and Kai instinctly peers over to watch Baekhyun read and then reply.

 

_Luhan: Hey Baek. Whose room can I use? Yours or Tao's?_

_Baekhyun: Neither. get the hell out of my apartment if you can't contain yourself_

_Luhan: okay I'll try Tao's_

 

Baekhyun whines and drops the phone back into his pocket.

Kai prods him gently. "Do we need to go back and save your apartment?"

"No. I'd like to see him try and get past Tao. He had a fit when he thought it was just Suho alone in there. There's no way he'll allow an actual couple through," Baekhyun chuckles.

"Alright, I'm glad," Kai sighs. "Because I don't want to go back just yet."

"Me neither."

They snuggle up for a few more minutes, side by side with Baekhyun's hand in Kai's, and his head resting gently on his shoulder. Kai leans his head back on the side of the building and pretends to look for stars in the overcast sky. Baekhyun lifts his head up when he hears Kai clear his throat as if he wants to say something. 

"Hmm? What is it?" Baekhyun beats him to the question.

Kai focuses, as if to prepare his words. "Speaking of Luhan and Minseok..."

"Oh god, no I don't want to speak about them," says Baekhyun.

"Okay, well not speaking about them, I guess. But since they were... well earlier..." His words trail off.

"Yeah?" Baekhyun senses wherever this is going may actually be something important to Kai.

"It's just... well, they're very open about some things. And it occurs to me that... we aren't... that we don't..."

"Don't what?"

Kai chews on his lower lip, ruminating over his words before saying them, very slowly. "Well, we haven't really talked about it, so I don't know exactly what you expect, or what I'm supposed to expect."

Baekhyun sits up suddenly with an inkling of what this is about. "Are you talking about sex?"

Kai meets his eyes and nods solemnly. "Yes." 

"So... we haven't really gotten all the way there..." Baekhyun pries.

"Uh huh. And..."

"And what?"

If there was anymore light on the street, Baekhyun may be staring at a blushing Kai. However with the shadows working against them, he can't really tell. He does know that Kai is extremely concerned with whatever he's getting at though. First time potential nerves, possibly.

Kai steels himself. "I mean I don't know... who does... what. Or how that... gets decided." 

Baekhyun stares at him, torn between laughing outright or making this a whole lot more solemn than it has any right to be. He settles for right down the middle. "Oh. You mean you don't know who tops or bottoms?" 

Kai stares back, refusing to actually repeat the words to confirm his concern.

"Oh, well Kai. It's pretty simple actually. Every time you get ready for it, you just play a game."

"A game??" 

"Yeah. Want to play right now?" He pulls his and Kai's hands up between them. "It's called Kai Bai Bo. Ready to play? One two three go!" he shrieks, and it's only sheer panic and instinct that has Kai following his instructions right on the dot. In a flash, their hands lay out the luck of the throw.

Baekhyun stares at the result, both of them frozen in time, and then a smile forms from his lips as he stares at Paper. "Ha ha. Looks like I win top!" He jumps up and does a little dance, laughing uproariously at the stunned look on his boyfriend's face. Kai doesn't even register it. He's still staring at his fist, wondering how on earth a little thing like this could dictate the entire direction of his sexual life. 

He snaps after ten more seconds of Baekhyun's taunts and tackles him back to the bench. Baekhyun squeals and twists away and Kai won't let him go. "You're sick, Baekhyun! Sick! Kai Bai Bo?? Baekhyun, really?!?" 

"Really!" Baekhyun shrieks again. 

"But I chose rock, Baekhyun! And you're going to do what now??"

He nearly suffocates the smaller boy within his arms, still rocking and squirming away, and Baekhyun squeaks out one more appeal of, "Top!" before Kai pins him down for good.

"But I chose rock!" he complains for the final time.

 


	8. Chapter 8

36  BETTER BE SURE

 

Kai isn’t used to this studio. It's further south in the city and he has to travel a long ways to get here and navigate vaguely familiar streets. The building is oddly shaped, and there are always more people in it. Mostly it just takes a while to get to, and he misses the other facility.

When he was younger and still dancing, the pre-collegiate division and general dance studio was housed in the same studio where the company now rehearses. Lots of things have changed during his absence, including this location. This is his mother’s second branch now, where the little kids are taught dance every evening, and if Kai didn’t know that Sehun was just a few rooms down teaching a similar class, he’d feel very much alone.There’s nothing quite as odd as spending three hours teaching wailing children how to move their feet, and at the end of the day to send them home and hear only silence echoing back. At least he survived Day 1. It's only Monday, but this is the only night he's agreed to teach, as per arrangement with his mother.

He packs his bag and changes his shoes, throws on a sweater and tosses his other coat over his shoulder. He’s not ready to leave yet. Sehun promised him a cheap dinner in congratulations for becoming a teacher, and his best friend still has another fifteen minutes of teaching to do.

Kai finds himself poised in the hallway outside of Sehun’s classroom where a long plexiglass window allowed outsiders to see in, and the students to see only a mirror from the inside. A few parents mill around in the hallway. One of them actually recognizes Kai from his younger days. He remembers the woman as the mother of one-time fellow dancer. It seems the woman’s oldest daughter has given up the art, but her younger sister still attends. 

Half a dozen awkward questions later about why Kai doesn’t dance in the company, and he’s exhausted both mentally and physically. He can’t even recall exactly which variation of half-lies and half-truths he gave this time. His answers always change from person to person. 

‘Oh yes, I was gone for a little while.’  ‘Yes, I moved to another state.’  ‘Well, I don’t really dance professionally anymore.’  ‘Yes, my mom spends most of her time at the other studio.’  ‘Well you see, my back isn’t quite in shape…’  ‘Is it an injury? Well, yes and no…’  ‘Yes, I’ve been getting some physical therapy done on it…’  ‘Oh, well thank you for your thoughts and well-wishes.’ 

By the time she found someone else to talk to in the lobby, Kai wishes he had left sooner. Five more minutes till Sehun finishes his class. Kai leans up again the glass and lazily watches his friend. Five years ago he never imagined that Sehun would make a decent teacher, let alone a good one. It wasn’t even his passion, really, but teaching ended up suiting him well. Resting bitch face aside, Sehun actually had limitless patience for kids. It would be a shame if he ever gave it up. He was so much better than Kai.

“Hey, were you waiting long?” Sehun asks as his class finally dribbles out of the room and into the arms of their awaiting parents.

“Nope. Hungry though. What’s this meal you promised me?”

Sehun grins happily. “Ramyun! The Japanese kind, if you don’t mind. I found a good place around the corner a couple months ago. You’ll love it.”

“I’ll love whatever you’re treating,” Kai says, clapping his friend on the back.

“Did you tell your boyfriend that you’re cheating on him for free food?” Sehun jokes.

“What Baekhyun doesn’t know won’t hurt him.” Kai winks.

“Tut tut,” Sehun articulates. “Oh well. He’s probably busy tonight anyways, right? Late rehearsals and all that?”

“I think so.”

“You only think? Don’t you know? Don’t you  _know_  what he’s up to at every minute of the day? What if he sneaks off on you!” Sehuns gasps, overdoing the scandalized face.

“You mean like how I’m sneaking off him on now?”

“Well, duh!”

“I told him I was having dinner with you tonight.”

“See that’s the kind of thing that’s— oh, what?” Sehun nearly misses the point. “You told him? Psh. And I wanted to have some fun. You’re too tied to each other. It’s boring. You’re such a boring couple.”

“We are not!” Kai insists, although personally he doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with being a boring couple. 

“Yes, you are. You haven’t even done anything yet.”

Kai shushes him quickly and looks around, double-checking that they’re out of hearing range of any parents. Once they’re on the street he resumes the conversation. “Well not completely, but we have talked about things…”

“Yeah? Like what kinds of things…”

_Things like Kai Bai Bo_. Kai doesn’t say that though. He shrugs off Sehun’s attack and demands they find food first. Sehun decides to let it go, for now.

A few minutes later Sehun ushers them into a tiny strip of a restaurant, and the smell of ramyun and spices distracts them completely. He orders off of Sehun’s suggestions and checks his phone while they wait. 

 

_ Baekhyun: How was your first day?! _

_ Baekhyun: Were the kids all brats and did you win them over with your charm yet?? _

 

Kai grins and hurriedly types in his reply. Baekhyun likely won’t answer since his messages were sent half an hour ago, and if he has his schedule memorized as well as he thinks he does, his boyfriend shouldn’t get another break for another twenty. Not that breaks mean anything when a company is rehearsing late.

 

_ Kai: I’m dead. I’m lying in a ditch. I was kicked to death by a million little feet _

_ Kai: About to eat ramyun with Sehun. He’s annoying. _

 

“Hey. You’re supposed to be paying attention to me tonight!” Sehun complains. Kai shuts his phone off not a second too soon. “Quit talking to Baekhyun for a moment, okay?”

“It was just one text. Chill.” Kai beams across the table at his friend.

The arrival of their food signals another halt to Sehun's complaining. Both are starving and the broth is hot, and it nearly makes up for the chill night weather. Kai shivers a little too hard when another group of customers come through the door, a gust of wind behind them. His muscles retract and something in his neck tightens uncomfortably. 

“Are you okay?” Sehun asks in response to the slight frown on Kai’s face.

“Yeah.”

“You sure?” It sounds like a casual question, although Kai knows that Sehun means more.

“Yes. Just a little tired. Been on my feet all day.”

Sehun considers him for a moment with a blank face, and then he returns to his bowl. “Just don’t push yourself, okay?” he adds quietly before taking another spoonful. 

 

 

 

It’s Tuesday evening again before Kai expects to see Baekhyun. Apart from a late lunch on Sunday, they haven’t seen each other since then, Baekhyun because of his rehearsals and Kai because he actually is a student, and his assignments are giving him a lot of grief. He sits in his currently empty apartment and attempts to write an essay, but most of his attention goes to why on earth Kyungsoo’s side of the room always seems to look nicer than his. Kai even made his bed this morning, but it doesn’t help much with the overall clutter of his things. 

He likes Baekhyun’s apartment better. Frankly, he likes Baekhyun’s single bedroom better. His boyfriend is supposed to drop by soon, but then again Kyungsoo is also due home within the hour.

The phone rings just as Kai decides to go back to his work, although the caller isn’t one he expects. 

“Dad? Hey.”

Despite the fact that he lived in the same town as the man for nearly two years, they don’t actually have a habit of communicating regularly now that Kai’s moved back home. 

“Hey, Kai. Just thought I’d call and see how you were doing.”

The last time they spoke was roughly three weeks ago, and Kai hadn’t exchanged more than a few pleasantries about his life, and just a hint that he might be seeing a boy. About his sexual orientation, they’d never had a real discussion. His dad didn’t disapprove, but then Kai never elaborated, so there was nothing specifically to approve or disapprove of.

Now locked into a conversation about the weather and movies and holiday plans that Kai wouldn’t be able to attend anyways, he gives up his essay and crawls on top of his bed with the phone still held to his ear. It’s definitely a better way of passing the time than staring at a computer screen. 

“So you don’t think you’ll be able to visit for Christmas this year?”

“No. Probably not. I’ll have some school stuff to work on over the break, plus…” Kai paused to swallow and then fluff his pillow out behind his head. “Plus, this will be the first holiday in a couple years with mom so…”

“Yeah, I understand. Well, how about Spring Break? Do you get that off?”

“I do… maybe. Definitely summer though.”

His dad hums casually through the receiver. “Well that sounds like a plan.” Someone yells in the background and Kai hears other people talking including a yip that sounds horribly like his dog Monggu. “Hey, your brother wants to chat,” his dad says then. “I’m going to pass over the phone. Talk to you later, ok? Call us soon!”

Kai tells him goodbye, and then switches his cell phone to the other ear. His eight-year old half-brother comes on the line shortly after that.

“Kai? Kai?? Kai, I miss you!”

“Hey, David. Missed you too!” He can’t help but smile at his brother’s excited little voice. 

“What are you doing? Are you busy? Do you like New York? When can I come to visit? Monggu misses you!”

Kai laughs into the receiver and tries to slow the little boy down. “Hey, one thing at a time! But what do you think I’m doing right now? I’m talking to you!”

He hears him pout over the line, grumpiness setting in for all of five seconds before he’s off on a rant again about his school day. Kai has a moment of nostalgia for all the times David would talk to him and hang out with him on a near daily basis back when he lived in Houston. Kai hadn’t lived with his dad’s new family, but they had rented a small flat for him that was two blocks from the high school he graduated from, and a block away from Kai’s doctor’s office. He’d borrowed a car too, and could drive to see his family every couple of days. David was one of the people Kai missed most, after his dad and his dog.

“Did you know we got Monggu a friend?” David tells him happily.

“No? You did?”

“Yep. Another poodle. Her name’s Jjiangu, and she’s white and she’s a  _real_  toy poodle!” 

“Aww, that’s great.”

Someone knocks on the door, and Kai stands up to answer it, his brother still yapping away about how the dogs got along, and how his mother’s cat hated them both. 

Kai pulls open the door just as Baekhyun is about to pound on it again. He nearly trips into the room, and Kai just grins at him. 

“What are—?” Baekhyun starts to scold. Kai points at the phone at his ear before he can finish, and Baekhyun shuts up. He makes himself at home quickly, dropping his dance bag onto the floor by the bed and throwing himself onto it face first.

Kai only hears half of what David is telling him now. The image of Baekhyun passed out is too good to pass up. 

“Hey, Kai, what are you feeding me! I’m starving!” Baekhyun cries, half into the mattress.

“And then Sadie was sitting on top of the chair and Jjiangu walked by her, and she hissed at her and scratched her nose!”

“Feeeed me!”

“Ooh, is somebody there right now?” David halts his story-telling.

“Yeah,” Kai tells him. “My friend, Baekhyun.”

He hears David make a little sigh of comprehension. “Ahhh, Baekhyun the guy you used to talk about?”

“Yep, that Baekhyun.”

The real Baekhyun, hearing his name, picks his head up and frowns. “Who are you talking to, and why do you make me sound like some kind of nutter?”

“Is he the guy,” David continues, “that you liked? Are you… are you dating him now?”

Kai smiles down at his boyfriend in a teasing manner. “Yep. We’re dating now.”

Baekhyun looks mildly satisfied.

“Oooh. Congratulations? Can I talk to him? I want to talk to Baekhyun! Can I, Kai? Can I say hi, Kai? Pleeeaaase?” 

Kai chuckles. “Yeah, sure. Just don’t scare him, okay?”

“I won’t!”

To Baekhyun he holds out the phone and mouths, ‘ _It’s my brother, David_.’

‘ _Your half-brother?_ ’ Baekhyun whispers back.

Kai nods and Baekhyun sits up and takes the phone. 

“Hello?”

“Hello. Are you Baekhyun?”

“Yep. Is this David?”

“Yep!”

“And are you the boy who stole Kai away from me for two years?”

The boy on the other end of the line thought that was hilarious. Kai hears his cackles even though he’d given away the phone, as well as the fervent denials that come just a moment later. 

He turns away and starts rummaging in the fridge for something to feed Baekhyun with. Choices are limited, but at least there are some left-overs and a microwave. Gourmet meal tonight. 

“Okay, David. It was nice to meet you too!” Baekhyun calls after a few minutes of play-talking. Kai turns around, waiting to see if he needs to take the phone back. “Do you want to talk to your brother again? … No? … Okay. Bye-bye!”

Baekhyun thumps the phone into the bed and sighs happily.

“Well?” Kai asks. “Now that you’ve met the family?”

“It was just your little brother, so I don’t know if that counts for everyone, but wow — he sounds cute!” 

Kai pouts.

“I mean. You’re cuter, obviously,” Baekhyun amends.

“Better,” says Kai. “Okay, so we have left-over fried rice, left-over takeout, or ramen. What sounds good?”

“Hmmmmm… none of those options.” Baekhyun stands up and slowly trudges up into Kai’s little bubble. Arms encircle his waist and a chin folds itself over Kai’s shoulder.

Kai pretends to ignore him. “It’s left-overs or nothing.”

“And what if I choose nothing?” 

Against his will, Baekhyun starts to pull him away from the tiny closet-like kitchen. Kai shuffles backwards still in Baekhyun’s arms until Baekhyun hits the corner of the bed and sits down, pulling Kai down with him. He topples onto his side, Baekhyun right behind him as he scoots higher up in the bed, arms relinquishing him just long enough to settle right back to where Baekhyun wants them.

“Now isn’t this better?”

“I thought you said you were hungry?”

“Yes, but it can wait. I haven’t seen you in two days.  _Two_  days! That’s unreal!” Baekhyun complains. He takes out his frustration by painfully massaging Kai’s back.

“Hey, quit pummeling me. That hurts!”

Baekhyun desists, but continues to mutter. “Whatever. It’s not like you don’t deserve to be beaten. Two whole days and you can’t even make time for me.”

“I had homework! You had rehearsals!” 

“Excuses. Excuses.” Baekhyun holds him tighter. “So, your brother seems to know who I am.”

Kai grunts. “I may… have mentioned your name once or twice.”

“Once or twice?” Baekhyun laughs. “I bet you had a stalker-ish picture of me framed on your wall above your bed.”

Somehow, Kai doesn’t remember how, he ended up rolled onto his back with Baekhyun crouching mostly over his chest.

“Better than the picture you had of me with my eyes stabbed out.” Kai smirks.

There is silence in the room for a full three seconds. Then, “I did not stab your picture!!”

Baekhyun tosses about from the motion of Kai’s chest rocking with silent laughter. His face is so indignant with burned pride and it never fails to make Kai’s heart soar. He covers it up every time with unabashed glee, laughing so hard that Baekhyun can’t get a word in edgewise. He has to hold on to Kai’s body like a surfer riding a particularly turbulent wave, arms and legs clashing. “I did not!” he tries to insist, not caring that his words are lost into the folds of Kai’s shirt as Kai holds him down. 

Kai breathes wildly as his laughter abates, and as he comes back to his senses he realizes that Baekhyun is now snug as a bug, completely on top of him with his head burrowed into his neck. Kai runs a hand through Baekhyun’s sweat-stained silky, black hair, and it’s just light enough that Baekhyun squirms in delight as his nails brush against scalp. 

“Did you come straight from dance?”

“Yes,” comes Baekhyun’s muffled reply. “Why? Do I smell like it?”

“A little.” 

One of Baekhyun’s fists comes up to punch the fleshy front of Kai’s upper arm. 

“I wasn’t complaining,” Kai says. His fingers resume their little dance through Baekhyun’s hair. “Still hungry?”

“Nope.”

“I thought you were hungry.”

“I’m hungrier for you.”

“O-okay…?” 

All Baekhyun has to do to kiss him is lift his head and place his lips just right. Kai gasps when he does, quick to reciprocate. He thrusts his arms quickly down to close around Baekhyun’s waist, urging him upwards along his body, the better to deepen the kiss. Baekhyun parts his knees along Kai’s hips and holds himself up, lips never coming apart. He lets Kai set the pace as they slowly reacquaint themselves with the other’s body. Two days apart, but it’s been even longer since they could really touch other, privately, when no one was around.

Baekhyun grounds down slightly, the thin material of his baggy dance shorts not leaving much to hide. Kai groans and pulls his head back, desperately trying to steady himself, even though he’s the one lying on his back.

Baekhyun goes to work again on his neck, but just then Kai remembers something.

“Baekhyun… Baek… Hey, stop. Wait a minute.”

“What?” Baekhyun whispers. 

“Well, this probably shouldn’t go any further…. here….”

Baekhyun freezes and holds himself up. He suddenly remembers where they are too. “Uhm… where is Kyungsoo and when he is due back?”

“Any time now,” Kai says sadly.

Baekhyun inhales one long breath of air and then sighs. He rolls over, content instead to whine and toss around. Finally, he stills and looks contemplative. “How sound proof is your bathroom?”

“Not very,” Kai admits.

“Damn. Oh well.” He pushes himself into a sitting position side-by-side with Kai, and then slides towards the edge of the bed. With his feet on the ground he bends over and fishes out a pile of clothes from his bag.

“What are you doing?” Kai asks.

“Borrowing your shower. Don’t forget to turn on your shower cam this time.” Baekhyun winks as he hops off the bed. He shuffles backwards towards the door with a cute, expectant smile. “Something hot to eat by the time I get out?”

Kai grins up at him, hands still supporting his halfway sitting posture on the bed. “I can do that.”

“Good,” Baekhyun chirps. He backs into a small shelf in hallway and yelps as he stumbles to avoid half a dozen falling objects.

“I got it. Go shower!” Kai jumps off.

“Sorry! I’ll be quick!” Baekhyun scampers the rest of the way to the bathroom door and Kai just chuckles after him.

Before Kai can start picking up the mess though, he gets a saving text from Kyungsoo including notice of his roommate’s imminent arrival  _and_  he’s bearing food. It’s the best news of the day. Or at least the second best news since Baekhyun said he’d come by after rehearsal. 

Kai tosses the left-overs back into the fridge, and since the water in the shower is just turning on, he figures he’s got five more minutes to complete an e-mail to one of his teachers before Kyungsoo gets back and/or Baekhyun comes out.

Kyungsoo gets home first. Kai rescues the bags of food just as his roommate trips over some of the fallen junk. 

“Oww— what?” He surveys the mess at his feet.

“Oh! Sorry! Forgot to pick this stuff up. Sorry, my fault.” He deposits the food on the counter and crouches over the floor to help Kyungsoo pick up a now-scattered pile of mail, a random set of keys, some smallish school book he’d left precariously on the top shelf, now on the floor. 

Kyungsoo swipes up a handful of crumpled take-out receipts, some dollar bills and a few coins. “How’d this stuff get on the floor anyways?” He picks up a small medicine bottle and rattles it around experimentally.

“Baekhyun bumped it on accident.”

“What, did he just not see it?”

“Was walking backwards into it…?” Kai explains.

“Oh. I see. Hey, since when have you been using this stuff again?” He holds up the plastic bottle.

“Uhhm, a few weeks?” Kai avoids staring at it too long.

“Hmm. Oh well. Wanna see what I brought to eat? I didn’t know what he’d eat so I just got an assortment of sandwiches. Surely something will work?”

“Should, yeah. Thanks for getting stuff.” Kai stands up.

Kyungsoo sniffs carelessly. “No problem. Everyone’s gotta eat.”

Baekhyun comes out of the shower minutes later with a towel around his head, clean shirt and shorts. 

“Hey, Kai. Do I have a bruise here?” He lifts the edge of shorts high up revealing his thigh, and Kai blushes since Kyungsoo is also looking. At least his roommate looks away rather quickly, clearing his throat in a polite warning.

Baekhyun looks up, jaw dropping. “Oh. Oops.” He relinquishes the fabric, covering his legs and Kai directs him to the bag of sandwiches. “Food!” he exclaims, excitedly. “Can I eat on your bed?”

Kai nods. He’s already eating and dropping crumbs onto his comforter, so what’s one more to add to the mess?

“Did you bring it?” Baekhyun asks of Kyungsoo. He gnaws off a huge bite and crawls up onto the bed using just his knees. Kai rocks uncomfortably, trying to keep his balance.

“Yeah. It was easy to pick up,” Kyungsoo replies. He spins around rather lethargically in his desk chair, feet crossed and knees up on the armrest. 

“Cool. Well thanks. I’ll treat next time around,” Baekhyun decides.

Kyungsoo grunts to show he heard, and the only noise any of them make for the next few minutes are the sounds of eating and swallowing. Kai thinks it’s a little weird and awkward, but then that’s how he normally is when it’s just him and Kyungsoo. Adding one more person to the mix, even if it’s Baekhyun, doesn’t appear to shake things up very much.

“Ahhh, that was good!” Baekhyun declares finally, tossing the wrapper and then reclining back onto one of Kai’s pillows. 

Kai frowns. “You’re gonna get it wet.”

“Get what wet?”

“My pillow. Your hair?” Kai reminds him.

“Wow, grouchy much?” Baekhyun teases. He scoots further upright though so his head rests against the wall and then looks to Kyungsoo for support. “Is he always this way?”

Kyungsoo just shrugs. “I don’t know.”

“It’s my pillow!” Kai whines. “I like this pillow. It’ll smell if it gets all wet. You don’t take a shower and then go to bed with wet hair anyways. It’s not good for you!”

“I’m not about to fall asleep anytime soon. I’m just resting.” He rolls his eyes, and Kyungsoo smirks sympathetically.

“I’m not even going to ask why you were taking a shower here,” he says.

“Heh!” exhales Baekhyun loudly, embarrassing Kai who shushes him deliberately. “What? I came from rehearsal and you already said I was disgusting so I needed to shower.”

“I didn’t say you were disgusting.”

“It was im _plied_.” Baekhyun sings out, and he purses his lips. 

Kyungsoo continues to rock himself left and right in his chair, enjoying the show. “Hey if you guys want to fight I can take a little walk?” He grins.

“We’re not fighting,” Kai pouts.

“Okay, well if you wanted to do something else, I can still take a little walk.” He grins even more evilly. 

“Been there! Tried that!” Baekhyun declares.

Kai swears he’s going to try hard not to die tonight.

Because Baekhyun insists that Kyungsoo doesn't need to go anywhere — and Kai was pretty sure Kyungsoo wouldn’t anyways — they settle for watching an old movie on Kai’s laptop, which is perfectly aligned to be seen if everybody sits on Kai’s bed. Kyungsoo takes the farthest end and separates himself by a pillow in his lap. Kai tries not to be too clingy with Baekhyun and mostly succeeds. Halfway through it Kyungsoo closes his eyes and dozes anyways.

“Should we stop the movie?” Baekhyun whispers to Kai.

“Nah. He said he’s seen it before.” 

When the movie ends, Kai nudges Kyungsoo off his bed and coaxes him onto his own. Then he pulls a sweater over Baekhyun’s head and insists on walking him home. 

“Want to stop for coffee or dessert somewhere?” Kai suggests, just as Baekhyun yawns. His hair is all dried, but Kai makes sure his hood covers him up sufficiently.

“This late on a Tuesday night? I need to sleep and wake up at a normal hour tomorrow.” He pouts.

“How about dessert then?”

“At this hour on a Tuesday night, Kai? You’re on.”

The place they find isn’t exactly like the coffee shop Baekhyun once followed Kai to, but it is a little similar, and the memories it brings — no longer awkward — make them both smile as they slide into opposing seats of a booth. Baekhyun insists on ordering the biggest pastry they offer, and tea, ‘Because it’s less caffeine than coffee and it tastes better.’

Nothing quite wakes him up, but that’s okay. Kai doesn’t mind this kind of sleepy Baekhyun, and he knows that he truly does need to get enough rest.

“What’s the rest of your week like?” he asks.

Baekhyun has to think about it. “Dance dance. Rehearsals. More rehearsals. A few more classes. Choreo change to accommodate Suho for a few parts. More dancing, and I’m missing something… oh! More rehearsals. Also, an actual dress rehearsal on Friday down in New Jersey, and I’m not looking forward to it.”

“How come?”

“Because… Friday is date night! I’ll miss date night with you!”

“How about Saturday?” Kai suggests.

Baekhyun ponders. “Saturday is another smallish performance but… we’ll probably be back by early evening. It’s a matinee so, definitely home by that night. Okay, let’s do Saturday!”

“Are you sure you won’t be exhausted?”

“Can I say something sugary sweet?”

Kai narrows his eyes, daring him on. “Go for it.”

“I’ll never be too tired for you, Kai.” 

They stare at each other while Baekhyun makes a smarmy, sweet face, and finally Kai looses it.

“Okay, no more late night pastries for you,” he says with as much determination as he can muster.

“Aww, but Kaiiii.”

“No. Come on, you should get back already.”

“Fine.”

They huddle together on the way home, Baekhyun shivering because he was stupid and only wore shorts, but he refuses to be hurried and Kai can’t make him walk any faster.

“You know it’s going to be like this a lot, right?” Baekhyun says when they approach his apartment.

“What?” Kai asks with a slightly sinking feeling.

“Me being busy. For most of the holidays.”

Kai pulls him close and presses a kiss to the side of his head. “I know.”

Baekhyun continues to speak as they walk. “Extra rehearsals. Random performances all over the place. A few out of town trips. Whole weekends gone. A couple whole weeks even.” The more he talks the sadder he gets. “I don’t want to keep leaving you behind…”

“You won’t,” Kai assures him. 

“But—” and for this Baekhyun stops walking completely. “Are you okay with this? With… me doing this? Dancing and going everywhere and…” 

Kai thinks he must be too scared to even look Kai in the face. Baekhyun keeps his head down and stares at the ground.

“We’ll make the most of our time together, though, Baek.” Kai tries to cheer him up.

“But, that’s only half of the problem!” Baekhyun nearly shouts. As if realizing he was over-acting, he immediately quiets down. “Isn’t it?” he asks in a near whisper. “God, I need to sleep… I’m sorry.”

Without having to think about it, Kai hugs him. “No. There’s no problem, Baek.”

“You sure?” His arms wrap securely around his waist. 

“I’m sure.”

“You better be sure,” he adds petulantly.

Kai has to laugh. “Oh, I am.”

 

* * *

 

 

37  THE NEXT STEP

 

Baekhyun's couch has certainly seen a lot of action in the few short months since he and Tao purchased it for the apartment. It's lived through pizza stains and whole bottles of overturned soda, random pens left uncapped and bleeding into the cushions, a burn mark that Tao claims was there even before he bought it used, not to mention all the rumored and not-so-rumored extracurricular late-night uses it's seen in the time since Baekhyun has been dating Kai.

None of that at all compares to the filth Kai and Baekhyun are currently observing, two males cuddling and cooing together with heads bent and arms entangled, and their names are Tao and Sehun.

“I thought you guys were going out tonight?” Baekhyun eyes them accusingly, since the sanctification of his apartment is now at stake.

“We are. Just got –  _awww she's so cute!_  – sidetracked,” Tao answers without even looking up.

Kai gulps from where he stands, unable and unwilling to stop the action that is his best friend sitting side by side with Baekhyun's roommate, hips and knees touching and a cat sprawled out evenly across their laps. Both are indeed dressed to go out, and very fancily too minus their outermost jackets. The once tiny kitten has other ideas, apparently, and that is to maintain her warm spot on the two seated males, and to drive Baekhyun absolutely crazy.

“You said you were leaving half an hour ago!”

“Why're you trying to rush us out?” Tao finally looks up and sneers, upset.

Sehun sniffs knowingly, elbows Tao, and whispers privately into his new friend's ear. Meanwhile they pet the cat who continues to grow ever comfier in their laps, purring all the while, and Baekhyun sighs. 

“I'm giving them ten minutes and then I'm kicking them out. If I have to steal the cat, I will too!” Baekhyun whispers to Kai, clearly on the defensive and Kai doesn't quite know why.  _Special plans!_  is all Baekhyun had told him during the week. Kai just didn't know what these special plans were, and honestly he was too nervous to ask his boyfriend to elaborate. Baekhyun liked being secretive, apparently. And this was the first day they'd really seen each other all week. So when he puts it that way, then yes, Kai would also like Tao and Sehun to leave. 

They're going to the opera. It's Tao's new thing. Baekhyun can't really get over the idea of it, especially now that he's persuaded Sehun to accompany him tonight. 

“Whatever,” Baekhyun says. “We'll be in my room until you guys leave. Bye. And have fun doing whatever not-gay-together things you're doing tonight, okay?”

Baekhyun doesn't wait around to see the guys rolling their eyes, although Kai does. He gives them a shy little wave, and Sehun gives him a thumbs up in reply. He doesn't know why, but he follows Baekhyun into his room and shuts the door behind him. 

Baekhyun is already sprawled out on his bed, belly down, arms and legs in an x-shape. Kai watches him for a minute and smiles, and then completely unbidden, Baekhyun laughs with his cheek pressed into his comforter and shakes his head as best as he can. “ _Those two_. Oh well.”

He falls silent while Kai sits on the bed. The only noises Baekhyun makes are the slight sighs of gratitude when Kai runs a hand tentatively across the ridge of his spine ending in a slight massage of Baekhyun's shoulder blades and neck. 

“Can you like... never stop doing that... ever?” 

“What, this?” Kai tickles him instead of massaging him. 

“Nooo!” Baekhyun shrieks. “No, stop it! Stop!”

“I thought you said, 'Don't stop?' I'm just obeying instructions,” Kai teases.

“Horrible. You're horrible! I hate your guts. You're the worst! You're the.... Oh, okay, you're the best again.” He relaxes completely under the ministrations of Kai's heavy, pressing fingers. “See, this is why I date. Because everyone needs a personal masseuse after a dance performance and it helps if they're good looking like you.”

Kai punches him hard in the back.

“Oww! That felt good actually. You hit a good spot. Do it again!”

“No.”

“Why not?” Baekhyun whines.

“Because you're being mean to me.” He pouts even though Baekhyun can't see him, but continues to massage him anyway. All of Baekhyun's retorts fall silent as he moans lazily. 

Finally, several minutes later, they hear the front door open and close. Baekhyun lifts his head, suddenly perky, and gives a small hooray and a shout of joy. “They're gone! Yes! Wait,  _are_  they gone?”

Kai leans on his side on the bed, one elbow propping him up as he watches Baekhyun jump out of bed and pull open his bedroom door. He sighs, because he was just getting comfy, but there goes his boyfriend out of the room and Kai really wants to know about whatever special plans Baekhyun has for tonight. He had a hunch, and he thought it had something to do with Baekhyun's bed, but now he's not so sure.

“Woo woo! They are gone!” 

Kai gets to the doorway just in time to see Baekhyun drawing back the blinds from where he was peeking outside. 

“Are we doing something illegal? Because this is certainly suspicious,” Kai says.

“Illegal?” Baekhyun laughs. “Nope. Just a surprise I promised you once!” He stops and surveys the room, eyeballs the couch, and then shakes his head. “I was thinking about doing this out there, but... Taohun plus cat have been on that couch and so... perhaps not. Besides, I don't trust them to not have forgotten something and return unexpectedly. Bedroom then!”

“B-bedroom?” Kai's voice warbles. 

“Yep! Okay, give me one second. Just... wait out here?”

He bounds into his room, pauses at the door and then winks at Kai, who stands stock still in the middle of the living room, confused and nervous behind belief. He's not even sure which emotion is winning out at the moment. All he can do is stare at the now closed door and pet the cat; Velvie is completely disgruntled now that her two lap pets have gone away. Kai picks her up and together they sit on the sofa, although unfortunately the action upsets her when she realizes he's not Tao.  _Just like a cat_. She jumps away and wanders off and leaves Kai all alone. He tries to distract himself from the sounds of things thumping in Baekhyun's bedroom, but it is rather hard. After all, what on earth  _is_  Baekhyun doing in there that Kai isn't allowed to see?  _Yet_.

It seems longer, but barely a couple minutes later Baekhyun opens the door and beckons Kai into the partially darkened room. The atmosphere has already changed. Baekhyun has left the bathroom door open so that a night light shines through and strangely nice in the dim. On his dresser, he'd cleared away the usual cluttered junk and lit two basic, unscented candles in mismatched votive candle holders. 

“Sit. Sit,” Baekhyun tells him, pointing at the bed. He himself then turns around and bends over, fiddling with something on the floor that Kai can't quite see. He gulps and perches awkwardly on the edge of the bed, watching Baekhyun's crouched form with a mixture of dread and excitement. The night light plus the candles... it's all setting a certain kind of mood.

The flashlight Baekhyun suddenly tosses onto the bed next to him though doesn't.

“What..?” Kai starts to ask.

“You can play with that. Just don't shine it directly in my eyes, since that kind of hurts.”

Baekhyun stands up, back still facing Kai, and he holds something in his hands, still concealed. “Are you ready?” he asks, turning his head just far enough to glance at Kai. He wears a huge, mischievous grin and he smiles, almost tauntingly. 

“I'm not sure for what but... okay?”

Baekhyun winks and then looks at his feet. There's a blackish box placed down on the floor, and something connecting it to whatever is in Baekhyun's hands. He toes it, and there's the click of a button and Baekhyun swings around dramatically as music starts to play.

It's a portable karaoke machine. 

“You're going to sing to me,” Kai deadpans.

“Shush,” Baekhyun says, holding a microphone up to his lips, already prepping his face into a serious, professional expression which is completely at odds with the tone of his voice. “This is a serenade, and I don't sing for just anybody. Call yourself special, okay? I even brushed up on my Korean for this song.”

“You're singing to me, in Korean?” Kai asks just as Baekhyun starts humming with the music, eyes half shut in concentration. 

_“Yeaaah...”_

“I'm getting a private serenade, in Korean?” Honestly Kai thought they were going to have sex, but it would probably be rude to say that out loud.

“ _Geu nalgaega jeojeuni_  - Yes, you are. Now, quiet.” 

“Where'd you get the karaoke machine?” 

 _“Gipeojin haru teum sai_  – borrowed it from Chanyeol –   _neoneun joyonghi dagawa.”_

Baekhyun holds up a hand in frustration, so Kai refrains from asking anything further. He scoots backwards more on the bed and supports himself with his hands while the device plays a soft backtrack. Baekhyun's voice overpowers it slightly, and Kai has to admit it's absolutely beautiful. He sings shakily, as if he's unused to the task but the effort he's driving it home with more than makes up for his nerves. 

 _“Neon ssodajineun dalbiche syawo/ You're showered by the pouring moonlight_ – _Geu hwangholhan pyojeongeun bon jeogi eobseo/ I've never seen such an entrancing expression_ – _Geurimcheoreom meomchun nega boyeo/ I see you still like a picture_ – _Geu siseon kkeuten/ at the end of a gaze.”_

And he grows ever more confident.

“Is it nice? I can't tell anymore.” Baekhyun misses a few lines to inquire.

“It is,” Kai replies, smiling more and more as Baekhyun continues to sing.

“It's called Moonlight. See?” Baekhyun points to the bathroom night light, the faint bluish light their apparent moon. “Where's your flashlight? I need a spotlight!”

Kai laughs silently, no longer wanting to distract him. He'd already forgotten about the flashlight beside him, although he doesn't know where to point it once he's got it on. He settles for somewhere above Baekhyun's head, catching only the topmost fringes of his un-styled black hair. 

 _“Irwojil su eomneun seulpeun neoui story/ Your sad story that can't come true_ – _Gakkawojilsurok deo apajil teni/ The closer I get the stronger the pain will get …_   _Geu sarangmaneun Stop, stop, stop, stop, yeah.”_

Baekhyun sways his hips in a way that has Kai actually cracking up, although he does his best to hold it in. It's sexy, except that Baekhyun purposefully overdoes it, and he's got a smile that says he knows what he's doing, even if his eyes pretend otherwise. If Kai didn't know him better, he'd say it was all a gag. Sadly though, he actually recognizes this as Baekhyun's way of seduction. 

He also knows that it kind of works...

Kai plays with the flashlight, darting it across Baekhyun's body several times before Baekhyun steps forward and does it again.

Actually it works really well. 

 _“Ireoke naega neol aetage bulleo/ I'm anxiously calling you like this_ – _Dagagaji ma, baby/ Don't go closer baby_ – _You're wings wings will get wet/ geu nalgaega jeojeuni.”_

Baekhyun smiles the closer he draws in, a smirk upon his lips that has Kai dropping the flashlight. “Still nice?” he asks as he lets the bridge of the song play out by itself. 

“Yes,” Kai says, encircling his hands around Baekhyun's hips. He wets his outer lips and tries to breathe normally. “A little morbid but I can get over that.”

Baekhyun laughs, mic still in hand but no longer singing. He leans forward and kisses Kai quickly on the lips before standing upright again and fixing Kai with a piercingly emotional - and thus hilarious - gaze. 

 _“Jamsiman naui gyeoteseo/ Rest by my side_ – _naeryeonoko swieogado dwae/ Rest at my side for a little while_ – _When dawn comes you can fly towards the place where the moon gets dark/ Meondongi teumyeon jeo dari jeomuneun geu goseul ttara geuttaen naraga, yeah.”_

Kai tries to drag him down again, but Baekhyun resists, cringing already from his boyfriend's impatience.

“Hang on! Here come the adlibs. I practiced this part so much!  _Oooohhh wooooo. Oohhh wooowhoooooow oooooo!_ –Kai, stop it!” He can barely do it between laughing and Kai running his hands along the sides of his body. He twists and scrambles out of the way, all the while still trying to hit his notes, most of them spot on despite Kai's interference. “ _Ooohoooo whooooo_ –Let me finish!  _Ohoooo woooooo! I swear I can't stop loving you!”_

“You're going to drive the neighbors crazy!” Kai warns between laughing and pestering his serenader.

“ _Toniiiiight!_  - Tonight I don't care -  _Toniiiiiight!_ ”

All forms of singing come to a halt the moment Kai gets his hands around the microphone, thrusting it aside in favor of grabbing Baekhyun himself, and even Baekhyun gives up the fight the moment he crashes down on top of Kai. The last few bars of the song finish as they kiss instead, almost playfully, and then Baekhyun relaxes on his chest, breathless. 

He pants, as if they'd just finished a complex make-out session, and yet all he's done was sing. 

“You're amazing,” Kai says lightly. He's no longer impatient to touch him now that he's got Baekhyun for a blanket. 

Baekhyun lifts his head a few inches and exhales shakily into his neck. “And you better know it. Wow, I'm tired. Singing is a lot of hard work. I'd almost forgotten how to.”

“I see...” says Kai. “How come you picked this song then? I thought you didn't like this kind of music anyways?” 

“I don't know.” Baekhyun shrugs. “Chanyeol sings this song a lot though. Oh man, you should hear him trying to hit those high notes.” He chuckles appreciatively; Kai can't even imagine it. “And, well... I kind of like this one song I guess. Even if it's a strain. Ack, I should sing more.”

“How come you don't sing more often?” 

“Because...” Baekhyun says. “I don't know... I do other things. And I don't really like singing in front of people. Dancing comes easier to me, if you'll believe that.”

“Oh yeah? Then what was that hip roll, huh?” Kai teases.

“Hah! You loved it.”

“You bet I did,” Kai admits. Using his forearms for leverage he pulls himself further up into the bed so that he's not quite touching the head pillow, but his legs aren't trailing on the floor either. Baekhyun lazily follows him, crawling up on his hands and knees. “So... how'd that move go again?” Kai dares to ask.

Something snaps inside of Baekhyun. Kai can tell by the way his eyes suddenly go out of focus and suddenly Kai is once again aware of how dimly lit the room is. In spite of Baekhyun's temporary distraction by song, Kai can't believe he had doubts about what the ambience was for, and he's really left in no doubt when Baekhyun tries out his hip roll... right on top of his body. 

Kai gasps, nearly chokes. Baekhyun doesn't even try to move away this time. He just holds himself there, everything pressed together and their lips just inches from each other, close enough almost to kiss. There's nothing else Kai wants more – and then Baekhyun cracks up and rolls away. 

“Haha! Oh wow, that was cheesy. Why do you let me do things like that?” Baekhyun cries, a hand on his chest as he laughs and side-eyes a very still, barely breathing Kai. 

“Uhm... I don't know. Because it's hot?” Kai admits. He can't look Baekhyun directly in the eye though. He almost wishes he hadn't dropped the flashlight on the floor, otherwise then he might still have something to play with. 

Baekhyun continues to laugh, although the volume and intensity drops considerably. “Well, that was my contribution to tonight. I did promise I'd sing to you sometime.”

“You did.” Kai remembers. He also remembers that there's something else they haven't done yet either.

“I need water,” Baekhyun says suddenly, sitting up. “My throat is parched now. Wow, I need to practice those high notes a little more before next time.”

“Next time,” Kai repeats hushedly as Baekhyun gets up and crawls across him to reach the floor. He scrambles out of the room and Kai doesn't move. Instead he shuts his eyes hard and grasps along the surface the comforter with both hands, almost like a snow angel, as he tries to ground himself. Somewhere above his head his hand touches fur and he realizes belatedly that Velvie has snuck in and now lays sleeping in the corner of the bed. He lets it stay and swings his arm down again just as Baekhyun reenters the room.

“You look wrecked,” he says after swallowing the last gulp of water. “Was my singing that awesome?”

Kai snorts. 

“I'll take that as a yes?” Baekhyun answers for himself. Before Kai has a chance to respond, Baekhyun is climbing onto the bed again and with one fluid motion he rips off his shirt. 

Kai wasn't ready for it. Wasn't ready for the surge of emotions that come from seeing Baekhyun hovering above him shirtless, his hair a little messy, and his lips still wet from drinking water. 

“Hey,” Baekhyun says softly, looking down on him. 

Kai also can't remember how to use his limbs. Not even when Baekhyun reaches for his hands and fits them around his waist again. He barely grasps the skin and Baekhyun leans forward to mold their lips into one.

They're cool when they touch, a shocking phenomenon that Kai is eager to change. It shocks him into moving again, into holding Baekhyun tighter and pulling him forward, down, lips never disconnecting. Baekhyun's eager hands find the bottom of his shirt and pull up, gently asking. Kai arches his back and within seconds he's also divested of his shirt. Bare chests meet as Baekhyun leans down again and this time he rolls them over. 

Baekhyun wastes no time before pressing his hips upwards and holding Kai down. It's moving so fast that Kai can barely breathe. He pulls up abruptly, a hand to Baekhyun's bare chest and looks at him beneath hooded eyes. 

“Are we...?” His question goes unfinished.

“Doing this?” Baekhyun helps.

“Yeah.”

“Are we?”

“Can we?” Kai tries not to act so excited. “I mean, do you want to? I don't want to... if you don't...”

Baekhyun laughs, almost scoffing, and without moving the rest of his body he lifts his head to Kai's ear. “Do you think I really lit candles just for the benefit of my song performance?” He drops one barely-there kiss to the edge of his ear, and it has just enough wetness from Baekhyun's tongue that Kai collapses almost immediately. 

“Pants off,” Baekhyun pushes him up. “If you think I'm messing with zippers, you're wrong.” He inhales shakily. “I can barely get my own off in this state.” 

“Trust you to be romantic like this.” Kai doesn't wait though for any further instructions. They both sit up Baekhyun scoots hurriedly out from under him, each rushing and fumbling with their own jeans. Kai wins the race, and is rewarded with the image of Baekhyun still struggling with one too tight pant leg that just so happens to require assistance. Kai helps him strip it off and toss it over the bed. They're both sitting in their boxers and about to reach for the next level when Baekhyun puts his hand back and shrieks.

“What is–! Oh my God, it's the cat. What is the cat doing on our bed!? Uhhhhhhhh..... When did it get here?  _Moooove_.” Baekhyun nudges it, but Velvie refuses to go. 

“She's been here this whole time,” Kai says, confused.

“What? This whole time! You mean she's been watching? On my bed?!  _Moooove_ ,” Baekhyun tries to dislodge the black and white animal again, but once again Velvie just sits there and stares.

“What's... the problem?” Kai can't figure it out. 

“The problem is that I'm not about to do this with her watching!” Baekhyun says.

“Uhhhh....”

“It's creepy! Don't you find it creepy?” 

What Kai actually finds creepy is that they're sitting on Baekhyun's bed mostly naked about to have sex for the first time and all Baekhyun can think about is a cat.

“Not... really?”

“B-but,” Baekhyun sputters. “It's like Tao's cat. It's like Tao's spy, and it's sitting on our bed just casually watching and it won't moooove. Plus, it was sitting on their lap earlier. And that's double creepy.” 

Kai sighs. “So, what if I move her, will that make it better?”

“Yes, but she won't move.” 

Kai never realized boyfriends could be this cute. In ten seconds flat he's crawled across the bed, picked up Velvie, and gently tossed the indignant cat out of the bedroom before closing the door. “Happy now?” he asks, stalking back over to the bed. 

Baekhyun looks stunned. “Wow. Yes. And... wow, that was hot.”

“I picked up a cat, and you call that hot?”

“Well... duh.” Baekhyun inclines his head, and as if remembering finally what they were doing just a minute ago, he smirks and grins, one arm coming out to claim the skin along Kai's neck as he crawls back into bed. “Uhm... anyways... what were we doing?”

Kai pushes him down and kisses him. “I think you know.”

“I do?” Baekhyun teases, squirming out of his hold for just a second. He tenses when Kai teases a hand down to the waist band of his boxers, and his voice drops just a little. “Well then, guess I better walk you through this. First we can start with these–” Baekhyun pulls at the elastic around Kai's waist – “and then we can get to what's in that drawer over there, huh? Actually, before any of that...”  he pauses.

“What?” Kai asks solemnly.

“Can we just... kiss for a bit?”

Kai smirks. “Absolutely.”

 

 

 

Baekhyun spends much of the next morning trying to tell Kai how much he glows, but Kai doesn't quite buy it. He does beam and blush a little, but in the light of day Kai pretends that nothing happened. It amuses Baekhyun immensely, especially when he tries to taunt him with seductive words in the middle of breakfast, which just so happens to be out in a public cafe. 

“So what did you think about in the exact moment you–?”

“Can we not talk about it here?” Kai whispers, scandalized. He checks their surroundings, as if worried that little children might have heard or even understand Baekhyun's taunt. It's too adorable, really, Baekhyun thinks.

They sit side-by-side at a little table with a pastry between them. Kai's master plan – which he neglected to tell Baekhyun until he suddenly insisted they leave – was to go out for breakfast. Nothing fancy, but Kai claimed he was craving something special from a place he used to eat at a lot when he was a kid. Even if it was just a special pastry, Baekhyun didn't mind. Most Sunday mornings he usually lazed around anyways, and Kai was usually busy or gone elsewhere, or to study and catch up on school work. It's already a treat to wake up next to his boyfriend and actually have the whole day to spend together. Especially now that they are in a new place in their relationship.

For a man who experienced something new last night, however, Kai is looking vaguely off, almost worried. 

“So this is your old neighborhood?” Baekhyun asks, continuing a discussion they'd been having earlier on their way north.

“Yeah. Most of my childhood, and shortly before I went to Texas my mom sold our flat and bought the other place where she lives now. That's why that place doesn't seem much like home. I didn't live there long.”

“I see... so this area is your haunt then, huh?”

“Yep. And...” Kai hesitates. “If you don't mind, I'd like to take you someplace. We don't have to stay for very long if you don't want, but... would you come for a little while at least?”

Baekhyun doesn't know how to respond. A firm “yes” sounds fine, because really – what place would be strange when he's with Kai? He nods his head affirmatively and Kai smiles. 

“Cool. Well then...” He checks his watch. “We should go soon.”

Their walk takes them through a park, where an early morning baseball practice is occurring. Kai takes his hand as they stroll, leading him past the field and through a playground and up a small hill, beyond which Baekhyun can't much. 

“Did you play here a lot?” he asks.

“Mmmm,” Kai replies, squeezing his hand. 

They come around a small bend, and pass a few more streets and suddenly Baekhyun recognizes this place. They have been here before after all. 

“We're back at that cathedral,” he says, shocked and looking around. Somewhere around here is the statue where Kai basically confessed and Baekhyun freaked out and kissed him. Fond, if somewhat embarrassing memories. “The statue where...” 

“Yep,” Kai says. “Today though we're... going in?” He asks a bit tentatively. 

Now that Baekhyun thinks about it, there are bells playing from somewhere high up above. “Going in... as in, going into a church... during a service?” Now he sees why Kai was checking his watch. It's just about 11:00 am.

“Y-yes...” Kai falters. 

“Do... you come here often?” Baekhyun asks.

Slowly, Kai nods. “Just about every week... I guess, you haven't noticed that I'm usually never around on Sundays.” He looks almost dejected, but now it dawns on Baekhyun that this is indeed true. 

“I've been coming around here by myself a lot. Even before I moved away. Not much has changed though. When I came back to the city, it was kind of hard to adjust to things. Since I wasn't really a dancer anymore, and even my mom seemed like she had changed. Not that she did really. It was me that had. But, I remembered this place where I used to come as a kid and... and, it's nice. I just wanted you to come sometime... with me. No pressure. Look, you can just sing. You can sing right? Hymns. They're kind of old, but pretty, and I mean... I know you can sing. We... verified that last night.” Kai gulps. “So... we can sit in the back, alright? Do you mind?” 

“I... guess I don't mind,” Baekhyun says. The puppy eyes on Kai are more than compelling. Plus, the cathedral is so large from just the outside and he can't help wondering how big it is from the inside too.

Kai quickly ushers them around to the front of the building, taking his hand as they walk in. It's a long, extremely long way down to the nave of the church. Baekhyun is so struck by the pillars and columns and windows that he almost forgets how they're walking alongside each other – holding hands even – until halfway down. He suddenly pulls his hand out, worried.

“Kai...” he whispers quickly and then winces. Even that sound carried further than he would like. “Kai, what about... us... I mean... we're... guys...? In a ch-church?” 

Kai turns to him, almost just as confused before he realizes what Baekhyun is asking. Then he smiles, confidence manifesting itself in him again since the first time they woke up this morning. He takes Baekhyun's hand again and with a smirk Baekhyun could have killed him for, whispers loudly. “Oh, forgot to mention it... Baekhyun, this church actually marries gay people. So uhm... you know.” And then he winks. 

 

 

* * *

 

 

38  NOT THIS KIND OF SPOTLIGHT

 

_TWO MONTHS FORWARD_

 

It's almost the middle of winter; Christmas is lingering just within sight, although there's another week and a half to go, and the closer that daunting date gets the more pitiful Baekhyun feels. The holiday seasons are their busiest, sadly. Starting the week of Christmas and running all through January and February the company goes into full performance mode, and most of those dates they'll be out of town, out of state, and for a small stint they'll be gone halfway across the country. That's days and weekends, and at least one full week when Baekhyun will be on the road sharing a bed with Tao, and  _they'll_  be sharing a room with Minseok and Luhan. Neither Baekhyun nor Tao are looking forward to it exactly, and Baekhyun's willing to bet the other two aren't either. It'll be one hell of an awkward trip, and the season starts in two days. They take off on the first round on Sunday.

Baekhyun slumps to the side of the dance room chugging water like he's dying for it, just like everyone else he's been dancing with all day. It's now suddenly so vital that rehearsals go without a fault that every instructor, choreographer, assistant instructor and even Mrs. Kim herself has been attending, or at least wandering around full-time. 

Luhan looks a little like he's dying too. He doesn't even bother with sitting against the mirror but straight out flops onto the floor like a snow angel, which is probably how Minseok sees him - a melting snow angel at least. The elder of the two fans the weaker with his hand, Luhan whines that it's not enough circulation, and Minseok pulls out a random flyer from his bag to fan harder.

Tao observes them with a sly, disgusted smirk.

“Who's watching your cat when we leave?” Baekhyun asks them a minute later. About a month ago Luhan moved in and the two promptly rescued a cat to complete their impromptu little family.

“Suho,” Luhan wheezes between breaths.

“Oh,” Baekhyun comments softly, and then looks around. Suho, after trying to rehabilitate had been trying to work himself into a few of his older routines, but the strength and stamina he'd lost were his downfall. Essentially kicked out of all holiday routines, he remains still on the sidelines, watching the dancers rehearse with a serious stink face. All progress Baekhyun had made with him on a personal level too was almost destroyed by the return of a perpetually grumpy Suho, destined to remain on hiatus until the company returns and he can try again.

“You did actually confirm with him, right?” Minseok suddenly asks Luhan.

“Yes, of course. Why? Are you doubting me?”

Minseok mumbles something unintelligible, lips pursed and eyes suspiciously rolling just a hair's breadth. 

Luhan blinks a few times, and then instantly fumes. “Minseok, babe! Look, just because I forgot to pay the water bill that  _one_  time doesn't mean I'm always going to forget everything else!” 

“I was just asking,” Minseok retreats airily, innocently. He goes on with his fanning, probably because Luhan needs it even more now.

“It was  _one_  time! And I'd only been there  _a week_. I've  _never_  been in charge of bills before!”

Baekhyun can't decide if Luhan's just whining now to be petulant or whining because he knows Minseok thinks his pout face is cute. Knowing Luhan though it's a little of both. Baekhyun and Tao both happen to make eye contact through the mirror and smirk at each other. The display between these two has been nearly unbearable in the months they've been together. It's kind of like Baekhyun and Kai, but they don't technically work together and so not everybody has to witness their insufferable togetherness  _all_  the time. 

“Travelling's going to be such a nightmare,” Tao commiserates in advance.

“Tell me about it,” Baekhyun replies.

As they stand up, their break now over with, Minseok asks Tao, “What about your cat then?”

Tao looks over at Baekhyun and Baekhyun shrugs and says, “Kai's gonna check on her at least every day.”

 

 

 

 

He texts his boyfriend later that night when they're nearing home.

 

_Baekhyun: Hey want to come over tonight? Just got off and I'm dead but I would probably find some hidden energy for you ^_~`_

 

There's no immediate reply, although Tao's phone receives a message shortly thereafter. He reads it, snorts, and then shoves it down into his pocket as he and Baekhyun walk. 

“Sehun's on his way over if that's alright,” he says.

“Ahh, sure. Kai probably will come too so... that... yeah, that's cool.” It's a strange universe when the four of them can all manage to hang out and everybody acts like this is cool, but something about the dynamic is off. Sehun and Tao continue to be  _just-friends_ , even though Baekhyun is rooting for them. Kai refuses to make a play to aid them in either direction although he does find it amusing. 

Baekhyun is saved the trouble of doing another night though.

 

_Kai: Can't. Dress rehearsal tonight and I probably won't be done until super later. Sorry._

 

“Oh, right. Damn.” Now Baekhyun remembers. Kai has only mentioned it like about ten times in the past two weeks and here Baekhyun goes forgetting again. He must be getting too old if he can't manage to dance all day every day and still remember to keep tabs on what his boyfriend is doing. 

“What's that?” Tao asks him.

“Oh, nothing. Kai's not coming though and I forgot. Hey what are we going to eat? Want me pick up something and meet you back there?”

“I'll never say no to someone else arranging dinner.” Tao laughs. “Hey, I guess you're going to his thing tomorrow night then?” he asks.

“Yes.” Baekhyun may forget a lot of things - like tonight - but he doesn't forget everything all the time. Baekhyun shivers uncomfortably when he realizes he's starting to think like Luhan. “Wanna come?”

“Yeah, I do. Just asking if I could tag along with you.”

“That's fine. Okay, meet you at home. I'm detouring here to get Thai food. Last chance to pick someplace else! Going going gone. Thai food it is!” Baekhyun yells.

Tao only half-heartedly tries to contradict him. “Aww, and I wanted--”

“Nope. The majority has already spoken. See you in a few!” Baekhyun smiles proudly and disappears around the corner. 

 

Twenty minutes later Baekhyun returns to his apartment swinging two bags of take-out to find a strange scene happening right outside his door: a tall, looming and somewhat scared looking man with blond hair paused with his hand up ready to knock, but he can't quite find the courage to actually knock.

“Kris?” Baekhyun says with some suspicion.

The blond drops his hand and cranes his head, frightened. A sound comes out of his mouth, but it's not intelligible.

“What are you doing here?” Baekhyun asks. He steps forward, inevitably making Kris take a few steps back so that Baekhyun can open the door himself. 

Kris gulps loudly. “T-Tao,” he whispers. “I came to see... ehh... or... apologize... to Tao...” 

Baekhyun smirks. Kris doesn't look at all confident, and he grows even less so at Baekhyun's face, but he steels himself as the door opens. Baekhyun doesn't know what Kris expects to do, but to his own personal glee he hears two voices coming from inside which means Sehun is already over. “Good luck,” he tells the outsider. “Guess you can come in and say it yourself.” 

The invitation is without a drop of kindness, but Tao sees him already and Kris can't back down now. 

The room goes silent as he enters, although Baekhyun goes on like nothing is happening. He sets the food on the counter and tries not to look interested in how Tao is taking this whole thing. Sehun stands off to the side, his mouth hanging open a little like he wants to ask, but doesn't know how to.

“Kris? What are you doing here?” Tao asks. He's more curious than anything else, Baekhyun notes.

“Uhmm.”  With Baekhyun plus an extra guest, Kris looks doubly uncomfortable. “I came.... apology...” he mumbles.

“What's that?” Tao makes him repeat himself.

“Came to apologize...” says Kris with just slightly more meaningful purpose. 

Tao inclines his head. “Wow, okay. But it’s been a while.”

“I know…” Kris looks miserable. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for being late, or sorry in general?”

In a small, hesitant voice Kris says, “Both?”

Tao blinks once, twice. Then, “Okay.”

Kris blinks too. “Okay, what?”

“You came to apologize. Okay, I accept that. Anything else? I'm about to eat.” He nudges his head in the direction of the food bags where Baekhyun stands and Sehun looks on awkwardly. Tao goes on. ”You're not about to say something else stupid though, are you? Like you apologize and want another chance, right?”

Another strange noise emanates from Kris' mouth. 

“Right? Because, that answer isn't  _okay_. It's a  _no_.”

Baekhyun does a mental fist pump, and he imagines he also sees Sehun doing it too. At least Sehun looks pleased that Tao isn't backing down. 

“I... wasn't... wasn't...” Kris almost answers, and then catches himself so he's not caught saying a lie. “Anyways, I just wanted to say that. And I'm sorry. I'll go now. Uhm, Merry Christmas?”

“Bye,” says Tao with finality, a little cheerfully. “Merry Christmas.” He smiles.

Kris doesn't speak again. He heads for the door and disappears behind it, and as it shuts Baekhyun whistles long and low and then starts pulling apart bags noisily as he reveals all the food. Tao strides over to them and catches Sehun staring.

“What?” he asks.

Sehun shrugs. “Nothing. That was... that was interesting, is all. That the ex?”

“Not even,” says Tao.

“Oh good. Well, because I wasn't sure what to do. I mean like, you looked pretty capable of handling it, but I wasn't sure if I should step in and pretend to be the new boyfriend or something, and so I just… didn’t.” Sehun grabs a box of food, utensils to eat it with and sits down at the table. 

Tao joins him and nonchalantly sniffs at his meal. “I wouldn't have minded if you did.”

Behind them, Baekhyun gleefully rejoices and reaches for his phone.

 

_Baekhyun: It is so going to happen one day I swear to God. Tao and Sehun I promise you it's gonna happen._

_Kai: If you say so_

_Baekhyun: Oh I do say so._

_Baekhyun: Btw why are you there when Sehun is here?_

_Kai: His rehearsals were yesterday. They split them up into two nights. It's everybody tomorrow though. You're going to be there right?_

_Baekhyun: of course. I'm treating you to dinner afterwards too remember. Better look forward to a hot meal. ;)_

_Kai: As long as it's Italian. I haven't had Italian in years._

_Baekhyun: Sounds good_

_Baekhyun: Wait but I'm not Italian..._

_Kai: Too bad for you ;)_

 

 

 

 

The backstage area is cold, colder than Kai remembers. Maybe because the air is on full blast for the benefit of the dancers, but Kai is standing around being relatively still. A flock of students rush past him in haste, a whole string of little girls in purple, flowery tutus, several harassed looking stage moms and a teacher issuing commands in a whisper that nevertheless carries weight over the entire group. Across the stage on the opposite side Kai thinks he can see Sehun standing bored with his own class and, unfortunately, several others that aren't even his to begin with. He's drawn the card for crowd control until the finale is over, and Kai can't think of a worse person for the job than Sehun. The mob of dancers all under the age of ten swirling around him and chatting aimlessly proves it. Kai can hear them even from where he stands. 

“Curtain up in five... four... three...” says a man in the corner wearing a head-set. 

Kai looks up as a stream of light pours in from the door to the back hallway and dressing rooms, and he breathes a sigh of relief as he sees his class making their way backstage under the careful tutelage of another couple moms. The one nearest to him gives him a sigh and a shrug, and she mouths something that looks like 'wardrobe malfunction sorry we're late'. Fourteen little girls in cat costumes file in line next to him, their pink dresses acting as a buffer between them, and more than one girl carries her tail in her hands, flicking her neighbor. One brave little boy with a black tail stands more silent than the rest. Normally a ham but a very charismatic kid, Kai might almost say he's cowed by the performing atmosphere. Except the way he takes in every detail of his surroundings in rapt attention reminds Kai of something not unlike his own sense of awe when he was that age. 

The finale music kicks on just as the curtain opens, and the first swarm of dancers pours onto the stage. Kai gathers his class close. He's only had them for two months but even he's impressed how well they adjusted to getting a new teacher halfway into the year. 

“Alright, guys,” he says. _Almost_  fifteen heads turn to look at him, although a few are still off in la-la land, and a few more are rubbing at their make-up with their hands. It's really too much to expect ten-year olds to look completely flawless after a three-hour long performance with so much downtime in between.

Kai inhales steadily and tries to look friendly. “Alright! You've already performed your dance, and the hard work is done. Last number now, and all you have to do is go out there and smile and wave and remember the ending part and then you can be done, okay? Now smile big -  _and yes, Choa, yes Way, when this is all over you can go back and take off your make-up, I'm sure of it. Promise. Okay?_  Now, go get 'em! Break a leg!”

One of his girls near the end of the line pauses on her way by and tugs on his hand. “Mr. Kim? We don't really have to break a leg, do we?”

“No no,” Kai laughs. “You don't actually have to do that. In fact, I wouldn't advise it. So... don't... break a leg. Okay?” It's too hard to get his tongue around the phrase, but he does it anyway.  

The boy, Dongwoo, who is last in line, smirks when he walks by. “Girls,” he complains. “They just don't get it.” 

Kai resists the urge to pat him on the head for good behavior; he settles for smiling blandly instead. That kid will go far, he hopes.

The rest of the finale is out of Kai's hands from then on. Line after line of dancers from teenagers to toddlers pour across the stage in succession, each backing up when a new group comes out until there are literally a hundred of them under the bright lights and the music finally ends. The audience claps and everyone bows again and again, and finally it is over and most everyone sits down on the stage. 

It's awards time.  The lights equalize over stage and audience, and the music dims. Kai's mother's friend Boa who manages this particular studio steps out on stage with a mike. Kai hears her start to speak without actually hearing her words. Too many recitals and performances he's had in theaters like this, and never before has it ended with him still in the wings. He wishes Baekhyun was backstage with him instead of sitting in the audience like a dutiful partner watching not Kai perform, but just his students. 

Sehun startles him, all of a sudden appearing at his side. “Heyyy, what's up?”

“Nothing,” says Kai, a little winded.

“Nothing? Hey, you okay?” Sehun squints at him worried.

“Yeah, fine. Just tired.”

“ _Tired_  tired, or tired from being on your feet all day?”

Kai sighs. “A little of both probably.”

A nearby mom hushes them for talking too loudly. Kai and Sehun both back up a few feet further into the wings to continue talking.

“I'd suggest we high-tail it out of here like good rebels,” Sehun whispers and Kai laughs.

“Sneak out the side and up to the catwalk?” Kai reminisces.

“Watch the show from the rafters and hope nobody actually bothers to look up.” Sehun sighs fondly at the memories. “Man there was that one time I was positive your mom looked up and saw us—”

“— She did.”

“— but she didn't notice – wait, what? She  _did_  see us?” Sehun looks flabbergasted to learn his childhood memories are wrong.

“Of course she did!” Kai clarifies. “How could she notice us? We weren't actually discreet up there.”

“We were thirty feet higher than the stage!”

“ _And giggling. Loudly_. I got such an earful for that. Promised never to do it again, blah blah blah, and then got yelled at the very next time. You were lucky you weren't her son because she never dared to actually scold you herself. I don't know why, but mom always thought I was the ringleader of the two. She never realized what a rotten kid you were; otherwise maybe she wouldn't still be employing you.”

Sehun looks scandalized now. “Ringleader? Troublemaker? Me? No way. It was all you,” he says, though neither believes him. “Shame we can't do it now, for old times' sake.”

“What, sneak up on the catwalk?” Kai asks.

“Yeah.”

“Yeah, shame,” Kai agrees. He reaches with his arms above his head and bends over to give his poor beleaguered legs a stretch and then yawns loudly as he rights himself.

“Responsibility sucks,” says Sehun. “Why do they make us go out there and pass out the attendance awards?”

“I don't know? Maybe so you aren't forcing the three-year olds to walk up to a stranger and put out their hands for a flimsy piece of paper that says ' _Congratulations! Your mommy and daddy brought you to every class this year!'_ “ 

Another of the stage moms cranes her head around to give them a stare down. Both flinch and shut up. 

“We really are bad at this,” Sehun whispers a minute later.

“Bad at what?”

“Being adults. What else?”

Kai snorts and continues to whisper. “Speak for yourself. I'm doing just fine.”

“Yeah, right. Oh well. At least we have the holidays off. That's a couple weeks of no school and no dance classes, and I can go back to being a bum for a short while until next semester starts, and then we do this whole thing all over again, day in day out.” He sighs wistfully, and then panics because he's lost track of time and the first line of little ones are standing up to receive their certificates from their teachers.

“Just one more semester for me,” Kai clarifies.

“Huh? Oh, that's right. Are you sure then?”

“Pretty sure. Just gonna finish this semester and then I'm handing my class over to Ms. Jung again,” Kai says quietly.

Sehun sighs glumly. “Oh well. If it's too much, it's too much. Hey maybe that means you can stop popping those muscle relaxers like candy,” he says with a little attempt at humor. 

“What? I don't— it's not  _that_  often,” Kai protests.

Sehun laughs, quietly because they're starting to draw attention again, and in any case it's almost time to step forward and go on stage with their kids. 

“Hey, you've told Baekhyun already, right?”

“Yeah, couple days ago. Why?”

“Just curious what he said,” says Sehun.

Kai doesn't remember Baekhyun's words so much as he remembers what they did after that not-entirely-sad conversation. Recently they'd been doing a lot of things that didn't require words. Or lights. Or clothes, for that matter. 

“He understands. He says he's happy I tried,” Kai summarizes it briefly.

Sehun hums, but there's no more time for chatting. 

Kai has to step up first. He takes the stack of certificates and awards from the assigned pile and waits patiently for the teacher before him to finish. He walks slightly on stage. It's disconcerting that he can see faces in the audience when typically they're just a sea of gray, washed-out features. He looks for Baekhyun instinctively, although it's definitely no easy task. Lights there may be, but it's still a packed auditorium of dancers’ family members, parents, and a whole lot of fidgety siblings. 

He can't find Baekhyun, or Tao, although he knows based on earlier texts that his boyfriend is out there somewhere. 

 

_Baekhyun: Omg kitty cats how can you handle teaching that much cuteness every week?!_

_Baekhyun: Sehun's class can't even compare. Not as cute definitely not_

_Baekhyun: Stick your leg out the wings and I'll consider that your solo ok?_

_Baekhyun: Still waiting for sexy legs_

_Baekhyun: You suck_

_Baekhyun: Love you <33333_  

 

The teacher ahead of him finishes with her class and it's Kai's turn now. He walks up to the podium, nervous suddenly when he realizes how bright are the lights that shine down on him in this particular spot. They're way brighter than when he stood on the edge of the stage, and a million times whiter than from where he's been standing all evening, in the shadows. 

Suddenly, he  _does_  see Baekhyun, barely. His boyfriend is waving and smiling from somewhere a quarter of the way back, Tao sitting beside him. He realizes with a jolt that this is the first time Baekhyun has seen him on stage since they were younger, not since the days they competed against one another, knowing each other's names but not really knowing each other. Baekhyun's never seen him dance _, really_  dance, in all the time they've been together. 

And he won't. Not ever, probably. Not anymore.

That thought gets stuck like a sore spot on the back of his throat, something he can't swallow and he can't dislodge. Were the stage lights always this bright? It seems unreasonable that Kai can't remember anymore. It's been too long. He shuffles his way to the podium and sets down the stack of certificates, smiling vaguely at the audience before turning around partially to locate his students. He clears his throat, but he fears he may come out sounding hoarse. 

How much time has gone by, he can't tell. All he knows is that he can't keep standing here, but he also wants to be able to use his voice and he's not entirely sure he's still got it.

So many of the dancers fidget about on the stage, particularly the little ones. They're tired and hungry and most definitely distracted by the hoards of people now looking back at them. Some of them have started waving. Others actually try to shout cute greetings to their parents in tiny, high-pitched voices. A few adults attempt to shush them, but it only works a little.

The lights flicker, or perhaps it's his imagination. He clears his throat once more. “Good evening,” he says, bending forward a little to speak into the mike. His voice isn't as shaky as he thought it might be. 

Before he can speak more, however, the lights definitely flicker again. The stage crew has decided it's wiser to dim the audience just a tiny bit, not completely, but Kai can no longer see Baekhyun when he looks again. And he needs to see him; needs that support. He needs to know there's somebody out there with eyes only for him. Just not looking at him, observing him, but  _knowing_  him. 

Kai grits his teeth. It's unfair that he can't see him anymore. By comparison, there's a very large stage light focused on him now, blocking out his view of everyone else. He doesn’t need this kind of spotlight. Doesn’t want it. He doesn't need all eyes on him. He just wants two. 

This isn’t exactly how he planned his life, but there are still plenty of things he can do, wants to do even if this wasn’t the particular goal. Well, he did kind of plan on getting Baekhyun. Everybody has a fantasy they carry that they don’t entirely expect to come true. Who knew it would be possible to get Baekhyun like he did? Deep down he never imagined life turning out like this. This is enough.

“Good evening,” he says again, turning his brain around and finally focusing on the task at hand. “I want to thank all the dancers for their performance tonight, and their parents for making this happen. Especially for those in my classes who got me in the middle of the semester. They've done so well, and I thank you for the opportunity of getting to teach them. First up are our perfect attendance awards...”

 

 

 

 

The restaurant Baekhyun drags them to is a fairly big, sprawling spot with tables and booths all over the place. He tried only reserving a table for two, but several days before their mutual friends shot down Kai and Baekhyun’s plan.

It'll be one of the last nights of the year that everyone can hang out before those in the company start their grueling travel schedule. Baekhyun, Tao, Minseok, Luhan, and Yixing are all soon to disappear, and the others will remain. Kai and Sehun are pretty resigned to the event, although Suho hasn't gotten over his failed recovery. He taunts Yixing through their entire wait time with threats of stealing back his role come next spring, and judging by his look of formidable intensity, Baekhyun is fairly certain he'll do that, or die trying.

“Hey, where's Kyungsoo?” Kai asks when most everyone slides in and around the large circular booth. 

Luhan grabs a stack of menus and starts shoving them around, grumpy because Minseok wouldn't agree to sit in his lap. 

“He ditched us,” Sehun answers after a moment. “He's on a date. Can you believe it? A date. With a girl. And here I always halfway suspected he was gay.” 

“Kyungsoo was gay?” Baekhyun says, astounded. “Who for? You?” he jokes to Sehun.

Sehun scoffs. “Me? No way. Actually I always thought-” his voice trails off. “Oh well, never mind.” 

“I'm hungry!” Luhan interrupts randomly.

Minseok tries to shush him. Suho scowls at the outburst, but Tao only quietly agrees with him. “Family platter? Share? Anyone?”

“I will,” says Sehun, raising a hand.

“Oh good, well since there are eight of us, we can get four large meals and split them, couple-style!” Baekhyun declares happily. He winds an arm firmly around Kai's lower back and rubs circles through his shirt with the tips of his fingers. 

“Who said anything about couple-style?” Suho complains while avoiding direct eye contact with Yixing. Nobody even deigns to notice his statement. Suho might still think he and Yixing were keeping up the farce of not dating, but nobody else did.

“Don’t you think that’s going to be too much food?” Minseok suggests.

“Nope! I’m ravenous!” Luhan cries. He spreads the menu open before him and Minseok and scoots closer so they can both see it, shoulders touching and cheeks nearly flat against the other's.

Baekhyun laughs. “Yeah? But for what?” He winks at the two of them and Minseok glares back just a tiny bit.

“Do they have pizza? Isn’t pizza Italian?” Yixing asks. Everyone leaves that explanation for Suho, although Yixing rejoices when he does find it on the menu. Suho is then left with persuading him to get something else.

It takes too long for the food to come out, but in the meantime Baekhyun is entirely cozy. He messes with Kai’s hair without hindrance until half of it is sticking up on one side, and Kai can’t shake it out enough to make it settle back down. Once through that though, Baekhyun goes to work on the sleeve of his sweater shirt. He sneaks a hand all the way inside along the inner part Kai’s arm.

Kai hisses at his cold fingers. “What are you doing?” He squirms.

“Warming my hands!” Baekhyun cries innocently. “I’m cold.”

“You have your own sleeves.”

“But like I said,  _I’m_  cold. And you’re hot.”

“Not even going to react to that statement.” Kai shakes his head.

“You know what?” Baekhyun whispers to him a few minutes later.

“Hm?”

“You looked really good today. In a suit on that stage. Please tell me it won’t be the last time you dress up like that because I really could barely contain myself. Ask Tao if you don’t believe me.” Baekhyun snickers.

“Oh, I believe you alright.” Kai laughs.

“Reminded me of the old days when I got to stare at you like that, and you never even knew I was looking.” Baekhyun knows his voice is sultry and low. Knows that it drives Kai crazy, especially in a public setting where he can’t do anything about it. “Shame it wasn’t as skintight as the things you used to wear though. Ohhh well. Guess I don’t need to use my imagination too hard these days.”

His hand that’s not twisted across and into Kai’s sleeve slides stealthily along the lower part of Kai’s back and sinks just barely below his belt. Baekhyun smiles normally while keeping a watch on Kai’s expression, steely like he’s trying not to squirm or say anything in front of their friends. He’s gotten too good at this, Baekhyun thinks, pretending like Baekhyun’s not really a lovesick pervert who likes to mess with his boyfriend in public spaces. Baekhyun has probably given him too much practice.

He untucks Kai’s shirt just a bit to warm his hand on direct skin, and finally Kai does gasp as his touch.

“Why are your hands always so cold?” he complains loudly.

Sehun finally takes notice. “Hey, Baekhyun. Quit bothering him! It’s disturbing for the rest of us, okay?” He narrows his eyes at Baekhyun, although he doesn’t spare Kai a scathing glance either for allowing it all.

“If you want to complain about something, how about you interrupt those two love birds over there then?” Baekhyun retaliates with a finger in Minseok and Luhan’s direction. Luhan halts guiltily with a piece of bread dripping with olive oil just inches from Minseok’s open mouth.

Suho grimaces. “Geez Minseok, can’t you even feed yourself? I—“

Yixing shuts him up by popping a piece of bread into his own mouth and Sehun and Tao fall completely into giggles at Suho’s look of mortification, mouth full like a chipmunk and not of his own doing. Luhan joins in then and continues dipping bread.

Meanwhile, Baekhyun uses the distraction he’d earned.

“Psst,” he whispers directly in Kai’s ear.

“Hmm?”

“Have I mentioned I love you today?”

“Mmm. You haven’t really. Not enough times,” Kai answers and pouts. “Not enough to make up for all time you’ll be gone.”

“Oh, well I guess I should do something about that then. I love you.” He presses a small kiss to the side of Kai’s mouth, checks that their friends are still occupied with Suho-baiting, and then twists to kiss Kai again, this time full on the lips.

Kai doesn’t have to do much in return. 

He leans forward just as Baekhyun sits back, huge smile in place and eyes glistening.

“I’ll miss you,” Kai says.

Baekhyun tuts. “No you won’t. In fact you’re probably be ready for a short break from all this togetherness.”

Kai starts to protest, but Baekhyun stops him.

“And you better use your vacation from me to your fullest, because when I get back, I’m not letting you out of my sight for days.”

“Days?” Kai asks softly, slyly, because he doesn’t want to draw their friends’ attention and possibly interrupt their fun.

“Weeks,” Baekhyun amends with a sneer.

“Weeks? How about months?”

“Months? I could do months,” Baekhyun agrees, licking his lips. “How about years though?”

“I could definitely do years.”

“Decades? Think you could live with me for decades?”

“How about we start with the next set of holidays and work our way to decades,” Kai says with an enticing eye smile.

“I guess I can agree to that,” says Baekhyun.

They seal the deal with another kiss, and when the gagging noises of their friends’ reach their ears, Kai and Baekhyun can’t even be bothered to respond with more than a haughty sniff. They’re beyond such teasing now.

 

 

* * *

 

 

39  FINALLY, THE DUET

 

_SIX MONTHS FORWARD_

 

“Miserable. I’m absolutely miserable. How can you even stand this place?!”

“Are you… going to put a shirt back on?” Kai asks.

Baekhyun is standing in the middle of a park, sweat seeping out of every pore in his body even though all they’ve done is walk around in the mid-summer Texas sun for ten minutes. Baekhyun already wants to go back to their nice, air-conditioned car. He doesn’t know how Kai managed to live here for a whole day. The fact that he lived here for several  _years_  makes even less sense.

“Uhh, actually yeah. Shirt is good. Shirt catches the sweat. Man I didn’t pack enough clothes for this trip. I am never letting you talk me into something like this again.” Baekhyun is full of complaints. He has been ever since they arrived here.

“You do know that millions of people find this weather pretty bearable?” Kai remarks.

“Have we really resorted to talking about the weather?”

Kai raises his eyebrows. “You started it.”

Baekhyun sticks out his tongue, dons his soaked t-shirt once more and then mimics with his hand wherever it is Kai wants them to go. Surely there are movie theaters or restaurants, or other indoor areas they can spend time in, but Kai just has to drag them all over the place, outdoors. Baekhyun will even take a museum right now if it’s cool inside.

“Fine,” Baekhyun says. “But no hugs. I’m too hot and miserable for body contact.”

“Hmm, okay. Since you were ultra cuddly in the wintertime back home.”

It’s only day two of their first ever trip together. As promised, Kai wanted to bring him here to meet the other half of his family. It was nice and exciting, but Baekhyun always imagined they would come during a holiday, preferably one that occurs during the cooler weather. This wasn’t how he pictured it. July when the temperatures were peaking around 96 degrees and everyone here said this was relatively cool for what it could be. Baekhyun would never understand these people.

“Come on. You won’t melt, much,” says Kai as he tries to corral him in a certain direction, all the while trying to obey Baekhyun’s request to leave skin-on-skin contact for another time. Probably Kai will rue the day he decided this was the most suitable time to bring him here, but then again with their respective schedules, there isn't much of a better option.

They're staying with Kai's dad for the time being, in one impersonal guest room down the hall from Kai's little half-brother. David is every bit as cute as he sounded on the phone, and he adores Baekhyun. Kai is immensely proud of this, but then the kid does share portions of his DNA so it was a given he'd like Baekhyun.

Really though, the second-best bonus to coming back was introducing Baekhyun to Monggu. Since the first moment Kai arrived in the house, the little dog has ignored every other living soul, including David, so excited was he to see and greet his first and one-time owner. Kai had gotten him as a puppy, a poor Christmas present from his mother, but even before he moved to Texas the puppy had outgrown their New York apartment, and honestly, Kai hadn't been well enough to properly look after him. David could though, and that was why he left him behind. 

The welcome home licks almost made up for it. Kai and Baekhyun are barricaded in their room, a reprieve of cool air and relative silence from the rest of the house. Kai's dad was respectful enough, but his step-mother was an question-hungry warrior for every detail about his life and even Kai had a limit for her kind of overly polite and formal nosiness. 

"This dog is great," says Baekhyun. He sits on the floor, back to the bed, petting only the tail end of the brown mottled poodle because the dog only has eyes for Kai sitting next to him. 

"Is there a 'but' to that?" Kai side-eyes him.

"I don't know. Is there?" Baekhyun asks himself, actually curious. 

"I still can't figure out if you're a dog person or not. You're obviously not a cat person-"

"Who says I don't like cats?" Baekhyun protests.

Kai laughs. "Uhm, you? Every time one sneaks onto your bed?"

"Only when you're on there too." He pouts. "Divided attention, and all that."

Kai snorts. "Whatever. I don't believe you."

Baekhyun huffs, but lets the conversation go. He worms the hand nearest to Kai through the barrier that is the poodle, and finds Kai's hand to hold. "How are you feeling?" he asks.

"Fine. Mostly," Kai answers. "I'm tired though."

"Hmmm, I bet. We did a lot of wandering around today."

Kai smiles. "Yes, but I missed this place. And I wanted you to see some of the places I liked. Won't get to do that after today."

"True," says Baekhyun. But he wishes Kai had gone a little easier on himself.

The last few months have been hectic for them, and a little bit stressful if Baekhyun is being honest. He's been busy, over-worked with rehearsals and performances and workshops. The holiday travel schedule was only the start of several more later winter trips, a few in the spring as well. He hasn't gotten to spend as much time with Kai as he would have liked. Most weekends, but not every weekend. A few evenings a week. Sometimes they only had time to eat lunch together, or to grab a late-night dinner before Baekhyun passes out on his bed, Kai beside him. 

He wishes he was a more ideal boyfriend, or that Baekhyun could at least have more time to be around him. There were definitely weeks when he thought he must be a failure, and he didn't know why Kai even bothered with him - yet each time they were reunited Kai never complained except to tell him a voice halfway to whiny that he missed him, that he was glad they were together now.

The other problem about being so busy was that every time Baekhyun came back, or finally got time for a legitimate date night, he noticed things different about Kai. Maybe if they were together all the time he wouldn't see it, but after spending three days, five days, a week and a half apart, he was starting to notice things. Kai being more exhausted than usual. Kai wincing when he walked, or bent over, or stood up after a long period of inactivity. His side of the apartment was messier than usual; Kyungsoo had started to do most of Kai's laundry. 

By the middle of spring, Baekhyun finally made him sit down and tell him honestly how he was doing, made Kai explain to him everything that needed doing.

" _I'm taking the summer off,_ " Baekhyun said in finality. 

" _What? No, you don't have to do that,_ " Kai had protested. 

" _No, I mean I already_ have _the summer off. There's a long break for the company. I don't even have to beg your mom for a vacation, although given the circumstances she probably couldn't reject me now._ " Baekhyun beamed. He'd since managed to wrap Kai's mother - and his boss - around his little finger. Ever since Kai patched up his relationship with her, they'd all developed a very pleasant, comfortable familiarity. 

" _You don't have to come,_ " Kai had said.

" _You're right,_ " Baekhyun agreed. " _I don't have to. But I want to. Please?_ "

For spring break Baekhyun took Kai on a short train ride upstate to meet his parents, instantly regretted it because after five minutes in his house Baekhyun's parents were already treating Baekhyun like the forgotten son, so eager were they to welcome Kai into the family. Minzy told more horror stories (from Baekhyun's point of view) and everything was just so goddamn perfect. He wished they could have done more, but the week wasn't long enough. And Kai wasn't strong enough.

And now they are here. 

"Are you ready? For tomorrow?" Baekhyun asks tentatively.

Kai rolls his eyes. "No." But he laughs. 

Baekhyun smiles apologetically. "I'm sorry. Stupid question, I know." 

Kai doesn't respond to him again. He continues to sit there petting Monggu with the hand Baekhyun isn't holding. It's been a trying week, and it's about to get even more so. Baekhyun wrings his fingers through their conjoined hands, squeezes down on Kai's comfortingly, and he rests his head on Kai's shoulder. He sighs happily, sighs again when he feels Kai starting to let loose from all the tension he's been building up. 

"Love you," Baekhyun whispers. 

"Love you, too," says Kai even softer.

 

 

 

 

Kai is starting to panic. Something inside his head is telling him that he's just being stupid, that there's absolutely no reason to be worried. That the surgery is just a routine operation, his doctor does this procedure about three times a week,  _and_ has been doing it for years. It's simple, in and out. He'll be awake in a few hours and everything will be fine.

But for a few hours he's going to be out of it. He hopes they put him to sleep before putting on the catheter. He doesn't want to witness that, not even on himself.

Hospital gowns aren't really his thing. He's also cold laying on the stretcher and he doesn't know why it's taking so long to get this thing over with. One minute he's impatient, and the next minute he's totally fine with the delay. A delay means nothing's happened yet, that nothing could possibly go wrong yet. Even if the odds of something crazy happening during the procedure are ridiculously low, that doesn't mean it couldn't happen... that doesn't stop Kai from wondering if he'll be the one person it does happen to. 

He wouldn't let David come to the hospital with them. He stayed home with his mother, while Kai's father drove him there, Baekhyun by his side. Just like last night too Baekhyun is holding his hand. Or rather he plays with Kai's hand and fingers and palm because Kai is too nervous to lay still and he needs a distraction. His hand is also clammy and that's making him doubly nervous.

"Pssttt." Baekhyun is trying to get his attention. Kai is rather more interested in counting the ceiling tiles of their small, family waiting room. His dad is pacing now outside, probably on the phone with Kai's mother in New York relating all the medical details of the scheduled procedure. She had called earlier to wish him the best. As if Kai was preparing for a dance competition and not a minor spinal operation to minimize the pain in his back. To help him at least feel normal again. 

"Pssttt." Baekhyun pesters him again.

Kai groans. "What."

He senses his boyfriend's pout, and when he turns his head to look at Baekhyun he is correct. 

"Gosh, you're grumpy today."

Kai smiles. Somehow Baekhyun had known he didn't want nice words of comfort. Kai wants to be humored right now.

"What are you thinking about?" Baekhyun asks. "Excited that you'll get the next couple of weeks being waited on hand and foot?" 

"Yeah. I'm gonna run you ragged," Kai teases him.

"I don't doubt that." Baekhyun laughs. "Time to figure out if you're really worth all of this effort." He leans forward and places a kiss in the center of Kai's forehead, sweetly, in contrast with his words. 

"You'll be begging to run away by the end of it," says Kai. 

Baekhyun considers him for a minute. He runs his hands now through the unstyled fringe of Kai's hair, and Kai closes his eyes at the joyful feeling. When he opens them again Baekhyun is still staring at him. It's possibly the fondest he's ever been looked at in his life. Baekhyun is a year older than him, a career away from him, ten times as busy as him and currently with more friends, most of whom he'd stolen from Kai. If Kai could go back in time and tell his fifteen-year-old self that he'd be here one day, lying on a stretcher with an absurd blue hospital gown and Baekhyun - that magnificent creature he'd seen on the stage - that Baekhyun, with him, he'd swear it was a dream. This could never be anything more than a dream.

Baekhyun is beautiful in a very tired sort of way, and Kai thinks it must be because Baekhyun is just as worried as he is. He just doesn't say it out loud. He's given up his summer to come on this trip and be with Kai and help nurse him back into mobility when the surgery is over with. And then they'll go back home, together he hopes, and start the next stage of their lives. Baekhyun promised him that, sternly, lovingly. And right now Baekhyun looks so serious, so mature, and Kai loves his side of him so much. 

Then he winks, and the allusion of serenity is gone, replaced in a heartbeat with that other side of Baekhyun that Kai absolutely adores. The cheeky side that once fascinated him so much from a distance, that pressed all the wrong buttons and inflamed the place where Kai balanced all his disappointments and dreams. The Baekhyun he'd not been expecting when he finally got to meet him, and in some ways it was shocking and in other ways it was perfect. How  _did_ he get so lucky.

Baekhyun laughs, wrinkles his face and practically sneers at Kai with a giggle in his throat. "What. You think you can scare me off? Not a chance. You're stuck with me, Kai. So you better be cool with that, because I'm not going  _anywhere else_  for two whole weeks. It's you and me all the way."

"And Monggu and my dad and my stepmom and David. Don't act like you'll be the sole martyr here." Kai smirks.

"Okay, so you've got a whole bundle of helpers. So what. I'm the only one who matters."

"You are," Kai agrees finally. "You are."

 

 

 

 

He dreams then.

Somewhere in between being rolled away and waking up five minutes later - was it five minutes or five hours? - Kai is conscious enough to know that he's in pain. He can't roll over and he can't turn and he can barely turn his head, and even though several nurses seem to be in the room with him, they're not fussing over him. Maybe that means everything is fine. But still, he is in pain, and so he sleeps. And he dreams.

Did he used to be a dancer? Kai thinks he must have been a dancer. He's on a stage, and that part seems familiar but something in his head remembers how he hasn't done this in years. He's not the right age for this. He hasn't danced in years. When was the last time he saw a stage like this? When he danced barefoot with complete abandon and all eyes were upon him? 

He can't see the audience for all the stage lights in his eyes. Part of being a dancer is to be blind to everything else. Dream Kai knows this, remembers this, revels in his. He feels his body moving like it hasn't done in years, and it is amazing. 

The music changes, the lights change. He doesn't know where he is. He can't remember this part. He's forgotten the choreography and soon everyone will know it. He never makes mistakes like this. He's never this unprepared. Something about this dream is entirely unrealistic, and yet... there is something new to it. Something more real than anything.

He's not alone on the stage. 

And then he wonders.

When did this become a duet? 

Kai's never done a duet before. He was always the main dancer, the principal, the  _soloist_. The spotlight was always on him. But now it's on someone else. A boy with silver hair. Or is it blond? Or maybe it's just the way the lights play dance upon the other boy's hair? Lighting it up in a way so that Kai can't see his face, but he still he thinks he recognizes him. Recognizes the way the dancer comes toward him and reaches out a hand and the faceless one smiles at him, and Kai feels joy. He takes his hand and they start to dance.

He remembers the choreography now. How could he ever forget a duet like this? Dancing with someone else like this. Two spotlights on two people, and it suddenly becomes one spotlight on two people, and then one spotlight on... somebody else. Kai is fading away now. The stage around him grows dark until all he sees is the other boy, and he grows dimmer but his face suddenly shines. 

Baekhyun.

He knows who it is now. He was dancing with Baekhyun. Like he always meant to. Like he always wanted to. Like he finally got to do. It was Baekhyun.

_Kai._

Baekhyun, and he doesn't want to say goodbye yet. He doesn't want to leave the stage, but everything is growing darker until even the stage is black, and Kai stands in complete darkness, alone but not alone.

_Kai._

He doesn't want it to end, but all acts have a closing scene.

_Kai...?_

He fidgets. Or rather, someone is fidgeting with him. With his arm? With his hair? The stage alights again, but this time he doesn't recognize it. It's smaller and brighter and the walls seems to close around him alarmingly tight. The ceiling has tile patterns. No dance stage has a ceiling with tile patterns. 

" _Kai? Are you awake?_ " Baekhyun's voice. Baekhyun's face. Another duet.

Someone moans, and Kai doesn't know for a moment who it is, until it happens again and he realizes it's himself coming to.

"Kai? Are you awake? Oh please tell me you're finally awake. You have no idea how bored I've been all this time. Just sitting here playing with myself... well... wait that sounds weird...  _by_  myself... oh, never mind."

Fingers through his hair and across his eyebrows, the bridge of his nose and his lips. Kai groans again, and tries to move.

"Easy now," Baekhyun says. "Don't get too carried away. I promise I've just been sitting here playing with my phone. I even downloaded Candy Crush just for you. I swore I'd never get it, but desperate times, you know." 

"Baekhyun?" Kai's voice sounds gruff to his ears.

"Yeah?"

He closes his eyes. He really just wants to sleep again, but a part of him wants to remain awake and tease Baekhyun about his new crush. 

"What time is it?"

"Super late in the day. I've played endless levels of this game and now I'm ready to burn my phone. How are you feeling? Do you want something to drink? Actually I'm not sure what you're supposed to have right now. Let me call the nurse. Do you want to see your dad? Or I can call your mom? No, I should probably get the nurse first. I'll just-"

"Baekhyun."

His boyfriend freezes. "Yes?"

Kai smiles, or at least he thinks he smiles. Whatever he does it seems to work because Baekhyun sits down by his bed again and holds his hand. "Yes?" he asks again.

"I missed you," Kai says. 

"You... you what? You were only out of it for several hours. How could you miss me? I've been here the whole day?" Baekhyun smiles indulgently, lovingly.

"That's several hours too long that I missed." He chokes. His throat is dry, and Baekhyun looks mildly worried. He starts to stand up again, but Kai holds his hand. It's just light enough that Baekhyun knows not to let go. 

"Well then," he says. "Now starts the days where I'm not leaving your side so... get ready." And Baekhyun winks. 

 

 

END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A Long A/N
> 
> SHIP-WRITING
> 
> Thank you all for reading this! Between Spotlights started as an experimental 'can I even write a gay ship?' I think the answer to that now is... why yes, yes I can. I chose Kaibaek, something I didn't even ship at the time, because I hoped I could be objective while I wrote them, and not taken in too much by feels. Well, fail! I shipped them soon enough. (I already shipped Xiuhan.)
> 
> Did you notice that Xiuhan, as a pair, got a whole bonus chapter, but Tao got a bonus chapter, alone, as a single character? It's because at this point I wanted Tao to be strong and independent, like how I wanted him to be in real life. And also I felt guilty because I started his arc as a Taoris ship, but that changed mid-story. I didn't want Taohun to become central to his side-story in a way that Xiuhan was because I didn't intend for it to happen. (Though you may look forward to a special portion of Taohun in Beyond Spotlights.)
> 
> Sulay was also an accident. What can I say though. Suho was there being a grouch and Yixing was standing around doing nothing. They fell in love with each other okay?! I didn't have anything to do with that! And... as another intended offspring, I never tagged them, but you may also see them in the extra features. By the way, did anyone ever see the hidden!onesided Kaisoo? No? Nobody? Oh well good, but it totally wasn't there. Ever. Like at all... /runs away.
> 
>  
> 
> THE DANCE WORLD
> 
> Why did I choose to write Spotlights' setting in a dance company? Because I used to be a dancer. And no, I was never a professional or anything close to it though I did dance most of my life. Dance is something I know, and therefore I decided to recreate a portion of that. Besides, my main character was Kai, and we all know how well he dances.
> 
> So why did I take that dream from away from him? I can answer that one simply: because I'm evil lol. No, I'm not wholly mean like that. What I wanted to write though was a realistic story. So few people in the world end up doing what they thought they would. Kai in real life is a seriously lucky person who gets to dance for a career, and I wish him good health so he can do that for a long long time! But because I'm a masochist, I decided to take Kai and Baekhyun in Spotlights and flip them. Baekhyun has the talent and the career and the opportunities, and Kai has all the talent but not the ability to pursue it. By writing this switch I aimed to draw Kaibaek together as a couple.
> 
>  
> 
> PHYSICAL DISABILITIES
> 
> Kai in my story has a very severe form of scoliosis. Think back to this picture, which is an actual stick-figure recreation of what my own back and spine looks like. There are many people who have similar things, if not so severe, that are able to push pass it. Caught early enough, even deformities such as Kai's (or mine) might have been dealt with, or even been reversible. But medicine is not a perfect science and a lot of factors go into it depending on when the deformity is caught, how severe it is, or the kind of treatment and/or surgeries available. For Kai, it limited his abilities as a dancer and effectively halted his career. I wrote in Kai's mother as an advanced sort of optimist praying that all the physical therapy her son had done might allow him to pursue his dream a few years longer. Baekhyun as well as a slightly less optimistic but still strong supporter. Some bodies, however, just do not want to conform, like Kai's or like mine. A spinal curvature and bone deformity like that causes severe wear and tear on so many other parts of the body, nerves, etc. It can cause severe pain and spasms if you aggravate it. It can do the same even if you don't do much of anything. Lack of activity is also no fix, because then the muscles holding you up decrease and other problems occur. Kai would want to try and be somewhat active, but ultimately there is nothing you can do so salvage the kind of professional career like he wanted.  
> The epilogue surgery - it is not anything major, not a full reconstructive surgery. It was just a little thing to help reduce some of the aches and pains I hinted he was developing towards the latter half of Spotlights. I had one myself. Kai will be up and moderately active in no time, but no- he will still not be able to dance. Sadly, this means he gets to live out that part of his life through Baekhyun, but I hope I developed their relationship enough that they consider themselves equal and it doesn't turn to envy. I like to think they need each other equally. :)
> 
> That said, I liked the idea of Baekhyun as a strong character - even if he is a ham and totally lovable. I also love the idea of Kai as a person and not just defined as a dancer. Maybe I took that a little far in this fic though. Oops! Too late now. :)
> 
> PLEASE SEE THE NEXT PART OF THE SERIES: 'BEYOND SPOTLIGHTS' YAYYY!
> 
>  

**Author's Note:**

> This is a cross-posted work. I will be posting 5 original chapter segments per 'chapter' page here. The 2nd part of the Spotlights Series will be posted after this one is done, and will contain additional bonus segments.


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